know about it. I was so excited that I could not sleep well last
night, dreaming most extraordinary things. It is true that I
heard many curious and amusing things which the prince and his
wife related. My honored Parents wanted me to leave the room
with my sisters as usual at nine, but the Prince Woivode pleaded
for me to stay till the end of the evening; thus I heard all
about Warsaw, the court, the balls, and the festivals attending
the investiture of the duke, and many praises of this prince,
who I hope will one day be the King of Poland. I felt happy; he
is my hero, and I am sure he will be a great man. Shall I ever
meet him?
_Tuesday_, March 19.
The Prince Woivode and his wife departed half an hour ago. They
wanted to set out yesterday, but the Count ordered the wheels to be
taken from their carriages, and persuaded them that it was not safe
to begin a journey on Monday, which is known as an unlucky day.
During the whole time they were very gracious to me, and advised my
honored Parents to send me to a boarding-school in Warsaw, in order
to finish my education. For some time a French lady, Madame
Strumle, has conducted a school for young ladies in Warsaw; before
this they were educated in convents only. This school has a great
reputation. The daughters of the first families are sent there to
study and to be taught good manners, and the Prince Woivode thinks
I should there acquire all the accomplishments which I lack. But my
honored Parents prefer the Ladies of the Visitation, and certainly
a convent is the most proper place. Well, I do not know how all
this will end, but I feel uneasy and absent-minded; I do not
understand what I am reading; my work is not so well done as
before; I feel as if something extraordinary were going to happen.
_Sunday_, March 24.
We are going to Warsaw! We are going the day after to-morrow. I
do not know yet where I shall be placed, but in any case I shall
not come back soon, as my gracious Mother ordered all my clothes
to be packed, and two of her dresses were made over for me. My
honored Parents were unexpectedly called to Warsaw on business
about an inheritance from our cousin Vincent Krasinski, who died
childless and left a great fortune. They take me with them and I
feel so very happy! As we have to stop at Sulgostow, I shall see
my dearest sister. She has just returned from a very agreeable
trip, having visited with the Staroste all his relations,
friends, and neighbors; she was welcomed and admired everywhere.
Now she will stay at home, and is very much pleased with that
prospect. She is going to be a perfect house-keeper; the old
Woivode Swidinski wrote about her with such enthusiasm and
gratitude that both my honored Parents cried with pleasure over
the letter. Such tears are a blessing!
WARSAW, _Sunday_, April 7.
I can hardly believe that I am in that celebrated school of
Madame Strumle; I entered it yesterday. It was not very hard
work to persuade my honored Father to abandon the prospect of a
convent for me, as he relies much on the Princess Woivodine's
judgment, and I must say I am glad of it, as, in the secret of
my heart, I did not care much for the convent.
On our way to Warsaw we stopped at Sulgostow. Madame Starostine
looks gay and happy, and how she welcomed us! She remembered
everything my honored Parents liked; all their favorite dishes
and delicacies were prepared; everything appeared to be there
for their own pleasure; and she seemed so happy to serve them in
her own house! I heard my honored Mother saying to the Staroste
that the marriage made Basia better than ever. "No," he
answered, "such she was from the beginning when I received her
from your hands. God bless her!" One can see how dearly he loves
her; and she respects him and obeys him as if he were her
Father. She manages her house perfectly, and knows how to
receive guests, and what to say to everybody; she is quite an
accomplished woman. My honored Parents were not very willing to
go away from Sulgostow, but I must confess I was very anxious to
get to Warsaw, and I welcomed the letters which made us proceed
on our journey. I was right to be anxious about my coming here,
for here I shall become an accomplished woman. I want to be
distinguished. Therefore I will not lose one moment, and
henceforth I will not think of the future or dream of it, but
will study hard and learn all that I can.
Yesterday my honored Mother took me to the Cathedral, where I
went to confession and communion, and prayed that the knowledge
that I shall get here may do me good and honor.
When I feel a little more at home here I will write about everything.
Now I am bewildered. I was accustomed to see around me well-known
faces and rooms, but here I know nobody; everything seems strange.
_Friday_, April 12.
