but Washington doesn’t. So, if you flunk your Wassermann, come to the
District. The waiting time between issuance of license and ceremony
is two days in Maryland, four in the District, and none in Virginia.
Maryland requires that all marriages be solemnized by a clergyman,
which is pretty prissy for that state, where you can get so much
without marrying at all.
Both the District and Maryland permit one party of a proposed marriage
to take out a license without the consent or knowledge of the other.
Sometimes overly-eager ones take out these licenses (which are
published) as a means of bringing final pressure on the other person.
Recently a 21-year-old Marine shot himself to death after a minister
refused to marry him and an unwilling maiden who had not been aware a
license was issued.
Washington men are the choosiest in the country when it comes to
picking wives. The marriage rate is falling yearly. In 1950, 10,729
licenses were taken out compared to 10,885 the year before and 12,156
in 1948. Meanwhile other cities are reporting increases. These figures
are even worse than they read. Many transients come to wed in the
District, to avoid blood tests elsewhere or to boast they were hitched
in the nation’s capital.
_Medical_
Osteopaths, chiropractors, naturopaths and other such unorthodox
healers are permitted both in the District and Maryland and are allowed
to precede their names with the honorific “Dr.” Many Washington
residents from Los Angeles, the Southwest and the moronic regions where
faith healers, layer-oners-of-hands, herb doctors and other such quacks
are common, are now living in Washington and provide a boom market for
the irregular curers.
One of Washington’s biggest medical problems is V.D., because of
the shifting, transient nature of the population and the unusual
Negro percentage. Last year, more than 16,000 cases of gonorrhea
were reported, and 507 new cases of syphilis. Fifteen people died of
unchecked syphilis.
_Midday Manners_
Both as a world capital and as an Eastern city, Washington’s manners
and modes, on paper at least, could be supposed to resemble those
of New York. But it is in a warmer belt and much of its resident
population originated in other sections of the country, where habits
are different, so some compromise of customs is common.
Washington women generally follow the New York style of not wearing
hats. But the men wear lids all year around, even on the hottest days.
The women wear suits for daytime in winter and print dresses in summer.
Men wear dark suits in winter, but, because of the deadly heat, don
such tropical outfits as Palm Beach, seersucker, crash and linen
in summer. Like most yokels, a sharp crease in the sleeve means a
well-pressed suit.
A Washington woman never wears slacks on the street. When you see any
dame so attired, you know she arrived by bus on a sight-seeing jaunt.
_Midnight Manners_
Few women wear hats at night. Those who do are visitors. Most men
wear dark suits but compromise good taste with god-awful loud ties.
Customers of the classier rooms, i.e., the hotel grills, are apt to
overdress. You see more people wearing evening clothes than in New
York, where such frummery is now worn only on occasions when required,
like a formal ball or the opening of the opera.
All restaurants and night clubs, regardless of season, require men to
wear coats, though some of the more popular-priced ones do not demand
ties in the summer.
_Protocol_
If you are a climber, or the wife of a government official, social
precedence and correct social forms are more important in your life
than the Sermon on the Mount. When in doubt about whether the governor
of Nevada sits ahead of or in back of the minister of Costa Rica, you
should consult Mrs. Carolyn Hagner Shaw, Wisconsin 3030.
_Taxi Talk_
The first thing that amazes the visitor is the terrific number of cabs
on the streets. There is no limitation by law and, at this writing,
there are 9,000. Cabs do not have meters, but operate on a zone system,
the first charge 30 cents anywhere within the zone, or 20 cents a head
for two or more passengers. They are asking for an extra dime a zone.
The out-of-towner is always puzzled figuring out how the owner of the
cab gets a fair shake from the driver, with no meter to check up on
him. It was Congressman Tom Blanton who slipped riders into all bills
to ban meters in the District.
What happens is that every hackman is an independent contractor.
He rents his cab by the day, for which he pays $6, which includes
insurance, tires and advertising. He buys his own gas and oil, which
comes to another $3.50 a day. He keeps everything above that outlay.
