THE NEW GAME.
[Illustration: [Portrait of the Sociable Contributor]]
The “Home Wreath” continued to make its appearance promptly every
Saturday afternoon, and had of late acquired new popularity, by an
attractive feature it had adopted. It was now illustrated, almost every
week, by original drawings, usually executed by Miss Lee or Jessie.
These sketchings were small, and not very elaborate, but they served to
give a new interest to the sheet. They were entitled “_Family
Portraits_,” and at first were confined to likenesses of creatures kept
on the farm or in the house. Rover, the faithful spaniel, was sketched
to the life, and so was Goldy, the cat. The two horses, Charley and
Kittie, Cora, the calf, and a hen with a brood of chickens, were also
honored with places in the gallery. No one thought of extending this
collection of portraits beyond the domain of the brute portion of the
family, until, one Saturday afternoon, the whole house was startled by
an editorial announcement in the “Wreath,” to the effect that “the
portrait of one of its contributors would be given next week.” The
editor positively refused to let any one into the secret, and no one
else appeared to know anything about the matter. Curiosity was excited
almost to a painful degree, among the young folks, and all put on and
wore for a week their most amiable looks, each one anxious to appear as
pretty as possible on paper, if he or she were the favored individual.
After a week of suspense, Saturday came, and with it came the “Wreath.”
Kate got first possession of the sheet, and as she opened it, and the
annexed “portrait” disclosed itself, labelled “_Our Sociable
Contributor_,” there was a peal of laughter from the other members of
the family who were peeping over her shoulders, that woke the echoes
under the old roof. Marcus was of course the hero of the picture. He was
an attentive reader of the news of the day, and had a habit of getting
so absorbed in the paper as sometimes to become oblivious to remarks
addressed to him, so that the boys used to say the newspaper made him
deaf. The likeness was unanimously voted a capital one, inasmuch as
there was no mistaking who it was intended for.
[Illustration: [Portrait of the High-Minded Contributor]]
A week or two after this, the portrait of another contributor was
promised, and a lively sensation was again awakened. Expectation was on
tip-toe until the next number of the “Wreath” appeared, when a pair of
boy’s legs on stilts, labelled “_Our High-minded Contributor_,” sent
another merry shout through the house. A mania for stilts just then
prevailed among the boys, and Ronald, for several days, had scarcely
deigned to walk upon the earth, but “intent on high designs,” went
awkwardly hobbling round on two long poles, to the amazement of the cows
and chickens, and somewhat to the risk of his limbs and trousers. Of
course, nobody could mistake _this_ portrait; but Ronald seemed much
disappointed because the artist (whether Aunt Fanny or Jessie, he could
not find out,) did not finish it up, to his full length. And, really, it
was provoking to come so near being immortalized, and yet miss it.
But Ronald’s mind was not altogether taken up with stilts, April-fool
hoaxes, or maple sugar speculations. He had been for several weeks, and
was at this very time, at odd moments, engaged on a literary enterprise
of considerable magnitude, for a boy but half way into his thirteenth
year. He let Jessie, alone, into the secret, and received from her some
useful suggestions and assistance; and a paragraph from her pen in the
“Wreath,” was the first announcement of the matter to the rest of the
family. The paragraph was as follows:
“A NEW PLEASURE.—We learn that a young member of our family will in a
few days issue, in manuscript, a new and very amusing game of
transformations, upon which he has been engaged for some time. We
predict that it will prove quite popular with the young folks. Besides
the amusement it will afford, it has a peculiar feature which will
transform it at pleasure into a puzzling and useful exercise for the
intellect. Our readers will probably know more about it, before the
next number of the ‘Wreath’ appears.
J.”
Immediately on this announcement, there was great inquiry about the “new
pleasure,” and Ronald was compelled to produce his game, the moment it
had received the finishing touches. As this game will perhaps amuse my
young readers, I shall copy it here, though it is rather long. At the
end of Peter’s “story,” will be found a list of phrases, which, before
playing the game, should be copied off, each upon a separate slip of
card or paper.[10] One person should be selected to read the story
aloud, and the cards should be distributed among the rest of the
company. Whenever the reader comes to a blank in the narrative, he
should look to some one of the company, who must immediately read aloud
the uppermost card in his pile; and so the game proceeds to the end. Of
course the story will read differently every time the game is tried, for
the transformations it is capable of are infinite. No, not exactly
infinite, which means without limits; but it would take many lines of
figures to express the precise number, as any reader who has studied
arithmetic as far as permutation can easily satisfy himself. This game
is called the “Game of Transformations.”