I am getting acquainted with my new home. I like Madame Strumle
very much. She is a very dignified lady, and very gracious to
me. Certainly it is not as grand and lively here as in Maleszow,
but still it is comfortable and even gay. Some things seem to me
strange, but amusing and quite new. For instance, there are no
valets, not one man-servant in the house; dinner is brought and
served by women! We are about twenty young girls, all from the
best families and all very young. My honored Parents, after
having visited the school, were well satisfied that young girls
could not be better cared for and instructed in a convent.
Madame carries the key of the entrance door in her own pocket;
nobody can come in or go out without her knowledge, and but for
the few old teachers, one could forget how the face of a man
looks. No male cousins, not even brothers, are allowed to pay
their visits. Once the dancing teacher asked leave for the young
Potockis, who are at the Jesuit college, to come here and
practise the contra-dances with their sisters, but Madame
Strumle would not hear of it. "Those gentlemen," she said, "are
the brothers of two of my pupils, but not of the others, so I
cannot allow them to come."
I have a teacher for the French language, another for German,
others for dancing, drawing, artistic embroidery, and music. There
is a beautiful harpsichord; not a spinet as in Maleszow,--it has
five and a half octaves. Some of the young ladies can play
polonaises, not only by ear but from a music-book. The teacher
assures me that in less than six months I shall be able to do as
well,--it is true that I had a little instruction in Maleszow. I
am now only drawing some small patterns for embroideries, but
before the end of my education, I must learn enough to be able to
paint with colors a dead tree, on one branch of which is a wreath
of flowers with the initials of my honored Parents, to whom I shall
offer my work as a token of gratitude for the education I have
received. The young Princess Sapieha, who has been here for one
year, is just painting such a tree, and I feel quite jealous of her
skill whenever I look at her work. What a fine effect mine will
have when hung in our parlor hall!
The dancing-master, besides the minuets and contra-dances, is
showing us how to walk and to courtesy; until now I knew only one
way of courtesying, but I hear there are several varieties,--one
before the king; another before the royal princes, still another
for other dignitaries or their wives.
I asked to be taught first the courtesy for the duke: some day,
perhaps, I shall salute my hero.
My gracious Mother came once to see me. They are having much
trouble with the affairs of the inheritance.
The lessons and studies take all my time from morning till
night, but I do not complain, for I want to learn much. I must
say that on the first days I felt a little bewildered; the
incessant scoldings and admonitions, the iron cross which was
put on my back to hold me erect, the machine in which we have to
stand for an hour, in order to make our feet straight,--all this
was not quite to my taste.
After Basia's departure, I grew to be quite a young lady; the
proposal of the Castellanic, the compliments and the whisperings
of the Prince Woivode made my thoughts travel far away,--I began
to think I was quite a personage; but here I am again treated
like a child. Madame Strumle even ordered me to stop the prayer
for obtaining a good husband, and to ask for good knowledge
instead. Really, one cannot think of anything else here.
_Sunday_, April 28.
I have not opened my journal for two weeks, but the days are
going on each so like the others that I have nothing to relate,
and I am thinking now what I shall write down to-day. My honored
Parents will leave soon. The Princess Woivodine deigned to pay
me a visit, and found that I stood straighter; Madame is very
kind, my comrades very agreeable; that is all I know. Really, I
hardly believe I am in Warsaw, for I know much less about public
affairs than I knew in Maleszow, and I see none of the grand
persons whom I sometimes met there. My eyes have not once beheld
the king. The duke is away, and they do not expect him back
soon.
_Sunday_, June 9.
If I were to pass my whole life in school, my journal would soon
be ended. There is nothing to write about; and it is a pity, for
I may forget the Polish language. I never use it but when
writing my diary or letters to my honored Parents or talking to
my little maid; on all other occasions I use French.
They say that I have made great progress in my studies, and the
Princess Woivodine, who has not seen me for one month, finds
that I have grown much and that I have now a very good carriage.
Really, I am the tallest of all the girls in the school, and my
waistband does not measure quite an ell.
Now when the weather is so beautiful, the sky so blue and the
trees green, I feel often a kind of sadness coming over me. I
wish I were a bird! I would then spread my wings and fly away,
far away from the cage. But there is no help for it; I must stay
here on Bednarska Street, the ugliest in all Warsaw, they say.
But next year, if God grants me life, things will be different.
_Friday_, July 26.
