MRS. FRY IN DOMESTIC AND RELIGIOUS LIFE.
Hitherto our little monograph has dealt mainly with Mrs. Fry's _public_
life and work. Possibly, however, the reader may now feel curious to
know how she bore the strain of private responsibilities; how as a wife,
mother, neighbor, and Christian, she performed the duties which usually
fall to people in those positions. It does not appear that she was
wanting in any of them.
As the wife of a city merchant, as the mistress, until reverses came, of
a large household, as the mother of a numerous family of boys and girls,
and as the plain Friend, and minister among Friends, she seems to have
fulfilled the duties which devolved upon her with quiet, cheerful
simplicity, persevering conscientiousness, and prayerful earnestness.
She was much the same in sunshine and in shadow, in losses and in
prosperity; her only anxiety was to do what was right. From the
revelations of her journal we find that self-examination caused her
frequently to put into the form of writing, the questions which
harassed her soul. There can be no reasonable doubt that she _was_
harassed as all over-conscientious people are--with the fear and
consciousness that her duties were not half done. How few of this class
ever contemplate themselves or their works with anything like
satisfaction! A short extract from her journal penned during the first
years of her wedded life affords the key to this self-examination, a
self-examination which was strictly continued as long as reason held her
sway. This entry is entitled "Questions for Myself."
"First.--Hast thou this day been honest and true in performing thy duty
towards thy Creator in the first place, and secondly towards thy
fellow-creatures; or hast thou sophisticated and flinched?
"Second.--Hast thou been vigilant in frequently pausing, in the hurry
and career of the day, to see who thou art endeavoring to serve: whether
thy Maker or thyself? And every time that trial or temptation assailed
thee, didst thou endeavor to look steadily at the Delivering Power, even
to Christ who can do all things for thee?
"Third.--Hast thou endeavored to perform thy relative duties faithfully;
been a tender, loving, yielding wife, where thy own will and pleasure
were concerned, a tender yet steady mother with thy children, making
thyself quickly and strictly obeyed, but careful in what thou requirest
of them; a kind yet honest mistress, telling thy servants their faults,
when thou thinkest it for their or thy good, but never unnecessarily
worrying thyself or them about trifles, and to everyone endeavoring to
do as thou wouldst be done unto?"
A life governed by these principles, and measured by these rules, was
not likely to be otherwise than strictly, severely, nervously good. We
use the word "nervously" because here and there, up and down the pages
of her journal are scattered numerous passages full of such questions as
the above. None ever peered into their hearts, or searched their lives
more relentlessly than she did. Upright, self-denying, just, pure,
charitable, "hoping all things, bearing all things, believing all
things," she judged herself by a stricter law than she judged others;
condemning in herself what she allowed to be expedient, if not lawful,
in others, and laying bare her inmost heart before her God. After she
had done all that she judged it to be her duty to do, she humbly and
tearfully acknowledged herself to be one of the Lord's most
"unprofitable servants." It would be useless to endeavor to measure such
a life by any rules of worldly polity or fashions. An extract written
at this time, relative to the welfare and treatment of servants, may be
of use in showing how she permitted her sound sense and practical daily
piety to decide for her in emergencies and anxieties growing out of the
"mistress and servant" question. "At this time there is no set of people
I feel so much about as servants; as I do not think they have generally
justice done to them. They are too much considered as another race of
beings, and we are apt to forget that the holy injunction holds good
with them: 'As ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to
them.' I believe in striving to do so we shall not take them out of
their station in life, but endeavor to render them happy and contented
in it, and be truly their friends, though not their familiars or equals,
as to the things of this life. We have reason to believe that the
difference in our stations is ordered by a wiser than ourselves, who
directs us how to fill our different places; but we must endeavor never
to forget that in the best sense we are all one, and, though our paths
may be different, we have all souls equally valuable, and have all the
same work to do, which, if properly considered, should lead us to have
great sympathy and love, and also a constant care for their welfare,
both here and hereafter. We greatly misunderstand each other (I mean
servants and masters in general); I fully believe, partly from our
different situations in life, and partly from our different educations,
and the way in which each party is apt to view the other. Masters and
mistresses are greatly deficient, I think, in a general way; and so are
most servants towards them; it is for both to keep in view strictly to
do unto others as they would be done unto, and also to remember that we
are indeed all one with God."
