President WILSON is stated to have played several keen games of
"shuffle-board" on the _George Washington_. As it is an open secret
that Lord ROBERT CECIL has been polishing up his "shove-halfpenny" in
the billiard-room of the Hotel Majestic interesting developments are
anticipated.
***
Primroses, daisies and wallflowers are in full bloom in many parts of
the country and young lambs may now be seen frisking in the meadows.
Can the POET LAUREATE be waiting for someone to get sun-stroke?
***
The Commission on the Responsibilities and Crimes of the War have not
yet decided that the ex-Kaiser is guilty. At the same time it is said
that they have an idea that he knew something about it.
***
At a Belfast football match last week the winning team, the police
and the referee were mobbed by the partisans of the losing side.
Local sportsmen condemn the attack on the winning team as a dangerous
innovation.
***
The L.C.C. is training munition girls to be cooks. We understand that
the velocity and range will be clearly stamped on the bottom of all
pork-pies.
***
A Stromness fisherman, on opening a halibut, found a large cormorant
in its stomach. Cormorants, of course, are not fastidious birds. They
don't mind where they nest.
***
The eclipse of the sun on May 28th should be a great success, if we
may judge by the immense time it has taken over rehearsals.
***
Inspector J.G. OGHAM, chief of the Portsmouth Fire Brigade, who is
about to retire, has attended over two thousand fires. Indeed it is
said that most of the local fires know him by sight.
***
"Ghost stories," says a contemporary, "are being spread about vacant
houses in Dublin to decrease the demand for them." The old caretaker's
trick of training a couple of cockroaches to jump out at the
house-hunter is quite useless to-day.
***
Hull merchants complain that only one train leaves Hull per day
on which wet fish can travel. The idea of bringing the fish to
Billingsgate under their own steam has already been ventilated.
***
Found insensible with a bottle of sherry in his pocket, an East Ham
labourer was fined ten shillings for being drunk. It is believed that
had he been carrying the sherry anywhere else nothing could have saved
him.
***
An absconding Trade Society treasurer last week hit upon a novel idea.
He ran away with his own wife.
***
"Is nothing going to be done to stop the incursion of the sea at
Walton-on-the-Naze?" asks a contemporary. Have they tried the effect
of placing notice-boards along the front?
***
For the first time the public have been admitted to a meeting of the
Beckenham Council. It is pleasant to find that the importance of good
wholesome entertainment is not being lost sight of in some places.
***
Asked by the Wood Green magistrates for the names of his six children,
a defendant said that he did not know them. It is a good plan for a
man to get his wife to introduce him to the children.
***
It appears that a certain gentleman has managed to overcome the
domestic servant problem. He has married one.
***
A Salford man giving evidence in a local court told the magistrates
that his wife had repeatedly stuck pins into him. There is no excuse
for such conduct, even with pin-cushions at their present inflated
price.
***
No one seemed to take the rat-plague very seriously in the Isle of
Wight until last week, when several rodents were discovered at the
Seaplane Station at Bembridge busily engaged in trying on the pilots'
flying coats.
***
It is only fair to remark that, although the Government has recently
been found guilty of profiteering, they have never during the War
raised the price: of their ten-shilling notes.
***
Much difficulty is being experienced by the Allies in deciding what.
to do with the German Fleet. Curiously enough this is the very dilemma
that the Germans were faced with during most of the War.
***
We hear that the officials at Lincoln prison are much impressed by the
cleverness of DE VALERA'S escape and are anxious to present him with
an illuminated address, but unfortunately they do not know it at
present.
***
A scientific organ points out that in deciding the fate of Heligoland
it should not be forgotten that it was once a valuable ornithological
observation station. The almost extinct _Pavo Potsdamicus,_ if we
remember correctly, was an occasional visitor to the island.
***
Congress, says a Washington message, is anxious to get back to
domestic business. It does not say whose.
* * * * *
[Illustration: STRANGE CASE IN PUGILISTIC CIRCLES.
A REPORTER LEARNS FROM BILL SLOGGS THAT HE IS NOTHING LIKE AS HARD AS
NAILS AND NOT THE LEAST CONFIDENT.]
* * * * *
"'Easter and Peace will coincide,' declared a member of the
Council of Ten to the Central News correspondent in Paris."
"Easter Day this year is on April 20--less than six hours
hence."--_Evening Paper, March 12th._
How some of our journalists do jump to conclusions!
* * * * *