MRS PARTRIDGE MINDS THE SHOP
Chook caught the last tram home, and found Pinkey asleep in bed with a
novelette in her hand. She had fallen asleep reading it. The noise of
Chook's entry roused her, and she stared at him, uncertain of the hour.
Then, seeing him fully dressed, she decided that it was four o'clock in
the morning, and that he was trying to sneak off to Paddy's Market
without her. She was awake in an instant, and her face flushed pink
with anger as she jumped out of bed, indignant at being deprived of her
share of the unpleasant trip to the markets. Three times a week she
nerved herself for that heartbreaking journey in the raw morning air,
resolved never to let Chook see her flinch from her duty. As she
started to dress herself with feverish haste, Chook recovered enough
from his astonishment to ask her where she was going.
"To Paddy's, of course," she replied fiercely. "Yer sneaked off last
week on yer own, an' cum 'ome so knocked out that yer couldn't eat yer
breakfast."
A cold shiver ran through Chook. Her mind was affected, and in a flash
he saw his wife taken to the asylum and himself left desolate. Then he
understood, and burst into a roar.
"Git into bed again, Liz," he cried. "Ye're walkin' in yer sleep."
"Wot's the time?" she asked, with a suspicious look.
"Five past twelve," said Chook, reluctantly.
"An' ye're only just come 'ome! Wot d'ye mean by stoppin' out till
this time of night?" she cried, turning on him furiously, but secretly
relieved, like a patient who finds the dentist is out.
"The play was out late, an' we..." stammered Chook.
As he stammered, Pinkey caught sight of a rip in his sleeve, and
looking at him intently, was horrified to see his lip cut and bleeding.
She gave a cry of terror and burst into tears.
"Yer never went to no play; yer've bin fightin'," she sobbed.
"No, I ain't, fair dinkum," cried Chook. "I'll tell yer 'ow I come by
this, if yer wait a minute."
"Yer never cut yer lip lookin' at the play; yer've gone back ter the
Push, as Sarah always said yer would."
"I'll screw Sarah's neck when I can spare the time," said Chook,
savagely.
Chook, the old-time larrikin, had turned out a model husband, but, for
years after his marriage, Mrs Partridge had taken a delight in
prophesying that he would soon tire of Pinkey's apron-strings and
return to the Push and the streets. And now, although Waxy Collins and
Joe Crutch were in jail for sneak-thieving, their places taken by
younger and more vicious scum, Pinkey thought instantly of the dread
Push when Chook grew restive.
"No," said Chook, deciding to cut it short, "I tore me coat an' cut me
lip gittin' away from the Johns at Paddy Flynn's alley."
Pinkey turned sick with fear. The two-up school was worse than the
Push, and they were ruined.
"I knew it the moment I set eyes on yer. Yer've been bettin' again,
an' lost all yer money. Yer've got nothing left for the markets, an'
the landlord'll turn us out," she cried, seeing herself already in the
gutter.
"Yes, I lost a bit, but I pulled up, an' I'm a couple of dollars to the
good," said Chook, feeling in his pocket for some half-crowns.
"Well, give it to me," said Pinkey, "an' I'll go straight termorrer and
pay ten shillings on a machine."
"Wot would yer 'ave said if I'd won ten or fifteen quid?" asked Chook.
"I should 'ave said 'Buy Jack Ryan's 'orse an' cart, an' never go near
a two-up school again'," said Pinkey, thinking of the impossible.
"Well, I won the dollars, an' I'll do as yer say," cried Chook emptying
his pockets on the counterpane.
As Chook poured the heap of gold and silver on to the bed, Pinkey
gasped, and turned deadly white. Chook thought she was going to faint.
"It's all right, Liz," he cried. "I've 'ad a good win, an' we're set
up fer life."
He was busy sorting the gold and silver into heaps, first putting aside
his stake, two pounds ten. There were fifteen pounds twelve shillings
and sixpence left. Pinkey stared in amazement. It seemed incredible
that so much money could belong to them. And suddenly she thought,
with a pang of joy, that no longer would she need to nerve herself for
the cruel journey to the markets in the morning. Chook would drive
down in his own cart, and she would be waiting on his return with a
good breakfast. They had gone up in the world like a rocket.
The marriage of Pinkey, three years ago, had affected Mrs Partridge
like the loss of a limb. For over two years she had been chained to
the same house, in the same street, with the desire but not the power
to move. Only once had she managed to change her quarters with the aid
of William, and the result had been disastrous. For the first time in
his life William had lost a day at Grimshaw's to move the furniture,
and for six months he had brooded over the lost time. This last move
had planted them in Botany Street, five minutes' walk from Chook's
shop. At first Mrs Partridge had fretted, finding little consolation
in the new ham-and-beef shop on Botany Road; and then, little by
little, she had become attached to the neighbourhood. She had been
surprised to find that entertainment came to her door unsought, in the
form of constant arrivals and departures among the neighbours. And
each of them was the beginning or the end of a mystery, which she
probed to the bottom with the aid of the postman, the baker, the
butcher, and the tradesmen who were left lamenting with their bills
unpaid. Never before in her wanderings had she got so completely in
touch with her surroundings.