Footnote 10:
This game may be procured of the publishers in separate form, and put
up in a neat paper box.
There is another game which Ronald called the “Game of Literary
Patchwork,” that may be played with the same cards. One person reads the
story, as in the other game, and the company, instead of taking the
cards hap-hazard, select at each pause one that they suppose will fit
the sentence. If the match proves in any case incongruous or absurd, the
reader may be empowered to exact a forfeit from the offender.
It should also be noticed that this is not merely a game to amuse an
idle hour. It is also a “Literary Puzzle,” designed to exercise and
sharpen the wits; for it is so arranged that it can be put together so
as to make sense, from beginning to end. There is a particular place for
each phrase, but it will call into exercise some ingenuity, judgment and
carefulness, to give to each “Jack” its own appropriate “Gill.” It will,
however, be a profitable exercise, and, I think, will repay the young
reader for the attempt, even if he should not be perfectly successful.
Now for the game:
PETER CODDLE’S TRIP TO NEW YORK.
Mr. Peter Coddle, of Hogginsville, on reaching the mature age of
eighteen, was profoundly impressed with the idea that he needed a larger
field in which to develop his powers, and make his fortune. So, one fine
morning, having dressed himself in his new Sunday suit, and tied up his
old clothes in a cotton handkerchief, he bade adieu to the old folks,
and with high hopes in his heart, and about twenty-five dollars tucked
away in his pocket, he set out for the city of New York.
A few days after, to the great surprise of all Hogginsville, Peter
suddenly re-appeared, in a very dirty and shabby suit, and with an
anxious and wo-begone countenance. He was evidently in a very excited
state of mind, and gave a most extraordinary account of his adventures.
Meeting-houses and saw-mills, thunder-claps and three-legged stools,
salt fish and bull-frogs, were so strangely jumbled together in his
mind, that he apparently could not distinguish one from the other. The
‘squire said he had undoubtedly been drugged with stupefying poisons, by
some villain in that great and wicked city of New York. The doctor shook
his head, and said he exhibited symptoms of a certain disease with a
learned name, sufferers from which were accustomed to transpose their
words and sentences in laughable ways; and he recommended “a good honest
dose of calomel,” as the best thing for him. Others thought the
unfortunate young man had gone crazy; but all finally agreed that it was
possible he had been drinking something stronger than country
well-water. Which of these theories was the true one, I shall not
undertake to decide, but will hasten to tell you his story, just as he
related it to the wondering Hogginsvillians:
PETER’S STORY.
Well, boys, you know I streaked it off a-foot bright and early Monday
morning, for the Cranktown railroad depot. I had all my baggage tied up
in ... It wasn’t very heavy, you know, for there wasn’t anything in it
but ..., and ..., and ..., and.... But by-and-by I began to grow sort of
tired, and just then there came along ... riding in something that
looked like.... So I sung out, “Give us a ride, will ye?” says I; and
says he, “Yes, jump in,” says he, as civil as.... So in I jumps, and
then we travelled, I tell you. Why, we went like.... Says I, “She’s
running away, aint she?” says I. Says he, “No, she’s as steady as ... if
you know how steady that is,” says he.
Well, just then ... started up suddenly from ... near the road, and
frightened the mare like all possessed. She took the bits in her mouth,
and ran like ... down a tremendous long hill. We met ..., and ...,
and ... driving ...; but we got by them all without rubbing a hair. But
just then, ... come jumping out of ..., and sprung right at the mare’s
head. Well, you see that made her shy one side, and plump we went right
against ..., that knocked us all into.... And such a sight as there was,
you never did see. The man had in his cart ..., and ..., and ...,
and ..., besides.... The cart was smashed into flinters and everything
was scattered round in ...; and the horse with the shafts was streaking
it off like ..., towards Cranktown depot.
