"Yes," he retorted; "and she's nagged him to death. For my part I can't
more than half blame Tom Webbe as I ought to, when I think of his having
had his mother to thorn him everlastingly."
"Then you do think it's better for baby to be with me than with her
grandmother?" I asked him.
"It's a hundred times better, of course; but I wondered if you'd thought
of the responsibility of its--of her religious instruction."
We had come to the true kernel of the Deacon's errand. I really believe
that in his mind was more concern for me than for baby. He is always
unhappy that I am not in the fold of the church; and I fancy that more
or less consciously he was making of Thomasine an excuse for an attempt
to reach me. It is not difficult to understand his feeling. Mother used
to affirm that believers are anxious to proselyte because they cannot
bear to have anybody refuse to acknowledge that they are right. This is
not, I am sure, the whole of it. Of course no human being likes to be
thought wrong, especially on a thing which, like religion, cannot be
proved; but there is a good deal of genuine love in the attempt of a man
like Deacon Daniel to convert an unbeliever. He is really grieved for
me, and I would do anything short of actual dishonesty to make him
suppose that I believed as he would have me. I should so like him to be
happy about my eternal welfare. When the future does not in the least
trouble me, it seems such a pity that he should be disturbed.
I told him to-night I should not give baby what he would call religious
instruction, but I should never interfere if others should teach her, if
they made what is good attractive.
"But you would tell her that religion isn't true," he objected.
"Oh, no;" I answered. "I should have to be honest, and tell her if she
asked that I don't believe we know anything about another life; but of
course as far as living in this one goes I shouldn't disagree with
religion."
He tried to argue with me, but I entirely refused to be led on.
"Deacon Daniel," I told him, "I know it is all in your kindness for me
that you would talk, but I refuse to have this beautiful summer evening
wasted on theology. You couldn't convince me, and I don't in the least
care about convincing you. I am entirely content that you should believe
your way, and I am entirely satisfied with mine. Now I want to talk with
you about our having a reading-room next winter."
So I got him to another subject, and what is better I think I really
interested him in my scheme of opening a free library. If we can once
get that to working it will be a great help to the young men and boys.
"The time seems to have come in human development," I remember Father's
saying not long before he died, "when men must be controlled by the
broadening instead of by the narrowing of their minds."
June 18. I have been considering why it is that I have had so much said
to me this spring about religion. People have not been in the habit of
talking to me about it much. They have come to let me go my own way. I
suppose the fact of Mother's death has brought home to them that I do
not think in their way. How a consistent and narrow man can look at the
situation I have had a painful illustration in Mr. Thurston. If Kathie
had not pushed him into a corner by asking him about Mother, I doubt if
he could have gone to the length he did; but after all any really
consistent believer must take the view that I am doomed to eternal
perdition. I am convinced that few really do believe anything of the
sort, but they think that they do, and so baby and I have been a centre
of religious interest.
Another phase of this interest has shown itself in Mr. Saychase's
desire to baptize Thomasine. I wonder if I had better put my preferences
in my pocket, and let the thing be done. It offends my sense of right
that a human being should have solemn vows made for her before she can
have any notions of what all this means; but if one looks at the whole
as simply promises on the part of adults that they will try to have the
child believe certain things and follow certain good ways of living,
there is no great harm in it. I suppose Deacon Webbe and his wife would
be pleased. I will let Tom decide the matter.
June 21. I met Tom in the street to-day, and he absolutely refuses to
have baby christened.
"I'll have no mummeries over any child of mine," he declared. "I've had
enough of that humbug to last me a lifetime."