DR. ADRIAAN
by
LOUIS COUPERUS
Translated by Alexander Teixeira de Mattos
New York
Dodd, Mead and Company
1918
TRANSLATOR'S NOTE
_Dr. Adriaan_ is the fourth and last of the volumes forming _The Books
of the Small Souls_. In it the reader renews his acquaintance with all
the characters that survive from _Small Souls, The Later Life_ and _The
Twilight of the Souls._
ALEXANDER TEIXEIRA DE MATTOS.
_Chelsea_, 30 March, 1918.
CHAPTER I
The afternoon sky was full of thick, dark clouds, drifting ponderously
grey over almost black violet: clouds so dark, heavy and thick that they
seemed to creep laboriously upon the east wind, for all that it was
blowing hard. In its breath the clouds now and again changed their
watery outline, before their time came to pour down in heavy straight
streaks of rain. The stiff pine-woods quivered, erect and anxious, along
the road; and the tops of the trees lost themselves in a silver-grey air
hardly lighter than the clouds and dissolving far and wide under all
that massive grey-violet and purple-black which seemed so close and low.
The road ran near and went winding past, lonely, deserted and sad. It
was as though it came winding out of low horizons and went on towards
low horizons, dipping humbly under very low skies, and only the
pine-trees still stood up, pointed, proud and straight, when everything
else was stooping. The modest villa-residence, the smaller poor
dwellings here and there stooped under the heavy sky and the gusty wind;
the shrubs dipped along the road-side; and the few people who went
along--an old gentleman; a peasant-woman; two poor children carrying a
basket and followed by a melancholy, big, rough-coated dog--seemed to
hang their heads low under the solemn weight of the clouds and the
fierce mastery of the wind, which had months ago blown the smile from
the now humble, frowning, pensive landscape. The soul of that landscape
appeared small and all forlorn in the watery mists of the dreary
winter.
The wind came howling along, chill and cold, like an angry spite that
was all mouth and breath; and Adeletje, hanging on her aunt's arm,
huddled into herself, for the wind blew chill in her sleeves and on her
back.
"Are you cold, dear?"
"No, Auntie," said Adeletje, softly, shivering.
Constance smiled and pressed Adeletje's arm close to her:
"Let's walk a little faster, dear. It'll warm you; and, besides, I'm
afraid it's going to rain. It's quite a long way to the old lady's and
back again.... I fear I've tired you."
"No, Auntie."
"You see, I didn't want to take the carriage. This way, we do the thing
by ourselves; and otherwise everybody would know of it at once. And you
must promise me not to talk about it."
"No, Auntie, I won't."
"Not to anybody. Otherwise there'll be all sorts of remarks; and it's no
concern of other people's what we do."
"The poor old thing was very happy, Auntie. The beef-tea and the wine
and chicken...."
"Poor little old woman...."
"And so well-mannered. And so discreet.... Auntie, will Addie be back
soon?"
"He's sure to telegraph."
"It's _very_ nice of him to take such pains for Alex. We all of us give
Addie a lot of trouble.... When do you think he'll come back?"
"I don't know; to-morrow, or the next day...."
"Auntie, you've been very fidgety lately."
"My dear, I haven't."
"Yes, you have.... Tell me, has anything happened with Mathilde? Has
there?"
"No, child.... But do keep your little mouth shut now. I'm frightened,
the wind's so cold."
They walked on in silence, Adeletje accommodating her step by Aunt
Constance' regular pace. Constance was a good walker; and Addie always
said that, leading the outdoor life she did, Mama grew no older. They
had now been living for ten years at Driebergen, in the big, old, gloomy
house, which seemed to be lighted only by themselves, by their affection
for one another, but which Constance had never brought herself to like,
hard though she tried. Ten years! How often, oh, how often she saw them
speed before her in retrospect!... Ten years: was it really ten years?
How quickly they had passed! They had been full and busy years; and
Constance was satisfied with the years that had fleeted by, only she was
distressed that it all went so fast and that she would be old before....
But the wind was blowing too fiercely and Adeletje was hanging heavily
on her arm--poor child, she was shivering: how cold she must be!--and
Constance could not follow her thoughts.... Before ... before.... Well,
if she died, there would be Addie.... Only.... No, she couldn't think
now; and besides they would be home presently.... They would be home....
Home! The word seemed strange to her; and she did not think that right.