Well, after I found out I wasn’t killed, I jumps up, and says I, “Why,
you, this is a bad fix, isn’t it, now? I declare, I never saw ...
before, did you?” says I. Says he, “Oh dear,” says he, “I’ve
sprained ..., and broke ..., and tore a hole in ... big enough to
drive ... through,” says he. Says I, “That’s easily mended,” says I;
“come, let’s pick up the pieces, and make the best of....” But the old
fellow wouldn’t stir a peg, but lay as still as ..., and all he said
was, that it wasn’t of any use to cry for ..., or anything else that
couldn’t be helped. So after awhile I told him I must be on my taps, or
I should miss the cars, and I’d rather give ... than do that.
So I picks up my bundle, and takes ... for a walking stick, and streaks
it off for Cranktown depot as fast as ... could carry me. I got there
half an hour before the cars did, and as I was as hungry as ..., thinks
I I’ll treat myself; so I went into ..., and bought ..., and ..., and
washed ’em down with.... Pretty soon the cars came scooting along, and I
got aboard and settled myself down on ...; and the way we rattled off
towards New York wasn’t particularly slow, I tell you.
We flew like ..., and I got a squint at lots of wonderful things, but
couldn’t stop to examine them. There was ... with ... perched right on
one corner of it; and a great stone house, that had a roof that looked
something like ... upside down; and another monstrous big house, with
hundreds of windows, that had ... standing all alone out-doors. And I
saw ... cutting grass with ...; and ... sawing wood with ...; and a big
redheaded woman licking ... right out in the yard; and some youngsters
driving ... that was tackled into ...; and a dog with ... tied to his
tail; and lots of other curious sights, too numerous to mention.
By-and-by I happened to look up, and there was a dandified little fellow
in the car, about as big round as ..., and with ... on his lip, who had
a quizzing glass up to his eye, and was staring right at me, just as
though I was.... Thinks I to myself, what’s sauce for ..., is sauce
for.... So I out with an old rusty key that I found one day in the
stomach of ..., and putting the round part up to my eye, I began to quiz
the little dandy through it. He looked as cross as ..., but I didn’t
care, so I puckered up my face as solemn as ..., and stared as hard as I
could.
Well, pretty soon the folks around begun to get wind of the fun, and
looked as smiling as.... One fat man, who sat opposite, holding in one
hand ..., and in the other ..., snickered right out, and quieted himself
by taking ...; and a young woman who had ... in her arms, which she was
trying to get to sleep, laughed so that she had to stuff ... into her
mouth. The little dandy now looked as savage as ..., and pretty soon he
got up and strutted off like ... into another car; and then I put my
quizzing glass away, laid back in my seat, and took a good snooze,
with ... for a pillow.
I don’t remember how long I slept, but I expect I had a pretty
considerable nap, for I didn’t wake up for ever so long, and I shouldn’t
then, only ... came along, with ... on his back, which he poked in my
face. I jumped up, and was going to give him ..., but he said it
was ..., and he didn’t mean to, and he asked my pardon as polite as....
So I told him there was no harm done, and we’d let it pass for....
Well, we kept on travelling like ..., and towards night we got to New
York. I knew we were there, because the houses got to be as thick
as ..., and the folks were thicker still. Pretty soon the cars stopped,
and all hands rushed out helter skelter, like ... after the enemy; and
such a scrabbling, and yelling, and grabbing and punching as there was,
I guess you never did see. One great two-fisted fellow, with ... on his
back, ran into me like ..., and almost knocked me into.... An old woman
who wore ..., and who had for baggage ... and ..., besides ... in her
hand, threatened to call the police, because I offered to help carry her
traps. A little dirty-faced boy, with ... in the leg of his trousers,
had ... that he wanted to sell, but I told him I couldn’t trade. Then he
wanted to know how I’d swap, and said he’d trade for ..., or ..., or....
I thought he was poking fun at me, and so I walked off; but as I turned
to go, I thought I heard him say something about....
Just then some music struck up in a corner of the depot, that sounded
for all the world like ... giving a concert, and I went to see what it
was. There was a man whose face was all covered with hair, singing, and
playing on.... There was a boy, too, who was playing on something that
sounded like.... They gave us ..., and then they struck up ..., and then
the boy passed round his cap for a contribution. One man put in ...;
another dropped in ...; and a rogue of a boy threw in something that
looked like....
