February 13th.
Dearest, I have had a strange, wonderful dream. To-morrow morning,
when I awake, I shall find it was not true. Shall I tell it you?
I handle it as some frail treasure that I fear to touch. I keep
wondering on which side to turn it, so that, when I hold it up, you
may see it shine. The earth is very beautiful to-night; from my
window I see the moon and a mighty host of glittering worlds,--even
Emilia is beautiful to-night! I went to the glass just now, to look
upon the face of happiness, and, instead of myself I saw--Oh, but
why say all this? Why not tell you? I cannot; words are weak, but I
think you can feel it, Constance. Oh, sweetest, I think you can, I
think you know. I am half mad to-night; that is why I write so
queerly. But now I will set it down. I wonder what it looks like,
written down. I shall write it very neatly; it will look pretty.
Gabriel loves me. Do you see? Gabriel loves me. I think I shall
write it again,--Gabriel loves me. I never wrote anything that
pleased me so well, and my heart sings it within me unceasingly. Oh,
of course it is not true; it is just a dream. I think this is how
the dream went.
I sat in the study at the Thatched Cottage; we were all four there;
I had not spoken for a while; the thing I had to say weighed me
down. I said it suddenly, "I am going back to Florence; I shall
leave Graysmill on Monday."
Richard Norton cried, "What?" and Jane cried, "Emilia!" It was only
Gabriel that said nothing.
He sprang up, and looked at me in silence. Thank Heaven, my back was
to the window, for I could not take my eyes away from his. I thought
he grew a little pale; I even thought his lips moved a little. Then
he spoke.
"No, no; who said that? We cannot spare you. Emilia, Emilia, you
must never leave us!"
That is how the dream goes. I put my head down on the table.
"God knows," I said, "I do not want to leave you."
There was a long silence; I sat there bowed, struggling with my
tears; I think I heard footsteps and a closing door. Then a hand was
laid upon my shoulder,--I knew whose hand it was, and I shook
beneath it.
I only know one thing more that I can tell you. I heard a voice. It
was not a loud voice, but it rang through the darkness; it swept the
world away.
"Emilia!" it said, "Emilia, you must not leave us! Stay with me,--I
love you!"
And then some cloud fell upon us.
Good night, dear, good night.