I see that when one is busy the days pass quickly, even in
school. I could not believe my eyes when looking now in the
calendar, in order to put the date in my journal, I found out
that for seven weeks I had not opened my book. But this day
will be forever memorable to me: I received this morning, for
the first time in my life, a letter addressed directly to me.
The dearest and kindest Madame Starostine gave me that surprise,
and wrote my full name on the envelope. So now they know at the
Post-office that there is a "Mlle. la Comtesse Francoise
Krasinska" in Warsaw. I felt like dancing for joy when I
received that letter, and I will keep it with its envelope as an
eternal souvenir.
Madame Starostine is in good health, very happy, and so gracious
as to send me out of the income from the garden, which the
Staroste leaves to her own disposal, four golden ducats with
which I may do just as I please. It is the first money I have
ever owned, and it seems to me that I could buy all Warsaw with
it. I have been planning ever so many ways to spend it: first, I
wished to give a golden ring as a keepsake to each of the young
ladies, my school-mates, but Madame told me that I had just
money enough to buy four rings and no more. Then I wanted to
get for Madame a mantle in blond lace, and again I was told
that it would cost fifty ducats at least. Finally I decided
thus: I shall send one ducat to the Cathedral, in order to have
a Mass said before the miraculous image of Christ, with the
desire that the affairs of my honored Parents turn out according
to their wishes, and also that Madame Starostine be always as
happy as she is now. The second ducat I shall change into small
coin and distribute among the house servants; and with the other
two ducats I shall give a little banquet next Sunday. There will
be ices, cake, also coffee which we never taste here. Madame has
already given me permission to use my money in that way, but the
young ladies know nothing about the surprise. May the Lord grant
his best benediction on Madame Starostine for the great pleasure
she has given me.
My education is progressing rapidly. I am playing several
quadrilles and minuets from a book. In a few weeks I shall begin to
paint the dead tree with the garland, and I am also embroidering,
in cross-stitch, a hunter with his gun and a dog. I read much, and
write from dictation, or copy whole pages from French books, and I
begin to talk in French more easily than in Polish. As for dancing,
the teacher says that there is not in Warsaw a better dancer than
I; but perhaps he flatters me.
Sometimes I go to see the Prince Woivode and the princess, but
only in the morning when they are alone. I always hear very
agreeable things about myself, especially from the Prince
Woivode, who wishes me out of school; but the princess and also
my honored Parents say that I must wait until winter. Alas! it
is only July. Will that winter ever come?
_Tuesday_, December 24.
Winter has come and the moment for leaving school is near. What
a different kind of life I shall soon begin! Only God knows when
I shall return to Maleszow, for the Prince Woivode and the
princess graciously urged my honored Parents to let them keep
me for the winter and bring me out in society. The permission
was granted and so I shall stay in Warsaw. I am rather sorry to
leave Madame Strumle and the young ladies, but the joy of
becoming acquainted with that world of which I have so often
heard and dreamt, is still stronger than my regrets. I shall
soon see the king and the royal princes, as I shall be presented
at court; the Duke of Courland is expected soon.
_Saturday_, December 28.
This day begins a new life for me. In the morning the Princess
Woivodine came to take me away, and in her presence I said
good-bye to Madame Strumle and my school-mates. I could not help
crying, although I have been wishing so long for that moment. On
our way we stopped at church, but I could not pray; my thoughts
were too wandering.
I am settled now. My relations live on the street called the
"Faubourg de Cracovie." Their palace is not very large, but
extremely handsome and elegant; from the rear the view extends
over a large garden to the river Vistula. I am occupying a
pretty room which must be especially agreeable in summer,
because there is a balcony leading into a little garden; on one
side are the apartments of the princess, on the other is my
maid's room.
A tailor has already been to take my measure and he seemed
surprised at the smallness of my waist. He will make several
dresses for me, but I do not know what they will be; the
princess ordered them herself, and she inspires me with such
awe, not to say fear, that I do not dare to ask her about
anything. The Prince Woivode intimidates me less, although he is
a man; he has gentle manners and seems to like me. I regret that
he is not here at present; he went to meet the Duke of Courland
at the frontier.
To-morrow we are going to pay visits. The princess will
introduce me to all the first families here. I feel a little
afraid and nervous.
_Sunday_, December 29.
