_From Hibernian Tales._[69]
Hudden and Dudden and Donald O'Nery were near neighbours in the barony
of Balinconlig, and ploughed with three bullocks; but the two former,
envying the present prosperity of the latter, determined to kill his
bullock, to prevent his farm being properly cultivated and laboured,
that going back in the world he might be induced to sell his lands,
which they meant to get possession of. Poor Donald finding his bullock
killed, immediately skinned it, and throwing the skin over his
shoulder, with the fleshy side out, set off to the next town with it,
to dispose of it to the best of his advantage. Going along the road a
magpie flew on the top of the hide, and began picking it, chattering
all the time. The bird had been taught to speak, and imitate the human
voice, and Donald, thinking he understood some words it was saying,
put round his hand and caught hold of it. Having got possession of it,
he put it under his greatcoat, and so went on to town. Having sold the
hide, he went into an inn to take a dram, and following the landlady
into the cellar, he gave the bird a squeeze which made it chatter some
broken accents that surprised her very much. "What is that I hear?"
said she to Donald. "I think it is talk, and yet I do not understand."
"Indeed," said Donald, "it is a bird I have that tells me everything,
and I always carry it with me to know when there is any danger.
Faith," says he, "it says you have far better liquor than you are
giving me." "That is strange," said she, going to another cask of
better quality, and asking him if he would sell the bird. "I will,"
said Donald, "if I get enough for it." "I will fill your hat with
silver if you leave it with me." Donald was glad to hear the news, and
taking the silver, set off, rejoicing at his good luck. He had not
been long at home until he met with Hudden and Dudden. "Mr.," said he,
"you thought you had done me a bad turn, but you could not have done
me a better; for look here, what I have got for the hide," showing
them a hatful of silver; "you never saw such a demand for hides in
your life as there is at present." Hudden and Dudden that very night
killed their bullocks, and set out the next morning to sell their
hides. On coming to the place they went through all the merchants, but
could only get a trifle for them; at last they had to take what they
could get, and came home in a great rage, and vowing revenge on poor
Donald. He had a pretty good guess how matters would turn out, and he
being under the kitchen window, he was afraid they would rob him, or
perhaps kill him when asleep, and on that account when he was going to
bed he left his old mother in his place, and lay down in her bed,
which was in the other side of the house, and they taking the old
woman for Donald, choked her in her bed, but he making some noise,
they had to retreat, and leave the money behind them, which grieved
them very much. However, by daybreak, Donald got his mother on his
back, and carried her to town. Stopping at a well, he fixed his mother
with her staff, as if she was stooping for a drink, and then went into
a public-house convenient and called for a dram. "I wish," said he to
a woman that stood near him, "you would tell my mother to come in; she
is at yon well trying to get a drink, and she is hard of hearing; if
she does not observe you, give her a little shake and tell her that I
want her." The woman called her several times, but she seemed to take
no notice; at length she went to her and shook her by the arm, but
when she let her go again, she tumbled on her head into the well, and,
as the woman thought, was drowned. She, in her great surprise and fear
at the accident, told Donald what had happened. "O mercy," said he,
"what is this?" He ran and pulled her out of the well, weeping and
lamenting all the time, and acting in such a manner that you would
imagine that he had lost his senses. The woman, on the other hand, was
far worse than Donald, for his grief was only feigned, but she
imagined herself to be the cause of the old woman's death. The
inhabitants of the town hearing what had happened, agreed to make
Donald up a good sum of money for his loss, as the accident happened
in their place, and Donald brought a greater sum home with him than he
got for the magpie. They buried Donald's mother, and as soon as he saw
Hudden he showed them the last purse of money he had got. "You thought
to kill me last night," said he, "but it was good for me it happened
on my mother, for I got all that purse for her to make gunpowder."
That very night Hudden and Dudden killed their mothers, and the next
morning set off with them to town. On coming to the town with their
burthen on their backs, they went up and down crying, "Who will buy
old wives for gunpowder," so that everyone laughed at them, and the
boys at last clotted them out of the place. They then saw the cheat,
and vowed revenge on Donald, buried the old women, and set off in
pursuit of him. Coming to his house, they found him sitting at his
breakfast, and seizing him, put him in a sack, and went to drown him
in a river at some distance. As they were going along the highway they
raised a hare, which they saw had but three feet, and throwing off the
sack, ran after her, thinking by her appearance she would be easily
taken. In their absence there came a drover that way, and hearing
Donald singing in the sack, wondered greatly what could be the matter.
"What is the reason," said he, "that you are singing, and you
confined?" "O, I am going to heaven," said Donald, "and in a short
time I expect to be free from trouble." "O dear," said the drover,
"what will I give you if you let me to your place?" "Indeed, I do not
know," said he, "it would take a good sum." "I have not much money,"
said the drover, "but I have twenty head of fine cattle, which I will
give you to exchange places with me." "Well," says Donald, "I do not
care if I should loose the sack, and I will come out." In a moment the
drover liberated him, and went into the sack himself, and Donald drove
home the fine heifers, and left them in his pasture.
Hudden and Dudden having caught the hare, returned, and getting the sack
on one of their backs, carried Donald, as they thought, to the river and
threw him in, where he immediately sank. They then marched home,
intending to take immediate possession of Donald's property, but how
great was their surprise when they found him safe at home before them,
with such a fine herd of cattle, whereas they knew he had none before.
"Donald," said they, "what is all this? We thought you were drowned,
and yet you are here before us." "Ah!" said he, "if I had but help along
with me when you threw me in, it would have been the best job ever I met
with, for of all the sight of cattle and gold that ever was seen is
there, and no one to own them, but I was not able to manage more than
what you see, and I could show you the spot where you might get
hundreds." They both swore they would be his friend, and Donald
accordingly led them to a very deep part of the river, and lifted up a
stone. "Now," said he, "watch this," throwing it into the stream; "there
is the very place, and go in, one of you first, and if you want help,
you have nothing to do but call." Hudden jumping in, and sinking to the
bottom, rose up again, and making a bubbling noise, as those do that are
drowning, attempted to speak, but could not. "What is that he is saying
now?" says Dudden. "Faith," says Donald, "he is calling for help; don't
you hear him? Stand about," said he, running back, "till I leap in. I
know how to do it better than any of you." Dudden, to have the advantage
of him, jumped in off the bank, and was drowned along with Hudden, and
this was the end of Hudden and Dudden.
[Footnote 69: A chap-book mentioned by Thackeray in his _Irish Sketch
Book_.]