And yet, struggle against the singular emotion as she would, she could
not cure herself of thinking that big house gloomy and regretting the
little villa in the Kerkhoflaan at the Hague, even though she had never
known any great domestic happiness there.... Still ... still, one loves
the thing that one has grown used to; and was it not funny that she had
grown so fond of that little house, where she had lived four years, and
been disconsolate when, after the old man's death, Van der Welcke and
Addie too had insisted on moving to the big, sombre villa at
Driebergen?... Fortunately, it was at once lighted by all of them, by
their affection for one another; if she had not had the consoling
brightness of mutual love, oh, it would have been impossible for her to
go and live in that dark, gloomy, cavernous villa-house, among the
eternally rustling trees, under the eternally louring skies! The house
was dear to Van der Welcke and Addie because of a strange sympathy, a
sense that their home was there and nowhere else. The father was born in
the house and had played there as a child; and the son, strangely
enough, cherished the exact same feeling of attraction towards it. Had
they not almost forced her to move into the house: Van der Welcke crying
for it like a child, first going there for a few days at a time and
living there with nobody but the decrepit old charwoman who made his bed
for him; then Addie following his father's example, fitting up a room
for herself and making constant pretexts--that he must go and have a
look among his papers, that he must run down for a book--seizing any
excuse that offered?... Then they left her alone, in her house in the
Kerkhoflaan. That had trees round it too and skies overhead. But it was
strange: among those trees in the Hague Woods, under those clouds which
came drifting from Scheveningen, she had felt at home, though their
little villa was only a house hired on a five years' lease, taken at the
time under Addie's deciding influence. He, quite a small boy then, had
gone and seen the fat estate-agent.... Oh, how the years, how the years
hurried past!... To think that it was all so long ago!... Strange, in
that leasehold house she had felt at home, at the Hague, among her
relations, under familiar skies and among familiar people and things,
unyielding though both things and people had often proved. Whereas here,
in this house, in this great cavernous, gloomy villa-residence--and she
had lived in it since the old man's death fully ten years ago--she had
always felt, though the house belonged to them as their inheritance, as
their family-residence, a stranger, an intruder, one who had come there
by accident ... along with her husband and her son. She could never
shake off this feeling. It pursued her even to her own sitting-room,
which, with its bits of furniture from the Kerkhoflaan, was almost
exactly the same as her little drawing-room at the Hague.... Oh, how the
wind blew and how Adeletje was shivering against her: if only the poor
child did not fall ill from that long walk!... There came the first
drops of rain, thick and big, like tears of despair.... She put up her
umbrella and Adeletje pushed still closer, walked right up against her,
under the same shelter, so as to feel safe and warm.... The lane now ran
straight into the high road; and there, before you, lay the house.... It
stood in its own big garden--nearly a park, with a pool at the
back--like a square, melancholy block, dreary and massive; and she could
not understand why Van der Welcke and Addie clung to it so. Or rather
she did understand now; but she ... no, she did not care for the house.
It never smiled to her, always frowned, as it stood there broad and
severe, as though imperishable, behind the front-garden, with the dwarf
rose-bushes and standard roses wound in straw, awaiting the spring
days.... It looked down upon her with its front of six upper windows as
with stern eyes, which suffered but never forgave her.... It was like
the old man himself, who had died without forgiving.... Oh, she could
never have lived there if she had not always remembered the old woman's
forgiveness, that last hour of gentleness by her bedside, the
reconciliation, in complete understanding and knowledge almost
articulate, offered at the moment of departure for ever.... Then it
seemed to her as if she heard the old woman's breaking voice speak
softly to her and say:
"Forgive, even though he never forgives, for he _will_ never
forgive...."
And it seemed to her as if she heard that voice, rustling with soft
encouragement, in the wind, in the trees, now that she was passing
through the garden, while the implacable house looked down upon her with
that everlasting cold frown. It was a strange feeling which always sent
a shudder through her for just two or three seconds every time that she
went past the roses in their straw wrappings to the great front door,
the feeling which had sent a shudder through her the very first time
when she alighted from their carriage ... after being disowned for
years, as a disgrace, hidden away in a corner.... It was only for two or
three seconds. The rain was now splashing down. She closed her umbrella
as Truitje opened the door, with a glad laugh, that mevrouw had got home
before it absolutely poured; and now she was in the long hall.... Oh,
what a gloomy hall it was, with the oak doors on either side, the Delft
jugs on the antique cabinet; the engravings and family-portraits; and
then, at the far end, the one door gloomier than the others, that door
which led ... simply to a small, inner staircase, for the servants, so
that they should not constantly be using the main staircase.... But she
had not known this until she moved in and, yielding to an impulse, ran
to the sombre door which had always stared at her, from the far end of
that typical Dutch interior, as an eternally-sealed mystery....
Pluckily, playing the mistress of the house who was looking into things,
while her heart beat with terror, she had opened the door and seen the
staircase, the little staircase winding up in the dark to the bedroom
floor; and the old charwoman had told her that it was very handy for
carrying up water, because there was no water laid on upstairs: a
decided fault in the house.... Then she had shut the door again and
known all about it: a little back-stair, for the maids, and nothing
more.... But why had she never opened the door since, never touched the
handle? No doubt because there was no need to, because she felt sure
that the maids would scrub the small staircase as well as the big one on
the days set aside for cleaning stairs and passages. Why should she have
opened the gloomy door?... And she had never opened it since. Once and
once only she had seen it open; old Mie had forgotten to shut it; and
she had grumbled, had told Truitje that it looked slovenly to leave the
door open like that.... She had then seen the little staircase winding
up in the dark, its steps just marked with brown stripes against the
black of the shadow.... But the door, when closed, stared at her. She
had never told anyone; but the door stared at her ... like the front of
the house. Yes, in the garden behind, the back-windows also stared at
her as with eyes, but more gently, sadly and almost laughingly, with an
encouraging and more winsome look amid the livelier green of the
lime-trees which, in summer, surrounded her with their heavy
fragrance.... Summer!... It was November now, with its incessant wind
and rain, raging all around and against the house and rattling on the
window-panes until they shivered.... It was a strange feeling ever and
always, though it did last for only two or three seconds, but she could
not feel at home there.... And yet during those ten years her life had
sped and sped and sped.... It sped on without resting.... She was always
busy....
She had sent Adeletje upstairs, to change her things at once, and opened
the door of the drawing-room.... It felt a little chilly, she thought;
and, while she saw her mother sitting quietly in the conservatory,
peering out of doors from her usual seat, she went to the stove, moved
the cinder-drawer to and fro to send the ashes to the bottom and make
the fire glow up behind the mica doors....
"Aren't you cold out there, Mummie?"
