_House of Commons, Monday, March_ 16.--House of Commons really looked
to-night as if it meant fighting. No lack of matter for quarrel.
Even before public business was reached, Orders bristled with Motions
raising controversial points. Lord CHUNNEL-TANNEL, that man of peace,
was to the fore; his Bill, extending Manchester. Sheffield, and
Lincolnshire Railway into London _via_ Lord's Cricket Ground, down for
Second Reading. That redoubtable Parliamentary Archer BAUMANN also
on alert. Has taken under his personal charge the social and material
welfare of Metropolis; at one time HARRY LAWSON, on other side of
House, disputed supremacy of position with him. But, as SARK says,
BAUMANN has immense advantage of making Liberal speeches from
Conservative side.
"If," says SARK, "I had to begin my Parliamentary life again, I would
sit for a Tory borough, and advocate Radical notions. If it were
possible, I would, with such a programme, like to represent one of the
Universities, Oxford for choice. There's a sameness about fellows who
fret up from Liberal benches and spout Radicalism, or about men who
talk Toryism from the Conservative camp. It's what was expected; what
the House of Commons enjoys is the unexpected. GRANDOLPH knows that
very well. If he'd come out as a Liberal, he wouldn't have been half
the power he is. The secret of success in political life, my young
friend, is to sit in darkness, and clothe yourself with light. The
thing doesn't hold good in the converse direction. A man sitting on
Liberal benches, and talking Toryism, will gain cheers from other
side, but not much else. Look at HORSMAN in the past; look at JOKIM
in the present. Certainly he is CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER; but, even
with that, I suppose you wouldn't call him a political success?"
[Illustration: Cupid's Bowman.]
SARK a little prosy and opinionated; otherwise a good fellow. Whilst
his homily in progress ground considerably cleared. Manchester,
Sheffield, and Lincolnshire Bill put oft till to-morrow; Kensington
Subway Bill withdrawn; BAUMANN triumphant. Still remained public
business; OLD MORALITY led off with proposal to take Tuesdays and
Fridays for morning sittings and Opposition mustered in great force;
Mr. G. present, glowing with his own eulogy on ARTEMIS. OLD MORALITY
moved Resolution with deprecatory deferential manner; only desire
was to do his duty to QUEEN and Country and meet the convenience of
Honourable Gentlemen sitting in whatever part of the House they might
find themselves. Evidently expected outburst of indignant refusal,
long debate, and a big division. Some indignation, but little debate
and no division. Everyone on Opposition Benches seemed to expect
some one else to declare himself irreconcilable. When question put, a
pause; no one rose to continue the successive brief speeches; before
you could say JAMES FERGUSON, Government had, on this 16th of March,
practically secured all working time for remainder of Session.
"I feel like CLIVE," said OLD MORALITY; "or was it WARREN HASTINGS?
Anyhow I am amazed at my own moderation."
[Illustration: THE LORDS IN THE COMMONS.]
_Business done_,--Morning Sittings arranged for rest of Session.
_Tuesday_.--"Lords" and Commons came in conflict to-day under novel
circumstances. Lord TANNEL-CHUNNEL, pending settlement of question
about making his Channel Tunnel, is promoting new trunk line of
railway. Means to bring the Manchester, Sheffield and Lincoln line
straight into London; terminus comes in by Lord's Cricket Ground;
invades the sweet simplicity of St. John's Wood; artistic population
of that quarter up in arms; shriek protest in Lord CHUNNEL-TANNEL's
ear, and shake at him the angry fist. But TANNEL-CHUNNEL not a Baron
easily turned aside from accomplishment of his projects. Squares
Committee of "Lords"; impresses into support of his scheme
representatives of all the big towns on the route; Manchester,
Nottingham, Leicester, all cheer him on; Liberals, Conservatives,
Dissentient Liberals, swell his majority. Second Reading of Bill
carried by more than two to one.
"How's that, Umpire?" CHUNNEL-TANNEL asked, carrying out his bat.
"Well played, indeed!" said the SPEAKER.