As the mother of a large family, Mrs. Fry endeavored to do her duty
faithfully and lovingly. Twelve sons and daughters were given to her,
trained by her more or less, with reference not only to their temporal
welfare, but their spiritual also. In all the years of motherhood many
cares attached themselves to her. Illness, the deaths of near relatives,
and of one little child, the marriage of some of her children out of the
Society of Friends, losses in business, and consequent reduction of
household comforts and pleasures, the censure which sometimes followed
her most disinterested acts, and the exaggerated praise of others, all
combined to try her character and her spirit. Through it all she moved
and lived, like one who was surrounded with an angelic company of
witnesses; desirous only of laying up such a life-record that she could
with calmness face it in "that day for which all other days are made."
One after another the little fledglings came to the home-nest, to be
cared for, trained up, and fitted for their peculiar niches in life. But
in 1815, a new sorrow came to the fireside; the angel reaper Death cut
down the little Elizabeth, the seventh child, nearly five years of age,
and the special darling of the band. Her illness was very short,
scarcely lasting a week; but even during that illness her docile,
intelligent spirit exhibited itself in new and more endearing phases.
Death was only anticipated during the last few hours of life, and when
the fatal issue appeared but too certain the parents sat in agonized
silence, watching the darling whom they could not save. Mrs. Fry begged
earnestly of the Great Disposer of life and death that he would spare
the child, if consonant with His holy will; but when the end came, and
the child had passed "through the pearly gates into the city" she
uttered an audible thanksgiving that she was at last where neither sin,
sorrow, nor death could have any dominion. No words can do justice to
this event like her own, written in her journal at that time. The pages
recall all a mother's love and yearning tenderness, together with a
Christian's strong confidence:--
It has pleased Almighty and Infinite Wisdom to take from us our
most dear and tenderly-beloved child little Betsy, between four
and five years old. In receiving her, as well as giving her back
again, we have, I believe, been enabled to bless the Sacred Name.
She was a very precious child, of much wisdom for her years, and, I
can hardly help believing, much grace; liable to the frailty of
childhood, at times she would differ with the little ones and
rather loved her own way, but she was very easy to lead though not
one to be driven. She had most tender affections, a good
understanding for her years, and a remarkably staid and solid mind.
Her love was very strong, and her little attentions great to those
she loved, and remarkable in her kindness to servants, poor people,
and all animals; she had much feeling for them; but what was more,
the bent of her mind was remarkably toward serious things. It was a
subject she loved to dwell upon: she would often talk of "Almighty
God," and almost everything that had connection with Him. On Third
Day, after some suffering of body from great sickness, she appeared
wonderfully relieved ... and, began by telling me how many hymns
and stories she knew, with her countenance greatly animated, a
flush on her cheeks, her eyes very bright, and a smile of
inexpressible content, almost joy. I think she first said, with a
powerful voice,--
How glorious is our Heavenly King,
Who reigns above the sky;
and then expressed how beautiful it was, and how the little
children that die stand before Him; but she did not remember all
the words of the hymn, nor could I help her. She then mentioned
other hymns, and many sweet things ... her heart appeared
inexpressibly to overflow with love. Afterwards she told me one or
two droll stories, and made clear and bright comments as she went
along; then stopped a little while, and said in the fullness of
her heart, and the joy of a little innocent child.... "Mamma, I
love everybody better than myself, and I love thee better than
anybody, and I love Almighty much better than thee, and I hope thee
loves Almighty much better than me."... I appeared to satisfy her
that it was so. This was on Third Day morning, and she was a corpse
on Fifth Day evening; but in her death there was abundant cause for
thanksgiving; prayer appeared indeed to be answered, as very little
if any suffering seemed to attend her, and no struggle at last, but
her breathing grew more and more slow and gentle, till she ceased
to breathe at all. During the day, being from time to time
strengthened in prayer, in heart, and in word, I found myself only
led to ask for her that she might be for ever with her God, whether
she remained much longer in time or not; but, that if it pleased
Infinite Wisdom her sufferings might be mitigated, and as far as it
was needful for her to suffer that she might be sustained. This was
marvellously answered beyond anything we could expect from the
nature of the complaint.... I desire never to forget this favor,
but, if it please Infinite Wisdom, to be preserved from repining or
unduly giving way to lamentation for losing so sweet a child.... I
have been permitted to feel inexpressible pangs at her loss, though
at first it was so much like partaking with her in joy and glory,
that I could not mourn if I would, only rejoice almost with joy
unspeakable and full of glory. But if very deep baptism was
afterwards permitted me, like the enemy coming in as a flood; but
even here a way for escape has been made, my supplication answered
... and the bitter cup sweetened; but at others my loss has touched
me in a manner almost inexpressible, to awake and find my
much-loved little girl so totally fled from my view, so many
pleasant pictures marred. As far as I am concerned, I view it as a
separation from a sweet source of comfort and enjoyment, but surely
not a real evil. Abundant comforts are left me if it please my kind
and Heavenly Father to provide me power to enjoy them, and
continually in heart to return him thanks for His unutterable
loving kindness to my tenderly-beloved little one, who had so sweet
and easy a life and so tranquil a death.... My much-loved husband
and I have drunk this cup together in close sympathy and unity of
feeling. It has at times been very bitter to us both; but as an
outward alleviation, we have, I believe, been in measure each
other's joy and helpers. The sweet children have also tenderly
sympathized; brothers, sisters, servants, and friends, have been
very near and dear in showing their kindness not only to the
darling child, but to me, and to us all.... We find outwardly and
inwardly, "the Lord did provide."
