I was introduced to, the places visited, and the hospitality and
amusement I received, it was enough to make me forget who I was. For
the month of May it was not so warm as I had known it in Scotland at
that time of the year. The eldest son had the charge of the
telegraph-office, and I had the inner workings explained to me.
I RETURN TO MY OLD HOME.
It was easy to get a train from Manchester to Scotland. I went in the
night train and had a nice sleeping compartment, through to Glasgow,
which I reached about 7 o'clock in the morning. I had been away for ten
years, but the place looked so familiar, except that they had tramcars
running all over the place. I got in one and was soon at Dr. Fargus'
house. A male attendant opened the door and told me that Mrs. Fargus was
at their summer house at the seaside. I asked for the daughter, and was
told that she was at home. She was a married lady now. I saw her and she
remembered me. I brought some wild flowers and shells for her mother
from the Cape. She was pleased and told me that they expected her mother
back that night. She asked me to stay, and so the first night in
Scotland I was in what seemed to me my old, old home. It was a rest
indeed.
Mrs. Fargus returned, and I had much to tell. My listeners looked
appalled; I saw tears in that dear lady's eyes, because of the
ungenerousness of my husband. They would have liked me to go back to
them again for all time, but I could not, however much I wished to do
so, and although it was indeed a home of gladness. I slept that night in
my same old bed. And the next day I went to see Mr. White, whom I had
letters for, at Mary Hill, with his sons. He was in a bank in Glasgow,
and he had a daughter in Adelaide. They had but one word to say--Would I
come there? They had no other daughter. How they came clinging close to
hear every word I could tell about their girl. There were three sons,
and they were in Scotch Volunteers and wore the kilts. In the evening
they brought a lot more in with kilts on to see a woman from Australia.
I had one letter sent there. It was from Captain Alstone not to let me
forget. I went then through the Slamannan, and after travelling about so
much it did not seem far. For a time the rush of memories was awful. I
got into the old identical train with a ticket for Slamannan. I cried
all the way. I got there early in the afternoon. I could see no one whom
I knew when I got out at the station, and I walked to the village. I saw
one man whom I knew, and I made myself known to him. He took me to his
home. His daughters and I were playmates as children. In walking along
with him I passed the house where we lived. The door was open, and I
could see the gooseberry bush that I had planted. I was not in Mr.
Boyd's house five minutes before there had gathered a crowd of the
people whom I used to know. Certainly I was the object of so much
eagerness and curiosity that it was a comedy. They said they came for
"auld lang syne." They questioned me as to whether I had seen Mr.
So-and-So, who had gone to Melbourne. And someone else who had gone to
Queensland. My brother-in-law's sister came and brought a large photo of
her brother's place near Geelong. I remembered the man before he went
there. They thought it strange I had not been to see him, as he was a
prosperous and a rich man.
In a way I wondered where the young man was who had for seven years
played so big a part in my life. So full of bitter memories was I that I
was thankful to learn that he had gone to Wales. I was glad I did not
see him. What would be the use? I shuddered at the thought. I was
neither a wife nor a maid; I was nothing. It was a hard fate; yet I
loved my own husband. He was so far from me and was lost for ever.
My visit to Slamannan was almost too much for me. I found many kind
friends to take me here and there till I was utterly weary. I spent
nearly all my time out of doors. As I stood again amongst the wild
heather for the time it seemed unreal and dreamlike.
After two weeks had passed I received a telegram, telling me to be in
London on a certain date. I knew where the ship was at anchor. So I only
stopped one more day in Glasgow and got back by train to London. On
board the City of Adelaide there were a good many passengers returning,
but I did not in any way have to attend or do any act of waiting, except
on the lady and her little boy. I had a nice cabin to myself and every
comfort, beside a free passage for my services. The vessel was a few
days in the London docks, and I stopped on the ship with the lady. I saw
more of London than I had ever thought of seeing, with the captain and
his wife. They took me with them, and they were very good to me. We all
went to a market one afternoon; and, just think of it, I saw the tops of
turnips sold at 4d. a pound. And as to the meat, I will leave that.