When business is bad, he swallows the loss himself. He can keep the cab
24 hours a day, and he usually drives it home at night and starts out
in the morning in it. Some older cabs are rented for less, as low as
$3.50 a day. These are used by men who hack in their spare time, such
as policemen, chauffeurs, and government employes, who act as cabbies
for four or five hours a day.
Washington law not only permits cabbies to double up passengers, but
requires them to do so. Your taxi will not leave Union Station until
it has a full load going in your direction. When Washington cabs go to
the airport in Virginia or the suburbs of Maryland, they make a flat
rate. They are not permitted to pick up return passengers outside the
District. Maryland and Virginia cabs which come into Washington must
return home empty.
Despite the huge number of cabs, it is almost impossible to get one
at around five, when the government offices empty, or whenever it
rains. The rates are so cheap, many Washingtonians find it costs
them only a nickel more to go to their destination by cab than by
bus or street-car. Few locals ever tip. Cab drivers fall all over
out-of-towners.
If you are having trouble hailing a cab, the best place to get one is
outside a hotel or a popular restaurant or night spot, for they will be
driving up to these places with passengers. If you are caught at the
Capitol and can’t get a cab, go over to the Congressional Hotel, across
from the House Office Building, where the doorman can usually snag one
for you. Don’t forget a tip. Our favorite cabbie is Harold Ramsburg, EM
2438, and you can hire him by the hour.
_Tipping_
While on that subject, don’t act like a rube, a Southern cracker
or a dope. Most hotel, restaurant and transportation employes are
practically dependent for their livings on gratuities. Ten percent is
no longer enough. Your waiter should get 20 percent, even more in a
high class place where each waiter has only a few tables. Don’t forget
the captains and headwaiters, especially if you want a good table.
_Traffic Tickets_
We always got our parking and speeding tickets killed by Congressmen’s
secretaries. That is one thing they are good for. Congressmen are
the rulers of the District; when their secretaries call the District
Commissioners or the Chief of Police, they get a respectful hearing.
Congressmen, themselves, are immune from arrest when Congress is in
session. They are provided with special plates over their own license
tags reading “Member, 82nd Congress.” Smart Congressmen seldom use the
special plates. They say that when they do, traffic cops always bother
them, then suddenly pretend they noticed the plates for the first time,
after which they let the Congressman go, making it appear they are
doing him a great favor. The next day they show up in his office asking
for a favor--a promotion, probably.
_Transportation_
You can get to Washington by train, plane, bus, auto, bike, or merely
hitch-hiking. Train service, while frequent and fast, is generally
lousy. From New York on the Pennsylvania there is only one first-class
train, the Congressional Limited, which makes the 226 miles in 215
minutes, but it’s a shell of its old self, when it was all Pullman
and extra fare. The Congressional is one of the few day trains in the
country which runs complete cars of drawing rooms. These are always
full, with lobbyists, officials and their dames, and other heavy
drinking parties, spending the three and a half hours as pleasantly as
possible. (_Note_: No liquor is served on trains in Pennsylvania on
Sundays.)
The two best trains from the West are the B & O’s Capital Limited
and the Pennsy’s Liberty Limited from Chicago. The Capital is an
all-Pullman streamliner and carries a through car to Los Angeles, which
connects with the Santa Fe’s Chief in Chicago.
Railroad and plane tickets to and from Washington are difficult to
get, especially on key days of the week. Traffic moves to Washington
on Sunday nights and Monday and away on weekends, beginning Thursday.
At those times a little judicious tipping of hotel porters is advised.
Railroad and plane employes are forbidden by law to take gratuities,
but who’s going to do anything about it if they find a $10 bill neatly
folded in their breast pockets?