The little lost Betsey, who "just came to show how sweet a flower for
Paradise could bloom," was thenceforth a sacred memory; for from that
day they had a connecting link between their household and the skies.
Very frequently, even in the midst of her multifarious engagements, her
thoughts wandered off to the little grave in Barking burying-ground,
where rested the remains of the dear child, and, perchance, a tenderer
tone crept into her voice as she dealt with the outcast children of
prisons and reformatories. Soon after this event the elder boys and
girls went to school among their relatives, and only the youngest were
left at Plashet House with her. As a new baby came within six months
after little Betsey's death, the motherly hands were still full. She
found, however, time to write letters of wise and mother-like counsels.
My much-loved girls:--Your letters received last evening gave us
much pleasure. I anxiously hope that you will now do your utmost in
whatever respects your education, not only on your own account, but
for our sake. I look forward to your return with so much comfort,
as useful and valuable helpers to me, which you will be all the
more if you get forward yourselves. I see quite a field of useful
service and enjoyment for you, should we be favored to meet under
comfortable circumstances in the spring. I mean that you should
have a certain department to fill in the house, amongst the
children and the poor, as well as your own studies and enjoyments;
I think there was not often a brighter opening for two girls.
Plashet is, after all, such a home, it now looks sweetly; and your
little room is almost a temptation to me to take it for a
sitting-room for myself, it is so pretty and so snug; it is newly
furnished, and looks very pleasant indeed. The poor, and the
school, will, I think, be glad to have you home, for help is wanted
in these things. Indeed, if your hearts are but turned the right
way, you may, I believe, be made instruments of much good, and I
shall be glad to have the day come that I may introduce you into
prisons and hospitals.... This appears to me to be your present
business--to give all diligence to your present duties; and I
cannot help believing, if this be the case, that the day will come
when you will be brought into much usefulness.
As the years rolled on, her boys went to school also; but they were
followed by a loving mother's counsels. From her correspondence with
them we cull a few extracts to prove how constant and tender was her
care over them, and how far-reaching her anxieties. Two or three
specimens will suffice.
Upon the departure of each of her boys for boarding-school she wrote out
and gave him a copy of the following rules. They are valuable, as
showing how carefully she watched over their mental and moral welfare.
"1st. Be regular, strict in attending to religious duties; and do not
allow other boys around thee to prevent thy having some portion of time
for reading at least a text of Scripture, meditation and prayer; and if
it appear to be a duty, flinch not from bowing the knee before them, as
a mark of thy allegiance to the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Attend
diligently when the holy Scriptures are read, or to any other religious
instruction, and endeavor in Meeting to seek after a serious waiting
state of mind, and to watch unto prayer. Let First Day be well employed
in reading proper books, etc., but also enjoy the rest of innocent
recreation, afforded in admiring the beauties of nature; for I believe
this is right in the ordering of a kind Providence that there should be
some rest and recreation in it. Show a proper, bold, and manly spirit
in maintaining among thy play-fellows a religious character, and strict
attention to all religious duties. Remember these texts to strengthen
thee in it. 'For whosoever shall be ashamed of Me, and My words, of him
shall the Son of Man be ashamed, when He shall come in His own glory, in
His Father's, and of the holy angels.' 'But I say unto you, whosoever
shall confess Me before men, him shall the Son of Man also confess
before the angels of God; but he that denieth Me before man shall be
denied before the angels of God.' Now, the sooner the dread laugh of the
world loses its power, the better for you.... But strongly as I advise
thee thus faithfully maintaining thy principles and doing thy duty, I
would have thee very careful of either judging or reproving others; for
it takes a long time to get the beam out of our own eye, before we can
see clearly to take the mote out of our brother's eye. There is for one
young in years, much greater safety in preaching to others by example,
than in word, or doing what is done in an upright, manly spirit, 'unto
the Lord, and not unto man.'
