DISCOVERIES
There were hints of spring in the air. The willows near the northern
entrance to Central Park had a filmy, yellow-green effect in the
distance, as if the coming leaves were foreshadowed in a mist of
sap. The robins were full of importance, bustling over their spring
arrangements, and the strawberry venders were adding their discordant
voices to the necessary city sounds, yet adding, too, to the general
cheerfulness with the scarlet-laden trays balanced on their heads.
The Wyndhams had prepared for a pleasant day. Ruth had come to spend
it with them, and hem the ruffles of her new white dimity. Jessamy,
Phyllis, and Barbara had sewing, and the new machine which they had
added to their belongings stood ready, with its top invitingly laid
back, in Phyllis's room, where the strongest and longest light came.
"If we had nothing to do but practise a little music, get through a
little shopping, make and receive a few calls, we should miss all this
sort of pleasantness," said Jessamy, touching up a bow on a hat she was
trimming, and holding it off to look at it with one eye shut in true
artistic manner.
"Half the best things of life are not to be met on the highways; it's
the byways which are loveliest, figuratively and literally," said Ruth,
contentedly.
"That sounds like a poem condensed into prose," remarked Bab. "Are you
going to drop into poetry?"
Ruth laughed. "All happy people must be more or less poetical, I
fancy," she said. "I wonder if Silas Wegg meant more than he knew
when he talked about dropping into poetry in the light of a friend?
If you're friendly toward life and people, then you get happy, then
poetical; it's a clear sequence in my mind, only I haven't expressed it
clearly."
"Not very, Ruth, and that's undeniable," laughed Phyllis. "I am
perfectly certain Mr. Wegg meant nothing so complex. However, your idea
is all right; I know from experience one becomes a poet under pressure
of happiness."
"_One_ does; the rest don't," said Jessamy. "Phyllis sings yards of
rhymes when she's jolly, but Bab and I remain prose copies."
"Won't you show me that story you wrote, and Jessamy's illustrations?"
said Ruth. "I'll solemnly--and safely--promise not to go home and
reproduce either."
Phyllis arose and took from her desk several sheets of foolscap,
covered with painstaking writing. She also produced several squares of
Bristol board, and gave it all into Ruth's hands. "You won't appreciate
the drawings unless you read the story," she said. "We think Jessamy
has come out in an entirely new vein, and never has done anything to
compare with this."
Ruth looked at the drawings with surprise and admiration growing
greater every moment. "Why," she cried at last, "I should think she
had come out and surpassed herself! Why, Jessamy, they're exquisite!
Dainty, graceful, but strong, and--I can't say what I mean--original is
a stupid word, yet I can't get hold of a better."
"Individual, Mrs. Van Alyn says, and she knows," said Barbara. "The
story is good, too."
"I can't tell what has happened to me," said Jessamy, looking very
glad. "But it is as though I had been groping my way with my eyes
half-shut, and suddenly I saw, and felt as well as saw, just where I
belonged and what I meant to express. I did those illustrations fast,
and I really do not think I drew one line with uncertainty. It is the
strangest thing, but I feel as though I had discovered myself, and
could do what I wanted to do. Even when I am not at work I feel the
same certainty of power. It is the most glorious feeling! It isn't
one bit conceit, but I can't lose the impression of being equal to
anything."
"Well, I don't know much about artistic matters, either writing or
drawing, but I suppose that means just what you say: you've discovered
yourself, and if you have, you're bound to succeed," said Ruth. "What
are you going to do with the story and pictures? Have you sent it
anywhere?"
"Not yet--" began Jessamy, but Bab interrupted her. "She must take it
herself, and show it to one of the magazine editors, we think," she
said.
"They say it is just as well to send things--better, perhaps, since
editors are such busy men," said Ruth. "But whatever you do, get it
seen soon."
"We are going to collaborate, and grow tremendously rich and famous,"
laughed Phyllis, putting the work back in the desk. "There's our bell;
oh, dear, I hope no one has come just when we are beginning such a
lovely day!"
"It is Mrs. Van Alyn, girls, and she is coming in there," called Bab,
from the hall.
"I have come to be disagreeable and spoil all your plans," said Mrs.
Van Alyn, kissing Phyllis and Jessamy. "Don't get up, dears; the end
of the bed is all I want, for I mean to hurry off, and take Jessamy
with me." And she pushed one side the scattered breadths of an organdie
Jessamy was cutting.
"Oh, don't sit on Trucie!" cried Bab. "He's somewhere there asleep,
after bothering our lives out."
"Dear me!" cried Mrs. Van Alyn, jumping up hastily. "Why, Barbara,
you scamp, why did you frighten me so? The kitten is rolled up in the
pillow-sham!"
"Did you say you wanted me to go out with you, Mrs. Van Alyn?" asked
Jessamy.