The Washington Airport, though in Virginia, is only 15 minutes from the
center of town. Baggage is unloaded considerably faster than in other
airports. But the Union Station is a madhouse. Sometimes it takes a
half-hour for your bags to get out to the taxi stand, if you can get a
red cap at all. Then there is another wait for a cab going your way to
fill up. (_Note_: The railroad exacts a 25-cent charge for each parcel
carried by the red cap. He doesn’t keep that. You are expected to tip
him on top.)
(_Inside Stuff_: There are special airplane and railroad ticket offices
for members of Congress in the Capitol Building.)
38. CONFIDENTIAL GUIDE TO WASHINGTON AND BALTIMORE
_Alcoholism Treated_: The per capita consumption of hootch here
is the highest in the world. If you raise it still more call:
(Washington) Greenhill Institute, CO 4754. (Baltimore) Baltimore
Clinic, LA 1200.
_Amusement Parks_: Where lonely people meet. The rides are fun,
too. (Washington) Glen Echo Park and Marshall Hall Park.
(Baltimore) Bay Shore Park, Gwynn Oak Park and Carlins.
_Art Instruction_: Learn to paint nudes in the nude. (Washington)
de Burgos, ME 1039; Kane, ST 7917.
_Astrologers_: If you’re wondering what Congress is going to do
next. (Washington) Mabel Bowles, HO 5017. They’re outlawed in
Baltimore.
_Baby Sitters_: Some people still bring their brats with them. If
you’re that dumb after reading this book, call: (Washington) Part
Time Mothers, DI 2300; or Courtesy, EX 5050. (Baltimore) Samuels,
HO 4303; or Villa, CL 1931.
_Bail Bonds_: The fee is $75 for each $500. If you work for the
Big Mob, the price is just half. Call: (Washington) Weinstein,
ME 9292; Jones, ME 8123; Ryan, RE 7661 and O’Conor, ME 5500.
(Virginia) Weinstein, WO 6700. (Baltimore) Statewide, BR 8200 and
Walker, SA 6333.
_Barber Shops, All Night and Sunday_: If you failed to make a
date before midnight, why do you want to get shaved so late?
(Washington) Robinson’s, 829 14th St. (Baltimore) East Baltimore
St.
_Baseball_: The Washington Senators never get anywhere, but they
always make money. That’s because Washingtonians come from every
part of the country and liberally patronize Griffith Stadium
when their old home teams are in town. All week-day games are at
night. Baltimore is larger than half a dozen major league cities,
yet it only has a minor league team, the famous Orioles. Night
games, too.
_Blacksmiths_: Left-Wingers insist conservative Congressmen are
still in the horse-and-buggy stage. This proves it. If you’re
looking for a smithy, try (Washington) Capital, 4706 Rhode Island
Ave.; Del Grosso, 424 New Jersey Ave. (Baltimore) Adams, 2628
Boston; or Phillips, 645 East 25.
_Boating_: (Washington) Potomac Boat Club, foot of 36th St.;
Dempsey’s Boat House, 3600 K St. (Baltimore) Atlas, foot of
Broadway; Ward Brothers, Deal, Maryland. And don’t forget the
excursion and night boats on the Potomac and the Chesapeake.
_Bookmakers_: Must you ask?
_Bridge Games Found_: The experts claim the game is all skill, but
with us it’s purely luck--bad. (Washington) RE 9886.
_Burlesque_: For what New York can’t have--see page 263.
_Carnival Suppliers_: Maybe you’ve always wanted to own a paddle
wheel, a bingo layout or a Jap rolling ball game. Merry-go-rounds
and ferris wheels, too. (Baltimore) Superior, ED 3737 and United,
LE 6239.
_Cats Boarded_: In case your pussy is shy, this place has a lady
attendant. (Washington) Williams, SH 6923.
_Chaperones_: Most unattached ladies are so ugly they don’t need
this. But if you don’t trust your cutie call (Washington) DI 2300
or EX 8596. If no answer, call us.