"2d. I shall not speak of moral conduct, which, if religious principles
be kept to, we may believe will be good; but I shall give certain hints
that may point out the temptations to which schools are particularly
liable. I have observed a want of strict integrity in school-boys, as it
respects their schoolmasters and teachers--a disposition to cheat them,
to do that behind their backs which they would not do before their
faces, and so having two faces. Now, this is a subject of the utmost
importance--to maintain truth and integrity upon all points. Be not
double-minded in any degree, but faithfully maintain, not only the
upright principle on religious ground, but also the brightest honor,
according to the maxims of the world. I mourn to say I have seen the
want of this bright honor, not only in school-boys, but in some of our
highly-professing society; and my belief is that it cannot be too
strictly maintained, or too early begun. I like to see it in small
things, and in great; for it marks the upright man. I may say that I
abhor anything like being under-handed or double-dealing; but let us go
on the right and noble principle of doing to others as we would have
others do to us; therefore, in all transactions, small and great,
maintain strictly the correct, upright, and most honorable practice. I
have heard of boys robbing their neighbors' fruit, etc.; I may truly say
that I believe there are very few in the present day would do such
things, but no circumstances can make this other than a shameful
deviation from all honest and right principles. My belief is, that such
habits begun in youth end mostly in great incorrectness in future life,
if not in gross sin; and that no excuse can be pleaded for such actions,
for sin is equally sin, whether committed by the school-boy or those of
mature years, which is too apt to be forgotten, and that punishment
_will_ follow."
In a letter to her eldest son she begs him to try to be a learned man,
not to neglect the modern languages; but so to improve his time at
school that he may become in manhood a power for good; and then, by
various thoughtful kindnesses manifests her unwearying care for his
welfare.
She gratefully acknowledges, in another communication to a sister, the
assistance which that sister rendered in educating some of the elder
girls, for a time, so enabling Mrs. Fry herself to be set free for the
multitude of other duties awaiting her.
As years rolled by, an acute cause of sorrow to her was the marriage of
one, then another of her numerous family out of the Society. They mostly
married into families connected with the Church of England; but as the
Society of Friends disunite from membership all who marry out of it,
and as parents are blamed for permitting such unions, her sorrow was
somewhat heavy. She even anticipated being cut off from the privilege of
ministry in the Society; but to the credit of that Society, it does not
appear that it silenced her in return for the forsaking, by her
children, of "the old paths." Whether Quakerism was too old-fashioned
and strict for the young people, or the attractions of families other
than Friends more powerful, we cannot say. However, it seems that the
young folks grew up to be useful and God-fearing in the main, so that
the Church universal lost nothing by their transference into other
communions.
When joy seems highest
Then sorrow is nighest,
says the old rhyme. An experience of this sort came to Mrs. Fry. One of
her children had just married an estimable member of the Society of
Friends, and while rejoicing with the young couple, she appeared to be
drawn out in thankfulness for the many mercies vouchsafed to her. Her
cup seemed brimming over with joy; and after the bridal party had
departed, one of her daughters came across the lawn to remark to her
mother on the beauty of the scene, finishing by a reference to the
temporal prosperity which was granted them. Mrs. Fry could do no other
than acquiesce in the sentiments expressed, but added, with almost
prophetic insight, "But I have remarked that when great outward
prosperity is granted it is often permitted to precede great trials."
This was in the summer of 1828; before that year ended the family was
struggling in the waves of adversity, losses, and trials--struggling,
indeed, to preserve that honest name which had hitherto been the pride
of Mr. Fry's firm.
