HOW MR. JINKS DETERMINED TO SPARE VERTY.
Ralph stretched himself.
Mr. Jinks sipped his rum, and ruminated.
Ralph was smiling; Mr. Jinks scowling, and evidently busy with great
thoughts, which caused his brows to corrugate into hostile frowns.
It was the room of Mr. Jinks, in Bousch's tavern, which saw the
companions seated thus opposite to each other--the time, after
breakfast; the aim of the parties, discussion upon any or every topic.
Mr. Jinks was clad in his habitual costume: half dandy, half
_militaire_; and when he moved, his great sword rattled against his
grasshopper legs in a way terrifying to hear.
Ralph, richly dressed as usual, and reclining in his chair, smiled
lazily, and looked at the scowling Mr. Jinks. The apartment in which
the worthies were seated was one possessing the advantages of dormer
windows, and an extensive prospect over the roofs of Winchester; the
furniture was rough; and in the corner a simple couch stood, whereon
Mr. Jinks reposed himself at night.
While the various events which we have lately adverted to have been
occurring, Mr. Jinks has not forgotten that triple and grand revenge
he swore.
Mr. Jinks has un-christian feelings against three persons, for three
reasons:
First, against Verty: the cause being that gentleman's defiance and
disregard of himself on various occasions; also his rivalry in love.
Second, against Miss Sallianna: beautiful and perfidious; the cause:
slights put on his youthful love.
Third, against O'Brallaghan; the cause: impudence on various
occasions, and slanderous reports relating to cabbaged cloth since the
period of their dissolving all connection with each other.
Mr. Jinks has revolved, in the depths of his gloomy soul, these
darling projects, and has, perforce of his grand faculty of invention,
determined upon his course in two out of the three affairs.
Verty annoys him, however. Mr. Jinks has ceased to think of a brutal,
ignoble contest with vulgar fists or weapons ever since the muzzle of
Verty's rifle invaded his ruffles on the morning of his woes. He would
have a revenge worthy of himself--certain, complete, and above all,
quite safe. Mr. Jinks would wile the affections of Miss Redbud from
him, fixing the said affections on himself; but that is not possible,
since the young lady in question has gone home, and Apple Orchard is
too far to walk. Still Mr. Jinks does not despair of doing something;
and this something is what he seeks and ruminates upon, as the mixed
rum and water glides down his throat.
Ralph yawns, laughs, and kicks his heels.
Then he rises; goes to the mantel-piece and gets a pipe; and begins to
smoke--lazier than ever.
Mr. Jinks sets down his cup, and murmurs.
"Hey!" cries Ralph, sending out a cloud of smoke, "what are you
groaning about, my dear fellow?"
"I want money," says Mr. Jinks.
"For what?"
"To buy a horse."
"A horse?"
Mr. Jinks nods.
"What do you want with a horse?"
"Revenge," replies Mr. Jinks.
Ralph begins to laugh.
"Oh, yes," he says, "we spoke of that; against Sallianna. I'll assist
you, my boy. The fact is, I have caught the infection of a friend's
sentiments on Sallianna the divine. I have a cousin who abominates
her. I'll assist you!"
"No; that affair is arranged," says Mr. Jinks, with gloomy pleasure;
"that will give me no trouble. That young man Verty is the enemy I
allude to. I want revenge."
And Mr. Jinks rattled his sword.
Ralph looked with a mischievous expression at his friend.
"But I say," he observed, "how would a horse come in there? Do you
want to run a-tilt against Sir Verty, eh? That is characteristic of
you, Jinks!"
"No," says Mr. Jinks, "I have other designs."
"What are they?"
"You are reliable!"
"Reliable! I should say I was! Come, make me your confidant."
Mr. Jinks complies with this request, and details his plans against
Verty and Redbud's happiness. He would ride to Apple Orchard, and win
his rival's sweetheart's affections; then laugh "triumphantly with
glee." That is Mr. Jinks' idea.
Ralph thinks it not feasible, and suggests a total abandonment of
revengeful feelings toward Verty.
"Suppose I sent him a cartel, then," says Mr. Jinks, after a pause.
"A cartel?"
"Yes; something like this."
And taking a preparatory gulp of the rum, Mr. Jinks continues:
"Suppose I write these words to him: 'A. Jinks, Esq., presents his
compliments to ---- Verty, Esq., and requests to be informed at what
hour Mr. Verty will attend in front of Bousch's tavern, for the
purpose of having himself exterminated and killed? How would that do?"
Ralph chokes down a laugh, and, pretending to regard Mr. Jinks with
deep admiration, says:
"An excellent plan--very excellent."
"You think so?" says his companion, dubiously.
"Yes, yes; you should, however, be prepared for one thing."
"What is that?"
"Mr. Verty's reply."
"What would that be, sir? He is not a rash young man, I believe?"
"No--just the contrary. His reply would be courteous and cool."
"Ah?"
"He would write under your letter, demanding at what hour you should
kill him--'ten,' or 'twelve,' or 'four in the afternoon'--at which
time he would come and proceed to bloodshed."
"Bloodshed?"
"Yes; he's a real Indian devil, although he looks mild, my clear
fellow. If you are going to send the cartel, you might as well do so
at once."
"No--no--I will think of it," replies Mr. Jinks; "I will spare him a
little longer. There is no necessity for hurry. A plenty of time!"
And Mr. Jinks clears his throat, and for the present abandons thoughts
of revenge on Verty.
Ralph sees the change of sentiment, and laughs.
"Well," he says, "there is something else on your mind, Jinks, my boy;
what is it? No more revenge?"
"Yes!"
"Against whom, you epitome of Italian hatred."
Mr. Jinks frowns, and says:
"Against O'Brallaghan!"
"No!" cries Ralph.
"Yes, sir."
"I, myself, hate that man!"
"Then we can assist each other."
"Yes--yes."
"We can make it nice, and good, and fine," says Mr. Jinks, smacking
his lips over the rum, as if he was imbibing liquid vengeance, and was
pleased with the flavor.
"No!" cries Ralph again.
"Yes!" says Mr. Jinks.
"Revenge, nice and good?"
"Supreme!"
"How?"
"Listen!"
"Stop a moment, my dear fellow," said Ralph; "don't be hasty."
And, rising, Ralph went to the door, opened it, and looked out
cautiously, after which, he closed it, and turned the key in the lock;
then he went to the fire-place, and looked up the chimney with a
solemn air of precaution, which was very striking. Then he returned
and took his seat, and with various gurglings of a mysterious nature
in his throat, said:
"You have a communication to make, Jinks?"
"I have, sir."
"In relation to revenge."
"Yes."
"Then go on, old fellow; the time is propitious--I am listening."
And Ralph looked attentively at Mr. Jinks.