Where?
At a church door!
What effect this discovery might have had upon the ordinary run of men
I don't know. Being of a strong religious turn myself, it filled me with
horror. I have often read of the unprincipled cunning of criminal
persons, but I never before heard of three thieves attempting to double
on their pursuers by entering a church! The sacrilegious audacity of
that proceeding is, I should think, unparalleled in the annals of crime.
I checked my grinning subordinates by a frown. It was easy to see what
was passing in their superficial minds. If I had not been able to look
below the surface, I might, on observing two nicely-dressed men and one
nicely-dressed woman enter a church before eleven in the morning on a
week day, have come to the same hasty conclusion at which my inferiors
had evidently arrived. As it was, appearances had no power to impose on
_me_. I got out, and, followed by one of my men, entered the church. The
other man I sent round to watch the vestry door. You may catch a weasel
asleep, but not your humble servant, Matthew Sharpin!
We stole up the gallery stairs, diverged to the organ-loft, and peered
through the curtains in front. There they were, all three, sitting in a
pew below--yes, incredible as it may appear, sitting in a pew below!
Before I could determine what to do, a clergyman made his appearance in
full canonicals from the vestry door, followed by a clerk. My brain
whirled and my eyesight grew dim. Dark remembrances of robberies
committed in vestries floated through my mind. I trembled for the
excellent man in full canonicals--I even trembled for the clerk.
The clergyman placed himself inside the altar rails. The three
desperadoes approached him. He opened his book, and began to read. What?
you will ask.
I answer, without the slightest hesitation, the first lines of the
Marriage Service.
My subordinate had the audacity to look at me, and then to stuff his
pocket-handkerchief into his mouth. I scorned to pay any attention to
him. After I had discovered that the man "Jack" was the bridegroom, and
that the man Jay acted the part of father, and gave away the bride, I
left the church, followed by my men, and joined the other subordinate
outside the vestry door. Some people in my position would now have felt
rather crestfallen, and would have begun to think that they had made a
very foolish mistake. Not the faintest misgiving of any kind troubled
me. I did not feel in the slightest degree depreciated in my own
estimation. And even now, after a lapse of three hours, my mind remains,
I am happy to say, in the same calm and hopeful condition.
As soon as I and my subordinates were assembled together outside the
church, I intimated my intention of still following the other cab in
spite of what had occurred. My reason for deciding on this course will
appear presently. The two subordinates appeared to be astonished at my
resolution. One of them had the impertinence to say to me,
"If you please, sir, who is it that we are after? A man who has stolen
money, or a man who has stolen a wife?"
The other low person encouraged him by laughing. Both have deserved an
official reprimand, and both, I sincerely trust, will be sure to get it.
When the marriage ceremony was over, the three got into their cab, and
once more our vehicle (neatly hidden round the corner of the church)
started to follow theirs.
We traced them to the terminus of the Southwestern Railway. The
newly-married couple took tickets for Richmond, paying their fare with a
half sovereign, and so depriving me of the pleasure of arresting them,
which I should certainly have done if they had offered a banknote. They
parted from Mr. Jay, saying, "Remember the address--14 Babylon Terrace.
You dine with us to-morrow week." Mr. Jay accepted the invitation, and
added, jocosely, that he was going home at once to get off his clean
clothes, and to be comfortable and dirty again for the rest of the day.
I have to report that I saw him home safely, and that he is comfortable
and dirty again (to use his own disgraceful language) at the present
moment.
Here the affair rests, having by this time reached what I may call its
first stage.
I know very well what persons of hasty judgment will be inclined to say
of my proceedings thus far. They will assert that I have been deceiving
myself all through in the most absurd way; they will declare that the
suspicious conversations which I have reported referred solely to the
difficulties and dangers of successfully carrying out a runaway match;
and they will appeal to the scene in the church as offering undeniable
proof of the correctness of their assertions. So let it be. I dispute
nothing up to this point. But I ask a question, out of the depths of my
own sagacity as a man of the world, which the bitterest of my enemies
will not, I think, find it particularly easy to answer.
Granted the fact of the marriage, what proof does it afford me of the
innocence of the three persons concerned in that clandestine
transaction? It gives me none. On the contrary, it strengthens my
suspicions against Mr. Jay and his confederates, because it suggests a
distinct motive for their stealing the money. A gentleman who is going
to spend his honeymoon at Richmond wants money; and a gentleman who is
in debt to all his tradespeople wants money. Is this an unjustifiable
imputation of bad motives? In the name of outraged Morality, I deny it.
These men have combined together, and have stolen a woman. Why should
they not combine together and steal a cash-box? I take my stand on the
logic of rigid Virtue, and I defy all the sophistry of Vice to move me
an inch out of my position.
Speaking of virtue, I may add that I have put this view of the case to
Mr. and Mrs. Yatman. That accomplished and charming woman found it
difficult at first to follow the close chain of my reasoning. I am free
to confess that she shook her head, and shed tears, and joined her
husband in premature lamentation over the loss of the two hundred
pounds. But a little careful explanation on my part, and a little
attentive listening on hers, ultimately changed her opinion. She now
agrees with me that there is nothing in this unexpected circumstance of
the clandestine marriage which absolutely tends to divert suspicion from
Mr. Jay, or Mr. "Jack," or the runaway lady. "Audacious hussy" was the
term my fair friend used in speaking of her; but let that pass. It is
more to the purpose to record that Mrs. Yatman has not lost confidence
in me, and that Mr. Yatman promises to follow her example, and do his
best to look hopefully for future results.
I have now, in the new turn that circumstances have taken, to await
advice from your office. I pause for fresh orders with all the composure
of a man who has got two strings to his bow. When I traced the three
confederates from the church door to the railway terminus, I had two
motives for doing so. First, I followed them as a matter of official
business, believing them still to have been guilty of the robbery.
Secondly, I followed them as a matter of private speculation, with a
view of discovering the place of refuge to which the runaway couple
intended to retreat, and of making my information a marketable
commodity to offer to the young lady's family and friends. Thus,
whatever happens, I may congratulate myself beforehand on not having
wasted my time. If the office approves of my conduct, I have my plan
ready for further proceedings. If the office blames me, I shall take
myself off, with my marketable information, to the genteel villa
residence in the neighbourhood of the Regent's Park. Any way, the affair
puts money into my pocket, and does credit to my penetration as an
uncommonly sharp man.
I have only one word more to add, and it is this: If any individual
ventures to assert that Mr. Jay and his confederates are innocent of all
share in the stealing of the cash-box, I, in return, defy that
individual--though he may even be the Chief Inspector Theakstone
himself--to tell me who has committed the robbery at Rutherford Street,
Soho.
Strong in that conviction, I have the honour to be your very obedient
servant,