"Love gives esteem, and then he gives desert;
He either finds equality, or makes it.
Like death, he knows no difference in degrees,
But frames and levels all."
There was a dance in the cabin of the steamer _Magnolia_ one night,
which was a fine affair, as there were a great many wealthy people
on board. I had not done any playing on the boat, so I put on my
good harness, and went back into the ladies' cabin to join in the
dance. I was introduced to a number of fine ladies, among whom
was a beautiful young widow. She joined me in a waltz, another
dance, and a promenade on the guards. I thought her the most
agreeable and sweetest woman I had ever met in my life. I was in
her society most of the time, until the dancing ceased, and then
I bade her "good night, good night; parting is such sweet sorrow,
that I shall say good night till it be morrow."
I met the fascinating widow the next day, and before I bade her
good-by I had received a pressing invitation to visit her at her
plantation; and, "boys," you can bet your life it was not long before
I availed myself of the opportunity. During my visit I received
every attention. The negroes could not have done more for their
master. There was a nice lake on the plantation. The servants
would drive the lady and I over to it, and we would enjoy ourselves
at fishing for a few hours. On our return she would play and sing
for me, and as I sat and looked at her I thought, What would I give
if I was a square man, and how happy I could be with such a woman
as my wife. I did not tell her my business, for fear she would
think less of me. I could not endure the deception, so after three
days of happiness I tore myself away, feeling as if I was "unfixed
for life." In a short time she visited relatives in New Orleans,
and sent me an invitation to call; but as I was acquainted with
her friends, the same old dread came upon me, so I declined, with
the excuse that I was compelled to leave the city the same evening
on the steamer _Judge McLean_. We met again on board a steamer.
She had been told my business, but she treated me more kindly than
ever before. She begged me to quit gambling, and settle down. I
partly agreed to do as she wished. We spent a very pleasant time
together (for I would not attend to business while she was on the
same boat).
Before she left the steamer she took off a large single-stone
diamond ring, and said to me, "Wear this until we meet again." I
tried to refuse it, but she insisted; so I at last accepted the
token. I bade her good-by at the stage-plank, and went up on deck.
She remained on the levee waving her handkerchief (and I returned
the compliment) until we were out of sight. I talked to the clerk
until I felt that I was myself again, and then I started out to
find a sucker; for I had enjoyed the pleasure before business.
It was about three months before I saw my lady love again. I was
glad to see her, and she appeared to be pleased at meeting me.
Before we parted I put the ring back on her finger, but she said
she did not want it; and I believe she meant what she said. I
received another invitation to visit her at her plantation, which
I have neglected to this day, and that has been over thirty years
ago. I have often thought what a different man I might have been
if I had accepted that last invitation. There is one thing that
I am sure of, and that is, if I had married my "first love," I
would not now be writing "Forty Years a Gambler on the Mississippi."