Well, about that time I looked up, and caught the eye of a well-dressed
gentleman with ..., who was standing close by. His head was as smooth
and slick as ..., and he looked as nice as though he were just out
of.... He was in mourning, for he had ... on his hat, and appeared
dreadful solemn. Says he, “My friend,” says he, taking me aside, “I
suppose you wish to find ... of the right sort. I suppose you’ve heard,”
says he, “about the rascally tricks that are played off here upon
strangers; but you’ve no idea how many sharpers always stand ready to
fleece.... Why,” says he, “there are three or four of the rascals
watching you, in that crowd, like so many cats lying in wait for ...,
and that’s the reason I took you aside. If you want a good cosy home,”
says he, “where you will be out of the reach of these sharks, and where
you can have anything you call for, from ... to ... or ..., just come
along with me to my boarding-house. You see,” says he, “I aint
exactly ..., but I go about trying to do what little good I can in my
own humble way,” says he; and then he spouted off some poetry, but I
can’t remember but one verse. It was something like this:
“A little word in kindness spoken,
A motion, or ...,
Has often healed the heart that’s broken,
And made....”
Says I, as soon as I could get a word in edgewise, “You’re just the man
I want to see,” says I; “but I hope they don’t charge too much down to
your boarding-house, for you see I haven’t got but just ... in my
pocket, and I sha’n’t have anything more till I earn it,” says I. Says
he, “Oh don’t say anything more about that,” says he; “such sordid
thoughts are enough to curdle.... Come along, and you’ll be provided for
till you can do better,” says he.
So we walked along together, and he talked like a book about.... He
spoke about ... crushing his heart, and said the world had lost all its
charms to him, and ... had extinguished the light of his life. He didn’t
say exactly what the matter was, but I thought he’d lost some of his
relations, or.... I asked him where he preached, for I concluded he must
be a minister; but he said he enjoyed such poor health, that he had to
give up his parish. He said he was troubled with ..., and his stomach
was so weak that he often had to dine on ... and.... He said he was also
afflicted with ... in his head, and had great trouble from ... that had
settled on his lungs.
Well, we chatted together just like ..., until we came to his
boarding-house. It was a pretty stylish place, I tell you, and I began
to think a fellow ought to have ..., to afford to live there. He took me
into a nice little room, all cool and shady. There was a picture of ...
on the wall, and an image of ... sitting on the mantel-piece, just as
natural as life. I sat down on ..., and the man went to the closet, and
I heard him pouring something from a bottle. Pretty soon he brought out
on ... two glasses of something that looked real good. Says he, “A man
ought to wet his mouth,” says he, “after riding all day on ...,
especially when the weather’s as hot as ’tis to-day. But as a friend to
you,” says he, “I can’t advise you to drink much of our water, at
first—you know it might not agree with you—it sometimes acts as ... in
the stomach of.... It’s splendid water,” says he; “we Yorkers wouldn’t
take ... for it, and I prefer it to anything the art of man ever
concocted; but then you’ve got to get used to it gradually, you know.
Now,” says he, “just taste of this—it’s some of our temperance cordial,
made out of the pure nectar of.... We’re all temperance folks here,”
says he,—“never have anything in the house stronger than....”
So he took one glass, and drank it down, and I emptied the other pretty
quick, I tell you, for I was as dry as.... Then he went down stairs, to
order supper, and I took up a book that was full of splendid pictures,
and began to look at them. There was a view of ... fighting with ...,
and a picture of ... holding ..., and a likeness of ..., and a portrait
of ..., and a picture of ..., and another of ... perched on the top
of ..., whistling Hail Columbia to all the world.
But pretty soon I begun to feel sort of queer. First I felt ... creeping
over my head, like.... Then it seemed as though there were ... squirming
about in my brain. Then I began to feel queer down in my stomach. I
thought I’d swallowed ..., and ..., which rattled so every time I
stirred, that I couldn’t go to sleep. My legs, too, didn’t seem right—I
thought I’d been changed into.... I did get to sleep, though, after
awhile, and then such a dream as I had! I dreamt that the table was
spread for supper, and covered with everything you could think of. There
was ..., smoking hot ...; and ..., big enough for a whole board of
aldermen; and ..., with all the fixin’s; and ..., that made my mouth
water; and ..., raw; and ..., of the tallest kind; and ..., such as we
used to have at grand-ma’am’s; and ..., fried brown and crispy. But I
can’t remember now half the good things there were on the table.