One of the houses of business with which Mr. Fry was connected at this
time failed, and his income was largely diminished. The house which he
personally conducted was still able to meet all its obligations; but the
blow in connection with this other firm was so staggering that they were
forced to submit to the pressure of straitened means, at least for a
time. We are told, indeed, by Mrs. Fry's daughters, that this failure
"involved Mrs. Fry and her family in a train of sorrows and perplexities
which tinged the remaining years of her life." The strict principles and
the not less strict discipline of the Society of Friends rendered her
course of action at that juncture very doubtful. Occupying the prominent
positions she had before the nation--indeed before the world, for Mrs.
Fry's name was a household word--it seemed impossible to her upright
spirit to face the usual Meeting on First Day. Her sensitive spirit
winced acutely at the reproach which _might perchance_ be cast upon the
name of religion; but after a prayerful pause she and her husband went,
accompanied by their children--at least such of them as were then at
home. She occupied her usual place at the Meeting, but the big tears
rolling down her face in quick succession, testified to the sorrow and
anguish which then became her lot. Yet before the session ended she
rose, calmed herself, and spoke, most thrillingly, from the words,
"Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him," while the listeners
manifested their sympathy by tears and words of sorrow. In November of
that sad year she wrote the following letter to one of her children, in
reference to the trial:--
I do not like to pour out my sorrows too heavily upon thee, nor do
I like to keep thee in the dark as to our real state. This is, I
consider, one of the deepest trials to which we are liable; its
perplexities are so great and numerous, its mortifications and
humiliations so abounding, and its sorrows so deep. None can tell,
but those who have passed through it, the anguish of heart at times
felt; but, thanks be to God, this extreme state of distress has not
been very frequent, nor its continuance very long. I frequently
find my mind in degree sheathed against the deep sorrows, and am
enabled not to look so much at them; but there are also times when
secondary things arise, such as parting with servants, schools, the
poor around us, and our dear home. These things overwhelm me;
indeed, I think naturally I have a very acute sense of the sorrow.
Then the bright side of the picture arises. I have found such help
and strength in prayer to God, and highly mysterious as this
dispensation may be in some points of view, yet I think I have
frequently, if not generally, been able to say, "Not as I will, but
as Thou wilt," and bow under it. All our children and
children-in-law, my brothers and sisters, our many friends and
servants, have been a strong consolation to me.
It was not possible, however, for Mrs. Fry to suffer without
experiencing an unwonted measure of sympathy from all classes of the
community. Many hearts followed her most lovingly in these hours of
humiliation and sorrow; and when it was known that she must leave
Plashet House, the tide of deep sympathy overflowed more than one heart.
As a preliminary step the family moved, first to St. Mildred's Court,
then to the home of their eldest son. The business which had been
carried on there by Mr. Fry and his father was now conducted by his
sons; and by this the young men were enabled to provide for the comfort
of their parents. Their bidding good-bye to Plashet, however, entailed
very much that was sad to others. The schools hitherto supported by the
Frys were handed over to the care of the vicar of the parish; many old
pensioners and servants had to be given over to the kindness of others,
or in some cases, possibly, to the not very tender mercies of "the
parish;" while she herself, who had always laid it down as an
indispensable rule to be _just_ before being generous, was compelled to
conform her manner of life to somewhat narrow means.
Shakespeare says: "Sorrow comes not in single spies but in battalions,"
and experience proves the adage to be true. William Fry, the eldest son
of the family, was thrown upon a bed of illness, as the result of an
over-strained and exhausted brain; soon after, sickness spread through
the whole family, until the house, and even Plashet,--which, being
empty, afforded them a temporary shelter,--became a hospital on a small
scale. Yet at this time the kindly letters of sympathy and condolence
received from all quarters must have comforted and cheered her anguished
spirit. From a number of such communications we give two, one from
William Wilberforce, the other from Mrs. Opie. Wilberforce wrote:--
You, I doubt not, will be enabled to _feel_, as well as to know,
that even this event will be one of those which, in your instance,
are working for good. You have been enabled to exhibit a bright
specimen of Christian excellence in _doing_ the will of God, and, I
doubt not, you will manifest a similar specimen in the harder and
more difficult exercise of _suffering_ it. I have often thought
that we are sometimes apt to forget that key, for unlocking what
we deem to be very mysterious dispensations of Providence, in the
misfortunes and afflictions of eminent servants of God, that is
afforded by a passage in St. Paul's Epistle to his beloved
Phillipians: "Unto you it is given, not only to believe on Him, but
also to suffer for His sake." It is the strong only that will be
selected for exhibiting these graces which require peculiar
strength. May you, my dear friend (indeed, I doubt not you will),
be enabled to bear the whole will of God with cheerful confidence
in His unerring wisdom and unfailing goodness. May every loss of
this world's wealth be more than compensated by a larger measure of
the unsearchable riches of Christ.... Meanwhile you are richly
provided with relatives and friends whom you love so well as to
relish receiving kindnesses from them, as well as the far easier
office of doing them....
