"What's the good of knowing you've got a silver ink-pot, or a
tea-kettle, or a cellaret full of whisky at home, when you're perishing
for a wholesome drink on the field?"
And Barrington said that was petty, and so did Thwaites. They seemed to
think that the remembrance of our testimonial safe at home would carry
Hutchings safely through all the horrors of the campaign.
It turned out that I had rather touched up Barrington, for he had
actually been thinking about a silver ink-pot, and Thwaites had been
thinking about a cellaret with three bottles of various spirits; but I
told them flatly I didn't agree with them. Then they asked Sutherland
his idea, and he said it wasn't so much what we should like as what
Hutchings would.
He said:
"Perhaps a very fine meerschaum pipe, mounted in silver with an
inscription, would do, because there you have a creature comfort of the
first class and also a testimonial which would not wear out. And a pipe
would be far more to Hutchings, either in war or peace, than an ink-pot,
or, in fact, anything of that sort."
And Rice said:
"Why not get the man a sword? He could use it in the War, and, if all
went well, he could hang it up in his home afterwards; and if there was
blood on it, then he'd have great additional pleasure every time he
looked at it. And so would his family."
Barrington rather liked the sword; but he said classy swords were
frightfully expensive, and he doubted whether we should run to it. Then
the committee broke up, to meet again when we found how the
subscriptions came in.
Unfortunately, this department of the testimonial was very slow.
Mitchell, with great trouble, wrote out a list of the whole school, and
was allowed to put it on the notice-board. Class by class he wrote
it--one hundred and thirty-two boys he wrote--with money columns and a
line leading from each boy to the money column. On it, in large
ornamental letters, Nicholson, who was a dab at printing, put the
words--
TESTIMONIAL FUND TO LIEUTENANT
HUTCHINGS, FROM MERIVALE SCHOOL.
Then we all waited breathlessly for the result in the money column.
There was some delay, because everybody, of course, wrote home on the
subject and mentioned it in the next Sunday's letters; and we pointed
out to the kids that a good and useful thing to write home about, and
something at least to fill two pages, would be the Hutchings
testimonial. Whether they made the appeal or not, of course, none could
tell, but if they did, the response was fearfully feeble. When
questioned, they said that their people at home had done such a
frightful lot for the War already that further cash for Hutchings was
out of the question; while other parents wrote back, not that they had
done much for the War, but that the War had done much for them in a very
unfavourable manner. The result was apparently the same in each case,
and the Lower School, all except Peterson in the Third, responded very
badly to the appeal. He produced ten bob, much to our amazement, and
there was one other ten bob, secured by Abbott through his mother,
because his father was at the Front and still unwounded. As for the
Sixth, who headed the list, we all gave three bob to a man, except
Barrington, who gave five. The Fifth came out at about one and tenpence
a head, which was fair, without being particularly dazzling; but the
Fourth fell away a good deal. And after that there was a hideous array
of blanks.
Mitchell said it was probably owing to the utter failure of the
dividends of the parents of the Lower School; and as we could not
apparently make bricks without straw, we considered how to tackle the
Lower School. There is no doubt the failure was genuine, for many of
them had even their pocket-money reduced; so Pegram--who had only
subscribed a shilling himself, by the way--proposed that the kids should
be invited to give property instead of cash.
He said:
"If they all yield up something they value, we can collect the goods in
a mass and have a sale, and the proceeds of the sale can go to the
Hutchings Testimonial."
The committee approved of this, excepting Thwaites, who thought nothing
of it; but when asked to give his objections, he merely said:
"Wait and see."
Which we did do, and found that Thwaites was wonderfully right, and had
looked on ahead much farther than us. The kids agreed willingly to
subscribe in goods, and were only too delighted to do so; but when it
came to the point, the goods of the kids proved utterly worthless in the
open market. It was a revelation, in a sort of a way, to see the things
the kids valued and honestly thought were worth money. In fact, Preston
said it was pathetic, and Pegram said we had a good foundation for a
rubbish heap, but nothing more. They brought string and screws and
nails, also the glass marbles from a certain make of ginger-beer bottle,
and knives fearfully out of order, and corkscrews, and padlocks without
keys, and a few threadbare story books, and three copies of _Hymns
Ancient and Modern_, and two old horseshoes, and catapults and bullets
and shot and charms. They also brought three steel watch-chains and one
leather one; and Percy Minimus offered a watch-chain made from his
mother's hair, so he said; but nobody bid for it, naturally, for who on
earth wants a watch-chain made out of somebody else's mother's hair?
There was also a bottle imp, fourteen indiarubber balls and seven golf
balls--all worn out--two kids' cricket bats unspliced, three pairs of
tan gloves--new but small--and one pair of wool ones, eight neckties,
not new, and a silk handkerchief, given to Tudor in case he had a cold
in his head, but not required up till now, and therefore new. Among
other items was half a packet of Sanatogen, also from Tudor, a box of
chocolate cigarettes, several conjuring tricks, mostly out of order, and
three guinea-pigs alive. Of other live things were included a white
rat, with pink eyes and a hairless, pinkish tail, and a dormouse, which
Mathers said was hibernating, though Mitchell thought was dead. It
proved alive, on applying warmth, and fetched fivepence. Lastly, there
was a chrysalis, into which a remarkable caterpillar, found by Hastings
on the twenty-first of last September, had turned; and as nobody knew
the species of moth to be presently produced by it, Hastings thought it
worth money, and put a reserve of two-pence on it. But the chrysalis
was long overdue, and so it did not reach the reserve; and so Hastings,
who was still hopeful, bought it back for that sum. As a matter of
fact, it never turned into anything, and was found to be quite hollow
when examined.
