Colico, Italy.
My dear Molly,--After fatigues and distresses that would have worn out
the strength of a rhinocerass, here we are, at length, in Italy. If you
only saw the places we came through, the mountains upon mountains of
snow, the great masses that tumbled down on every side of us, and we
lost, as one might call it, in the very midst of eternal dissolution,
you 'd naturally exclaim that you had got the last lines ever to be
traced by your friend Jemima. Two days of this, no less, my dear,
with fifteen degrees below "Nero," wherever he is, that's what I call
suffering and misery. We were twice given up for lost, and but for
Providence and a guide called--I am afraid to write it, but it answers
to Barny with us--we 'd have soon gone to our long account; and, oh,
Molly! what a reckoning will that be for K. I.! If ever there was a
heart jet black with iniquity and baseness, it is his; and he knows it;
and he knows I knows it; and more than that, the whole world shall know
it I 'll publish him through what the poet calls the "infamy of space;"
and, so long as I 'm spared, I 'll be a sting in his flesh, and a thorn
in his side.
I can't go over our journey--the very thought of it goes far with
me--but if you can imagine three females along with the Arctic voyagers,
you may form some vague idea of our perils. Bitter winds, piercing
snow-drift, pelting showers of powdered ice, starvation, and
danger,--dreadful danger,--them was the enjoyments that cost us
something over eighteen pounds! Why?--you naturally say,--why? And well
may you ask, Mrs. Gallagher. It is nothing remarkable in your saying
that this is singular and almost unintelligible. The answer, however, is
easy, and the thing itself no mystery. It's as old as Adam, my dear, and
will last as long as his family. The natural baseness and depravity
of the human heart! Oh, Molly, what a subject that is! I'm never weary
thinking of it; and, strange to say, the more you reflect the more
difficult does it become. Father Shea had an elegant remark that I often
think over: "Our bad qualities," says he, "are like noxious reptiles.
There 's no good trying to destroy them, for they 're too numerous; nor
to reclaim them, for they 're too savage; the best thing is to get out
of their way." There's a deal of fine philosophy in the observation,
Molly; and if, instead of irritating and vexing and worrying our
infirmities, we just treated them the way we should a shark or a
rattlesnake, depend upon it we 'd preserve our unanimity undisturbed,
and be happier as well as better. Maybe you 'll ask why I don't try this
plan with K. I.? But I did, Molly. I did so for fifteen years. I went
on never minding his perfidious behavior; I winked at his frailties,
and shut my eyes, as you know yourself, to Shusy Connor; but my leniency
only made him bolder in wickedness, till at last we came to that elegant
business, last summer, in Germany, that got into all the newspapers, and
made us the talk of the whole world.
I thought the lesson he got at that time taught him something. I fondly
dreamed that the shame and disgrace would be of service to him; at all
events, that it would take the conceit out of him. Vain hopes, Molly
dear,--vain and foolish hopes! He isn't a bit better; the bad dross
is in him; and my silent tears does no more good than my gentle
remonstrances.
It was only the other day we went to see a place called Pfeffers, a
dirty, dismal hole as ever you looked at I thought we were going to see
a beautiful something like Ems or Baden, with a band and a pump-room,
and fine company, and the rest of it Nothing of the kind,--but a gloomy
old building in a cleft between two mountains, that looked as if they
were going to swallow it up. The people, too, were just fit for the
place,--a miserable set of sickly creatures in flannel dresses, either
sitting up to their necks in water, or drying themselves on the rocks.
To any one else the scene would be full of serious reflections about the
uncertainty of human life, and the certainty of what was to come after
it Them was n't K. I.'s sentiments, my dear, for he begins at once what
naval men call "exchanging signals" with one of the patients. "This is
the Bad-house, my dear," says he. "I think so, Mr. D.," said I, with a
look that made him tremble. He had just ordered dinner, but I did n't
care for that; I told them to bring out the horses at once. "Come,
girls," said I, "this is no place for you; your father's proceedings are
neither very edifying nor exemplary."
"What's the matter now?" says he. "Where are we going before dinner?"
"Out of this, Mr. Dodd," said I. "Out of this at any rate."
"Where to,--what for?" cried he.
"I think you might guess," said I, with a sneer; "but if not, perhaps
that hussy with the spotted gingham could aid you to the explanation."
He was so overwhelmed at my discovering this, Molly, that he was
speechless; not a word,--not a syllable could he utter. He sat down on a
stone, and wiped his head with a handkerchief.
"Don't make me ill, Mrs. D.," said he, at last. "I 've a notion that the
gout is threatening me."
