SIR,--Sometime ago I wrote to you to send me a _ream_ of _foolscap_,
which I begged might be sent without delay, as it was for the purpose of
writing out my Christmas bills. I think you must have forgotten me; and
if I do not have the _paper_ soon, I may wear a _fool's-cap_ on account
of not having my bills out in time. Mr. ----, who, in your absence, must
sustain the greatest weight of business, and is, as I may say, the
_Atlas_ of your house, was the person I chiefly depended on. As for
Mr. ----, one of your household, he dresses in _royal purple_, and being
but in a _medium_ way between sickness and health, was drinking
_imperial_ when I saw him, and therefore did not in-_quire_ about the
business; nor did I choose to come _cap_ in _hand_ to a gentleman that
seemed as stately as an _elephant_, though to my thinking he is a
_bundle_ of conceit, all _outside_ show; in short, a piece of
_lumberhand_, on whom I would not _waste paper_ to write him a _note_.
My journeyman, who is but a _demy_ sort of a chap, will make but a
_small hand_ of the bills, and I shall go to _pott_. You also will be a
sufferer, if you _post_-pone sending my _paper_, for you shall have
neither _plate paper_,[1] nor a _single crown_, no, nor a _cartridge_ of
halfpence from me this half year, unless you play your _cards_ better. I
have more bills to write out than a _bag cap_, made of the largest
_grand eagle_ you have in your warehouse, could contain; so that I shall
look as _blue_ as your _sugar_-paper, and bestow on you to boot some
very ugly prayers, not in _single hand_, but by _thick_ and _thin
couples_, that will be a _fine copy_ for my young man to take example by,
if you disappoint.
Your humble servant, J. J.
[1] Bank notes.
* * * * *