"It is more dangerous to be a baby in London than a soldier in France,"
said Mrs. H. B. IRVING at the National Baby Week Exhibition. The same
disability--namely, middle-age--has prevented us from taking up either
of these perilous _rôles_.
***
L.C.C. tram-tickets, says a news item, are now thinner. Other means of
increasing the space available for passengers are also under
consideration.
***
Over one thousand penny dreadfuls were found in the possession of a boy
of sixteen who was sentenced to three months' imprisonment for theft.
The commonplace nature of the sentence has disgusted the lad.
***
The report that Mr. CHARLES CHAPLIN had signed a contract to serve in
the British Army at 1s. 1d. a day is denied.
***
As an outcome of Baby Week the Anti-Comforter League has been formed.
The suggestion that Mr. HOGGE, M.P., would make an admirable first
President has not been followed up.
***
Humanitarians who have been urging the Government not to stain its hands
with the more painful forms of reprisal, have received a nasty shock. A
German spy has been arrested in London!
***
The rubber cushions of billiard tables are now being taken by the German
military authorities. Meanwhile the enemy Press continues to take its
cue from HINDENBURG.
***
A notorious Petrograd anarchist is reported to be ill, and has been
ordered to take a complete rest by his doctor. He has therefore decided
not to throw any bombs for awhile at least.
***
Further evidence of the Eastern talent for adopting Western ideas and
improving on them comes from China, where the EX-EMPEROR HSUAN TUNG has
celebrated Baby Week by issuing a decree announcing his return to the
Throne.
***
"The only plumber, electrician, hot-water-fitter, gas-fitter,
bell-hanger, zinc-worker, blacksmith and locksmith we have left"--such
was an employer's description of a C1 workman. We understand that the
War Office will mobilise him as a special corps as soon as they can
think of a sufficiently comprehensive title for him.
***
Several milkmen have reduced their prices from sixpence to fivepence.
Other good results from the timely rains are expected.
***
A miner, fined one pound for wasting bread, was said to have thrown his
dinner--a mutton chop, onion sauce, and two slices of bread--on the fire
because he could not have potatoes. There is a strong feeling that the
Censor should prohibit publication of these glaring cases of hardship on
the ground that they are likely to encourage the Germans to prolong the
War.
***
Large quantities of food have been carried off by a burglar from several
houses in the Heathfield district. Knowing our War bread, we are
confident that it did not give in without a struggle.
***
We are sorry to find _The Globe_ making playful reference to the many
postponements of certain music-hall revues. Mr. Justice DARLING will
agree that these things cannot be postponed too often.
***
"How can I distinguish poisonous from edible fungi?" asks a correspondent
of _The Daily Mail_. The most satisfactory test is to look for them. If
you find them they are likely to be poisonous. If they have been already
gathered they were probably edible.
***
It is now admitted that the conscientious objectors undergoing sentence
at Dartmoor are allowed to have week-ends occasionally. This concession,
it appears, had to be granted as several of them threatened to leave the
place.
***
The pessimists who maintain that this will be a long war are feeling
pretty cheap just now. An American scientific journal declares that the
world can only last another fifteen million years.
***
Roughly speaking, says a weekly paper, there is a policeman for every
sixteen square miles. This gives them plenty of room to turn round in.
***
It is reported that ex-KING CONSTANTINO is to receive £20,000 a year
unemployment benefit.
***
We have heard so little of the Hidden Hand this past week or so that we
are tempted to ask whether it is suffering from writer's cramp.
***
It is reported that three large jam factories have been commandeered by
the Military. A soldier writes to ask whether it is proposed to include
jam in the list of field punishments.
***
"Justices cannot guarantee results to litigants in advance," said the
Willesden magistrate recently. Not without trespassing on the privileges
of the Bar.
***
As a demonstration of allegiance to their country's cause the Apaches of
Northern America are to hold a great "Devil Dance" in Arizona. It only
needed this to convince us that all was well with America.
***
A flask of wine of the year A.D. 17, found in a Roman tomb in Bavaria,
is said to be the oldest extant vintage. It antedates Sir FREDERICK
BANBURY'S brand of Toryism by several years.
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE FOP.
_Looker-on_. "WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE NEXT, CLARENCE,--ELECTRIC
SHAMPOO OR FACE MANICURED?"]
* * * * *
"Mrs. ----, who has just entered her 192nd year, reads without
glasses, writes to her grandchildren fighting abroad, and knits
articles for King George's Military Hospital."--_Daily Express
(Dublin)_.
Those grandchildren must be getting a little old for active service.
* * * * *