I felt by the movement one morning while in bed that once again we were
passing through the Thames. How gently those sailing vessels seem to go
along if the wind is favorable, but the City of Adelaide began to roll
about soon after leaving the river. There were more rough seas in her
than when I was in the South Australian. There was no note of calling
anywhere en route. The lady was a good sailor and they had a nice piano
on board, which the lady played and the captain sang. The captain and
his wife practised with firearms on the poop at night. She seemed to
enjoy it; they asked me if I would like to use the gun and try, so that
if a mutiny should rise amongst the seamen there would be us three with
pistols. I would not, and I could not. Thanks be to goodness they were
never wanted. I did not know what to think at the time, but afterwards I
thought that they were merely joking with me and never thought any
mutiny would rise. All went on so evenly with nothing but the glittering
sea about that I loved so well.
I had no time to write much. The little boy's name was Roland, and he
and I were great friends. We went all over the ship, and knew all the
sails by name. To hear Roland calling out to the men to "let go" this or
that made everyone laugh. There was a family returning to Adelaide, and
one of their sons died when about half-way through the voyage. It was
very sorrowful, for it came so suddenly. I knew the people. There was a
medical man on board, which made us feel grateful. So the days slipped
by. The captain said we were rounding Cape Horn, and anyway the ship got
into a regular shoal of whales. It was awful, for wherever you looked
you would see those horrid monsters. It was a nice calm morning, and I
had Roland in my arms. He was in high glee, and started to make a
hissing noise like them as they sent up jets of water, and the ship
shook. When the captain got his gun and began shooting at them we were
afraid of what they might do after being shot at. So much of them was
under the water that the shots might not have the desired effect of
killing them. I never knew if any were killed or not, but how thankful I
felt when they left off firing. The nearness of the whales dazed us.
Everyone said it was out of the common to see so many. There was only
the sky above and the waters around, while we were in what was like an
island of whales. There was a sense of gratitude when I felt the ship
glide gently away and leave those animals behind in a cluster. Roland
kept the memory up all through the homeward journey. He never tired of
showing what the whales did. The ship did not call in anywhere all the
voyage, but from the birds we saw there must have been land near at the
time.
The young doctor's name was Clark. He was coming to Adelaide to
practice. Someone told him I had been in South Australia, and he got
chatting with me about the health of the people and the effect of the
climate. I told him I had been in South Australia for ten years, and
that it had cost me nothing for medicine in all that time, and that I
had never to consult a doctor. He said he hoped that there were not many
more like me in Adelaide, or he would have to go back. I learnt the name
of the place he went to, but I have forgotten it. He shot a large bird
and gave the skin to me. I had it made into a muff, and it is as good
to-day as it was at first.
All the talk was concerning the time when the ship would be in port.
Needless to say I had nothing hopeful to remember, and I knew there
would be little pleasure to have, as all had changed. Life had now no
allurements for me, and the outside world no temptations. I could not
help these feelings as the City of Adelaide was towed into Port
Adelaide.
I REACH ADELAIDE AGAIN.
It was night, and I thought I would stop on board all night, but the
friends who gave me the letters to Manchester came on the ship to see me
and had my luggage taken to their place. I was glad, as Mrs. Alstone was
going to some friends. I sent word to my people where they would find me
in the morning. My few relatives were by my side when I awoke in the
morning, and seeing how happy they were I forgot my own sorrow. I knew
that life had once more its depths that not even the nearest could
sound. It would not bear thinking about. It was only to be borne. I felt
I must work, although I did not think I would begin that day, but I did.
Before I got out of the train at the Adelaide station the gentleman who
had the management of the club at the port where I lived up to the time
I went as stewardess came to me and said he was in trouble for the want
of someone to help at a banquet at the Semaphore. He had been to
Adelaide and could not find any skilful help. Would I come back with
him, he said; and I did; and let my friends take care of my belongings.
