Last spring I attended in Boston a course of lectures on sex hygiene
given expressly for social workers. The course was given at the request
of a number who had been meeting for some time previously to discuss
“what women social workers can do now to promote a better knowledge of
the meaning of sex in life.”
The course was planned by approaching the subject from various aspects,
physiological, psychological, neurological, ideal and simply human.
Talks were given by people whose interest in the subject was vastly
different—physicians, social workers and mothers, and all showed a
spirit of earnestness and willingness to help.
The first few lectures were crowded—overcrowded, in fact—which showed
the great need people feel in being aided and enlightened on a subject
which touches all to some extent.
When the course was over, there was a feeling of disappointment among
some who had attended throughout. Many others had dropped out because
they “could not give the time as they were not getting out of it what
they hoped for.” What did they hope for? The best answer is that when
the opportunity for written questions came, nearly all the inquiries
were “What shall I say to so and so when she asks so and so?” “What
should be said to a young man under such and such circumstances?” and
similar definite demands.
That was the point! People so often want absolute information on
subjects in which “circumstances alter cases!” No human being can tell
any other human being what he or she “should say” to a third person on
any subject at any given time. Each of us has to give of his knowledge
which is fed by his experience and modified by his temperament. We give
this knowledge (if we are wise) to whomsoever happens to need it in such
language as shall appeal to his knowledge, apply to his experience and
adapt itself to his temperament. We can not learn how to do that at any
lecture or set of lectures, and just as long as we expect it on this or
any other subject, we are sure to be disappointed.
The great importance of a right knowledge of sex is borne in upon social
workers daily, often hourly, on account of the many people they meet
whose lives are exposed to dangers which with either wrong or incomplete
knowledge they are not fitted to meet safely. It is frequently the duty
of the social worker either to supply the knowledge or help in the
situation brought about by lack of it. Often they feel unequal to the
task and become morbid over the sorrows brought about by ignorance and
their own inability to help matters. Lectures or books on sex hygiene
are advertised; to them they turn for assistance. All too often are they
disappointed, gaining no concrete knowledge of how to give an answer to
problems on their minds at the time. Likewise some people go to a
lecture or course given by some one who has been successful in
connecting his or her knowledge and experience and giving it out.
Afterward they come away thrilled and inspired and proceed to repeat
like parrots the words they have heard.
Bitter disappointment at the lack of interest on the part of the
audience is the result. I knew of some mothers who attended Laura B.
Garrett’s talks in Philadelphia, and came away eager to instruct their
children. In each case the result was wholly unsatisfactory. They tried
to reproduce Miss Garrett’s words, instead of simply getting knowledge
and suggestion from her talks. What they were imparting was not a part
of themselves, not their own, therefore not theirs to give.
Miss Garrett has worked out her talks from years of patient, earnest
work and hours of thought. She can tell us of her methods and can
illustrate, but if we are going to use her methods we have to make them
our own first. We must adapt them to our own experience and apply them
to the experience of those to whom we are giving them.
The same is true of any other speaker on this subject. There is no fixed
method by which a right knowledge of sex in life can be universally
taught. We may learn how to teach biology or physiology, or how to adapt
the law of life and of coming to life in plants or animals to human
laws, but that does not necessarily qualify us to meet the problems of
sex in life or to teach others to meet them. There are a few essentials
to the proper teaching of the meaning of sex in life and if we possess
these we ought to be able to deal with our problems as they come, if we
are capable of using our possessions.
First, a real living belief that our bodies are the “temples of the Holy
Spirit,” a belief which applies to all parts and functions of the body
and makes it a sacred duty to keep them healthy and clean and strong.
Second, an intelligent knowledge of the body as a machine so that we may
use it and not abuse it.
Third, a calm, moderate knowledge of the more common perversions of sex
and their relations to other forms of nervous troubles, and a belief in
human ability to overcome weakness and sin as well as to cure disease.
These things we can learn and keep on learning at lectures, but how to
give them out from our personality to other personalities is for each
person his or her own individual problem. It must be solved by bringing
his or her own experience of life, plus specific knowledge, plus
sympathy, plus common sense, to bear on each problem and so to adapt it
to the understanding of the person in question that it will help the
existing need.
When the Wise Men of Bethlehem presented gifts, each brought his own
gifts, not another’s. They were wise men. If we social workers are wise,
we shall cease to try to gain from others words in which to express the
knowledge of the meaning of sex in life and will bend our energies to
gaining high ideals, simple workable knowledge of the use of the body
and the evils of its abuse and an understanding heart and common sense.
Then we shall be able to bring our gifts to this subject and present it
to those who need it in such forms as to be practical and effective.