"If that's all, K. I.," said I, "it's well for you,--it's well if it is
not worse than the gout. Ay, get red in the face,--be as passionate as
you please, but you shall hear the truth from me, at least; I mayn't
be long here to tell it. Sufferings such as I 've gone through will
do their work at last; but I 'll fulfil my duty to my family till I
'm released--" With that I gave it to him, till we arrived at Coire,
eighteen miles, and a good part of it up hill, and you may think what
that was. At all events, Molly, he did n't come off with flying colors,
for when we reached a place called Spluegen he was seized with the gout
in earnest I only wish you saw the hole he pitched upon to be laid
up in; but it's like everything else the man does. Every trait of his
character shows that he has n't a thought, nor a notion, but about his
own comforts and his own enjoyments. And I told him so. I said to him,
"Don't think that your self-indulgence and indolence go down with _me_
for easiness of temper: that's an imposture may do very well for the
_world_, but your wife can't be taken in by it." In a word, Molly, I
didn't spare him; and as his attack was a sharp one, I think it's
likely he does n't look back to the Spluegen with any very grateful
reminiscences.
Little I thought, all the time, what good cause I had for my complaints,
nor what was in store for me in the very middle of the snow! You must
know that we had to take the wheels off the carriage and put it on
something like a pair of big skates, for the snow was mountains high,
and as soft as an egg-pudding. You may think what floundering we had
through it for twelve hours, sometimes sinking up to the chin, now
swimming, now digging, and now again being dragged out of it by ropes,
till we came to what they call the "Refuge-house;" a pretty refuge,
indeed, with no door, and scarcely a window, and everybody--guides,
postboys, diggers, and travellers--all hickledy-pickledy inside! There
we were, my dear, without a bed, or even a mattress, and nothing to eat
but a bottle of Sir Robert Peel's sauce, that K. I. had in his trunk,
with a case of eau-de-Cologne to wash it down. Fortunately for me my
feelings got the better of me, and I sobbed and screeched myself to
rest. When I awoke in the morning, I heard from Mary Anne that another
family, and English too, were in the refuge with us, and, to all
appearance, not ill-supplied with the necessaries of life. This much I
perceived myself, for the courier lit a big fire on the hearth, and laid
a little table beside it, as neat and comfortable as could be. After
that he brought out a coffee-pot and boiled the coffee, and made a plate
of toast, and fried a dish of ham-rashers and eggs. The very fizzing of
them on the fire, Molly, nearly overcame me! But that wasn't all; but he
put down on the table a case of sardines and a glass bowl of beautiful
honey, just as if he wanted to make my suffering unbearable. It was all
I could do to stand it. At last, when he had everything ready, he went
to a door at the end of the room and knocked. Something was said inside
that I didn't catch, but he answered quickly, "Oui, Madame," and a
minute after out they walked. Oh, Molly, there 's not words in the
language to express even half of my feelings at that moment. Indeed,
for a minute or two I would n't credit my senses, but thought it was an
optical confusion. In she flounced, my dear, just as if she was walking
into the Court of St. James's, with one arm within his, and the other
hand gracefully holding up her dress, and _he_, with a glass stuck in
his eye, gave us a look as he passed just as if we were the people of
the place.
Down they sat in all state, smiling at each other, and settling their
napkins as coolly as if they were at the Clarendon. "Will you try a
rasher, my dear?" "Thanks, love; I'll trouble you." It was "love" and
"dear" every word with them; and such looks as passed, Molly, I am
ashamed even to think of it! Heaven knows I never looked that way at K.
I. There I sat watching them; for worlds I could n't take my eyes away;
and though Mary Anne whispered and implored, and even tried to force me,
I was chained to the spot. To be sure, it's little they minded me! They
talked away about Lady Sarah This and Sir Joseph That; wondered if the
Marquis had gone down to Scotland, and whether the Duchess would meet
them at Milan. As I told you before, Molly, I was n't quite sure my eyes
did n't betray me, and while I was thus struggling with my doubts, in
came K. I. "I was over the whole place, Jemi," said he, "and there 's
not a scrap of victuals to be had for love or money. They say, however,
that there 's an English family--" When he got that far, he stopped
short, for his eyes just fell on the pair at breakfast.
"May I never, Mrs. D.," said he, "but that's our friend Mrs. G. H. As
sure as I'm here, that's herself and no other."
"And of course quite a surprise to you," said I, with a look, Molly,
that went through him.
"Faith, I suppose so," said he, trying to laugh. "I wasn't exactly
thinking of her at this moment. At all events, the meeting is fortunate;
for one might die of hunger here."
I need n't tell you, Molly, that I 'd rather endure the trials of
Tartary than I 'd touch a morsel belonging to her; but before I could
say so, up he goes to the table, bowing, and smiling, and smirking in
a way that I 'm sure he thought quite irresistible. She, however, never
looked up from her teacup, but her companion stuck his glass in his eye,
and stared impudently without speaking.