The old woman looked round at the sound of her voice. Constance went
into the conservatory and again asked:
"Aren't you cold, Mummie?"
The old woman heard her this time; and Constance stooped over her and
kissed the waxen forehead.
"It's blowing," said the old woman.
"Yes, it's blowing like anything!" said Constance. "You don't feel
cold?"
The old woman smiled, with her eyes in her daughter's.
"Won't you rather come and sit inside, Mamma?"
But the old woman only smiled and said:
"The trees are waving from side to side; and just now a branch fell ...
right in front of the window."
"Yes. Harm'll have plenty of work to-morrow. There are branches lying
all over the place."
"It's blowing," said the old woman.
Constance went in, took a shawl and put it over her mother's shoulders:
"You'll come in, won't you, Mamma, if you feel cold?"
And she went back to the drawing-room, intending to go upstairs.
But voices sounded from the hall and the door was opened. It was Gerdy
and Guy:
"Are you in, Auntie?"
"Are you back at last?"
"Where have you been all the afternoon?"
"Have you been walking with Adele?"
"Come, Auntie," said Guy, "give an account of yourself!"
He was a well-set-up, fair-haired boy of nineteen, tall and broad, with
a fair moustache; and she spoilt him because he was like his father.
Really she spoilt them all, each for a different reason, but Guy could
do anything that he pleased with her. He now caught her in his arms and
asked once more:
"Now, Auntie, where have you been?"
And she blushed like a child. She did not mean to say where she had
been, but she had not reckoned on his attacking her like this:
"Why, nowhere!" she said, defending herself. "I've been walking with
Adele...."
"No!" said Guy, firmly. "You've been to the little old lady's."
"Oh, no!"
"Oh, yes!"
"Come, boy, let me be. I want to go up and change.... Where's Mamma?"
"Mamma's upstairs," said Gerdy. "Are you coming down soon again, Auntie?
Shall I get tea ready? Shall I light the lamp? It's jolly, having tea in
a storm like this."
"All right, dear, do."
"Will you come down soon?"
"Yes, yes, at once...."
She went upstairs, up the wide, winding oak staircase.... Why did she
think, each time the wind blew, of that evening when she had gone up
like that, across the passage, through the rooms, to the great, dark
bedstead, in which the wan face of the dying woman showed palely on the
pillow?... Then as now the heavy rain rattled against the windows and
the tall cabinets in the dark passage creaked with those sudden sounds
which old wood makes and which sometimes moaned and reverberated through
the house. But one scarcely heard them now, because the house was no
longer silent, because now there were always voices buzzing and young
feet hurrying in the rooms and along the passages, thanks to all the new
life that had entered the house.... Ten years, thought Constance, while
she put on the light in her room, before dressing: was it really ten
years?... Immediately after the death of her poor brother Gerrit--poor
Adeline and the children had moved from their house to a cheap
_pension_--came the death of old Mr. Van der Welcke, just as she, Van
der Welcke and Addie, going through Gerrit's papers, had come upon this
letter:
"Addie, I recommend my children to your care; my wife I recommend to
yours, Constance."
It was the letter of a sick man, mentally and physically sick, who
already saw death's wings beating before his eyes. And even in that
shabby _pension_ Addie had taken charge of the children, as though he
were their own young father; but, when the old gentleman died and both
Van der Welcke and Addie insisted on moving to Driebergen, then the boy
had stepped forward boldly as the protector of those nine children, as
the protector of that poor woman distraught and utterly crushed by the
blow.... Even now, while hurriedly changing her dress, so as not to
keep them waiting too long downstairs, Constance still heard her boy
say, in his calm, confident voice:
"Papa ... Mamma ... we have a big house now, a very big house.... We are
rich now ... and Aunt Adeline has nothing ... the children have only a
couple of thousand guilders apiece.... They must all come to us now,
mustn't they, all come and live with us at Driebergen, mustn't they,
Papa ... and Mamma?"
He said nothing beyond those few simple words; and his confident voice
was as quiet as though his proposal spoke for itself, as though it were
quite commonplace....
"What is there to make a fuss about?" he had asked, with wide-open eyes,
when she fell upon his neck with tears of emotion and kissed him, her
heart swelling with happiness in her child....
She had just looked round anxiously at her husband, anxious what he
would wish, what he would say to his son's words.... There were fewer
scenes between them, it was true, much fewer; but still she had thought
to herself, what would he say to this?... But he had only laughed, burst
out laughing, with his young laugh like a great boy's ... laughed at all
his son's great family: a wife and nine children whom Addie at sixteen
was quietly taking unto himself, because his people had money now and a
big house.... Since that time Van der Welcke had always chaffed the boy
about his nine children. And Addie answered his father's chaff with that
placid smile in his eyes and on his lips, as though he were thinking:
"Have your joke, Daddy. You're a good chap after all!..."
And Addie had interested himself in his nine children as calmly as if
they were not the least trouble.... Then came the move to Driebergen,
but Addie remained at the Hague, staying with Aunt Lot, for the two
years that he still went to school. He came down each week-end, however:
by the husband's train. Van der Welcke said, chaffingly, to join his
wife and children; and he took a hand in everything: in the profitable
investment and saving of their two thousand guilders apiece; in their
schooling; in the choice of a governess for the girls: he saved Aunt
Adeline all responsibility; his Saturday afternoons and Sundays were
filled with all sorts of cares; he considered and discussed and
decided.... Moreover, Granny, who was now lonely and fallen into her
dotage, could no longer be left to live in her big house, with no one to
look after her; and Constance had easily managed for old Mamma to
accompany them to Driebergen. But the old woman had hardly noticed the
change: she thought that she was still living in the Alexanderstraat
sometimes, in the summer, she would be living at Buitenzorg, in the
viceregal palace, and the children round her went about and talked
vivaciously ... as she had always known them to do.... Emilie had
refused to leave Constance; and, though she sometimes went to stay at
Baarn, she really lived with them: Emilie, so grievously shattered in
her young life, so unable to forget Henri's death that she was as a
shadow of her former self, pale and silent, mostly pining in her room
... until from sheer loneliness she went to join the family-circle
downstairs....