I have three good things to write to-day. The Duke of Courland
arrived yesterday; the Prince Woivode returned with him and
greeted me as if I were his own daughter, and the visits are
over. In some houses such as the primate's, the French and
Spanish envoys', and some others, the princess only left small
cards with her name and title on them.
Among the visits I remember best was the one to the Princess
Lubomirska, _nee_ Princess Czartoryska, the sister-in-law of the
Woivode. She is the leading woman among the young set, and
affects everything French. I observe that here the more
fashionable the house, and the younger the hostess, the more one
hears French; as the old men sprinkle their conversation with
Latin, so the young do with French. But in the salon of Madame
Woivodine of Russ, the conversation was only in Polish. She is
an elderly and very stately lady, and she pleased me immensely.
I met there her only son, a fine cavalier, who paid me many
agreeable compliments, and I think I enjoyed that visit most.
I enjoyed also the visit at Madame Poniatowska's, the widow of
the Castellan of Cracow. She is a very remarkable woman and
talks with great eloquence. She was giving a reception on that
day, in honor of her son Stanislaus who had returned from St.
Petersburg, and of whom it is said secretly that he may become
King of Poland. I watched him intently, but I cannot say that he
pleased me, although I acknowledge that he is handsome, and has
grand manners, I should say royal.
Another good visit was at Madame Rzevuska's, where we found her
husband, the Woivode of Podolie. I was very glad to see him, as
I had often heard from my honored Father about his adventures
when a child; how he was brought up among peasant boys and
tramped barefoot as they do, and thus grew tough and fearless.
He is over fifty now, but looks young and vigorous. He is said
to be also extremely learned. The Prince Woivode told me that
he writes beautiful tragedies.
We went also to Madame Bruhl's, the wife of the minister and
special favorite of the king; although he is neither liked nor
respected by anybody, she is received everywhere, and called
upon, as she is a very refined lady. Our next call was upon
Madame Soltyk, the widow of the Castellan of Sandomir. She
introduced us to her son Stanislaus, a boy of nine years, but
gallant as a young cavalier; the elderly ladies were not yet
seated, when he brought a chair for me, paying me a compliment,
and Madame Castellan said that he was always enraptured with
pretty faces and black eyes. She also was very enthusiastic
about my looks, and to tell the truth, everywhere they spoke
about my beauty,--sometimes in a whisper, but I heard it as
well. But then I never have been dressed so beautifully, even at
Basia's wedding. I had a dress of white brocade with wide
flounces of gauze, a court train of turquoise blue, and pearls
in my hair.
I should have been quite satisfied with those visits, if I had
met the Duke of Courland anywhere. I started from home with that
hope, but I was disappointed. After his long absence he spends
his days now with his father, and has not yet been seen out of
the royal castle. It is quite natural; I myself have been so
often homesick for my honored Parents, especially when in
school. But soon the carnival will begin; there will be balls
and assemblies without end. The duke goes everywhere, and he
likes dancing very much, the Woivode says, so I am sure to meet
him.
_Wednesday_, January 1, 1760.
My wishes have been fulfilled, how much fulfilled! Not only have
I seen the duke, but I talked with him; I not only talked with
him but ... but will it not be too bold to write down that which
I would not dare to whisper to anybody, what I do not dare to
believe myself, what perhaps I only dreamed of? Well! no, I did
not dream, I am sure of that; I always know very well when I
please any one. And then is there anything extraordinary, since
God has made me handsome, and everybody acknowledges it, that
the duke looked at me with the same eyes as other people? The
same eyes?--was there not in his eyes something more than in
others?...
But everything ought to be set down in order. Yesterday morning the
Princess Woivodine had me called to her and spoke thus: "To-night,
as on the last night in the year, there is generally a ridotto,
which means a masked ball. All the best people, even the king and
the royal princes go to it; and you, mademoiselle, will come with
us, dressed as the 'Goddess of the Sun.'" I was delighted and I
kissed the princess' hand. Soon after dinner they began to dress me
in a costume quite different from the usual, being without powder
or hoops. The princess told me very earnestly that although such a
dress was not decent at all, and that a woman would ruin her
reputation if she wore it on any other occasion, still she hoped
that by the expression of my face, and my demeanor, I would make
up for the deficiency of my costume. Obeying her instructions I
tried to look very dignified, and I think I succeeded, for I heard
people at the ball asking, "Who is that queen in disguise?" Now,
when I think of it I feel uneasy; perhaps in that costume I was
prettier than on other days.... In any case I certainly looked
quite different. My hair, thoroughly cleansed from powder, fell in
loose curls over my neck and shoulders; my dress of white gauze was
clasped with a golden band at the waist; on my breast I wore a
golden sun, and over my head a long, flowing veil, which enveloped
me like a cloud. I did not recognize myself when after dressing I
was allowed to look in a mirror. Perhaps others would not recognize
me as I am now....