[Illustration: 088]
"If I 'm not greatly mistaken," said K. I., "I have the honor and the
happiness to see before me--"
"Mistake,--quite a mistake, my good man. Au! au!" said the other,
cutting him short. "Never saw you before in my life!"
"Nor are _you_, sir, the object of my recognition. It is this
lady,--Mrs. Gore Hampton."
She lifted her head at this, and stared at K. I. as coldly as if he was
a wax image in a hairdresser's window.
"Don't you remember me, ma'am?" says he, in a soft voice; "or must I
tell you my name?"
"I'm afraid even that, sir, would not suffice," said she, with a most
insulting smile of compassion.
"Ain't you Mrs. Gore Hampton, ma'am?" asked he, trembling all over
between passion and astonishment.
"Pray, do send him away, Augustus," said she, sipping her tea.
"Don't you perceive, sir--eh, au--don't you see--that it's a au--au,
eh--a misconception--a kind of a demned blunder?"
"I tell you what I see, sir," said K. I,--"I see a lady that travelled
day and night in my company, and with no other companion too, for two
hundred and seventy miles; that lived in the same hotel, dined at the
same table, and, what's more--"
But I could n't bear it any longer, Molly. Human nature is not strong
enough for trials like this,--to hear him boasting before my face of his
base behavior, and to see her sitting coolly by listening to it. I gave
a screech that made the house ring, and went off in the strongest fit of
screaming ever I took in my life. I tore my cap to tatters, and pulled
down my hair,--and, indeed, if what they say be true, my sufferings must
have been dreadful; for I didn't leave a bit of whisker on one of the
guides, and held another by the cheek till he was nigh insensible. I was
four hours coming to myself; but many of the others were n't in a much
better state when it was all over. The girls were completely overcome,
and K. I. taken with spasms, that drew him up like a football. Meanwhile
_she_ and her friend were off; never till the last minute as much as
saying one word to any of us, but going away, as I may say, with colors
flying, and all the "horrors of war."
Oh, Molly, was n't that more than mere human fragility is required to
bear, not to speak of the starvation and misery in my weak state? Black
bread and onions, that was our dinner, washed down with the sourest
vinegar, called wine forsooth, I ever tasted. And that's the way we
crossed the Alps, my dear, and them the pleasures that accompanied us
into the beautiful South.
If I wanted a proof of K. I.'s misconduct, Molly, was n't this scene
decisive? Where would be the motive of her behavior, if it was n't
conscious guilt? That was the ground I took in discussing the subject
as we came along; and a more lamentable spectacle of confounded iniquity
than he exhibited I never beheld. To be sure, I did n't spare him much,
and jibed him on the ingratitude his devotion met with, till he grew
nearly purple with passion. "Mrs. D.," said he, at last, "when we lived
at home, in Ireland, we had our quarrels like other people, about the
expense of the house, and waste in the kitchen, the time the horses was
kept out under the rain, and such-like,--but it never occurred to you to
fancy me a gay Lutherian. What the ------ has put that in your head
now? Is it coming abroad? for, if so, that's another grudge I owe this
infernal excursion!"
"You've just guessed it, Mr. Dodd, then," said I. "When you were at home
in your own place, you were content like the other old fools of your
own time of life, with a knowing glance of the eye, a sly look, and
maybe a passing word or two, to a pretty girl; but no sooner did you
put foot on foreign ground than you fancied yourself a lady-killer! You
never saw how absurd you were, though I was telling it to you day and
night. You would n't believe how the whole world was laughing at you,
though I said so to the girls."
I improved on this theme till we came at nightfall to the foot of the
Alps, and by that time--take my word for it, Mrs. Gallagher--there was
n't much more to be said on the subject.
New troubles awaited us here, Molly. I wonder will they ever end? You
may remember that I told you how the wheels was taken off our carriage
to put it on a sledge on account of the snow. Well, my dear, what do
you think the creatures did, but they sent our wheels over the Great
St. Bernardt,--I think they call it,--and when we arrived here we found
ourselves on the hard road without any wheels to the coach, but sitting
with the axles in the mud! I only ask you where's the temper can stand
that? And worse, too, for K. I. sat down on a stone to look at us, and
laughed till the tears run down his wicked old cheeks and made him look
downright horrid.
[Illustration: 090]
"May I never!" said he, "but I 'd come the whole way from Ireland for
one hearty laugh like this! It's the only thing I 've yet met that
requites me for coming! If I live fifty years, I'll never forget it."
I perceive that I have n't space for the reply I made him, so that I
must leave you to fill it up for yourself, and believe me your