Ten years ... ten years had sped like this, sped like fleeting shadows
of time; and yet how much had happened! The children growing up,
blossoming into young girls and sturdy lads; Addie studying medicine at
Amsterdam, walking the hospitals, until, after passing his examination,
the young foster-father at last settled down among them all as a
doctor, in the great house at Driebergen; and then that immense change
in their lives: his marriage, his dreadfully premature marriage.... Oh,
that marriage of her son's!... She had had to summon all her deeper
wisdom and to clutch it with convulsive hands ... in order to approve
... to approve ... and not for a single moment to let herself be dragged
along by all the prejudices of the old days, the prejudices of the
narrow little circle which she had learnt to scorn in her later life,
the life which had become permanent!... Now he was really a husband, now
he was really a father.
"Aunt Constance ... do come!"
It was Gerdy's voice; and it fidgeted her. They were all very nice,
certainly, but also they were all very restless; and she was really a
woman for loneliness and dreams--had become so--and sometimes felt a
need to be quite alone ... quite alone ... in her room; to lie on her
sofa and think ... above all things, to think herself back into the
years which had sped and sped and sped as fleeting shadows of time....
A tripping step came hastening up the stairs, followed by a tapping at
the door:
"Auntie! Aunt Constance.... I've made tea; and, if you don't come, it'll
be too strong...."
She would have liked to tell Gerdy that she did not care for that
calling out all over the house and through the passages: it always
jarred upon her, as though the clear, girlish voice profaned that brown
indoor atmosphere of the sombre old house which was so full of the past
... as though the old people were still living there and might be
shocked by all that youthful carelessness and presumption. But she never
did tell her.
"Yes, darling, I'm coming."
She was ready now and turned out the gas. Gerdy ran downstairs again;
and Constance found the lamps lit in the drawing-room and Gerdy very
busy with the tea-pot and tea-cups. And Constance smiled, for there was
a sort of homely peace, in this room, a peace almost of happiness, the
lesser happiness which people sometimes find, for a brief moment.
Marietje, the eldest of the girls, a motherly little soul from
childhood, had coaxed Grandmamma into leaving the conservatory, which
was really too cold, had installed her in the back drawing-room, where
the old woman now sat, with her shawl round her, her toes on the
foot-warmer, her hands trembling in her lap and her head nodding, as
though she knew all sorts of things for certain.... Always she sat like
that and scarcely spoke, only a few words, quietly living away the last
few years of her life and already looking at the rest in panorama ...
but quite unconscious of her surroundings.... In front of the fire,
close together, sat Adeline and Emilie, both silent, but filled with the
strange peace that reigned in both of them, because things around them
were so youthful and so bright. For at this hour all the young people
were gathered in the drawing-room, all Gerrit's children, except
Constant, who was seventeen and at a boarding-school near Arnhem, to
Gerdy's great regret, for she and he had always been together, two good
little, fair-haired children. Marietje was twenty-two now, had not grown
up pretty, was tall and lank, fair-haired, really an unattractive girl,
though she had a certain lovableness from always caring for others,
especially for Grandmamma: she had acquired this very early, as the
eldest sister, because her mother had at once and as a matter of course
entrusted her with the care of her little brothers and sisters.
Adeletje too was plain and in addition ailing and anything but strong,
with her narrow, shrunk chest; and Constance often wondered that the two
elders had become like that, because she remembered them as the two
pretty little fair-haired children that they used to be, frail, it is
true, but rosy-cheeked, sweet little children. Alex also was there; and
he too often surprised Constance, when she remembered the naughty rascal
that he was, now a boy of twenty, pale and sallow, with frightened blue
eyes, shy, reserved, with a trick of giving a sudden glance of terror
which made her anxious, she did not know why. She recognized her brother
Gerrit most in Guy, who was tall, fair and broad, as Gerrit had been,
but who had always been unmanageable, with not one serious thought in
his head; he was nineteen years old now and as undecided about his
future as Alex himself.... That was Constance' great care and not only
hers but Addie's as well; and Van der Welcke often chaffed his son, that
it was not an unmixed joy to be the father of nine children. If Alex was
gloomy now, with that strange look, sometimes of sudden fright, in his
eyes, Guy was undoubtedly attractive, was genial, pleasant, cheerful,
foolish, a great baby and the favourite nephew of Van der Welcke, with
whom he went cycling, as Addie never had time now: Addie the serious
man, the young doctor with an increasing practice. Guy called Van der
Welcke Papa; they got on so well, almost too well together: Van der
Welcke, who had remained a child for all his fifty-one years delighted
in that tall, fair-haired adopted son of Addie's; and, jealous as he was
of all the earnestness, the labour and care displayed by Addie, who had
hardly a moment nowadays to give his father, he was glad to have found
Guy, as though to show Addie:
"I've got another friend, you know, and I can do without you sometimes!"
