People are asking, "Can there be a hidden brain in the Foreign
Office?"
***
A German posing as a Swiss, and stated by the police to be "a spy
and a dangerous character," has been sentenced to six months'
imprisonment. The matter will be further investigated pending
his escape.
***
Three men were charged at Old Street last week with attempting the
"pot of tea" trick. The trick apparently consists in finding a man
with a pot of tea and giving him a sovereign to go round the corner
and buy a ham sandwich, the thief meanwhile offering to hold the pot
of tea. When the owner returns the tea has, of course, vanished.
***
The increased consumption of bread, says Sir ARTHUR YAPP, is due to
the 9d. loaf. It would just serve us right if bread cost 2s. 6d. a
pound and there wasn't any, like everything else.
***
"It is all a matter of taste," says a correspondent of _The Daily
Mail_, "but I think parsnips are now at their best." They may be
looking their best, but the taste remains the same.
***
Seventy tons of blackberries for the soldiers have been gathered by
school-children in Buckinghamshire. Arrangements have been made for
converting this fruit into plum-and-apple jam.
***
"Home Ruler" was the occupation given by a Chertsey woman on her
sugar-card application. The FOOD CONTROLLER states that although this
form of intimidation may work with the Government it has no terrors
for him.
***
The Russian Minister of Finance anticipates getting a revenue of forty
million pounds from a monopoly of tea. It is thought that he must have
once been a grocer.
***
The Law Courts are to be made available as an air-raid shelter by day
and night, and some of our revue proprietors are already complaining
of unfair competition.
***
Two survivors of the battle of Inkerman have been discovered at
Brighton. Their inactivity in the present crisis is most unfavourably
commented on by many of the week-end visitors.
***
A dolphin nearly eight feet in length has been landed by a boy who was
fishing at Southwold. Its last words were that it hoped the public
would understand that it had only heard of the food shortage that
morning.
***
Captain OTTO SVERDRUP, the Arctic explorer, has returned his German
decorations. Upon hearing this the KAISER at once gave orders for the
North Pole to be folded up and put away.
***
A certain number of cold storage eggs at sixpence each are being
released in Berlin and buyers are urged to "fetch them promptly."
In this connection several Iron Crosses have already been awarded
for acts of distinguished bravery by civilians.
***
One of the new toys for Christmas is a cat which will swim about in a
bath. If only the household cat could learn to swim it might be the
means of saving several of its lives.
***
A correspondent would like to know whether the naval surgeon who
recently described in _The Lancet_ how he raised "hypnotic blisters"
by suggestion received his tuition from one of our University
riverside coaches.
***
We are asked to deny the rumour that Mr. JUSTICE DARLING, who last
week cracked a joke which was not understood by some American
soldiers, has decided to do it all over again.
***
The power of music! An enterprising firm of manufacturers offers
pensions to women who become widows after the purchase of a piano
on the instalment plan.
***
We understand that a Member of Parliament will shortly ask for a day
to be set aside to inquire into the conduct of Mr. PHILIP SNOWDEN, who
is reported to have recently shown marked pro-British tendencies.
***
In view of the attitude taken up by _The Daily Express_ against Sir
ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE, on the question of "spooks," we understand that
the celebrated author, who has long contemplated the final death of
_Sherlock Holmes_, has arranged that the famous detective shall one
day be found dead with a copy of _The Daily Express_ in his hand.
***
A customer, we are told, may take his own buns into a public
eating-house, but the proprietor must register them. In view of the
growing habit of pinching food, the pre-war custom of chaining them
to the umbrella-stand is no longer regarded as safe.
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE QUESTION OF THE HOUR. [Sign before church with
bomb-damaged steeple:] THE REV SULVANUS JONES WILL PREACH NEXT SUNDAY
MORNING ON WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE CHURCH?]
* * * * *