Well, as true as I’m a live man, I didn’t wake up again till the clock
struck ... the next morning. I was sort of confused, you know, for I
couldn’t find my hat and coat, nor my bundle of clean clothes, and
instead of my new boots, I had on the remnants of ..., all split out at
the sides. Pretty soon a fellow, who was dressed something like ...,
stuck his head in the door. “Hullo, friend,” says I, “can you tell me
where the minister is?” “The what?” says he, looking as puzzled as
though ... had got half way into his head, and then stuck fast. Says I,
“The minister—that city missionary that boards here, and has got ...; I
come along from the cars with him last night,” says I. That made the
fellow laugh right out, and his eyes shined like ... in a dark night.
But pretty soon he cooled off a little, and put ... into his mouth; and
then he sat down on ..., and said he was ..., and asked me to tell him
all about my adventures in New York. So I told him the whole story, but
I tell you I trembled all over, and my muscles felt as flabby as ...,
for you know I began to think I’d got into ..., of some sort or other;
and ... began to come over me, I tell you.
Well, the man sat just as cool as ..., and heard it all, and then says
he, looking me right in the eye, says he, “Coddle, you’re green—dreadful
green. You’ve fallen among thieves, like ..., and got thoroughly cleaned
out,” says he. I began to shake like.... Says he, “Your ‘city
missionary’ was one of those very sharpers that he cautioned you
against—the smooth-tongued villain! He decoyed you into his den, and got
you as drunk as ...,” says he; but that wasn’t true, I’d have you to
know, for I didn’t drink a drop of anything but the temperance cordial.
“Well,” says the man, “after you was drunk enough, he robbed you of your
money and clothes, and then chucked you into ..., for the police to take
care of; and here you are in the police station, arrested for
drunkenness,” says he.
When I heard that, I declare it was just as if ... had hit me right over
the head. “O, dear me,” says I, “what shall I do?” and I burst right out
into ..., for you know the poison stuff made me as weak as ...; and
besides, I had ... in my head, that almost drove me crazy. Well, the
policeman said in the first place I must have something to eat; so he
went out and got me ... and.... Then, as my coat and hat were gone, he
hunted up for me ... and ..., to take their place. My trousers were
badly torn, too, and he got me ... to mend ’em. So, after I’d got fixed
up a little, I went out with him to see if I could find the house where
I stopped. But I had ..., and was weak in the joints, and couldn’t walk
very well. So, after trotting round half an hour, with ... beating on
our heads, he said I’d better go to the depot, and take the first train
for home. I told him I hadn’t got anything in my pocket but ... and ...,
to pay the fare. He said he’d fix that. So he went with me to the depot,
and got a free ticket, which he gave me, with ...; and the way I left
that city wasn’t slow, I tell you. And as soon as ever I came in sight
of father’s piggery and cow-sheds, and saw ... bobbing round among the
cows, and Asa coming down the road with ... for the pigs, and heard
Touser barking ... up a tree, and thought of the hour when ma’am gave
me ..., I declare I burst right out into “Home, sweet home,” my heart
was so full.
And now I tell you, boys, I’m going to settle down on ..., and
raise ..., and try and cultivate ..., and establish for myself ..., and
see if I can’t be ..., as well as other folks. But if anybody here wants
to know what ... is, or is anxious to see ... with his own eyes, and to
pay well for the sight, too, out of his own pocket, I’d just advise him
to go to New York as soon as possible. And I guess my advice is worth
something, if you do get it for nothing; for you see I’ve lost all my
money and new clothes, and got nothing in exchange but.... [_read all
the cards that remain._]
PHRASES TO SUPPLY THE BLANKS.
A broken jackknife.
A flock of crows.
A carpenter’s chest.
A pinch of snuff.
A humbug.
A new idea.
This, that, and the other.
A bureau drawer.
A dancing-master.
A cake saloon.
A gander.
A good character.
Something green.
An old bandanna.
A streak of lightning.
A quarter of beef.
A charcoal-wagon.
A bad cold.
A vast oyster stew.
A bird.
Somebody.
A mowing machine.
A dishcloth.
A pair of old pantaloons.
A yellow dog.