After Guy came Gerdy, the beauty of the family, an exquisitely pretty
girl of eighteen, who with Guy was the light and laughter of the house;
next, Constant, away at boarding-school. The two younger boys, Jan and
Piet, were fortunately doing well at their lessons, whereas little
Klaasje, twelve years old, had remained very backward and might have
been a child of eight, at one time dull and silent, at another wantonly
gay, but so silly that she was not yet able to read.... Yes, she had all
of them there, all Gerrit's children; she and Addie looked after them;
and poor Adeline had come to take it as a matter of course and never
decided anything for herself and consulted Constance and Addie about
everything....
The wind outside roared and a violent rain beat down upon the windows,
as though tapping at them with furious angry fingers. The drawn blinds,
the closed curtains, the lighted lamps, Gerdy pouring out the tea with
her pretty little ways: it all gave Constance, though she felt tired and
would gladly have been alone for once, a caress of soft, homely
satisfaction, a velvety sense of being in utter harmony with all around
her, even though there was so much trouble, not only with the children,
but also sometimes no little difficulty and misunderstanding with
Mathilde, Addie's wife. Where was Mathilde now? Where were the two
children? Gerdy, fussy and fidgety, pretending to be very busy, with a
light clatter of her tea-things, had pushed an easy-chair nearer to the
fireplace, where tongues of flames were darting. She now gave Constance
her cup of tea, handed a plate of cakes; and Constance asked:
"Where's Mathilde?"
"Mathilde?... I don't know, but ... shall I go and look for her?"
"No, never mind. Where are the children?"
"In the nursery, I expect. Shall I send for them to come down?"
"No, dear, it doesn't matter...."
And Gerdy did not insist. With the wind and rain raging out of doors, it
was still and peaceful inside; and, fidgety though Gerdy was, she felt
that peaceful stillness and valued it, valued it as they all did. In her
heart she hoped that Mathilde would not come down before dinner,
because, whenever Mathilde did come down at tea-time, something
happened, as though an imp were creeping in between Gerdy's nervous
little fingers: she would break a cup or upset things; once indeed she
had nearly set the house on fire, because she had tried to blow out the
methylated spirit with a furious blast from her excitable little pouting
lips.... It was very cosy now: if only Mathilde would remain upstairs a
little longer.... And, while the wind and the rain raged outside,
indoors there was but the sound of a few gentle phrases, uttered in the
yellow circles of the lamps, which Gerdy had placed so that they shone
with an intimate and pleasant cosiness.... Old Granny, over in her
corner, sat quietly in her great arm-chair, which was like a throne; she
did not move, did not speak, but was nevertheless in the picture,
thought Gerdy: that waxen face of a very old lady, framed in the white
hair; the woollen shawl over the shoulders; the motionless dark lines of
the gown; and, in the lap, the fine detail of the fingers, quivering
fingers, but for which she would have seemed devoid of all motion....
Near the fire, Constance was talking with Mamma and Emilie; and Gerdy
did not know why, but something about those three, as they sat talking
together, made her feel as if she could suddenly have cried for no
reason, because of a touch of melancholy that just grazed against her,
like a trouble dating back to former years and things that were long
past.... Then Gerdy made an unnecessary clatter with her tea-cups and
spoons and could not understand why she was so sensitive. Marie was
doing some needlework and Alex was gloomily reading a book; but Guy was
playing backgammon with Adeletje, making constant jokes in between: the
dice were rattled in the boxes and dumped into the board; the men moved
with a hard, wooden sound over the black and white points; the dice were
rattled again and dumped down again.
"Five-three...."
"Double-six.... Double-four.... One more: two-three...."
And Klaasje had come and sat by Aunt Constance, almost creeping into her
dress, with a very babyish picture-book in her hand. She pressed her
fair-haired little head comfortably in Auntie's skirts, against Auntie's
lap and had silently taken Auntie's arm and laid it round her neck.
Herself unobserved, she noticed every single thing that happened: Guy
and Adele's backgammon, Gerdy's fussing with the tea-things; and she
listened to Auntie, Mamma and Emilie; but all the time it was as though
she were outside that circle of homeliness, as though she were far away
from it, as though she were hearing and seeing through a haze,
unconsciously, in her slowly awakening little brains, the brains of a
backward child. And, so as not to be too far away, she took Aunt
Constance' hand, opened the palm with her fingers and pushed her little
head under it: that made it seem as if she were much nearer....
Suddenly, the door opened; and everybody gave a little start, soon
recovering, however: Mathilde had entered and only Grandmamma, yonder,
more in the background in her dark corner, had remained motionless, with
quivering fingers in her lap, white and waxen, trembling in the dark
shadow of her dress.... But, near the fire, Constance, Adeline and
Emilie were silent and remained sitting, stiffly, Adeline and Emilie
without moving. Constance alone forced herself to look round at
Mathilde; Alex read on, nervously hunching his shoulders; but Guy
rattled his dice and Adeletje had a sudden flush on her cheek and turned
pale.... And Gerdy was the most nervous of all: she suddenly ducked down
in front of the fire and began poking it desperately.
"Do be careful, Gerdy!" said Adeline. "You'll set us on fire, the sparks
are flying all over the place!"
Mathilde had sat down in the arm-chair next to Constance, which made
little Klaasje feel a bit squeezed, in between Auntie and Mathilde, and
Mathilde's shadow fell across the child's book and prevented her from
seeing the pictures, causing such a sudden outburst of temper that,
before anyone could stop her, she put out both arms convulsively, pushed
with her hands against Mathilde's chair and cried:
"Go away!"
