"I must know more or less, madame," says I. "Remember my interests are
not this gentleman's interests."
"Oh, that's quite fair, Britten, though naturally, we know nothing.
But they do say that poor Lord Crossborough has gone quite silly about
the rural life. He's been reading Tolstoy's books, and wants to live
upon a shilling a day; while poor Lady Crossborough, who knows my
cousin, Captain Blackham, very well, she's bored to death, and it will
kill her if it goes on. So, you see, she persuaded his lordship to
give that funny party at his old house in Portman Square last night,
and all the papers are laughing at it to-day, and he'll be chaffed out
of his life. I'm sure Lady Crossborough will get her way now, Britten;
and when the police hear it was only an eccentricity upon his
lordship's part, they won't say anything. Now, do you think that you
would be able to swear that the man you drove last night was very like
Lord Crossborough? If so, it would be lucky, and I'm sure her ladyship
will give you fifty pounds."
I thought about it a minute, rolling up the notes and putting them into
my pocket. Of course I could swear as she wanted me to. And fifty of
the best. Good Lord, what a temptation!
But I'll tell you straight that I got the fifty, and never swore
nothing at all. The party was a job put up by Lady Crossborough. The
man I drove was Mr. Jermyn, of the Hicks Theatre, and the world and the
newspapers laughed so loud at his lordship, who never convinced anybody
he hadn't done it, that he went off to India in a hurry, and never came
back for twelve months. Which proves to me that honesty is the best
policy, as I shall always declare.
And one thing more--where did Mr. Jermyn get out of my car? Why, just
as I slowed up for the corner by the church at Barnet--not a hundred
yards from where the constable stopped me. A clever actor--why, yes,
he is that.
[1] The Editor has left Mr. Britten to speak for himself in his own
manner when that seems characteristic of his employment.
[2] Mr. Britten's spelling of Quat'z-Arts is eccentric.