But from habit she always talked of moving. She could never pass an
empty house without going through it, sniffing the drains, and
requesting the landlord to make certain improvements, with the mania of
women who haunt the shops with empty purses, pricing expensive
materials. Every week she announced to Chook and Pinkey that she had
found the very house, if William would take a day off to move. But in
her heart she had no desire to leave the neighbourhood. It was an
agreeable and daily diversion for her to run up to the shop, and
prophesy ruin and disaster to Chook and Pinkey for taking a shop that
had beggared the last tenant, ignoring the fact that Jack Ryan had
converted his profits into beer. Chook's rough tongue made her wince at
times, but she refused to take offence for more than a day. She had
taken a fancy to Chook the moment she had set eyes on him, and was sure
Pinkey was responsible for his sudden bursts of temper. She thought to
do him a service by dwelling on Pinkey's weak points, and Chook showed
his gratitude by scowling. Pinkey, who had been a machinist in the
factory, was no hand with a needle, and Mrs Partridge commented on this
in Chook's hearing.
"An' fancy 'er 'ardly able to sew on a button, which is very dangerous
lyin' about on the floor, as children will eat anythin', not knowin'
the consequences," she cried.
Chook pointed out that there were no children in the house to eat stray
buttons.
"An' thankful you ought to be for that," she cried. "There's Mrs
Brown's baby expectin' to be waited on 'and an' foot, an' thinks
nothin' of wakin' 'er up in the night, cryin' its heart out one minute,
an' cooin' like a dove the next, though I don't 'old with keepin' birds
in the 'ouse as makes an awful mess, an' always the fear of a nasty nip
through the bars of the cage, which means a piece of rag tied round
your finger."
Here she stopped for breath, and Chook turned aside the torrent of
words by offering her some vegetables, riddled with grubs, for the
trouble of carrying them home. She considered herself one of Chook's
best customers, having dealt off him since their first meeting. Every
market-day she came to the shop, picked out everything that was damaged
or bruised, and bought it at her own price. She often wished that
Pinkey had married a grocer.
Chook had said nothing to her of his win at the two-up school, and she
only heard of it at the last moment through a neighbour. She put on
her hat, and just reached the shop in time to see Chook drive up to the
door in his own horse and cart. Pinkey was standing there, radiant,
her dreams come true, already feeling that their fortunes were made.
Mrs Partridge looked on with a choking sensation in her throat,
desiring nothing for herself, but angry with Fortune for showering her
gifts on others. Then she stepped up briskly, and cried out:
"I 'eard all about yer luck, an' I sez to myself, 'it couldn't 'ave
'appened to a more deservin' young feller.' You'll ride in yer carriage
yet, mark my words."
She came nearer and stared at the mare, anxious to find fault, but
knowing nothing of the points of a horse. She decided to make friends
with it, and rubbed its nose. The animal, giving her an affectionate
look, furtively tried to bite her arm, and then threw back its head,
expecting the rap on the nose that always followed this attempt. Mrs
Partridge trembled with fear and rage.
"Well, I never!" she cried. "The sly brute! Looked at me like a 'uman
being, an' then tried to eat me, which I could never understand people
preachin' about kindness to dumb animals, an' 'orses takin' a delight
in runnin' over people in the street every day."
"It's because they've got relations that makes 'em thankful animals are
dumb," said Chook.
"Meaning me?" cried Mrs Partridge, smelling an insult.
"You?" said Chook, affecting surprise. "I niver mind yous talkin'. It
goes in one ear an' out of the other."
Mrs Partridge bounced out of the shop in a rage, but next day she came
back to tell Pinkey that she had found the very house in Surry Hills
for a shilling a week less rent. She stayed long enough to frighten
the life out of Pinkey by telling her that she had heard that Jack Ryan
was well rid of the horse, because it had a habit of bolting and
breaking the driver's neck. Chook found Pinkey trembling for his
safety, and determined to put a stop to these annoyances. He
disappeared for a whole day, and when Pinkey wanted to know where he
had been, he told her to wait and see. They nearly quarrelled. But
the next morning he gave her a surprise. After breakfast he announced
that he was going to take her to the Druids' picnic in his own cart,
and that Mrs Partridge had consented to mind the shop in their absence.