"Yes. Where is your mother?" asked their friend.
"Mama went to market to-day, and said she should sit in the park
awhile; she hasn't come in," answered Jessamy.
"Then I can speak in ordinary tones; the worst of these dear little
apartments is that the rooms are so close together there is no chance
for secrets," laughed Mrs. Van Alyn. "I would rather your mother
should not know my errand, for very likely it amounts to nothing,
and I don't want to set her dreaming. There is a young lawyer of my
acquaintance--the son of very nice people I met in the Berkshires--who
had a desk in one of Mr. Abbott's offices a year and a half ago--the
winter before the trouble. He thinks it is possible that he may be able
to help Mr. Hurd prove that Mr. Abbott put his property out of his
hands too late for it to have been legal, or at least that a part of it
was disposed of too late. He has seen Mr. Hurd, and he sent Mr. Robert
Lane--the young lawyer--to me, asking me to let him meet your mother.
But I prefer to save her possible disappointment, as I said, so I am
going to carry Jessamy off to lunch with me, and Mr. Lane will call at
half-past two to see her. You know enough of the matter to satisfy him,
don't you, Jessamy?"
"I know more than I did at the time it happened," said Jessamy, "for
then I knew nothing; I have tried to learn all about it from mama
since. Of course, I will go, dear Mrs. Van Alyn; you are always so good
to us!"
"Nonsense, my dear! There is not much goodness in stealing one of
you for a few hours; you are such busy bees nowadays I can hardly get
a peep at you. Make haste, or as much as you can consistently with
looking your prettiest. Old Peter is driving up and down, and I am
dreadfully afraid of him; he looks unutterable things if I use the
horses more than he approves. Show me all your pretty things while
Jessamy is dressing, Phyllida and Babette. Little Miss Ruth Wells,
you are the quickest needlewoman I ever saw. I wish you girls could
keep me here all day, instead of the exigencies of the law driving
Jessamy and me away. There are never bright spots like this room in my
house." And Mrs. Van Alyn's sweet face clouded; her three little girls,
who would have been just the age of the three Wyndhams, had slept in
Greenwood for more than ten years, taken from her in one dreadful week
by diphtheria.
"Ready, Jessamy sweet?" she asked, as Jessamy came back, looking lovely
in her gray gown, with the blush roses nestling against her hair under
the soft brim of her hat. "Come, then; good-by, Phyllida, Babette,
little Ruth, who manages to glean so much that is worth having. Jessamy
shall come back safely, but late; tell your mother only that I carried
her off to spend the day."
"Wouldn't it be nice if we could get some of our money back?" said
Barbara, tickling Truce's nose with the end of his long tail, when she
had come back from seeing Mrs. Van Alyn and Jessamy safely off.
"Nice! It would be just fine," cried Ruth. "Though that doesn't seem
quite consistent with what we were saying as Mrs. Van Alyn came in."
"It is a good thing we have learned all we know now," said Phyllis,
thoughtfully. "We can never forget it, and be the sort of girls we
should have been if we had never seen the seamy side. Still, that
doesn't make it inconsistent to be glad to have enough not to feel
uncertain of how we are coming out. If we all had wealth--even great
wealth--again, which we probably shall never have, we should use it
better than we would have before we learned our lesson; we cannot
forget some things gained in this year."
"_You_ probably will not," said Ruth, smiling to herself, as if she knew
something that amused her in that connection.
Phyllis and Bab looked up, the former wonderingly, the latter with a
sharp look; her tone was a trifle sharp also as she asked: "What, for
instance?"
"Making croquettes," laughed Ruth, with a teasing look. "I suspect some
of you have gained more than you realize."
"Why this Guy Fawkes--only an amiable Guy Fawkes--manner, Ruth?" asked
Phyllis. "One would think there were something funny about it, and we
were talking quite seriously. Bab and I are out of the joke; what is
it?"
"You have gained a kitten, haven't you?" hinted Ruth.
Barbara flushed quickly, but Phyllis smiled frankly, and said: "Yes,
and a perfect one too, and we have gained the friendship of Nixie and
Nixie's master, and I suppose Tom is more than even Truce; at any rate,
I owe Truce to him. All that is not mysteriously funny, though; what is
amusing you?"
"Phyllis owns the kitten; that is her personal gain."
"Yes; so far, maybe, Phyllis has rather the heaviest score to her
credit of all the family. The matter with me, Phyl, is that I am aching
to tell you girls something, and I don't know whether I ought to or
not. It wasn't told me; I found it out, and yet it is a secret, and
perhaps you won't thank me for telling," said Ruth.
"Does it concern us, and what has happened to us in the past year?"
asked Phyllis, mystified.
"Secrets are likely to make mischief; I am sure this is one that will
upset things. Yet you might as well tell now, for we shall guess it; it
is the kind that is likely to come out anyway, isn't it?" asked Bab, in
a manner most unlike herself.