There was a good deal of other trash hardly worth mentioning, and many
lots at the sale did not produce any offer at all, let alone
competition; and the owners of these lots thankfully got them back
again, though, of course, sorry that they commanded no market value.
And some kids were much surprised to find their rubbish had no value at
all in the eyes of the larger world, so to speak.
One way and another, the sale realized eight shillings and fourpence,
chiefly owing to the generosity of Rice, who gave the absurd sum of two
shillings for the guinea-pigs, which were not even the chrysanthemum
variety of pig, with wild and tousled hair, but just sleek, ordinary
pigs, and known to be far past their prime. One, in fact, had a bald
head.
The Hutchings Testimonial now stood at four pounds fourteen shillings
and sevenpence; and thanks to a windfall in the shape of five shillings
from Cornwallis, who had a birthday and got a pound for it, we were now
practically up to a fiver. In fact, I myself flung in the fivepence.
But we were far from satisfied, for, as Mitchell with his mathematical
mind pointed out, five pounds spread over one hundred and thirty-two
boys amounts to the rather contemptible smallness of ninepence and
one-eleventh a boy. We raised the question of inviting the masters to
come in, from Dr. Dunston downwards, and some fondly thought that
Dunston would very likely give another five pounds to double ours; but
Barrington said he had reason to fear this would not happen, because,
from rumours dropped between Brown and Fortescue, which he had
accidentally overheard while working in Fortescue's study, he believed
that a good many parents were putting the moratorium in force on the
Doctor; and Fortescue seemed to think that it was quite within human
possibility that the Doctor might put the moratorium in force on him and
Brown, with very grave results to their financial position. But Brown
said the moratorium was over long ago, and could not be revived against
them.
Then two things of considerable importance happened on the subject of
the Hutchings Testimonial. Firstly, we heard that Hutchings might come
to Merivale for a week or so before returning to his regiment; and,
secondly, Mitchell made a very interesting offer concerning the five
pounds now deposited with him. He said, very truly, that money breeds
money in skilled hands, and that no financier worthy of the name ever
lets his talent lie hid in a napkin, but far from it. He said to the
committee:
"It's like this. We are now a fortnight from the holidays, and the
holidays will be five weeks long. Five and two are seven, therefore it
follows that for seven weeks this five pounds is doing nothing whatever.
This would be untrue to the science of political economy and banking.
Therefore I propose that I send the five pounds to my father and ask him
to invest it in his business. My father, John Septimus Mitchell,
Esquire, is a member of the Stock Exchange of London, and would, no
doubt, very easily turn our five pounds into six, or even seven, in the
course of seven weeks. This would greatly increase the power of the
committee and the extent of the testimonial for Hutchings. And then, at
the beginning of next term, we shall be able to buy and present the
testimonial in person to Hutchings."
Well, knowing Mitchell, it was rather a delicate question in a way; but
what he said was sound finance, as Barrington admitted, and Barrington
himself felt thoroughly inclined to trust Mitchell. We went into a sort
of private committee, after Mitchell had gone, and though I and Thwaites
voted against, the majority was in favour of agreeing to the suggestion
of Mitchell. Therefore it was done.
Then Mitchell sent the five pounds to his father, and gave us the
cheering news that his father had received it and agreed to invest it at
interest; and Mitchell handed Barrington a document from his father to
show all was being rightly managed on the Stock Exchange about it. And
Barrington kept the document carefully, as it was legal, and had a penny
stamp on it.
We next returned to the question of the testimonial itself, and still
could not agree about it, though we were now able to argue on the basis
of seven pounds instead of five. We had agreed about a sword, but
unfortunately found, on inquiries, that a sword worthy to be called a
presentation sword would cost about fifty pounds, and ought to have
rubies and emeralds in the handle, which was, of course, out of the
question. Many things were suggested, but none, somehow, met the case,
and we fairly kicked ourselves to think that a committee like us were
such a lot of fatheads. And, of course, dozens of the chaps asked us
about it, and were rather surprised we couldn't think of the right
thing. Proposals were showered in, but all to no purpose, and the end
of the term actually arrived without anything being settled. It was
then agreed that we should all think hard about the form of the
testimonial during the holidays, and Barrington hoped that events at the
Front might develop and help us to hit on a happy idea. And we all
hoped so, too. As for Mitchell, he said that he thought very likely
Hutchings would rather have the money than anything else; but that was,
of course, what Mitchell himself would rather have had, though far below
the mind of a patriotic man like Hutchings. And Thwaites said rather
scornfully to Mitchell that no doubt he would rather have money than an
heirloom to hand down to the future generations; and Mitchell said that
he undoubtedly would, because money was out and away the best possible
sort of heirloom, and everybody knew it at heart, even though they might
pretend different.
