We went on board of Captain William Eads' boat at St. Charles, Mo.,
late one night, and found that all the state-rooms were taken and
we could get no bed. There was no one up about the cabin except
the officers of the boat, and as we never tried to win their money,
things looked a little blue for any business before morning, unless
some of the passengers could be got up. Young Bill Eads, a son of
the Captain, was one of the pilots on the boat. He was off watch
and at the bar drunk when we got on board. His father had married
a young wife that day, and was taking his wedding trip on that
boat. Young Bill was mad because his father had secured a young
step-mother for him, and was just raising "Ned" about it.
A short time after going on board, the boat made a landing, and
while we were tied up, the other pilot came down to the bar to see
Bill and also to get something. His name was John Consall--an old
friend of mine. I invited him and Bill to join me, and while we
were drinking I said:
"I wish we could get up a little excitement, so some of the suckers
would come out of their holes."
Young Bill replied: "I'll get them out for you, and that d----d
quick."
John Consall went back to the pilot-house, and soon had the boat
on her way. Bill went out, and in about twenty minutes there was
the darndest racket on that boat you ever heard. Everybody was
sneezing at one and the same time, and you would have thought they
were trying to blow the roof off, from the amount of noise they
made. Bill came up to us out on the guards, and said:
"Didn't I tell you I would drive them out of their holes?"
I looked into the cabin, and, sure enough, everybody was out of
their rooms, rushing up and down the cabin and finally out on the
guards. Old Captain Bill and young Bill's new step-mother were
among the crowd, and it was fun the see the young bride rushing
around after her old hubby, trying to keep him from blowing up the
boat with his sneezing and cursing. He would pull away from her
every time he would make a big sneeze, and then he would curse
until another one would overtake him. He and young Bill knew what
was the cause of all the racket, and the old one soon learned who
had put the red pepper on the hot stove. He tried to find his bad
boy, but he was up on the roof, so his step-mother did not get to
see her hubby throw him overboard, as he swore he would do if he
caught him.
They opened all the doors, and soon the red pepper was all out of
the cabins and state-rooms. The old Captain and all the passengers,
except a few good suckers, went back to bed. Young Bill came out
of his hiding-place, and we all took something to wash down the
pepper. We went to work on the fellows who remained up, and won
$1,200, besides several good watches--which we would not have had
a chance to do if the passengers had not been sneezed out. I
appreciated the part Bill and John had played, and presented each
with a good watch.
At another time I got on a boat after all the passengers had gone
to bed, and did not want to wait until morning without doing some
business; so I inquired after the passengers, and learned that
there was one on board who had been drinking and flashing his money.
I sent the porter to his room and told him to knock and tell him
to get up at once, that the boat was on fire, but for him not to
make any noise. In an instant the fellow was into a part of his
clothes and out into the cabin. He rushed up to where we were
sitting and wanted to know where the fire was. We told him down
stairs under the boiler. Then he told us that some one came to
his room and told him the boat was on fire. We laughed, and told
him he must have been dreaming--and he thought he must have been,
if we had heard nothing about it. We all took something at his
expense, and then my partner began to throw the tickets. We beat
him out of $500, and as he started to the room, he said: "I wish
the d----d boat had been on fire."