I had really done no work of that kind all the time I was away, and
after three months on the rolling ship it was so strange to find
everything firm under my foot. Both this gentleman and his dear wife
were friends to me through after years.
So I began work the first day I came back, and I have had to stick to it
ever since. Sometimes I have been in actual need of money. I had always
lent a helping hand in the years gone by, and sometimes those I wanted
to help did not seem to have the energy they might have had. What
knowledge I had gained I have paid a high price for, and I must confess
that the kindly appreciation that I have received from people of the
highest culture has often given me joy. If I could not get the kind of
place I wanted I determined to take anything to keep me going. A
position as cook at the Adelaide Hospital was offered to me. A
woman-cook could do the work then, and I went at good wages. I liked it
all right, except that it was so depressing. I saw too much of
sufferings, for I went all about the wards, and if anyone was brought in
whom I knew, whether it was fever or anything else, when I could get
the chance I would go and see them. If I was caught by the doctors I
would be severely reproved.
There were no indications that the broken pieces of my life as a wife
would be mended. Still a castaway, I went and saw my husband. He did not
want me. He lived with his aunt, and his cousin was there too. If a
husband is one to protect you, to watch over and defend and love you; if
such be a husband, then I have never known what it is to have one. For
me there was only solitude and bitter anguish, and yet nobody must be
made acquainted with the fact. I must put on a smiling face and go
wherever I might so long as I did not come in where I was not wanted. I
was not afraid of misery, but only of sin. I would not do anything
wrong, and I wanted to know how to do right when others do me a wrong. I
determined that I would try and get through life without reproach or any
stain on my reputation, and make the most of what I knew. I had lessons
on one thing and another. I liked to be dainty in my home and person and
dress, as well as I could in every detail. I am fond, too, of being a
good housekeeper. My employers spoilt me and often made a friend of me.
Some are here still who remember that I had the kind regard both of the
doctors and the nurses, as well as of the patients at the Adelaide
Hospital. They liked the way I did their food. It looked a big thing for
me to take in hand; but it was not so heavy as some would think, there
being three men in the kitchen to do all the cleaning. I had not a heavy
thing to lift. The only drawback was that the floor were stone and so
hard to stand on. The place has been much built upon since then, and is
so changed in the manner of employment in the office. When I pass the
place now all comes back to me so plain. In particular one night stands
out. I always left a jet of gas burning in my room. Once a woman patient
came in with her clothing tied up in a bundle and asked me if I would
come with her to catch the train. I could see that she was off her head,
so I quietly dressed and got the night-nurse. How she got on afterwards
I never knew. There are some things which I shall never forget. I became
accustomed to the situation and stopped at the hospital for some time.
It did not matter where I was in my tangled affairs.
I wrote to my brother-in-law's brother in Geelong and told him about my
visit to his relatives in Slamannan, and I made known to him that I
would like to see his nice place in Geelong, and his wife and family,
for they had twelve children. So he wrote and told me he would come to
Adelaide and bring one of his daughters with him, and take me back with
them to Geelong. Before they came I had got the position of housekeeper
at Messrs. J. Miller Anderson & Co.'s in Hindley-street, and for more
than two years everything went on smoothly. How delightful it would have
been except for some things I saw and heard. The Theatre Royal was so
close that I could see the cast of characters from my bedroom window at
night. There were more than a hundred assistants to provide for, but
only twelve for breakfast. I had a girl to help. The sweet memory of
those times remains. How earnest everyone was to make me happy. My
employers did not know that I was a discarded wife till I was there for
over two years. It was more to my taste than the Adelaide Hospital,
there being always something amusing to divert me. On more than one
occasion people have come into my sitting-room to enquire the way back
to the theatre. They got out in the right-of-way and got lost.
My friend and his daughter came from Geelong. It was a break for me, and
he was glad to learn something of the old home. I promised that I would
go to his place when I left Hindley-street, for it was rumored that the
place used as dining-rooms and for sleeping purposes would have to be
taken into the business premises. Then, as in all the other business
houses, the assistants would have to dine out. How I would like to give
a full account of those times. I was sorry and reluctant to say a last
good-bye. They all gathered together and gave me a generous present.
