ADVERTISEMENT.--Gray's 'Elegy,' previous to its publication, was
handed about in MS., and had, amongst other admirers, the Lady Cobham,
who resided in the mansion-house at Stoke-Pogeis. The performance
inducing her to wish for the author's acquaintance, Lady Schaub and
Miss Speed, then at her house, undertook to introduce her to it. These
two ladies waited upon the author at his aunt's solitary habitation,
where he at that time resided, and not finding him at home, they left
a card behind them. Mr Gray, surprised at such a compliment, returned
the visit; and as the beginning of this intercourse bore some
appearance of romance, he gave the humorous and lively account of it
which the 'Long Story' contains.
1 In Britain's isle, no matter where,
An ancient pile of building[1] stands:
The Huntingdons and Hattons there
Employ'd the power of fairy hands,
2 To raise the ceiling's fretted height,
Each pannel in achievements clothing,
Rich windows that exclude the light,
And passages that lead to nothing.
3 Full oft within the spacious walls,
When he had fifty winters o'er him,
My grave Lord-Keeper[2] led the brawls:
The seal and maces danced before him.
4 His bushy beard and shoe-strings green,
His high-crown'd hat and satin doublet,
Moved the stout heart of England's Queen,
Though Pope and Spaniard could not trouble it.
5 What, in the very first beginning,
Shame of the versifying tribe!
Your history whither are you spinning?
Can you do nothing but describe?
6 A house there is (and that's enough)
From whence one fatal morning issues
A brace of warriors, not in buff,
But rustling in their silks and tissues.
7 The first came _cap-à-pie_ from France,
Her conquering destiny fulfilling,
Whom meaner beauties eye askance,
And vainly ape her art of killing.
8 The other Amazon kind Heaven
Had arm'd with spirit, wit, and satire;
But Cobham had the polish given,
And tipp'd her arrows with good nature.
9 To celebrate her eyes, her air--
Coarse panegyrics would but tease her;
Melissa is her _nom de guerre;_
Alas! who would not wish to please her!
10 With bonnet blue and capuchine,
And aprons long, they hid their armour;
And veil'd their weapons, bright and keen,
In pity to the country farmer.
11 Fame, in the shape of Mr P--t,
(By this time all the parish know it),
Had told that thereabouts there lurk'd
A wicked imp they call a Poet,
12 Who prowl'd the country far and near,
Bewitch'd the children of the peasants,
Dried up the cows, and lamed the deer,
And suck'd the eggs, and kill'd the pheasants.
13 My Lady heard their joint petition,
Swore by her coronet and ermine,
She'd issue out her high commission
To rid the manor of such vermin.
14 The heroines undertook the task;
Through lanes unknown, o'er stiles they ventured,
Rapp'd at the door, nor stay'd to ask,
But bounce into the parlour enter'd.
15 The trembling family they daunt;
They flirt, they sing, they laugh, they tattle,
Rummage his mother, pinch his aunt,
And up-stairs in a whirlwind rattle.
16 Each hole and cupboard they explore,
Each creek and cranny of his chamber,
Run hurry-scurry round the floor,
And o'er the bed and tester clamber;
17 Into the drawers and china pry,
Papers and books, a huge imbroglio!
Under a tea-cup he might lie,
Or creased like dog's-ears in a folio!
18 On the first marching of the troops,
The Muses, hopeless of his pardon,
Convey'd him underneath their hoops
To a small closet in the garden.
19 So Rumour says; (who will believe?)
But that they left the door a-jar,
Where safe, and laughing in his sleeve,
He heard the distant din of war.
20 Short was his joy: he little knew
The power of magic was no fable;
Out of the window, whisk! they flew,
But left a spell upon the table.
21 The words too eager to unriddle,
The Poet felt a strange disorder;
Transparent birdlime form'd the middle,
And chains invisible the border.
22 So cunning was the apparatus,
The powerful pothooks did so move him,
That will-he, nill-he, to the great house
He went as if the devil drove him.
23 Yet on his way (no sign of grace,
For folks in fear are apt to pray)
To Phoebus he preferr'd his case,
And begg'd his aid that dreadful day.
24 The godhead would have back'd his quarrel:
But with a blush, on recollection,
Own'd that his quiver and his laurel
'Gainst four such eyes were no protection.
25 The court was set, the culprit there;
Forth from their gloomy mansions creeping,
The Lady Janes and Joans repair,
And from the gallery stand peeping:
26 Such as in silence of the night
Come sweep along some winding entry,
(Styack[3] has often seen the sight)
Or at the chapel-door stand sentry;
27 In peaked hoods and mantles tarnish'd,
Sour visages enough to scare ye,
High dames of honour once that garnish'd
The drawing-room of fierce Queen Mary!
28 The peeress comes: the audience stare,
And doff their hats with due submission;
She curtsies, as she takes her chair,
To all the people of condition.
29 The Bard with many an artless fib
Had in imagination fenced him,
Disproved the arguments of Squib,[4]
And all that Grooms[5] could urge against him.
30 But soon his rhetoric forsook him,
When he the solemn hall had seen;
A sudden fit of ague shook him;
He stood as mute as poor Maclean.[6]
31 Yet something he was heard to mutter,
How in the park, beneath an old tree,
(Without design to hurt the butter,
Or any malice to the poultry,)
32 He once or twice had penn'd a sonnet,
Yet hoped that he might save his bacon;
Numbers would give their oaths upon it,
He ne'er was for a conjuror taken.
33 The ghostly prudes, with hagged[7] face,
Already had condemn'd the sinner:
My Lady rose, and with a grace--
She smiled, and bid him come to dinner,
34 'Jesu-Maria! Madam Bridget,
Why, what can the Viscountess mean?'
Cried the square hoods, in woeful fidget;
'The times are alter'd quite and clean!
35 'Decorum's turn'd to mere civility!
Her air and all her manners show it:
Commend me to her affability!
Speak to a commoner and poet!'
[_Here 500 stanzas are lost._]
36 And so God save our noble king,
And guard us from long-winded lubbers,
That to eternity would sing,
And keep my lady from her rubbers.
[Footnote 1: 'Pile of building:' the mansion-house at Stoke-Pogeis,
then in the possession of Viscountess Cobham. The style of building
which we now call Queen Elizabeth's, is here admirably described, both
with regard to its beauties and defects; and the third and fourth
stanzas delineate the fantastic manners of her time with equal truth
and humour. The house formerly belonged to the Earls of Huntingdon and
the family of Hatton.]
[Footnote 2: 'Lord-Keeper:' Sir Christopher Hatton, promoted by Queen
Elizabeth for his graceful person and fine dancing. Brawls were a sort
of a figure-dance then in vogue.]
[Footnote 3: 'Styack:' the house-keeper.]
[Footnote 4: 'Squib:' the steward.']
[Footnote 5: 'Grooms:' of the chamber.]
[Footnote 6: 'Maclean:' a famous highwayman, hanged the week before.]
[Footnote 7: 'Hagged:' i. e., the face of a witch or hag.]
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