In reply to this, it would seem that Mrs. Fry, while thankful for the
sympathy manifested on all hands, doubted the advisability of resuming
her benevolent labors among prisons and hospitals. Mr. Wilberforce
proved himself again a wise and far-seeing counsellor. He wrote:--
I cannot delay assuring you that I do not see how it is possible
for any reasonable being to doubt the propriety ... or, rather, let
me say _the absolute duty_--of your renewing your prison
visitations. A gracious Providence has blessed you with success in
your endeavors to impress a set of miserables, whose character and
circumstances might almost have extinguished hope, and you will
return to them, if with diminished pecuniary powers, yet, we may
trust, through the mercy and goodness of our Heavenly Father, with
powers of a far higher order unimpaired, and with the augmented
respect and regard of every sound judgment ... for having borne
with becoming disposition a far harder trial certainly than any
stroke which proceeds immediately from the hand of God. May you
continue, my dear Madam, to be the honored instrument of great and
rare benefits to almost the most pitiable of your fellow-creatures.
The _Record_ newspaper had suggested that additional contributions
should be sent to the chief of the societies which had been inaugurated
by Mrs. Fry, and so largely supported by her. The Marquis of
Cholmondeley wrote to Mrs. Opie, inquiring of that lady fuller
particulars of the disaster, in so far as it affected or was likely to
affect Mrs. Fry's benevolent work. He had been a staunch friend of her
labors, having seconded them many times when the life of a wretched
felon was at stake; and now, continuing the interest which he had
hitherto exhibited, he was fearful lest this business calamity would put
a stop to many of those labors. Mrs. Opie, whose friendship dated from
the old Norwich days, lost no time in writing as follows to her
suffering friend:--
Though I have not hitherto felt free in mind to write to thee, my
very dear friend, under thy present most severe trial, thou hast
been continually, I may say, in my thoughts, brought feelingly and
solemnly before me, both day and night. I must also tell thee that,
two nights ago, I had a pleasing, cheering dream of thee:--I saw
thee looking thy best, dressed with peculiar care and neatness, and
smiling so brightly that I could not help stroking thy cheek, and
saying, "Dear friend! it is quite delightful to me to see thee
looking thus again, so like the Betsey Fry of former days;" and
then I woke. But this sweet image of thee lives with me still....
Since your trials were known, I have rarely, if ever, opened a page
of Scripture without finding some promise applicable to thee and
thine. I do not believe that I was looking for them, but they
presented themselves unsought, and gave me comfort and confidence.
Do not suppose, dear friend, that I am not fully aware of the
peculiar bitterness and suffering which attends this trial in thy
situation to thy own individual feeling; but, then, how precious
and how cheering to thee must be the evidence it has called forth,
of the love and respect of those who are near and dear to thee, and
of the public at large. Adversity is indeed the time to try the
hearts of our friends; and it must be now, or will be in future, a
cordial to thee to remember that thou hast proved how truly and
generally thou art beloved and reverenced.
Mrs. Fry's health failed very much during the dreary months which
followed. Nor was this all, for trials, mental and spiritual, seemed to
crowd around her. It was indeed, though on a scale fitted to her
capacity, "the hour and power of darkness." She says in her journal,
that her soul was bowed down within her, and her eyes were red with
weeping. Yet she rallied again. After spending some months with their
eldest son, William, at Mildred's Court, Mr. and Mrs. Fry removed to a
small but convenient villa in Upton Lane, nearly adjoining the house and
grounds of her brother, Samuel Gurney. This house was not only to be a
place of refuge in the dark and cloudy days of calamity, but to become,
in its turn, famous for the visits of princes and nobles, who thus
sought to do honor to her who dwelt in it. Writing in her journal, on
June 10th, 1829, Mrs. Fry said:--
We are now nearly settled in this, our new abode; and I may say,
although the house and garden are small, yet it is pleasant and
convenient and I am fully satisfied, and, I hope, thankful for such
a home. I have at times been favored to feel great peace, and I may
say joy in the Lord--a sort of seal to the important step taken;
though at others the extreme disorder into which our things have
been brought by all these changes, the pain of leaving Plashet, the
difficulty of making new arrangements, has harassed and tried me.