Then I went to Mr. MacHarry's place at Lara, near Geelong. I thought if
I liked it there I would try and get something to do. They were just
building the railway to that part then. I went by steamer, and Mr.
MacHarry came to Melbourne to meet me. His house looked a nest of
comfort I could see as we drew near. It was part farmhouse, and I was
perfectly at home with the hostess and her family at once. Both the
daughters and the sons had horses, and could ride and drive. Not only
that, but those girls could make their own bread and play the piano and
sing. So I had entertainers, and such lovely home-made bread. The You
Yangs Mountains were near. If I could have got to the top what a sight
it would have been. I did not care much for Geelong. It was all so
quiet, and I could see nothing to suit me, so that question was settled.
Those friends showed to me all the places of interest, and, in
particular, all the mills where blankets and other woollens and tweeds
were made. Mr. MacHarry was one of the town councillors, and no stranger
wherever he went. It was quite right about him being a rich man. He made
money by lime-burning. I have been there since by rail, and it is a nice
place. You can go fishing or shooting so close to Geelong and Melbourne.
There was only one thing to be said, and that concerns the
impossibility of breaking away from my relationships. The time came when
I could not bear to think that John should think them beneath him. What
was in himself that he was entitled to scorn my poor relations? Everyone
may not have the marvellous gifts that some think they have, but, at
least, we are human beings with our own necessities and demands no less
important than those of such marvellous persons. That is why we must
remember our obligations.
HOUSEKEEPER AT GOVERNMENT HOUSE.
Before I came back from Geelong I learned that they wanted a housekeeper
at the Government House, Adelaide. I was advised to apply for the
position. The Frenchman who was chef there when I was there told me that
I knew enough for the position. It would be open for a month, and I put
my name down amongst a long list of others, and sent in my testimonials
even to that of being a stewardess and lady's maid. They sent for me,
and I told them that I was there before, only as a young girl to do as I
was told. I did not think I would be competent, but I promised to try
for a month, and said that I would like to have some skilled help for
all the large public functions. I knew so well what Government House was
in festive times. We were at Marble Hill when my month was up. They were
satisfied, and told me I could consider myself permanently employed if
agreeable to me.
It would not do for me to attempt to describe the sayings and doings of
that big house. I had to be in evidence at all times both to see and to
speak to distinguished visitors, and often eminent celebrities. I did
not find the work hard, but there was plenty of brain worry. After I had
been there a year and a half the Governor and the lady, too, thought I
was capable to arrange for all the banquets and large parties by myself.
It was overpowering sometimes because of the late nights and the want of
sleep. To cater for a thousand at one time meant a lot of consideration.
I have known a hundred for dinner. I had been at work all the time and
seldom ever went out. Government House had none too many appliances for
those big affairs. They have had both a duchess and also a countess
there when they were staying on a visit. They would come and see the
kitchen. One grand lady said that her cook could not do like that with
such appliances. I could see by the way the lady spoke that someone
wanted my position, and I thought it was like my fate. There was always
someone wanted whatever I had. So I left Government House, but not in
bad friends. I think they were doubtful whether the person would suit.
They asked if I would come back if my successor did not do things
rightly. I forget what I said, but I felt cross.
I went to see a gentleman and lady who had the management of the Largs
Pier Hotel. It was Mr. Hixon. I had lived with them at the Port Adelaide
Club before I went to England. Mrs. Hixon was not very well, and they
asked me if I would come as housekeeper. I admit that I rather liked the
idea of going there. It was a large hotel, and I would have to see to a
number of employes, to engage them or dismiss them, as the case may be.
I had found Mr. and Mrs. Hixon in past years straight and upright and
sincere. I felt at home with them. I was not long at my new duties
before I received word from Government House that the person who
succeeded me did not know enough for them there. I did not go back, as I
was very comfortable where I was, and Mr. and Mrs. Hixon had the
greatest confidence in me. It was a change and the sea was near, so that
we often went out for a sail in one of the many boats available for us
on the jetty.