The ballroom was almost full when we entered. I felt dizzy,
seeing such a crowd of people, so diversely and handsomely
dressed, with and without masks, in ordinary and extraordinary
costumes. I did not know which way to turn my eyes, and what to
look at first.
Suddenly a murmur arose in the crowd. Some voices said, "The
Duke of Courland," and surrounded by a group of handsome and
richly dressed young men, there he was. I knew him at once,
although his costume did not differ much from those of the
others; but his stature, his large blue eyes, extremely soft,
and his charming smile made him different from every body else.
I gazed at him as long as he did not see me, but when our eyes
once met I could not look at him any more, for I always met his
glance. I saw him inquiring about me,--and of whom? Of the
Prince Woivode! I noticed the pleasant smile when he learned who
I was, and he at once approached the princess, greeting her in a
most charming voice. After the first compliments were over, the
princess took my hand, and introduced me as her niece.
I do not know at all how I bowed, but I fear it was not that
special courtesy which the dancing-master taught me. Neither do I
know what the duke said to me; I only remember that he opened the
ball with the princess, and danced the second polonaise with me.
Then when he talked, to my great surprise, I answered without any
embarrassment. He inquired about my honored Parents, about Madame
Starostine, and her wedding. I wondered how he knew so well about
everything, when I recollected that the Castellanic Kochanowski was
his favorite. The good boy has not only "digested the goose with
the black gravy," but he gave the duke the best report of us all.
"He praised you much, but not half enough," said the duke. I heard
many other nice things during that dance and the following ones,
for the duke invited me for almost all the minuets and quadrilles,
and talked to me all the time.
When at midnight they fired the cannon as a sign of the
beginning of the new year, he said to me, "I shall forever
remember this night; it is not only a new year, it is the
beginning of a new life for me." And how many clever comparisons
about my costume! (Only, it does not sound as well in any other
language as in French.) "It was not the gold on my breast which
was the sun, but rather my eyes; their glance lighted an eternal
fire in the heart, etc., etc." Finer compliments could not be
found in the novels of Mademoiselle de Scudery or Madame
Lafayette.
Can all that be only sham, courtly civility? It is a pity I
cannot ask anybody about it, but I am afraid of the princess,
and I cannot ask the Prince Woivode; it would not be proper to
talk about those things to a man. I feel too much left to
myself; one week ago I was a school-girl among books and
teachers, and to-day I am playing a part in the world of which I
know nothing. But in about ten days Basia is coming here; she is
so wise she will enlighten me. I am so very happy thinking that
she will come. I have not seen that dearest sister of mine for
three quarters of the year, but I know that she is more and
more happy, more and more beloved by her husband.
When shall I see the duke again? Will he recognize me in my
every-day dress?
_Friday_, January 3.
I have seen the duke, I have seen him twice, and I am laughing
now at that childish anxiety I had, wondering if he would
recognize me. Why, I should always know him, no matter how well
disguised he might be.
I just finished writing my journal on New Year's day, when the
Prince Woivode came to my room. "Francoise," he said, "you
surpassed all our expectations; your demeanor at the ball
yesterday was perfect, and it pleased generally, even the most
notable persons. I have just returned from the Castle, where we
went with the senators and ministers to pay our New Year's
compliments to his Majesty. His Royal Highness the Duke of
Courland approached me, and declared that he had never seen
anybody like you, and that if it were not for the etiquette of
the court, which requires him to spend the New Year's day with
the king, he would come to pay you his respects in person." I
felt my cheeks growing red when I heard these flattering words,
but the prince seemed not to notice it, and went away leaving me
with my thoughts.