_Chinese Cooking; How to Learn_: Personally we don’t know why you
want to, but if you got a yen for moo goo gai pan and don’t like
the way it’s prepared in the marts of trade, try Washington
School, EX 0265.
_Cleaners, One Day_: When the Fair Dealers finish spending your
dough, you probably will have gone to the cleaners. But if you
have a suit and you’ve got to get it back the same day, try your
hotel valet or (Washington) Central, 1405 H or Century, 633 F,
cleaning done while you wait. (Baltimore) Premier, Monroe and
Windsor, same day.
_Colonic Irrigation_: Just in case. (Washington) Warcoff, RE 0872;
Riggs, ME 2388; Washington, BI 7701. (Baltimore) Keller, LE 6862.
_Comfort Stations and Rest Rooms_: When you gotta go, you gotta go.
(Washington) Pennsylvania Ave. between 13th and 14th; Library
Park; La Fayette Square; the Capitol and all public buildings.
(Baltimore) Lexington Market.
_Detective Agency, Colored_: That’s not where we got our info.
(Washington) Keystone, RE 8913.
_Detective Agency, Confidential_: They can find anything except
what’s happening to the tax-payers’ money. (Washington)
Bradford, NA 4610; Burns, NA 7681. (Baltimore) Pinkerton, MU 2770.
_Drags, Costumes For, Also Wigs_: (Washington) Jack Mullane, 714
11th St.
_Drug Addiction Treated_: Uncle Sam will do it free if he catches
you first. Otherwise (Baltimore) Relay Sanitarium, phone Elkridge
40, or Pinel, phone Ellicotte City 362.
_Drug Stores, All Night_: If you run out of lipstick at 3 a.m.
(Washington) Peoples, Thomas Circle, HO 1234. (Baltimore) Morgan
& Millard, Baltimore and South Sts., SA 4233. For 24-hour
prescription service, phone Arbutus 2019.
_Emergency Information_: (Washington) Birth Control Clinic, 715 E
St., SW, NA 4780. (Baltimore) Planned Parenthood Association,
1028 North Broadway, DR 1681.
_Escort Services_: To accompany the lonely. (Washington) DE 8000.
_Fashion Shows_: Some guys surprise their wives and ask to come
along. See the pretty models Thursdays at six in the Willard
lounge; Fridays at six, Mayflower lounge (Washington). In
Baltimore--Wednesday luncheon at the Belvedere.
_Friends, to Meet New Ones_: How lonesome can you get? Call
(Washington) The Just For Fun Club, DE 2500 or Clara Lane, RE
3504 (Baltimore). Visit the Baltimore Friendship Club, Charles
Street.
_Frustrated, are you?_ (Washington) Curt Miller, 1406 G St.
_Gambling_: See page 207.
_Ghost Writers_: Some Congressmen write their own. (Washington)
Henderson, NA 4576.
_Guns and Firearms_: After reading this book, you may want to
defend yourself. (Washington) Lorch, 1010 Vermont; Temblers, 913
D. (Baltimore) Baltimore Gun Smith, 218 So. Broadway.
_Handwriting Expert_: In case she forged the embarrassing love
letters call (Washington) Dr. Newton J. Baker, DI 7070. If you
really wrote them don’t bother.
_Limousines_: So you want to put on the swank. (Washington) Haines,
HO 8460, ask for James Conley. (Baltimore) Associated, HA 5494;
Belvedere, LE 8888.
_Manicurists_: No matter how easy it is to get others, most
traveling men still prefer the finger-nail mechanics. They’re on
duty in every hotel and large barber shop. Some will come to your
room.
_Manure_: This has absolutely nothing to do with the subject,
unless it’s what you think about when you hear your Congressman’s
speech. We said Washington is a small town and we mean it. You
can get it by the shovelful or the truckload from American, GE
2440. (Baltimore) Town and Country, HO 0906.
_Maps_: We don’t know what this has to do with this book, because
none of the cartographs they sell are confidential. On the other
hand, a lot of phony foreign spies buy them over the counter and
send them home as the genuine article filched from the files. See
classified phone directory.