When Chook asked Mrs Partridge to mind the shop for the day, she jumped
at the idea. She felt that she had a gift for business which she had
wasted by not marrying the greengrocer; and now, with the shop to
herself, she would show them how to deal with the customers, and find
time in between to run her eye through Pinkey's boxes. She, too, would
have a holiday after her own heart. She decided to wear her best skirt
and blouse, to keep the customers in their place and remind them that
she was independent of their favours. She found everything ready on
her arrival. The price of every vegetable was freshly painted on the
window by Chook in white letters, and there were five shillings in
small change in the till. Lunch was set for her on the kitchen table,
a sight to make the mouth water, for Chook, remembering the days of his
courting, had ransacked the ham-and-beef shop for dainties--sheep's
trotters, brawn, pig's cheek, ham-and-chicken sausage, and a bottle of
mixed pickles. Nothing was wanting. As Chook drove off with Pinkey,
she waved her hand to them, and then, surveying the street with the air
of a proprietor, entered the shop and took possession.
They were going to Sir Joseph Banks's for the picnic; but, to Pinkey's
surprise, the cart turned into Botany Street and pulled up in front of
Sarah's cottage.
"Wotcher stoppin' 'ere for?" she inquired.
"'Cause we're goin' ter git out," said Chook, with a grin.
"Git out? Wot for? There's nobody at 'ome, Dad's at work."
"I know; that's w'y I came," said Chook, tying the reins to the seat.
"Git down, Liz; yer've got a 'ard day in front of yer."
"'Ard day? Wotcher mean?" cried Pinkey, suspiciously.
"We're goin' ter move Sarah's furniture to the new 'ouse she found in
Surry Hills," replied Chook.
"She never took no 'ouse," said Pinkey.
"No, I took it yesterday in 'er name," said Chook, grinning at Pinkey's
perplexed frown. "I wanted ter give 'er a pleasant surprise fer 'er
birthday."
"Wot about the picnic?" exclaimed Pinkey, suddenly.
"There ain't no picnic," said Chook. "It's next Monday; the date must
'ave slipped me mind."
"An' yer mean ter move 'er furniture in without 'er knowin'?"
"That's the dart," said Chook, with a vicious smile. "If Sarah's
tongue don't git a change of air, I'll git three months fer murder. So
'urry up, Liz, an' put this apron over yer skirt."
The impudence of Chook's plan took her breath away, but when he
insisted that there was no other way of getting rid of Mrs Partridge,
she consented, with the feeling that she was taking part in a burglary.
Chook took the key from under the flower-pot and went in. They found
the place like a pigsty, for in the excitement of dressing for her day
behind the counter, Sarah had wasted no time in making the bed or
washing up, and Pinkey, trained under the watchful eye of Chook's
mother, stood aghast. She declared that nothing could be done till
that mess was cleared away, and tucked up her sleeves.
The appearance of the cart had roused the neighbours' curiosity, and
Chook engaged them in conversation over the back fence. He explained
that Mrs Partridge had begged him to come down and move her furniture
while she minded the shop. There was a general sigh of relief.
Nothing had escaped her eye or tongue. Mrs King, who was supposed to
be temperance, did wonders with the bottle under her apron, but was
caught. Then she found out that Mrs Robinson's brother, who was
supposed to be doing well in the country, was really doin' seven years.
Chook refused half a dozen offers of help before Pinkey had finished
washing up.
As Chook lacked the professional skill of Jimmy the van-man, Pinkey was
obliged to make two loads of the furniture; but by twelve o'clock the
last stick was on the cart, and Pinkey, sitting beside her husband on a
plank, carried the kerosene lamp in her lap to prevent breakage. By
sunset everything was in its place, and Chook and Pinkey, aching in
every joint, locked the door and drove home.
Meanwhile, Mrs Partridge had spent a pleasant day conducting Chook's
business on new lines. She had always suspected that she had a gift
for business, and here was an opportunity to prove it. The first
customer was a child, sent for three penn'orth of potatoes. As
children are naturally careless, Mrs Partridge saw here an excellent
opportunity for weeding out the stock, and went to a lot of trouble in
picking out the small and damaged tubers, reserving the best for
customers who came to choose for themselves. Five minutes later she
was exchanging them for the largest in the sack under the direction of
an infuriated mother. This flustered her slightly, and when Mrs Green
arrived, complaining of rheumatic twinges in her leg, she decided to
try Pinkey's sympathetic manner.
"Ah, if anybody knows what rheumatism is, I do," she cried. "For years
I suffered cruelly, an' then I was persuaded to carry a new pertater in
me pocket, an' I've never 'ad ache or pain since; though gettin' cured,
to my mind, depends on the sort of life you've led."
Mrs Green, a woman with a past, flushed heavily.
"'Oo are yer slingin' off at?" she cried. "You and yer new pertater.