I RETURN TO MY HUSBAND.
Two or three times while I was at Government House I had seen my
husband, and had learned that the woman who rightly or wrongly had come
between us had gone back to her own people. One day someone came and
told me that John had gone to America. It upset all I was doing. It was
nearly ten years since I had become his wife. I did not know what to
think sometimes. It required some forgiving and forgetting, but if he
were in any trouble I am quite sure I would go to him. Guess my
astonishment when one evening a maid came to my room and said there was
a gentleman who wanted to see me. It was an unusual incident for any
gentleman to look for me in my own quarters, so I came and saw my
husband coming towards me. I hurried forward to meet him as if we had
never parted. He pleaded to let bygones be bygones, and come and live
with him. A feeling of reassurance and content took possession of me,
and I began to cherish hopes of happiness yet. I had often said to
myself, "How can I live in this world alone?"
In the morning I told Mr. Hixon that I was going home to my husband.
They were too humane to say no to me, so in a week's time I was with
John in a wee house in Childers-street, North Adelaide. The house had
only two rooms, and was back from the street. I hoped we would be able
to get something better some day. One of Professor Tate's daughters was
about to be married, and came one day and asked me if I would prepare a
wedding feast in Buxton-street. I did so. The ladies who saw me do that
work then for the first time in my life enquired if I would give lessons
on cookery. Mrs. Tate gave the use of her kitchen and stove, and my
first students were there. Soon I found myself with more employment than
I could manage in helping families in their own homes when they had
company. There was still dissatisfaction with the person who went to my
place at Government House, and I was sent for to see if I would come
back. They had changed more than once since I left. I did not know what
to do, but I promised her ladyship before she went back to England that
I would go to the Government House in case of emergency while she was
gone. The Governor was in the room at the time, and he must have thought
that I said I would come back permanently. He went away to some of the
other colonies and sent a telegram to me to say that he would expect me
to take charge as housekeeper when he came back. I was to send an answer
yes or no. I thought that I would go in and out daily, and that I could
still keep on our little home, and that I could explain everything when
I could see Sir William. I sent word, "Yes," and when he came back I was
sent for. Nothing would do, however, except for me to come in the house.
I asked him what was to happen to my husband, and he said, "Let him come
here too. There are plenty of rooms." He added that my husband could
live there because of my services, and it would make no difference in my
payment. So I went to where my husband was working and told him. He did
not seem over-pleased at the idea of living at Government House, but we
both thought it would not be for long, so we put our things in some
friend's place and we both went into the house. That was the third time
I had been there to live, and it did not seem strange to me.
There being no restraint on my husband we had nothing to complain of. He
had a nice large room, where he had meetings in his capacity as
secretary of the Rechabites, and he had his auditors there time after
time just as if he were in his own home. We lived there for more than
two years. My husband's work was in the city just close by. I never had
any time to join any of those societies. No one could be less dependent
on outward society than I was. I could enjoy it, but I never craved
after it, as it was not necessary for my very existence. I had to give
all and expect nothing. Still, I think that every individual has a right
to some festivity, even if he does not belong to some sisterhood or
brotherhood.
The lady did not come back as soon as I had hoped she would, and Sir
William was restless. He was no sooner at Marble Hill than he would take
it in his head to be off to the Bay or somewhere else. I was all the
time rushing about with maids and men. I got weary of it, and gave a
month's intimation that I would like to leave if he could get someone in
my place. So my husband and I set about to look for a house, and decided
on the one in which I live. It was in a very unfinished state, and I
helped my husband to put it in order. We worked hard to make it a
comfortable home, which I thought was for both of us. I knew I could be
helpful. I went out to work wherever I could as a professional cook, and
had a ladies' class in the house. Then there was an advertisement for
someone to teach cookery at the School of Mines. I got that office, and
was there for 14 years as cookery instructress. In spite of the past I
worked on with pleasure, looking forward to that future which has never
come.