So much enmity was apparent in the child's voice that they all started
again: only Grandmamma, in her corner, noticed nothing. But Constance
recovered herself at once:
"For shame, Klaasje!" she said, in a chiding tone. "You mustn't do that,
you know! What makes you so naughty?"
But the child pushed against the chair with such force that she pushed
it aside, with Mathilde in it:
"Go away!" she repeated, pale in the face, with wide eyes starting from
her head in hatred.
"Klaasje!" cried Constance. "Stop that at once!"
Her voice rang harsh and loud through the room. The child looked at her
in alarm, understood merely that Auntie was angry and burst into loud
sobs.
"Oh, very well, I'll go and sit somewhere else!" said Mathilde,
pretending indifference.
She got up and sat beside Emilie.
"Haven't you been out?" asked Emilie, gently, for the sake of saying
something.
"Out? In this horrible weather? Where would you have me go?" asked
Mathilde, coldly. "No, I've had two hours' sleep. Gerdy, have you any
tea left for me?"
"Yes, certainly," said Gerdy, in a forced voice.
She poked the fire once more, fiercely.
"But, Gerdy, mind what you're doing!" cried Adeline, terrified, for the
sparks were flying out of the hearth.
Gerdy bobbed up from among her skirts and began clattering with her
tea-tray. Klaasje had ceased crying, had stopped the moment that
Mathilde had moved and was now looking up at Aunt Constance and trying
to take her hand again.
"No," said Constance, "you're naughty."
"No-o!" whined the little girl, like a very small child. "I'm _not_
naughty!"
"Yes, you are. It's not at all nice of you to push Mathilde away. You
must never do that again, do you hear?"
"Oh, let the child be, Mamma!" said Mathilde, wearily.
The child looked up at Constance with such an unhappy expression in her
face that Constance put her hand on her head again; and, at once
forgetting everything, Klaasje now looked at her book and even hummed
softly as she showed herself the pictures.
Gerdy was pouring out Mathilde's tea. There it was again: she had spilt
the milk; the tea-tray was one white puddle! However, she mopped it up
with a tea-cloth and now handed the cup to Mathilde.
Mathilde tasted it:
"Did you put any sugar in?"
"Yes, one lump."
"I never take sugar."
"Oh!... Shall I give you another cup?"
"No, thanks.... Your tea is weak."
Gerdy's tea was her pride, always:
"Tea gets bitter after standing three quarters of an hour," she said,
aggressively, "or, if you pour water on it, it gets weak."
"Then I must always come three quarters of an hour late, for your tea is
always either bitter or weak."
"Then make your own tea...."
But Gerdy saw Aunt Constance looking at her and said nothing more.
"Mamma," asked Mathilde, "do _you_ know when Addie is coming back?"
"No, dear; to-morrow, I expect, or the next day."
"Haven't you had a card from him?"
"No, dear."
"Oh, I thought he would have written to you!... I might really have gone
with him to Amsterdam."
"He had business to attend to...."
"Well, I shouldn't have hindered him in his business...."
She sat silent now and indifferent and looked at her watch, regretting
that she had come down too early. She thought that it was six and that
they would be having dinner at once. And it was not even half-past five
yet.... Should she go upstairs again for a bit?... No, she was there now
and she would stay.... She had slept too long that afternoon.... She
felt heavy and angry.... What a place, what a place, Driebergen in
November! Not a soul to talk to, except three or four antediluvian
families.... When was she likely to see the Hague again? The children
would be looked after all right: there were busybodies enough in the
house for that!... And she remained sitting beside Emilie, without
moving or speaking, weary, indifferent and heavy after her long
sleep.... She knew it: as usual, her entrance had caused friction. That
odious idiot child, pushing her chair away, with its "Go away!" She
could have boxed its ears.... But she had controlled herself. Didn't she
always control herself? Wasn't she always being insulted by her
husband's relatives?... Why on earth had she married him? Couldn't she
have married anybody at the Hague?... In her weary, heavy indifference,
mingled with spiteful rancour, she felt herself a martyr.... Wasn't she
a very handsome woman? Couldn't she have married anybody, though her
father was a penniless naval officer, though there was no money on her
mother's side either?... She was a handsome girl; and, from the time
when she was quite young, her one thought had been to make a good match,
first and foremost a good match, and to get away from the poverty and
the vulgar crew that gathered in Papa and Mamma's house.... Oh, yes, she
was very fond of her husband; but now it was all his fault: he ... he
was neglecting her!... Wasn't she a martyr?
Deep down within herself, no doubt, she knew that she had not married
him for himself alone, that she had certainly thought it heavenly, she,
a Smeet, plain Mathilde Smeet, to marry Baron van der Welcke ... plenty
of money ... a smart match ... even though the family no longer lived in
the Hague....
Baroness van der Welcke.... On her cards: _Baroness van der Welcke_....
A coronet on her handkerchiefs, a coat-of-arms on her note-paper: oh,
how delicious, how delicious!... What a joy at last to order the gowns
in Brussels, to get out of the poverty of her parents' home, which
reeked of rancid butter and spilt paraffin, to shake it from her, to
plunge and drown it in the past, that poverty, as you drown a mangy dog
in a pond....
Driebergen ... well, yes. But it wouldn't always be Driebergen. She
would back herself to coax her husband out of that patriarchy, to coax
him to the Hague, where he would be the young, fashionable doctor: a
fine house, smart acquaintances, a box at the Opera, presentation at
court, Baroness ... Baronne van der Welcke....