But I trust it will please a kind Providence to bless my endeavor
to have and to keep my house in order. Place is a matter of small
importance, if that peace which the world cannot give be our
portion.... Although a large garden is now my allotment, I feel
pleasure in having even a small one; and my acute relish for the
beautiful in nature and art is on a clear day almost constantly
gratified by a view of Greenwich Hospital and Park, and other parts
of Kent; the shipping on the river, as well as the cattle feeding
in the meadows. So that in small things as well as great, spiritual
and temporal, I have yet reason to ... bless and magnify the name
of my Lord.
Two of her nieces accompanied her, in 1834, upon a mission to the
Friends' Meetings in Dorset and Hants; and recalling this journey some
time later, one of them said, speaking of her aunt's peculiar mission of
ministering to the tried and afflicted: "There was no weakness or
trouble of mind or body, which might not safely be unveiled to her.
Whatever various or opposite views, feelings, or wishes might be
confided to her, all came out again tinged with her own loving, hopeful
spirit. Bitterness of every kind died when entrusted to her; it never
re-appeared. The most favorable construction possible was always put
upon every transaction. No doubt her feeling lay this way; but did it
not give her and her example a wonderful influence? Was it not the very
secret of her power with the wretched and degraded prisoners? She could
always see hope for everyone; she invariably found or made some point of
light. The most abandoned must have felt she did not despair for them,
either for this world or for another; and this it was which made her
irresistible."
In taking a view of this good woman's religious life and character, it
will be helpful to see her as she appeared to herself--to enter into her
own feelings at different periods of her life, and to listen to her
heart-felt expressions of humility and perplexity. Thus, in relation to
the ups and downs of life with her, we find in her journal this
passage:--
The difference between last winter and this winter has been
striking! How did the righteous compass me about, from the
Sovereign, the Princes, and the Princesses, down to the poorest,
lowest, and most destitute; how did poor sinners of almost every
description seek after me, and cleave to me? What was not said of
me? What was not thought of me, may I not say, in public and in
private, in innumerable publications? This winter I have had the
bed of languishing; deep, very deep, prostration of soul and body;
instead of being a helper to others, ready to lean upon all, glad
even to be diverted by a child's book. In addition to this, I find
the tongue of slander has been ready to attack me. The work that
was made so much of before, some try to lessen now. My faith is
that He will not give me over to the will of my enemies, nor let me
be utterly cast down.
In relation to her conscientious fear of the admixture of sin with her
service of God and of humanity, she wrote:--
I apprehend that all would not understand me, but many who are much
engaged in what we call works of righteousness, will understand the
reason that in the Jewish dispensation there was an offering made
for the iniquity of _holy things_.
In regard to marriage she writes:--
We have had the subject of marriage much before us this year; it
has brought us to some test of our feelings and principles
respecting it. That it is highly desirable to have young persons
settle in marriage, I cannot doubt, and that it is one of the most
likely means of their preservation, religiously, morally,
temporally. Moreover, it is highly desirable to settle with one of
the same religious views, habits, and education, as themselves,
more particularly for those who have been brought up as Friends,
because their mode of education is peculiar. But if any young
persons, upon arriving at an age of discretion, do not feel
themselves really attached to our peculiar views and habits, then,
I think, their parents have no right to use undue influence with
them as to the connections they may incline to form, provided they
be with persons of religious lives and conversation. I am of
opinion that parents are apt to exercise too much authority upon
the subject of marriage, and that there would be really more happy
unions if young persons were left more to their own feelings and
discretion. Marriage is too much treated like a business concern,
and love, that essential ingredient, too little respected in it. I
disapprove of the rule of our Society which disowns persons for
allowing a child to marry one who is not a Friend; it is a most
undue and unchristian restraint, as far as I can judge of it.
As the time passed, and her family got scattered up and down in the
world, the idea occurred to her that, although members of different
sects and churches, they could unite in fireside worship and study of
the Bible, _as Christians_. Many of them were within suitable distances
for occasional or frequent meetings, according to their circumstances;
while some of the grandchildren were of an age to understand, and
possibly profit by, the exercises. In response to the motherly
communication which follows, these family gatherings were arranged, and
succeeded beyond the original expectations of she who suggested them.