_Marital and Sex Problems_: This book is guaranteed to cure them
for some, cause them for others. (Washington) Lurie, CO 1331;
Psychological Service, OL 1980.
_Masseurs_: If you read what we wrote about the Hopkins Institute
you will know why we don’t want to get mixed up with the F.B.I.
on this one. However, if you still insist on getting a massage,
refer to the classified phone book. Most are legit.
_Models’ Agencies_: All girls like to pose. Some get paid for
it. If you want to be a model or hire a model see (Washington)
Phyllis Bell, ST 2353; Fashion Show, NA 6590; Models Bureau, DU
1000; Ralston, RE 0069. (Baltimore) Academy Models, PL 4454;
Model Agency, PL 4019. (_Inside Stuff_: Some model agencies try
to sell you lessons, photos and make-up instead of securing work
for you. Have nothing to do with them.)
_Out-of-town Newspapers_: The news is bad all over. (Washington)
14th and New York. (Baltimore) Calvert and Fayette.
_Palmists_: In Washington, when she says, “Give a little girl a
great big hand,” she ain’t the ghost of Texas Guinan. If you want
to have your palm read, try Astor, ST 0698; De Long, ME 5234;
Gentry, EX 3075. Illegal in Baltimore.
_Personal Services_: We mean such things as running errands,
answering your phone and doing your dirty work. (Washington)
Buddie’s, MI 9034.
_Personality Developed_: They laughed when he walked into the
drawing-room. After he took lessons, they wouldn’t let him in the
drawing-room. But if you’ve got a personality like a dead fish,
try (Washington) Colt, OV 4531 or Parker, ME 2299.
_Post Office, All Night_: Just in case you want to write home for
dough. (Washington) General Post Office. (Baltimore) Calvert and
Fayette.
_Pregnancy Tests_: If your luck is dubious. (Washington)
Professional, NO 2944.
_Psychics and Mediums_: Guaranteed to put you in touch with your
great aunt (Washington) Wright, AD 4249; Mar Vell, HO 5017. No
lost souls admitted in Baltimore.
_Psychologists_: Some people were born goofy, others went crazy
reading this book. No matter how you got that way, call
(Washington) MacBaugh, OL 1980 or Dupont, HU 7979. (Baltimore)
Kaufman, BE 5640 or Schor, LE 5445.
_Punch Boards_: If you would like to set up a little gambling
racket back in your home town, you can buy the paraphernalia in
Baltimore from A & A, 715 Ensor or Royal, 618 East Baltimore.
_Secretarial_: Some people call them because they want to dictate
in their hotel rooms. Others have hopes. We do our own typing.
Look in the classified phone directories under “Stenographic.”
_Shooting Galleries_: Some Washingtonians practice their
marksmanship on the streets. If you want to do yours indoors go
to (Washington) 9th St. between Pennsylvania and G or (Baltimore)
East Baltimore St.
_Shopping Service_: Some guys don’t do anything they shouldn’t when
they’re away from home. Others bring their wives beautiful gifts.
(Washington) Embassy, EX 7158; Ideas Unlimited, ST 0082. Phyllis
Bell, ST 2353 will help women who have no confidence in their
own taste to buy their clothes. (Baltimore) E.Z., SA 0295. All
department stores maintain such services.
_Slot-Machines_: Some people buy them for their game rooms.
Personally, we’d like to own a two-bit one-armed bandit in the
Times Square subway station. Whatever purpose you want one
for, you can buy them in (Washington) at the Game Room, 1538
Connecticut Ave.; Atlas, 1360 H St. NE or Silent Sales, 1771
Columbia Road. (Baltimore) A & A, 715 Ensor; Premier, 214 South
Howard. It’s illegal to transport across state lines.