She had two children now, a boy and a girl. It was irresistible; and yet
she knew that she must take care and not let the nurse have too much of
it:
"Geertje, have you washed the jonker's hands?... Geertje, I want the
freule to wear her white frock to-day?"[1]
For she had noticed that the others never used the words in speaking to
Geertje or to the maids, never said jonker or freule, always just simply
Constant and Henriette, or even Stan and Jet; and so, when the others
were there, she copied them and said, "Stan" and "Jet"; but oh, the
joy, as soon as they were gone, of once more blurting out the titles to
Geertje, the warm rapture of feeling that she was not only a baroness
but the mother of a freule and a jonker:
"Geertje, has Freule Henriette had her milk?... Geertje, let the jonker
wear his new shoes to-day!..."
No, she simply could not keep from it; and yet she had sense enough to
know and perception enough to feel that the others thought it a mark of
bad breeding in her, to refer to her babies of one year old and two as
freule and jonker.... That was the worst of it, that she had married not
only her husband but his whole family into the bargain: his grandmamma,
his parents and Aunt Adeline with her troops of children whom Addie--so
silly of him, because he was so young--regarded as his own, for whom it
was his duty to care.... That was the worst of it; and oh, if she had
known everything, known what a martyr she would be in this house, where
she never felt herself the mistress--a victim to the idiot child's rude
ways, a victim to Gerdy, who gave her sugar in her tea--if she had known
everything, she might have thought twice before marrying him at all!...
And yet she was wonderfully fond of Addie, might still be very happy
with him, if he would only come back to her ... and not neglect her,
over and over again, for all that crew of so-called adopted children
with which he had burdened himself.... Oh, to get him out of it, out of
that suffocating family-circle ... and then to the Hague: her husband a
young, smart doctor, she at court; and then see all the old friends
again ... and Papa and Mamma's relations ... and perhaps leave cards on
them sweetly: Baronne van der Welcke!...
She was not all vanity: she had plenty of common sense besides and no
small portion of clear and penetrating insight. She saw her own vanity,
indeed, but preferred not to see it. She would rather look upon herself
as a martyr than as vain and therefore saw herself in that light,
deliberately thrusting aside her common sense; and then, sometimes, in
an unhappy mood, she would weep over her own misfortunes. Her only
consolation at such times was that she was handsome, a young, handsome
woman, and healthy and the mother of two pretty little children: a
jonker and a freule.
She now sat wearily, with very few words passing among them all; the
dice in Adele and Guy's boxes rattled loudly and worked on Mathilde's
nerves.
Gerdy could stand it no longer: she had run out into the hall and almost
bumped against Van der Welcke, who was just going to the drawing-room.
"Hullo, kiddie!" he exclaimed.
"Oh, I beg your pardon, Uncle!"
"Where are you rushing off to?"
She laughed.
"Nowhere, Uncle. I don't know. I'm going to wash my hands. I upset the
milk.... There's no tea left, Uncle."
"That's all right, kiddie, I don't want any tea.... Shall we be having
dinner soon?"
"It's not six yet."
"Anything from Addie?"
"No, Uncle."
"Has ... has Mathilde come down?"
"Yes, Uncle."
"I see. Well, I think I'll go upstairs again for a bit."
"Oh, don't, Uncle!"
"I may as well."
"No, don't. Why should you? You're always putting her on us and clearing
out yourself!"
"I? But I have nothing to do with her!"
"She's your daughter-in-law."
"I dare say, but I can't help that."
"Yes, you can."
"How do you mean? How can I help it?"
"Why, if you had stopped Addie at the time ... had forbidden it ... as
his father."
"You young baggage! Do you imagine that I can forbid Addie anything?
I've never been able to prevent his doing a thing. He's always done what
he wanted to, from the time when he was a child."
"You _can_ help it."
"Can I? Well, whether I can help it or not ... I'm going upstairs."
"No, Uncle, you're not to. You must come in. Do be nice. Come along for
our sake. You're fond of us, aren't you? You love all Addie's adopted
children, Uncle, don't you?"
"Yes, kiddie, I'm fond of you all, though I've lost Addie altogether
through you."
"No, Uncle, not altogether."
"Well, what's the use of sharing him with the pack of you?"
"But you can afford to share him a little bit. Tell me: you _are_ fond
of us?"
"Of course I am, you're a dear, jolly lot. But Mathilde...."
"What about Mathilde, Uncle?"
He bent over her and bit each word separately into her ear:
"I--can't--stand--her.... I hate her as I have never hated anybody."
"But, Uncle, that's overdoing it," said Gerdy, lapsing into
reasonableness.
"Overdoing it?"
"Yes, she's not so bad as all that. She can be very nice."
"You think her nice, do you? Well, she's like a spectre to me."
"No, no, you mustn't say that. And she's Addie's wife and the mother of
his children."
"Look here, kiddie, don't be putting on such wise airs. They don't suit
you."
"But she _is_ the mother of his children and you're not to be so
jealous."
"Am I jealous?"
"Yes, you're jealous ... of Mathilde and of us."
"Very likely. I never see Addie. If I hadn't got Guy...."
"Well, you've got Guy. And you've got Addie as well."
"No, I haven't.... Do you know when he's coming back?"
"No, I don't, Uncle. And now come along in."
She drew Van der Welcke into the room with her; and, as usual, he went
up to the old woman seated silently in her corner, rubbing his hands,
trying to speak a few words to her. She recognized him and smiled....