Then the holidays took place, and the prizes were decidedly skimpy,
which was a disappointment to those who got them and a comfort to those
who didn't. Nothing of any consequence occurred to me during the
holidays, and I had no idea for Hutchings worth mentioning; and when we
all returned, we found the committee as a whole were in the same
position as before. There were many suggestions made, certainly, but
none that pleased the entire committee. Then a dreadful thing upset the
situation, and for three days the darkness of returning to school was
made darker still by a sensational rumour. Mitchell did not turn up on
the appointed afternoon, and it was whispered that he wasn't coming back
at all! Presently the whisper grew into a regular roar, so to speak,
and Brown announced the tremendous news that Mitchell had left
altogether, and might be going straight into his father's business of
being a stockbroker on the Stock Exchange, London.
To add to this, Hutchings was now staying at Merivale with the Doctor
for a few days before going back to the War, and he had already heard
about the testimonial, and was undoubtedly in a great state of
excitement about it. His wounds had taken an unexpectedly long time to
heal, but he was now quite ready for renewed activity at the Front, and
was, in fact, going back on the following Friday with other healed,
heroic men.
Our position had now become extremely grave, and we held a committee
meeting instantly, and Thwaites and I were in the position of the late
Lord Roberts when he clamoured for an army and couldn't get one, because
we had strongly advised that Mitchell should not be allowed to send the
money to his father; but the committee had outvoted us. I was dignified
myself, and did not remind the committee of my views; but Thwaites did,
and there was a good deal of bitterness in the remarks of the committee,
till Barrington reminded us of the legal document which we had preserved
with such care. He said that he was not in the least alarmed, and felt
sure that, whatever Mitchell might be, the father of Mitchell was a man
of honour, and would not risk his position on the Stock Exchange of
London for a paltry seven pounds.
So we wrote to the address on the legal document, stating the case and
saying politely, but firmly, that we expected the seven pounds by return
of post. We added that we trusted Mitchell's father implicitly, and
that as the matter was very urgent, owing to Mr. Hutchings being just
off again to the Front, we hoped that he would be so good as to give it
his personal attention the moment he received our letter. This we all
signed, to show how many people were interested and that it was a
serious affair.
For three very trying days we heard nothing, and the school was in a
fair uproar, and the committee got itself very much disliked. Then,
when we had decided to put the matter into the hands of Dr. Dunston,
Mitchell himself wrote to me and sent a cheque signed by his father.
But it was not for seven pounds, I regret to say. In fact, it was not
even for six. His wretched father had merely sent us back our five
pounds with sevenpence added! Mitchell explained that we had received
four per cent. for our money, and that he was sorry nothing better could
be done for the moment, owing to the Stock Exchange being very much
upset by the War. And he asked us for a stamped receipt for the money,
which we sent him in very satirical language, and said that no doubt his
father had made the two pounds himself. And we promised faithfully that
when we grew up and had dealings on the Stock Exchange of London, they
wouldn't be with Mitchell and his father. Barrington, by the way,
wouldn't sign this piece of satire, which was invented by Tracey. All
the same, we sent it, but Mitchell never answered it, and soon
afterwards he turned up again, having merely been ill and not going to
leave at all. Hutchings was going on the following Friday and something
had to be done at once. The committee, which was now fairly sick of the
sight of one another, met again--for the last time, I'm glad to say--and
the question being acute, as Thwaites said, we proposed and seconded
that a master, or two, should be invited to help us with ideas. Then I
thought of something still better, and suggested that we should simply
and straightforwardly go to Hutchings himself and ask him what he most
wanted in the nature of an heirloom that could be got for five pounds
and sevenpence; and everybody gladly seconded this idea, though, of
course, it was not so impressive as making a presentation with a few
dignified words and the whole school present, as we had meant to do.
However, we went to Hutchings, and he was much pleased, and said it was
ripping of us all, and promised, the morning before he went, to try and
get us a half-holiday as a memory of him. This was good, but still
better was the great ease with which Hutchings decided what he wanted.
He said:
"I'll tell you what I'll do. On my way through London to Dover I'll buy
a pair of field-glasses, and I'll have inscribed somewhere on them--
'To LIEUTENANT T. HUTCHINGS,
FROM MERIVALE SCHOOL.'"
We agreed gladly to this, and so did everybody, and several chaps, who
had suggested this very thing and been turned down, reminded us
afterwards.
At any rate, Hutchings got them, and wrote to Barrington, from a
direction he couldn't name, to say he'd got them, inscribed and all, and
that they were splendid glasses, and that we might picture him often
using them on the field, to mark the enemy's position or sweep the sky
for aeroplanes; which was very agreeable to us to hear, and showed all
our trouble was by no means in vain. And, in return, we wrote to
Hutchings and told him we were very pleased to know about the glasses,
and were glad to inform him that we had got the half-holiday, and that
though it unfortunately poured without ceasing all the time, it was
quite successful in every other way.