_Monday, November 5th._--By way of celebrating Guy Fawkes Day the
Government announced their intention of compensating, up to a limit of
five hundred pounds, any householder whose property has been damaged
in air-raids. How soon he will cage his "monkey" will depend upon the
Treasury, which is morbidly anxious lest in its transactions _bis dat
qui cito dat_ should be literally illustrated.
[Illustration: "Forgetting the claims of Glasgow." MR. WATT.]
The official price of potatoes is still unsettled. According to his
own statement the FOOD CONTROLLER is only waiting for the decision of
the War Cabinet. "On the contrary," said Mr. LAW, "the Cabinet is only
waiting for Lord RHONDDA." It seems to be another case of the Earl of
CHATHAM and Sir RICHAUD STRACHAN; and in the meantime the potatoes are
rotting.
Provided that no scarcity of gas for other purposes is caused
the Government see no objection to its use for the propulsion of
motor-cars. On receiving this information Mr. PEMBERTON BILLING at
once ordered a Zeppelin attachment to his famous torpedo-shaped car.
No other gas-consumer will suffer, as he is prepared to keep the
apparatus inflated from his own retorts.
By the scheme of the Boundary Commissioners, the roll of the Commons,
already a hundred per cent. too big for its accommodation, is to be
increased by some thirty Members. Various suggestions for enabling the
new-comers to assist at debates have been proposed. "Dug-outs" under
the existing benches, whence they could poke out their heads between
the legs of other Members, and "painters' cradles" depending from the
ceiling, or the galleries, are among the most popular.
In the circumstances it is not surprising that the HOME SECRETARY
strenuously resisted the proposal of the London representatives to
give another couple of Members to "the hub of the universe," as Mr.
WATT, momentarily forgetting the claims of Glasgow, handsomely called
it. Among a number of minor concessions, Mr. THEODORE TAYLOR'S plea
that Batley should be associated with Morley "because they have had
many a tussle at cricket" could not be resisted.
_Tuesday, November 6th._--A statement that the great War Savings
meeting at the Albert Hall cost £3,500, chiefly for the expenses of
delegates, shocked the thrifty conscience of Mr. HOGGE, who hoped Mr.
BALDWIN would discourage the PRIME MINISTER'S meetings if they were so
expensive. Mr. BALDWIN did not condescend to answer him or he might
have observed that the delegates in question were voluntary workers
who by their exertions had helped to raise over a hundred millions for
the prosecution of the War.
Mr. TILLETT, the newly-elected Member for North Salford, took his
seat, and there was general cheering as, under the safe-conduct of two
amply-proportioned friends, Little Ben was introduced to Big Ben.
[Illustration: THE NEW RECRUIT. SIR JOHN SIMON.]
When Mr. BALFOUR informed Mr. JOWETT at Question-time that the only
commitments of Great Britain to France are contained in the Treaty of
Alliance of September 5th, 1914, which has been duly published, he
knocked the foundation from under the subsequent peace-debate. But
that did not prevent Mr. LEES SMITH from making a long speech, on the
assumption that by promising to help France to recover her ravished
provinces we had improperly extended the objects of the war. Mr.
MCCURDY, who shares with Mr. LEES SMITH the representation of
Northampton, plainly hinted that if his colleague cared to visit his
constituents they would be delighted to present him with a specimen of
the local manufacture.
The speeches of Mr. BALFOUR and Mr. ASQUITH, though well worth
hearing, were hardly needed to complete the rout of the Pacifists;
and, in the division on the Closure, the men who are prepared (in Mr.
FABER'S pungent phrase) "to take the bloody hand of Germany" made a
very poor muster.
_Wednesday, November 7th._--I am inclined to echo Lord SALISBURY'S
regret that Labour has no direct representative in the Upper House.
The proletarian peer, if there were one, would have been both
surprised and delighted to hear how the non-proletarians, without
exception, spoke of his class.
My imaginary peer would have been especially edified by the speech of
Lord MILNER, whom a small but noisy section of the Press persists in
describing as more Prussian than the Prussians. Not under-estimating
the difficulties in the way of a frank and full understanding between
Capital and Labour, he nevertheless believed that they would be
overcome, because he had an abiding faith in the mass of his
fellow-countrymen. Not quite what one expects of a British Junker, is
it?
_Thursday, November 8th._--When tonnage is so scarce it seems odd that
room can still be found for consignments of wild animals. Mr. PETO
drew attention to a coming cargo, including two hundred avadavats, the
little birds about which _Joseph Surface_ was so contemptuous, and six
hundred monkeys--"sufficient," as he pleasantly observed, "to fill
this House."
For once Mr. BILLING expressed a widely-held opinion when he
questioned the propriety, in present circumstances, of holding the
LORD MAYOR'S Banquet. Mr. BONAR LAW'S solemn assurance that he only
accepted the invitation on the distinct understanding that the feast
would fall completely within the FOOD CONTROLLER'S regulations, was
not altogether convincing. Members were anxious to know the exact
dimensions that Lord RHONDDA has laid down for the turtle-ration.
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[Illustration: _Onlooker_ (_at a Company exhibition, to the better
man_). "HERE, LAAD, NOT SO MOOCH OF IT. WE'M SHORT O' SOJERS IN OUR
COOMPANY, DOAN'T THEE FORGET!"]
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