It was Ruth's turn to look surprised. "You must have some idea of what
it is," she said.
"I could guess," said Barbara, briefly.
"Well, I do not think this is fair," said Phyllis. "I seem to be the
only one in the dark. Tell the secret, Ruth, unless you really can't."
"Well, then--oh, I feel mean telling you, but girls can't keep secrets
anyway, and this is such a lovely one! What did you do with your hair
when it was cut off?" said Ruth, speaking very fast at the last.
"I? I didn't do anything with it; how could I, when I was so ill?"
asked Phyllis. "If you mean what was done with it, I believe each of
the family kept a lock and burned the rest."
"All of it?" asked Ruth, knowingly.
"What do you mean, Ruth; what are you getting at?" inquired Phyllis,
impatiently.
"Tom came to see me the other night," said Ruth. "He wanted to show me
something one of his sisters had written him, and he pulled a lot of
papers out of his pocket, hunting for the letter. A great many fell
on the floor, and though we thought he had gathered them all up, I
spied a narrow one, quite worn in the folds, under the sofa some half
an hour later. I picked it up, and was going to hand it to him when a
long lock of hair slipped out. Then I didn't dare let him know I had
seen it, so I made an excuse to get out of the room and popped it into
his overcoat pocket. But before I did so I saw what was written on the
outside of the paper, and the paper was worn and had been folded small,
and the ends were wrinkled as if it had been in a bag; I believe he
had worn it around his neck, Phyllis. And on the paper was written:
'Christmas Eve, 1901. "Nay, but you who do not love her, is she not
pure gold"'--Browning, you know! And the initials 'P.'--"
"Stop, stop, Ruth!" cried Phyllis, her hands over her ears, her face
crimson.
"What is the use of stopping her at one letter? You have heard the
whole story," said Bab.
Phyllis's face was full of a strange light; shame, regret, joy,
shyness--all were there; but, above all, wonder. "You ought not to have
told me; I ought not to have listened," she said. "But even if--if it
were mine--"
"It was," interrupted Ruth, with decision.
"Well, if it was, what of it? Surely there is nothing strange in
carrying a friend's hair, and especially when you thought she was
dying," stammered Phyllis.
"You haven't been dying all this time, miss; and what about the
Browning line?" suggested Ruth.
"Perhaps boys are like girls, after all, and like to play at being
sentimental," said Phyllis. "It is mean of us to spy on Tom; I suppose
boys like to dream. Do you remember, Bab, that funny little peanut
Italian boy we used to watch for when we were about eleven, and how we
used to wear a peanut for a badge to show how we all three admired him?
Weren't we funny little monkeys?"
"I have some recollection of the peanut Italian," said Bab, "though I
am not sure we could find that quarter of Italy on the map. It strikes
me some of us are rather funny monkeys still."
"Trying to change the subject, Phyl?" teased Ruth. "Did you think
sensible Tom would be your first--"
"You must not, Ruth; I won't let you!" cried Phyllis, in sincere
distress. "Please don't talk about it; please never jest about it.
I would give the world not to have heard of it. It doesn't mean one
thing; Tom is fond of us all, quite fond enough to carry all our hair
in his pocket--"
"That _is_ a proof of affection," said Bab, laughing. "All our hair!
Dear me! Still, I agree with Phyllis; we ought all be spanked for
our impertinence; let's change the subject. If we get silly and
sentimental, we sha'n't be able to stand ourselves. I hate sentiment,
and I hate a fool, like Mr. F.'s aunt in 'Little Dorrit'! What a dear
old lady she was; so sensible! Don't tell Jessamy this trash. Ruth
Wells, I dare you to try a griddle-cake race with me at luncheon. We'll
make the yellow bowl full, and I dare you to race me eating them."
"Why, Barbara Wyndham, do you want to kill yourself? You know they
always hurt you!" said Phyllis, horrified. "And a race eating! Ruth,
don't do it!"
"Why should I want to kill myself just when we're all so happy, and
everything is going beautifully?" cried Bab. "Come on, Ruth!" And she
gathered up her skirts and danced toward the kitchen, singing cakewalk
music, and swinging her body in the real plantation manner.
Ruth, always ready for anything, followed her, while Phyllis went to
let in her aunt, who rang at that moment. Then she continued her way,
and stood leaning her hot cheeks against the glass of the parlor window.
Tom! Her hair! She had not believed a word she had said of it being
only boyish sentiment. Was she glad or sorry? She did not know;
it spoiled all the old, unconscious friendliness, but then it was
beautiful to feel that dear Tom cared for her all alone, and for
herself, not as "one of the Wyndham girls." Whether she was fonder
of him than she had guessed she could not tell in this first confused
pleasure and regret; all she knew was that she could not let any one
speak of it; it was something to keep all to herself and dream over,
while she was pretending to Babbie and Ruth that she had forgotten all
about it. Whether she was glad or sorry, it was a lovely thing to have
happen to a girl, and she hardly knew herself for little Phyllis in the
new light it shed around her. She caught up Truce, and laid his purring
little throat against her cheek; Truce was very fond of her, and he was
part of Tom's kindness.