I'd smack yer face for two pins," and she walked out of the shop.
This made Mrs Partridge careful, and she served the next customers in
an amazing silence. Then she dined royally on the pick of the
ham-and-beef shop, and settled down for the afternoon. But she
recovered her tongue when Mrs Paterson wanted some lettuce for a salad.
"Which I could never understand people eatin' salads, as I shall always
consider bad for the stomach, an' descendin' to the lower animals," she
cried. "Nothing could make me believe I was meant to eat vegetables
raw when I can 'ave them boiled an' strained for 'alf an 'our."
In her eagerness to convert Mrs Paterson to her views, she forgot to
charge for the lettuce. When Chook and Pinkey arrived, she had
partially destroyed the business, and was regretting that she had been
too delicate to marry the greengrocer. She showed Chook the till
bulging with copper and silver.
"Yer've done us proud," cried Chook, staring.
Mrs Partridge sorted out ten shillings from the heap.
"That's Mrs Robins's account," she remarked.
"Wot made 'er pay?" inquired Pinkey, suspiciously. "Yer didn't go an'
ask 'er for it, did yer?"
"Not likely," said Mrs Partridge; "but when she complained of the peas
bein' eighteenpence a peck, I pointed out that if she considered
nothing too dear for 'er back, she should consider nothing too dear for
'er stomach, an' she ran 'ome to fetch this money an' nearly threw it
in my face."
"Me best customer," cried Pinkey in dismay. "She pays at the end of
the month like clockwork."
Mrs Partridge stared at the heap of silver, and changed the subject.
"It 'ud give me the creeps to sleep in the 'ouse with all that money,"
she remarked, "after readin' in the paper as 'ow burglars are
passionate fond of silver, an' 'avin' no reg'lar 'ours for callin',
like to drop in when least expected." She noted with satisfaction that
Pinkey changed colour, and shook the creases out of her skirt. "Well,
I must be goin'," she added. "I never like to keep William waitin' for
'is tea."
A cold wave swept over Chook. He had clean forgotten William, who
would go home to Botany Street and find an empty house. Pinkey dived
into the bedroom, and left Chook to face it out.
"'Ere's yer key," he said helplessly, to make a beginning.
"This is my key," said Mrs Partridge, feeling in her pocket, "an' the
other one is under the flower-pot for William, if I'm out. I dunno
what you mean."
"I mean this is the key of yer new 'ouse in Surry Hills," said Chook,
fumbling hopelessly with the piece of iron.
"You've bin drinkin', an' the beer's gone to yer 'ead," said Mrs
Partridge, unwilling to take offence.
"I tell yer I'm as dry as a bone," cried Chook, losing patience.
"Yer think yer live in Botany Street, but yer don't. Yer live in
Foveaux Street, an' this is the key of the 'ouse."
"I think I live in Botany Street, but I've moved to Foveaux Street,"
repeated Mrs Partridge, but the words conveyed no meaning to her mind.
She came closer to Chook. He looked and smelt sober, and suddenly a
horrid suspicion ran through her mind that her brain was softening.
She was older than they thought, for she had taken five years off her
age when she had married William. In an agony of fear she searched her
memory for the events of the past month, trying to recall any symptom
of illness that should have warned her. She could remember nothing,
and turned to Chook with a wild fear in her eyes. Something must be
wrong with him.
"Can you understand what you're sayin'?" she asked.
"Yes," said Chook, anxious to get it over. "Yer lived in Botany Street
this morning, but yer moved to-day, an' now yer live in Foveaux Street
in the 'ouse yer picked on Monday."
"Do you expect me to believe that?" cried Mrs Partridge.
"No," said Chook; "but yer will w'en yer go 'ome an' find your 'ouse
empty."
"An' who moved me?"
"Me an' Liz," said Chook. "The picnic wasn't till next week, an' Liz
an' me thought we'd give yer a surprise."
For the first time in her life Mrs Partridge was speechless. She saw
that she had been tricked shamefully. They had ransacked her house,
and laid bare all the secrets of her little luxuries. She quailed as
she remembered what they had found in the cupboard and the bottom
drawer of the wardrobe. Never again could she face Chook and Pinkey,
knowing what they did, and take her pickings of the shop. Suddenly she
recovered her tongue, and turned on Chook, transformed with rage.
"William will break every bone in yer body when 'e 'ears what you've
done," she cried, "mark my words. An' in case I never see yer again,
let me tell yer somethin' that's been on my mind ever since I first met
you. If that ginger-headed cat 'idin' behind the bedroom door 'adn't
married yer, nobody else would, for you're that ugly it 'ud pay yer to
grow whiskers an' 'ide yer face."
And with this parting shot she marched out of the shop and disappeared
in the darkness.