_Spiritualists_: They talk to the departed. (Washington) Brewer,
EX 3075; Worsley, LI 3-3557. (Baltimore) If they call themselves
fortune tellers they’re taboo. But Madame Matthew, ED 1260, is a
“spiritual advisor.” So is Madame Collins, SA 4745.
_Stags_: Why anyone should have to go to one to see naked dames is
beside us. However, if you want to hire such babes to perform in
the District or in Baltimore, phone (Baltimore) Sponsler, MU 0271.
_Sucker Lists_: Have you anything to sell by mail? (Washington)
Intelligence Bureau, 1311 G, has “wealthy” list of government
executives, home-owners, teachers, graduates, businessmen and
women, etc. for D.C. and suburbs. (Baltimore) call Webb LE 5671.
_Tattoo Artists_: If your girl friend likes pretty pictures, try
(Washington) 8th St. SE or (Baltimore) East Baltimore St.
_Telegraph Office, All Night_: Washington 708 14th NW, phone NA
7100--Baltimore, 108 E. Baltimore, LE 6300.
_Theatre Tickets for New York and Philadelphia Shows_: When the
road won’t come to you, you’ve got to go find it. Always reserve
your seats in advance, because if the show’s any good you
can’t get ’em, and if you can you won’t want to see the show.
(Washington) New York Service, NA 5575; Stabler, RE 7307; Willard
Hotel Agency, NA 5575. (Baltimore) New York Service, SA 2100.
_Toupees and Wigs_: When you blow your top. (Washington) Emil, 1221
Connecticut Ave.; Hepner’s, 612 13th St. (Baltimore) National,
334 North Howard.
_Worrier, Professional_: Before you lose your hair, consult
(Washington) Thelma Hunt, RE 4600 or Clifton, AD 4550. They’re
willing to get bald, for a fee.
And now turn to
PART FIVE
THE APPENDIX
(_Confidential!_)
A. HEADWAITERS
_This and a sawbuck gets you an insult._
AMBASSADOR HOTEL (NA-8510) Hi-Hat: Joe Brito
CARLTON HOTEL (ME-2626) Congo Room: Stephen
COLONY RESTAURANT (ST-8165): Orlando Connio
MAYFLOWER HOTEL (DI-3000) Lounge: Alfred Leggett
OLD NEW ORLEANS (RE-7284): Ivanhoe Wills
OLMSTED RESTAURANT (ME-8055): Gus Kooles
SHOREHAM HOTEL (AD-0700) Palladian Room: George and Alfred.
Blue Room: Paul
STATLER HOTEL (EX-1000) Embassy Room: Nick
WARDMAN PARK HOTEL (CO-2000) Caribar Room: Leslie Matke
BALTIMORE
CLUB CHARLES (VE-8020): Tommy McGee
EMERSON HOTEL (MU-4400): Walter Katzli
LORD BALTIMORE HOTEL (LE-8400) Oak Room: Mr. Cavalier
SHERATON BELVEDERE HOTEL (MU-1000): Antone
SOUTHERN HOTEL (SA-1600): Nick Brown
B. GUSTATORY GUIDE
_Listed, but not necessarily guaranteed._
FOR COCKTAILS:
Anchor Room, 12th & H, NA-9220 (servicemen and pick-ups)
Cafe Caprice, Roger Smith Hotel, NA-2740 (government workers’ hangout)
Chelsea Room, Hotel Carlyle, N. Capitol & E, EX-7670 (gathering place
for Southerners)
Hay-Adams Lounge and English Tap Room, 800 16th St., NW, ME-2260
(respectable)
Hi-Hat, Ambassador Hotel, NA-8510 (pretty babes)
King Cole Room, 820 Conn. Ave., ME-3935 (flashy crowd)
Mayflower Lounge, Conn. Ave. & De Sales, DI-3000 (political)
Statler Hotel, 16th & K, EX-1000 (cosmopolitan)
Washington Roof, 15th & Penn., ME-5900 (summer)
Willard Hotel, Penn. & 14th, NA-4420 (pretty babes)
FOR DINING: