The situation in which I started soon after these events differed
somewhat from my first one. There were only three children, a second
maid--the cook--and instead of eight shillings I was promised ten
shillings a month. My duties were the same as before. I had to wash up
the dishes, to scrub the floor, and to take out the children as soon as
I had finished the housework. My new charges behaved much better than
the children of the manager, and I liked them all very much. The cook,
too, was nice. Neither in speech nor in manner was she objectionable,
and sometimes I used to read out my poems to her. She seemed to be very
fond of the verses, and often asked to hear them again. That made me
very happy.
But after some months had passed away, and I became used to the change,
I was conscious again of the old well-known feeling of dissatisfaction
and loneliness. Frequently I used to sit down in a corner and sob
without knowing what was the matter. I was careful not to let the
mistress see my tears, but could not always hide them from the cook,
who was nearly always with me. She had asked me already what I was
crying for, but I could give no explanation.
One Saturday afternoon, when we were busily scrubbing the floor and all
the different meat-boards in the kitchen, the cook noticed my swollen
eyelids again.
"What is the matter with you, I should like to know," she said. "You
are home-sick perhaps."
I shook my head slowly and thoughtfully.
"I don't think I am home-sick, but I believe I am unhappy because I
can't go and learn anything."
"Can't go and learn anything!" she repeated. "What on earth do you want
to learn?"
I hesitated a little.
"I am sure I don't know. All I know is that I am frightfully silly."
"Well, I shouldn't say that," she replied good-naturedly. "I quite like
the way you help me in the kitchen."
"Oh well, yes; but I mean that I don't know how to play the piano, nor
how to speak French."
"But you do not need such things in service."
"Quite so; but I don't want to be in service."
"Oh!" she exclaimed, and then there was a long silence.
After we had done our work we took off our wet overalls, and put on
clean pinafores. The cook reached down one of the shining saucepans
hanging on the walls, and began to make the coffee, while I went into
the dining-room to lay the table. After I had taken in the tray with
the hot milk, the steaming coffee, and the cups of white porcelain, the
cook and I sat down in the kitchen to take our coffee also. The cook
poured out the coffee, and I noticed that her hands trembled a little.
She did not speak, and I was silent too, but I could feel that our
previous conversation occupied her thoughts. When her cup was empty she
put her head into her hands, and looked me straight in the face.
"Then you want to know French?" she asked abruptly.
"Well, it need not be exactly French."
"What else, then?"
"I don't know."
"That's silly. You must know your own mind, to be sure."
"I believe that I should like to learn English," I confessed, much
embarrassed and ashamed.
"I have never heard of a person learning English. Why would you not
rather learn French?"
"No," I said slowly but decisively, "I would much rather learn English."
"I have thought of everything," she continued after a pause; "the
mistress must not know about it. She herself has never learnt anything
of that sort, and would consider it to be nothing but pride on your
part. But it might be managed, nevertheless, if you would learn only in
the evening after you have put the children to bed."
"Of course," I cried delightedly; "I would not dream of doing it during
the daytime. There is only one thing," I added thoughtfully: "where
shall I be able to find a teacher in the evening?"
"A teacher!" cook exclaimed in utter surprise; "do you mean to say that
you want a teacher?"
I lost heart considerably at her question.
"Of course, I am sure it is impossible without a teacher."
"But won't that be too expensive?"
I assumed great indifference at her remark.
"I don't think that it could cost much," I said.
"How much do you think he would charge you?"
"I don't know exactly, but it won't be above a shilling or two."
"But, my dear, you can't afford that."
"Well, let me see. My wages are ten shillings a month, and I do not
need all the money."
"Of course not But you have to think of the future."
"Well, that's just what I am doing."
The cook did not understand what I meant by these words, and as the
bell rang to show that I was wanted, we dropped the subject, and I did
not dare to touch upon it again in spite of the growing impatience and
longing within me.
A few days later, however, it happened that the cook spoke of it again
quite abruptly.
"Do you think that you would get some benefit from it?"
"From what?" I asked, and looked as if I had no notion of her thoughts.
"From the English language, of course."
"Well, if I knew how to speak it correctly I am certain that I could
make a lot of money with it."
"Where?"
"Not here, of course," I replied, and turned my head guiltily away
from her gaze. We had to do the scrubbing again, and the cook devoted
herself to the work almost savagely; but when the kitchen glittered
and shone, and we were once more sitting down to drink our coffee, she
continued:
"You must try to take your lessons on a Friday evening. The mistress as
well as the master are at the club, and won't be back before eleven. Do
you think you could be back before then?"
I was happy beyond expression, and would have liked to put my arms
round the neck of that dear simple creature.
"What do you think!" I exclaimed, wild with joy, and with my hands
folded as if in prayer; "I shall be in much earlier than that." But in
a moment I grew worried again. "Are you sure that the porter won't tell
about it?"
"Never mind about the porter. I will have a talk with him."
After that we decided that I should look out for a teacher, and
the matter was settled. On the following days when I took out the
children, I looked up and down the houses most carefully, and found at
last what I was searching for. "Languages and Music taught here," stood
out clearly from a black board of granite, and the black board was
fastened on to a stately house. In spite of the shyness caused by the
grandeur of the house I longed to go in right away, but the presence of
the children kept me from carrying out my wish. They were old enough
to understand everything, and there was not the slightest doubt that
they would go and repeat my conversation with a teacher of "languages
and music" to their mother. It is true that my mistress was always most
kind to me, but, as cook remarked, she would never have understood.
When I arrived home I told my friend about my success, and asked her
how I could manage to go there without letting anybody know.
"The only thing you can do," she said, "is to peep in when you go to
fetch the milk."
I thought how very ridiculous it would look for me to go into a room
with a large milk-can in my hands, and did not like her proposal.
There was, however, no other way if I did not want to arouse suspicion,
so next day I pulled the bell of the imposing house. I could hear it
ring from within, and the sound made me still more uncomfortable. I
wished the milk-can at the bottom of the sea, and while I stood there
waiting I thought for a moment of hiding that disgraceful thing. I
looked round for a suitable corner, but then I was afraid that it might
be stolen, so I kept it in my hand, and only tried to hide it as much
as possible behind me when the door opened and a maid asked what I
wanted. Colouring deeply, I told her why I had come, and she begged me
to step in. She led the way into a room, which I thought was the most
magnificent room I had ever seen. There was a very large looking-glass,
and the very first thing I saw in it was myself. The second thing I
saw was the milk-can, and I looked away quickly; never before had it
seemed to me so big and ugly. A few minutes passed, and still I was
left alone. Just when I was beginning to regret that I had come at all,
the door opened, and a slender, sweet-looking woman entered the room.
The lady was Risa de Vall, the teacher of music and languages. As soon
as she saw me she smiled a very faint little smile, which I thought
was due to the milk-can, and in my heart of hearts I reproached that
article bitterly.
"I am told that you wish to take lessons in the English language; is
that so?"
"If you would be so very kind."
"Do you live with your parents?"
I blushed with shame, but answered truthfully:
"No; I am in service."
She was silent for awhile, and looked at me with keen, searching eyes.
"Very well then, my hours are from eight o'clock in the morning till
six o'clock in the evening. When do you want to have your lesson?"
"Oh, I am so very sorry, but I cannot come before eight in the evening."
And, after I had said that, tears filled my eyes.
She smiled again, but that time so kindly that I felt certain the
milk-can had no part in it, and to my greatest delight I heard her say:
"I suppose I must make an exception for once, and give you your lesson
at a time convenient to you."
With some hesitation I asked for her terms, secretly fearing that it
might not be possible after all.
But I was soon relieved. After looking at me once more very keenly, she
named a price that even I considered ridiculously small.
When I repeated this conversation to the cook, she looked very grave.
After a long silence she asked me whether I thought that English would
be a difficult language to learn.
I replied that I did not know, since I had never heard anyone talk
English.