SCENE--_A Parliamentary Committee Room. Committee sitting
at horse-shoe table. Bar crowded at table covered with
plans, custards, buns, agreements, and ginger-beer. Huge
plans hanging to walls. View in distance of St. Thomas's
Hospital. East-West Diddlesex Railway Extension Bill under
consideration. Expert Witness standing at reading-desk under
examination_.
_Junior Counsel_ (_for Promoters_). You have told us that there is a
cutting at Burnt House Mill, coloured red in plan--in your opinion
do you think that the road passing; by Hoggsborough, coloured green,
could be so diverted as to avoid the necessity of throwing a bridge
over the River Crowe, coloured yellow?
_Expert Witness_ (_with great deliberation, and illustrating his
remarks by references to a large plan_). In my opinion I think the
necessity of building a bridge over the River Crowe may be avoided
by skirting the Swashbuckler Estate, and by making a new road that
would cross the proposed line by a level crossing at Twaddlecomb, and
ultimately reach Market Goosebury, coloured blue, by following the
course of the Raisensworth, coloured black.
_Junior Counsel_. Thank you--that will do. [_Sits down._
_First Cross-Examining Q.C._ (_suddenly entering from another
Committee Room, looking for his Junior--aside_). Where on earth have
we got to?
_Chairman of Committee_. Is this witness cross-examined?
_First C.-E. Q.C._ Certainly, Sir. Now I think you say that it is
necessary to make a bridge over the River Crowe, coloured red in plan?
_Expert Witness_. No; I say that if the Swashbuckler Estate is
skirted, &c., &c. [_Repeats the answer he has already given._
_Second Cross-Examining Q.C._ (_entering hurriedly, as his learned
brother sits down_). One moment, please. Now you say that it is
absolutely necessary to pass the River Crowe, in plan coloured red,
by a bridge?
_Expert Witness_. On the contrary, I say that if the Swashbuckler
Estate, &c., &c. [_Repeats his answer for the third time._
_Third C.-E. Q.C._ (_entering hurriedly, as his predecessor resumes
his seat_). And now, Sir, that my learned friends have asked you
_their_ questions, I have to ask you _mine_. Be kind enough to say,
for the benefit of the Right Hon. Chairman and the Hon. Members
of the Committee, whether, in your opinion, in the construction
of the proposed line, where the road reaches the neighbourhood
of--(_consulting plan_)--Market Goosebury, coloured blue in the
plan, and, as you will see, runs through the--(_inspects plan
closely_)--Swashbuckler Estate--yes, the Swashbuckler Estate--and
comes, as you will see, if you refer to the chart, near
Twaddlecomb--having now sufficiently indicated the locality, I
repeat, will you be kind enough to say whether, in your opinion, the
necessity of building a bridge over the River Raven--(_is prompted by
Junior_)--I should say, over the River Crowe--could be avoided?
_Chairman of Committee_ (_interposing_). I would suggest that, as
this question has been answered three times, the witness be excused
further examination at the hands of Counsel not present at the
examination-in-chief.
_First C.-E. Q.C._ (_warmly_). I consider this an infringement of the
privileges of the Bar. The Right Hon. Chairman must remember that it
is possible that a single reference in the examination-in-chief may
only require cross-examination on the part of the Clients whom we
represent. Besides, an expert witness's examination-in-chief is very
seldom shaken, and all we can possibly want is a note taken by a
learned friend who has acted as a Junior. All of us are occasionally
wanted elsewhere.
_Second C.-E. Q.C._ (_indignantly_). Yes; and how can we attend to our
Clients' interests if we are not allowed to be in two places at once?
_Third C.-E. Q.C._ (_furiously_). You have no right to act upon an
old ruling that was never enforced. Why, such a regulation would ruin
us--and many of us have wives and children!
[_Exeunt defiantly, to return, later on, ready to brave
imprisonment in the Clock Tower, if necessary, N.B.--Up to
date the Tower is untenanted._
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"IN THE NAME OF THE LAW--PHOTOGRAPHS!"--MR. A. BRIEFLESS, Junr.,
having received a respectful invitation from some Brook Street
Photographers to favour them (without charge) with a sitting, "to
enable them to complete their series of portraits of distinguished
legal gentlemen," regrets to say that, as he has already sat for
another Firm making the same request (see _Papers from Pump-handle
Court_), he is unable to comply with their courteous request. However,
he is pleased to hear that a similar petition has been forwarded
to others of his learned friends, one of whom writes to say, he
"possesses a wig, and the right to wear it, but that there his
connection with the Law begins and ends." Mr. A. BRIEFLESS, Junr.,
wishes the industrious Firm every success in their public-spirited
undertaking.
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