A bucket of soft soap.
A contented mind.
A house afire.
Daddy Longlegs.
A thousand flowers.
A three-legged stool.
A few old clothes.
Two lame legs.
A white cat.
An immense pan-dowdy.
A grand palaver.
A great toe.
A great fool.
A load of hay.
The elephant.
A crust of bread.
A sick calf.
A tin kitchen.
A red moustache.
A fiddler.
A stiff knee.
A cornfield.
Two-and-three-pence.
A one-eyed man.
A cocked hat.
A liberty pole.
Some valuable experience.
A stack of fat lobsters.
A great sorrow.
A cup of coffee.
A quiet conscience.
A gridiron railroad.
An Irishman.
A drove of cattle.
Such a pretty kettle of fish.
A pair of cotton socks.
A dark shadow.
A quart of caterpillars.
A great hole.
An old brass key.
Yankee Doodle.
A dreadful pain.
A pair of green spectacles.
A cucumber.
A string of onions.
A clap of thunder.
Half a pair of scissors.
A soldier.
Half a peck of dried beans.
A telegraph despatch.
A velvet sofa.
A yoke of steers.
A bad scrape.
A basket of chips.
Half a dozen doughnuts.
An old owl.
A flood of tears.
Balaam’s ass.
An old coat.
A tub of butter.
A small boy.
A bad matter.
The milk of human kindness.
A heap of pancakes.
A boarding-house.
A little fiddle.
A Frenchman.
A peeled onion.
Half a dozen bundles.
A stick of candy.
A young earthquake.
A mint of gold.
A salt fish.
A mouse.
Just nothing at all.
A couple of lightning bugs.
A piece of putty.
A dose of salts.
A lightning express.
A handful of pea-nuts.
A Dutch farmer.
A set of false teeth.
A roast ox.
A liver complaint.
A long-legged fellow.
Something else.
A big meeting house.
A heavy weed.
A pumpkin-vine trumpet.
A tear.
The middle of next week.
A small waiter.
A blackbird fricasee.
A brass button.
A unicorn.
A pair of tongs.
A pair of old brogans.
Nine rats in a stocking.
A swarm of bees.
A litter of pups.
A patent boot-jack.
A one-horse saw-mill.
Potatoes and cabbages.
A dilapidated straw hat.
A big chimney.
A stuffed pig.
The American eagle.
A rusty horse-shoe.
A pocket full of rocks.
An Indian squaw.
A smoked herring.
Sally’s baby.
A blue cotton umbrella.
A sheet of fancy gingerbread.
A hickory sapling.
A spare seat.
A thousand of bricks.
A sloop load of clams.
A big iron pot.
Something or other.
A goose.
A bob-tailed donkey.
A sheet of last year’s buns.
A friend sincere.
A three-cent piece.
Fourteen bandboxes.
A city missionary.
A starving bear.
A hot sun.
A bunch of posies.
A gentleman from the country.
Two buckets of swill.
An old handcart.
A great curiosity.
Some serious reflections.
A snapping turtle.
A policeman.
A pocket handkerchief.
A pound of wooden nutmegs.
Twenty-three dollars.
A sweet potato.
A new comer.
A cup of green tea.
A crying baby.
A sea of turtle soup.
A tow-headed boy.
An unfortunate accident.
Old dog Tray.
A dozen bull-frogs.
A mammoth cooking-stove.
Polly’s old bonnet.
A bramble bush.
Some good advice.
A fishing pole.
Widow Buck’s cow.
A glass of ginger beer.
General confusion.
A punch.
A needle and thread.
A blind alley.
A chipmuck.
The old homestead.
A bad liver.
An ivory-headed cane.
A parting blessing.
A handful of crackers.
Three heavy trunks.
A tall steeple.
A strange sensation.
A cock turkey.
Twelve dozen eggs.
A hippopotamus.
An old newspaper.
An old linen sack.
A sore head.
A chaw of tobacco.
A procession of cockroaches.
A Patagonian chief.
Two old cronies.
An Egyptian mummy.
A big stone.
An old setting hen.
Something strange.
St. George and the dragon.
A butcher’s wagon.
These new trousers.
A little spilt milk.
Two shirts and a dickey.
A meat-axe.
Two leather shoe-strings.
A stiff leg.