“Eavesdripper! Return to kitchen duty!” they holla together like chorus
girls. Yet I heard more from other keyholes.
“How I go to Judkins-Perkins dance with only one dress?” I hear Mabel
Dear ask it.
“Are not one dress sifficient for one dance?” I require silently from
myself while refraining my voice.
“I cannot tell what Father Darling does with all his money,” dement
Hon. Mrs. “He receive $240. per monthly yet we enjoy less luxury than
the rich. Perhapsly he are gambling in stocks.”
“Result of his selfishness I are the worst dressed girl in the Curfew
Glen Smart Set,” corrods Hon. Mabel amidst sobs.
“If you had married Father Darling you would realize why ladies goes on
hungry strikes,” snib Hon. Mrs.
And so onwards.
When Hon. Pratt retreat homewards at night he usually carry complete
bookkeeper library under his arm so he can spent tired evening finding
who stole that 22c from firm of Obediah Pennypicker & Co. by which
he is owned. Considerable hours each evening he set to table with
eyeglasses and commonpeople expression on his face while he read that
arithmetic. Pretty soonly income Hon. Mrs. & Hon. Miss dishguised in
pinksilk Marlborough clothing and intending to go outwards.
“Such stylish!” report Hon. Father looking at.
“This are not stylish,” renig Hon. Mabel Dear while spatting her
Newport hairs. “This dress are made from remnant bargains. It are next
to nothing.”
“It seem so at the neck,” ollicute he humoristically. “Girl wears but
little here below but wears that little long. To what social Durbar are
you going to?”
“The My Cream Tango Tipsickery Circle,” negotiate Hon. Miss. “O Father
Darling, why you no go long? If oncely you did you might make less
cruel talking.”
“Maybe I shall,” report Hon. Pa laying down bookkeep volume.
“Father Darling!” hissy Hon. Mrs. “What you thinking of to say that?
You could not go society as is. The necktie you wear insults our pride
of family.”
“I go where I pleases.” This from him with glares.
“Why so independence?” She say it.
“Are I not head of this house?” he require.
“Yes, Father Darling,” she file off. “Therefore it is your duty to stay
home and look over $90. groceries bill.”
She poke forth Hon. Bill and leave husbandly man to his sorry.
Hon. Mr. Pratt work lonesomely till 9.44 clocktime. Then he fold away
books and go to emotion picture show. At 11.11 clocktime he come
backwards smoking intense cigar. I was setting on front porch enjoying
beauty of moonshin amidst Japanese poetry. He observe me there and
donate 1 cigar price 5c while he sat down next beside me with chumness
of college boy.
“Togo,” he say it at lastly while we make twin puffs, “are I head of
this house or are not I?”
“Are indeed!” I say kindly because thankful for cigar.
“Then why should I be battered continuously?” This from him.
“Heads are always punched,” I define.
“I are breadwinner without being allowed to keep winnings, I are—.”
“You are an American father,” thusly I report. “You should learn to be
a Japanese father.”
“How you do it?” he ask with eggerness.
“Japanese father are steam-roller Czar. Wife are sipposed to approach
him with frightened elbows, daughter must be sipposed to ask for favors
and not get it. All parties, presents, etc. are given by him. All
servants must attend his selfishness while neglecting females around
house.”
“I shall move to Japan!” he cheer up.
“You needs not,” I snuggest. “I shall be your Japanese slave and teach
you how be Japanese father. Tomorrow a.m. you can commence ordering
your home around like a floorwalker. Continually remember inferiorness
of everybody but yourself and feel as sacred as possible. Heads shall
be chopped for impertinence to you.”
“I shall enjoy that!” he stotter with smiling teeth.
At that moments carriage approach upward through moonlit and Wife &
Daughter make getout.
“You up, Father Darling?” require Hon. Mrs. with shock tone. “I can
smell beer in your breathing. Man of your aged respectability should
not be boistering at night amidst low-living friendship.”
She make dragoon expression to me while halling Father away.
Next morning while it was breakfast Father Darling sat looking very
Cæsar where breakfast was not cooked while I go through with tray
containing grape-orange, omelit, lady-toast and slight tea for Hon.
Mabel Dear who enjoyed headache as usual.
“Lay that tray on table befront of me!” holla Hon. Mr. with commander
voice.
“Father Darling!” yellup Hon. Mrs. who was there, “what you intend do
with Mabel Dear’s headache food?”
“Eat it!” he snarrel while I laid Hon. Tray befront of him with
complete courtesy of Japanese bows.
“Are it customary for you to be taking comforts in this house from
others?” Eagles spoke in her tone.
“It are not,” he negotiate with egg spoon, “yet it shall be from now
onwards.”
“Am I to be dishobeyed in home?” she require shilly.
“Why not?” he ask to know (“Togo, bring one jar mammalade and
considerable more coffee.) Yes, Mother Love, I have caught commuter
train for 43½ years without breakfast. Now I am turning over a new
sheet. Hereafterly I shall be Political Boss of my household. Not only
shall I be considered 1st in serving comfort, but my servants shall be
my complete slavers, similar like they are in Japan. Are this not so,
Togo?”
“Ah yes, exalted-up Sire!” I worship while bending my base stumach.
“Huh!” snuggest Hon. Mrs. with Huerta expression. “Togo, go immediately
upwards to Mabel Dear’s room and deliver complete breakfast to door.”
“Togo,” depose Hon. Mr. looking clamly cruel, “go immediately upward to
Mabel Dear’s room and make knock-knock to door. When Mabel Dear answer
say so, ‘Your Rev. Father demand you get upward at oncely and help
wash-dish and other healthful exercise.”
I go. I do so. When Mabel Dear hear knock-knock she poke forth girlish
cap and decry, “What for, imported heathenish?”
“Your Royal & Exalted Up Hon. Father require you make immediate get up
for wash dish and be natural like ancestors,” I commit.
She shreech. Slam door. Downstairs I could hear similar warcry while
sounds of smelling salts, hysteria, etc. could be heard from dining
room.
Eloping to window I could observe Hon. Mr. evaporating down path in
depot direction.
“Togo!” voice of Mrs. from down there.
I make no correspondence to her tone.
“Togo, will you come downward or shall you be thrown?”
Still I conceal my words. Ring-ring by telephone could be distinctually
heard.
“Togo,” she say more plaintiffly, “there is command here by telephone
from your Royal Lordmaster Sir Exalted Pratt.”
“I go downward and obey,” is meakness from me.
I emerge down there and put that electricity to my ear.
“Hello!”
“Yes. This are Boss Pratt. Togo, I have reconsidered my life on way to
depot. I am very respectful to your Oriental uncivilization and know
what you snuggest can be accomplished 10,000 miles distant from New
Jersey. Howeverley, I are expected to return to New Jersey every night,
so difference must be.”
“In Japan you would never make such weekness resembling mice,” I
ollicute distinctually.
“Undoubtlessly. And since you are so crazed about Japan, maybe you
should return there and teach Domestic Science where it shall be
understood.”
“Then you mean say I am discharged?”
“Like a gun!” he snibber while hanging telephone.
So I arrive to backdoor and obtain immediate farewell feeling that Man
is superior to Woman, but that Woman are on Jobs more frequently all
day.
Hoping you are the same,
Yours truly,
HASHIMURA TOGO.