The wind outside raged with a deeper note.... The branches of the trees
swished along the windows, the twigs tapped at them as with
fingertips.... And amid the eeriness of it all Constance suddenly felt
it very strange that they were all of them there, all strangers in the
old, gloomy house, which had once belonged to Henri's stern parents. The
old woman had forgiven her, but the old man had never forgiven. He had
died, his heart filled with rancour. And now they were all there, all
strangers, except the son, except the grandson; and he was not there at
the moment.... They were all strangers: her mother, in her second
childhood, imagining herself at the Hague and very often at
Buitenzorg;[2] she herself and Gerrit's widow and their children;
Emilie: all, all strangers, all with their manifold life and ceaseless
bustle filling the once silent and serious house.... And Mathilde, a
stranger.... And, so strange, even Mathilde and Addie's children, little
Constant and Jetje, were two little strangers, though they bore the
family name.... Why did she feel this? Perhaps because she still
considered that the great gloomy house belonged to the old man. It was
as though he lived there still, as though he still walked outside, in
the garden. It was as though the great, gloomy house was still filled
with his rancour towards her and hers.... Yes, she had been living here
for ten years, but the old man still bore rancour because she was there
and because so many of hers had come with her to the house in which they
had no business, in which she herself was an intruder as were all who
had intruded themselves along with her.... It was a feeling which had so
often oppressed her, during those ten years, and which would always
oppress her.... And she would not utter it to anybody, for Van der
Welcke had given Addie free leave to bring the troop with him; and he
himself loved the troop....
Oh, how the angles between her and her husband had been rubbed smooth
with the years, whether they passed slow or fast!... How they had learnt
to put up with each other!... They were growing old: she fifty-six, he a
little younger; it was true, no affection had come between them, but so
much softening of all that had once been sharp and unkind between them,
so that they had been able to go on living, in this house, and together
with their child performing the task that seemed to be laid upon them:
looking after Gerrit's children!...
And Adeline took it as quite natural; but yet ... how grateful she was
to them! How often she told them that she could never have brought up
the children alone, that she would have had neither the strength for it
nor the money!... Gerrit's death had broken her. She had always quietly
done her little duties as a wife and mother, but Gerrit's death had
broken her. She had remained among all her children as one who no longer
knows. It was as if the simplicity of her life had become shrouded in a
darkness wherein she wandered and sought, groping with outstretched
hands. Ah, if Constance and Addie had not led her!...
And Constance in her turn was grateful to Van der Welcke, for was it not
his house in which she lived with her nephews and nieces, was it not
with his money, for a great part, that she brought up those children?...
Oh, if the old man would only cease spreading that rancour around them,
filling the whole great sombre house with it because they had intruded,
because they were living there on his money, though that money now
belonged to his heir! At every guilder that Constance spent on her
swollen household, she felt the old man's rancour. And it made her
thriftier than she had ever been at the time when she and Henri, though
their needs were far from small, had had to live on a few thousand
guilders a year. Though she now lived in this big house, though twelve
and often fifteen of them sat down to table, she was comparatively
thriftier in her whole mode of life than she had ever been in her little
house with her husband and child.... It was the old man's money, a
large fortune, and it was Henri's money now, of course, but it was first
and foremost the old man's money!... The curtains in the drawing-room
were sadly faded, but she would not buy new, though Van der Welcke
himself had begged her at least to buy some for the front room. Her
everyday table was very simple, simpler than she had ever been
accustomed to. And this gave her the remorse that she was feeding Henri,
now that he was growing older, more simply than she had in his younger
days. And she urged him daily to buy a motor-car....
He was sensible, refused to do anything of the kind. Buying the
"sewing-machine," well, yes, that was one big initial outlay ... but the
most expensive part of it was the upkeep of it, the chauffeur, the
excursions. He feared that, once he possessed the "machine," it would
become a very costly joke.... And all those ten years, though he had
often thought of a car, he had never bought the old sewing-machine. Then
Constance felt so violently self-reproachful, at using Henri's money for
her brother's children, that she discussed it with Addie. Those
discussions about the motor had recurred regularly every year. Addie
thought that Papa was right, that it was not the initial outlay that was
so burdensome, but all the further expenses. Then again motor-cars were
being so much improved yearly that, when once Papa had caught the fever,
he would get rid of his sewing-machine yearly to buy a new and more
modern one. No, it would be a very expensive story.... And Van der
Welcke had never bought his sewing-machine, had barely, once in a way,
hired one.... Constance felt a lasting self-reproach because of it....
They were rich now; and yet ... what _was_ their fortune, with so many
burdens! Burdens, moreover, which were not even the natural burdens of
one's own children growing up! Burdens of Gerrit's children!... And so
she economized more and more, wearing her gowns till they became shiny,
till Addie said that Mamma was losing all her daintiness in her old age.
He had always known his mother as a well-dressed woman and now she went
about in blouses that shone like looking-glasses. He used to tease her;
there was one which he always called the looking-glass blouse. Constance
laughed gaily, said she no longer cared so much about clothes. Well off
though she now was, she spent upon her dress not half of what she used
to in the old days.... And Mathilde, who sprang from a poverty reeking
of paraffin and rancid butter, Mathilde, who would have liked to be
surrounded with luxury at every moment, Mathilde thought her
mother-in-law above all things stingy, decided that stinginess was the
outstanding feature of her character....
[1] _Jonker_ is the title borne by the sons of Dutch noblemen until they
come of age, when, as a rule, they bear the same title as their father;
_freule_ is the title of all the unmarried daughters.
[2] The governor-general's house near Batavia.