Phyllis went back to the kitchen, where she found Ruth in a gale of
laughter and Bab as full of pranks as a monkey. She mimicked old black
Sally, then scolded herself, impersonating Aunt Henrietta, till Phyllis
had to sit down and gasp for breath, and Ruth was so weak from laughing
that she could not stir the cake-batter.
All lunch-time Bab talked a stream of nonsense that made her mother
shake her head between peals of laughter, and warn her that such high
spirits usually preceded the other extreme with her mercurial little
self. But Bab was irrepressible, and both Ruth and Phyllis begged for
mercy, till Bab seated herself at her piano and played dance music and
made them dance till they could no longer stand.
"Now, who says three girls can't have a jolly time, with nothing but
themselves to make it jolly?" demanded Barbara. "Phyllis, when Ruth
goes home, you are to go with her; you haven't been out to-day."
"Is that a hint?" asked Ruth. "You needn't send me home, Mistress
Barbara, because I was going anyway. I promised mother to get home
early, so that she could go out. Will you come with me, Phyllis?"
"No; Babbie and I are going to sew longer," replied Phyllis.
"Babbie and you are going to do nothing of the sort. You must take
your airing, and I shall rest; I am sure I have earned it," said Bab,
decidedly.
Accordingly, Phyllis left the house with Ruth, but she was not in the
mood for walking all the way home with her friend. She went but part
way, then returned, and let herself in with her key half an hour later.
The house was very still, and Phyllis, moving softly, saw that her aunt
was asleep in her own room. Passing on down the narrow hall, she came
to Bab's door, and stopped short at what she saw. There lay Barbara,
flat on her face, which was buried in the pillow. Stifled moans came
from the slender figure, which was shaking with sobs so violent that
Phyllis's heart stood still with terror; the first thought that crossed
her mind was that something awful had happened to Jessamy, or that her
aunt was not sleeping, but had died, and Bab knew it.
"For heaven's sake, Bab, what is it; tell me," she whispered, laying
her hand on the heaving shoulder.
Barbara started as though she had been shot. "You here?" she gasped.
"Where did you come from?"
"What has happened? Is it Jessamy?" whispered Phyllis.
"Nothing has happened; do let me alone! I--I have a headache," said
poor Bab.
"Nothing happened?" repeated Phyllis, sitting down on the edge of the
bed, and gathering her cousin into her arms. "Dear, darling Babbie, are
you ill? Aren't you happy?"
"Happy!" echoed Bab, scornfully; then she seemed to recall herself, and
said quickly: "It's just as Madrina said: I was too gay, that's all;
this is the reaction."
"Bab, that is not true; you were gay because you were trying to hide
something," said Phyllis, slowly. "What is wrong with you, dearie? Tell
Phyllis; you know she will help you."
"What do you care?" asked Bab, bitterly, putting down her head on the
pillow and withdrawing from Phyllis's arms. "You have everything a girl
could ask; what do you care about me?"
"Why, Bab, how unjust you are! As though I could be happy if you
weren't! And what have I that you have not--" Phyllis stopped suddenly.
An idea crossed her mind that made her breath come in a swift sob.
Oh, surely that was not it; Bab was a child--"Are you really in pain,
Babbie? Are you ill? Let me send word to Tom; he will help you; he
would do anything for you, you know," she said, with sudden cunning.
"Anything you asked him too," said Bab. "I have known about Tom for
some time, Phyllis. That was not news to me to-day. Of course, I don't
want his help, nor any medicine. And I wish you would let me alone,
Phyllis; I don't want you to touch me, or bother with me. I have a
headache; you said those cakes would hurt me. Can't I have a headache
or be blue without being bothered? You all think I never have a sober
moment because I generally am cutting capers. I'll caper again, never
fear. But, honestly, I don't want to see you now, Phyllis. I hope I'm
not rude, but you're driving me mad. Do go! I hoped you were out of the
house for an hour or so. Flats are horrid! A body can't cry a minute in
one. Go, go, _go_, Phyllis; only go." Barbara was getting hysterical,
and Phyllis rose without another word. Her own face was full of pain as
she turned away, and her eyes looked big with dismayed surprise. She
turned back and kissed Barbara. "You'll be better if you take a nap,"
she said. It cut her like a knife that Bab shrank from her lips.
Phyllis went to her own room, and sat down in her little rocking-chair
without taking off her hat. Here was trouble indeed, and childhood's
peaceful days looked very sweet and distant.