Seemed at one time as if blood would flow, and gore would stain the
floor of House. BARNES and WIGGINS were in it, but what it was all
about not quite clear. Something to do with a coal-truck. As far as
could be made out from choked utterances of BARNES, there had at some
remote period been a coal-truck despatched to London by the Midland
route. Something happened to it; either it was delayed, or it arrived
empty, or it didn't arrive at all. However, it was quite clear to
BARNES that the time had come when a new line of railway giving direct
access to London from the Midlands was an urgent necessity. WIGGINS
observed to be wriggling in his seat during the BARNES oration. Made
several attempts to catch SPEAKER's eye; at length succeeded; his
suppressed fury was terrible to behold: his rage Titanic. He at least
knew all about that coal-truck; though, as far as House was concerned,
he did not succeed in lifting the mystery in which BARNES had
enveloped it. Whether it was WIGGINS's coal, or merely WIGGINS's
truck; whether WIGGINS happened to be in the truck when it went
astray; or whether it was BARNES that was in it; or whether nothing
was in it but the coal; or whether, coming back to an earlier point,
there was no coal in the truck when it did (or did not) arrive at St.
Pancras: these were questions the House vainly pursued, withered, as
it was, under the wrath of WIGGINS The only point clearly perceived
was, that BIGGINS is a director of Midland Railway.
[Illustration: "About that Coal Truck?"]
In ordinary circumstances there are not to be found in House two
more affable men than BARNES and WIGGINS. Amongst many other virtues,
WIGGINS is, SARK tells me, one of the best judges of cigars in House,
and is never without a sample in his case. It is sad to think that a
man so gifted by nature, so favoured by fortune, should let his angry
passions rise round a coal-truck. House, contemplating the episode,
glad to shut it out by rushing off to Division Lobby. _Business
done_.--Manchester, Sheffield, and Lincolnshire Railway Bill, Read a
Second Time, by 212 Votes to 103.
_Thursday_.--House engaged in considering Lords' Amendments to
Tithes Bill. Things as dull as usual; House nearly empty; walk about
corridors through tea-room, newspaper-room, and library; almost
deserted; in smoking-room came upon little group playing cards; three
of them; SOLICITOR-GENERAL, CHABLES RUSSELL, and ASQUITH, LOCKWOOD
looking on.
"I suppose," I said, "they're playing whist; why don't you make up the
hand?"
"Whisht! it's not whist!" LOCKWOOD whispered, keeping his eye closely
fixed on game. "It's Baccarat. (Ah! CLARKE! I saw you. Come, pay up.
You did that very clumsily.) It's the Tranby Court case you know. I'm
not in it, but my learned brethren here hold briefs on either side,
and they say they are bound, in the interests of their clients, to
master the intricacies of the game. I must say they have managed very
successfully to subordinate their horror of gambling. RUSSELL, you
know, has a positive distaste for any game of chance. But as he says,
a Barrister must sometimes put his prejudices in his pocket. ASQUITH
brings to the game a serious aspect that positively sanctifies it.
As for EDWARD CLARKE, he's wonderfully nimble. He was trying _la
poucette_ just now when I called out to him. As everything turns upon
this, my learned friends say they must make themselves acquainted
with it. But I hope it won't lead to any breaking up of families. I'm
told the Judges who are likely to be trying cases in London before
Whitsuntide, impelled by a similar sense of duty, are also studying
Baccarat. The L.C.J. is reported to have developed a wonderful talent.
As a family man, and Recorder of Sheffield, I'm glad I'm not briefed
in the case."
[Illustration: "Young Harry"]
_Business done_.--Tithes Bill.
_Friday_.--Young HARRY LAWSON, with his beaver up, moved Resolution
approving the opening for certain hours, and under special
regulations, of the National Museums and Galleries, closed in
London to the public on Sundays, made capital and convincing speech;
supported by men like JOHN LUBBOCK, and, from Conservative side,
MAYNE and ELCHO. Earlier in sitting, the voice of Whitechapel, Hoxton,
Shoreditch, and Bethnal Green, had been heard by petition, praying
for the boon. But dear old ROBERT FOWLER knows better what is good
for the people. Opposed Motion. OLD MORALITY, who never goes into his
picture gallery at Greenlands after midnight on Saturday, whipped up
Government forces; Motion lost by 166 against 39.
Mr. BUNG, who had been watching Debate from Distinguished Strangers'
Gallery, hugely delighted. "S'elp me," he said, "that'll stop
their little game for this Parliament, at least. What do they mean
hinterfering with honest tradesmen? If you go opening your bloomin'
mooseums and picter galleries on Sunday afternoons, _what's to become
of ME?_"
_Business done_.--Mr. BUNG's; and very effectively, too.
* * * * *
"FLAT, STALE, AND UNPROFITABLE."
HAMPDEN, farewell! Ere this you may have found
The World you swore was flat is really round.
But many a man, with brains beneath his hat.
Swears that the World is round, and finds it flat.
* * * * *