_His return to King’s-college after his father’s death
and his temptations._
WHEN his father was dead he returned again to _King’s-college_, and was
a member of a society, which began to contrive how they might best be
serviceable to God and their generation. Their custom was frequently to
meet together, to pray and to communicate _studies_ and _experiences_.
Some of this company grew cold, but others lived to let the world
see, that what they did was from a _vital principle_: among whom,
this young man was none of the _least_. One of their designs was to
engage the _Juniors_, if possible, before they were ensnared by wicked
company, when they came from school. After some time, most of his dear
companions were _transplanted_ either into gentlemen’s families or
livings, and Mr. _Janeway_, being one of the youngest, was, for a while,
left alone in the _College_. But wanting suitable society, he fixed so
intensely upon his studies, that he soon gave an incurable wound to his
constitution.
But he had his gloomy days, and his sweets were sometimes imbittered
with dreadful and horrid temptations. The devil shot his poisonous
arrows at him: yet through the captain of his salvation, he came off
more than conqueror.
It would make a Christian’s heart even ake to hear what strange
temptations he was exercised with. But he was well armed for such a
conflict, having the shield of faith, whereby he quenched the fiery
darts of that wicked one: yet, this fight cost him the sweating of his
body for agonies of spirit; and tears and strong cries to heaven. As
for himself, he was wont to take an arrow out of God’s quiver, and
discharge it by faith and prayer, for the discomfiture of his violent
enemy, who at last was fain to fly.
These conflicts with Satan, did not a little help ♦him dealing with
them that are afflicted with the like temptations. I insert a letter
of his to one in the like case.
♦ “in” replaced with “him” per Errata
_Dear Friend_,
‘You say that you are troubled with blasphemous thoughts: so then,
though they are blasphemous, yet they are your trouble; and neither
sent for, nor welcome. What then shall we think of them? If they were
your own production, your heart would be delighted in its own issue,
but it is nothing less. They are the injections of that wicked one,
who is the accuser of the brethren, and the disturber of the peace of
the people of God. But Satan uses only to employ those weapons against
those he is in fear of losing? He is not wont to assault and fight
against his friends in this manner. Those that he hath fast, he leads
on as softly and quietly as he can; fearing lest they should awake,
and see their danger: but those that have in some measure escaped his
snares, he follows hard, with all the discouragements he can. These
things are no other but a bitter relish of those things, which you
know to be bitter after you have tasted how good the Lord is. What then
shall I call these motions of your mind? They are the soul’s loathing
the morsels which Satan would have it swallow: but you will say, if
these horrible thoughts be not your sin, yet they are your misery. And
you will ask, How shall I get free from them? _First_, See that you
possess your soul in patience: know that God hath an over-ruling hand
in all this: and wait upon him, for he can and will bring good out of
all this evil. At present you see no light: yet, _Trust in the Lord,
and stay yourself upon your God_. Can Christ forget the purchase of his
own blood? _Can a mother forget her sucking child?_ Yet, _God cannot
forget his_. God hath gracious intents in all this, and his bowels
yearn towards you. Yea, our Saviour suffers with us, through his ardent
love by sympathy, as well as he hath suffered for us. And you know he
hath all power in his hand. This power is made yours through the prayer
of faith: but for your own work, do this.
‘_First_, Let not such thoughts have any time of abode in your mind,
but turn them out with all the abhorrence you can: yet not with so much
trouble and disturbance of mind as I believe you do. For by this the
devil is pleased and makes you your own tormentor.
‘_Secondly_, Always divert your thoughts to some good thing, and let
those very injections be the occasion of spiritual meditation. Think
the quite contrary, or fall a praying with earnestness; and the devil
will be weary if he finds his designs thus broken, and that those
sparks of hell (which he struck into the soul to kindle corruption,)
set faith and prayer a working.
‘_Thirdly_, Consider that this is no new thing; if any soul hath
escaped out of darkness, if he will have heaven, he shall have it
with as much trouble, as the devil can lay on; but, blessed be God,
he cannot pluck us out of these almighty arms.’
His love to Christ and souls, made him very desirous _to spend, and
be spent in the work of the ministry_. Accordingly he complied with
the first clear call to preach the everlasting gospel. And though he
was but two and twenty years old, yet he came to that work like one
that understood what preaching was. He was a workman that needed not
be ashamed, that was thoroughly furnished for every good word and work;
one that hated sin with a perfect hatred, and loved holiness with all
his soul; one that knew _the terrors of the Lord_, and how to beseech
sinners _in Christ’s stead to be reconciled unto God_: one, in whom
learning and holiness did as it were strive which could excel. He
never preached publicly but twice; but he came to it, as if he had
been used to it forty years; delivering the word of God with that power
and majesty, with that tenderness and compassion, with that readiness
and freedom, that it made his hearers amazed. He spoke nothing to
others but what was the language of his heart, and the fruit of great
experience, and which one might easily perceive had no small impression
first upon his own spirit.
His _first_ and _last_ sermons were upon communion with God, out of
_Job_ xxii. 21. A subject that few Christians under heaven were better
able to manage than himself: for he did for some time maintain such
an intimate familiarity with God, that he seemed to converse with him
as a friend with another. This he began whilst he was here: but the
perfecting his acquaintance with God, was a work for another world.
He kept an exact watch over his thoughts, words and actions, and made a
review of all, at least once a day. He kept a _diary_, in which he set
down every evening what the frame of his spirit had been all the day,
especially in every duty. He took notice what profit he received; what
returns from that far country; what answers of prayer, what deadness
and flatness, and what observable providences. He set down the
substance of what he had been doing: and any wanderings of thoughts,
or passion. It cannot be conceived by them who do not practise this,
to what a good account it turned. This made him retain a grateful
remembrance of mercy, and live in a constant adoring of divine goodness;
this brought him to a very intimate acquaintance with his own heart;
kept his spirit low, and fitted him for free communications from God;
this made him more lively and active; helped him to walk humbly with
God; and made him speak more affectionately and experimentally to
others of the things of God. In a word, this left a sweet calm upon
his spirits, because he every night made even his accounts; and if his
sheets should prove his winding-sheet, it had been all one; for his
work was done; so that death could not surprize him.