They continued, under the title of "philanthropic evenings," to cement
the family circle, after Mrs. Fry had passed away. The tone of the
letter inviting their co-operation is that of a philanthropist, a
mother, and a Christian. It shows plainly that with all her engagements,
worries and trials, she had not absorbed or lost the spirit of the
docile Mary in that of the careful Martha.
MY DEAREST CHILDREN:
Many of you know that for some time I have felt and expressed the
want of our social intercourse at times, leading to religious union
and communion among us. It has pleased the Almighty to permit that
by far the larger number of you no longer walk with me in my
religious course. Except very occasionally, we do not meet together
for the solemn purpose of worship, and upon some other points we do
not see eye to eye; and whilst I feel deeply sensible that,
notwithstanding this diversity among us, we are truly united in our
Holy Head, there are times when, in my declining years, I seriously
feel the loss of not having more of the spiritual help and
encouragement of those I have brought up, and truly sought to
nurture in the Lord. This has led me to many serious considerations
how the case may, under present circumstances, be in any way met.
My conclusion is that, believing as we do in the Lord as our
Saviour, one Holy Spirit as our Sanctifier, and one God and Father
of us all, our points of union are surely strong; and if we are
members of one living Church, and expect to be such for ever, we
may profitably unite in some religious engagements here below.
The world, and the things of it, occupy us much, and they are
rapidly passing away; it will be well if we occasionally set apart
a time for _unitedly_ attending to the things of Eternity. I
therefore propose that we try the following plan: if it answer,
continue it; if not, by no means feel bound to it. That our party,
in the first instance, should consist of no others than our
children, and such grandchildren as may be old enough to attend.
That our objects in meeting be for the strengthening of our faith,
for our advancement in a religious and holy life, and for the
promoting of Christian love and fellowship.
I propose that we read the Scriptures unitedly, in an easy,
familiar manner, each being perfectly at liberty to make any remark
or ask any questions. That it should be a time for religious
instruction, by seeking to understand the mind of the Lord, for
doctrine and practice, in searching the Scriptures, and bringing
ourselves and our deeds to the light.... That either before or
after the Scriptures are read we should consider how far we are
engaged for the good of our fellow-men, and what, as far as we can
judge, most conduces to this object. All the members of this little
community are advised to communicate anything they may have found
useful or interesting in religious books, and to bring forward
anything that is doing for the good of mankind in the world
generally.
I hope that thus meeting together may stimulate the family to more
devotion of heart to the service of their God; at home and abroad
to mind their different callings, however varied; and to be active
in helping others. It is proposed that this meeting should take
place once a month at each house in rotation. I now have drawn some
little outline of what I desire, and if any of you like to unite
with me in making the experiment, it would be very gratifying to
me; still I hope all will feel at liberty to do as they think best
themselves. Your dearly attached mother,
ELIZABETH FRY.
None but a parent whose spiritual life was pure, true, and deep, could
feel such a constant solicitude about the spiritual progress and
education of her family. Nor was this solicitude confined to the
membership of her own circle. All who in any way assisted in her special
department of philanthropy were councilled, wisely and kindly, to _act_
rather than _preach_ the gospel of Christ. In communications of this
sort we find the newly-appointed matrons to the convict-ships advised to
show their faith more by conduct than profession; to avoid "religious
_cant_;" to be prudent and circumspect; to have discretion, wisdom and
meekness. So she passed through life; the faithful friend, the patient,
wise mother, the meek, tender wife, the succorer of all in distress.
Everyone felt free to go to her with their troubles; a reverse of
circumstances, a sick child, a bad servant, or turn of sickness, all
called forth her ready aid, and her wise, far-seeing judgment. And even
in the last months of her life, when, worn out with service and pain,
she was slowly going down to the gates of death, her children and
grandchildren were cut off suddenly by scarlet fever, she bowed
resignedly to the Hand which had sent "sorrow upon sorrow." And when she
who had been as a tower of strength to all around her, was reduced to
the weakness of childhood by intense suffering, the survivors clung yet
more closely to her, as if they could _not_ let her go. So as physical
strength declined, she actually grew stronger and brighter in mental and
moral power. The deep and painful tribulations which characterized her
later years, but refined and purified the gold of her nature.