There is no surer mark of a well-bred man or woman than proper and
dignified conduct in public. The truly polite are always quiet,
unobtrusive, considerate of others, and careful to avoid all
manifestations of superiority or elegance.
Loud and boisterous talking, immoderate laughing and forward and
pushing conduct are always marks of bad breeding. They inevitably
subject a person to the satirical remarks of the persons with whom he
is thrown, and are perhaps the surest means of proclaiming that such a
person is not used to the ways of polite society.
Etiquette in Church.
It is the duty of a well-bred person to attend church regularly on
Sunday.
In entering the church you should pass quietly and deliberately to
your pew or seat. Walking rapidly up the aisle is sure to disturb the
congregation.
If you are a stranger, wait in the lower part of the aisle until the
sexton or ushers show you a seat, or you are invited to enter some pew.
A gentleman should remove his hat as soon as he enters the inner doors
of the church, and should not replace it on his head after service
until he has reached the outer vestibule.
In accompanying a lady to church, pass up the aisle by her side, open
the pew door for her, allow her to enter first, and then enter and seat
yourself beside her.
Should a lady desire to enter a pew in which you are sitting next the
door, rise, step out into the aisle, and allow her to enter.
Once in church, observe the most respectful silence except when joining
in the worship. Whispering or laughing before the service begins, or
during service, is highly improper. When the worship is over, leave the
sacred edifice quietly and deliberately. You may chat with your friends
in the vestibule, but not in the hall of worship. Remember, the church
is the house of God.
Should you see a stranger standing in the aisle, unnoticed by the
sexton or usher, quietly invite him into your pew.
You should see that a stranger in your pew is provided with the books
necessary to enable him to join in the service. If he does not know how
to use them, assist him as quietly as possible. Where there are not
books enough for the separate use of each person, you may share yours
with an occupant of your pew.
In attending a church of a different denomination from your own you
should carefully observe the outward forms of worship. Stand up when
the congregation do, and kneel with them. A Protestant attending
a Roman Catholic church should be careful to do this. It involves
no sacrifice of principle, and a failure to do so is a mark of bad
breeding. Whatever the denomination, the church is devoted to the
worship of God. Your reverence is to Him—not to the ministers who
conduct the worship.
To be late at church is an offence against good manners.
Gentlemen will not congregate in groups in front of a church, and stare
at the ladies as they pass out.
In receiving the Holy Communion both hands should be ungloved.
Etiquette of Fairs.
Fairs are generally given in aid of a church or some charitable
purpose. At such fairs ladies serve the tables at which articles are
offered for sale.
Ladies should not use unfair or unladylike means to sell their wares.
Do not importune a gentleman to buy of you; and do not charge an
extortionate price for a trifling article. A young man may not have the
courage to refuse to buy of a lady acquaintance; but his purchase may
be beyond his means, and may involve him in serious embarrassment.
Visitors to a fair should make no comments upon the character or
quality of the articles offered, unless they can offer sincere praise.
Do not dispute the price of an article offered for sale. If you cannot
afford to buy it, decline it frankly. If you can, pay the sum asked,
although you may think it exorbitant, and make no comment.
A gentleman must remove his hat upon entering the room in which a fair
is held, although it be a public hall, and remain uncovered while in
the room.
Flirting, loud or boisterous talking or laughing, and conspicuous
conduct, are marks of bad breeding.
When a purchaser offers a sum larger than the price asked for the
article, return the change promptly. Some thoughtless young ladies
consider it “a stroke of business” to retain the whole amount, knowing
that a gentleman will not insist upon the return of the change. To do
this is simply to be guilty of an act of gross ill-breeding.
A lady may accept any donation of money a gentleman may wish to make at
her table. The gift is to the charity, not to her; and the gentleman
pays her a delicate compliment in making her the means of increasing
the receipts of the fair.
Etiquette of Shopping.
In visiting a store for the purpose of examining the goods or making
purchases, conduct yourself with courtesy and amiability.
Speak to the clerks and employés of the store with courtesy and
kindness. Do not order them to show you anything. Request them to
do so in a polite and ladylike or gentlemanly manner. Give them no
more trouble than is necessary, and express your thanks for the
attentions they may show you. In leaving their counter, say pleasantly,
“Good-morning,” or “Good-day.” By treating the employés of a store
with courtesy, you will render your presence there, welcome, and will
receive all the attention such conduct merits.
Should you find another person examining a piece of goods, do not take
hold of it. Wait until it is laid down, and then make your examination.
To attempt to “beat down” the price of an article is rude. In the best
conducted stores the price of the goods is “fixed,” and the salesmen
are not allowed to change it. If the price does not suit you, you are
not obliged to buy, but can go elsewhere.
Pushing or crowding at a counter, or the indulgence in personal
remarks, handling the goods in a careless manner, or so roughly as to
injure them, lounging upon the counter, or talking in a loud voice, are
marks of bad breeding.
Never express your opinion about an article another is purchasing,
unless asked to do so. To say to a customer about to make a purchase
that the article can be bought cheaper at another store, is to offer a
gratuitous insult to the clerk making the sale.
You should never ask or expect a clerk engaged in waiting upon a
customer to leave that person and attend to you. Wait patiently for
your turn.
It is rude to make unfavorable comparisons between the goods you are
examining and those of another store.
Have your parcels sent, and so avoid the fatigue of carrying them.
It is best to buy for cash. You can always buy cheaper in this way. If
you make bills, however, pay them promptly. Make no bill you are not
sure of paying at the time promised by you. Avoid debt as the greatest
curse of life.
Etiquette of the Theatre, Opera and Concert.
A gentleman, desiring a lady to accompany him to the opera, theatre,
or other place of amusement, must send her a written invitation not
later than the day previous to the entertainment. It must be written
in the third person, upon white note-paper of the best quality, with
an envelope to match. The lady must send her reply immediately, so
that should she be unable to accept, the gentleman may secure another
companion.
Should the lady accept the invitation, the gentleman must secure the
best seats within his means. To ask a lady to accompany you to a place
of amusement, and incur the risk of being obliged to stand during the
performance, is to be inexcusably rude to her. Should the demand for
seats be so great that you cannot secure them, inform her at once,
and propose another occasion when you can make this provision for her
comfort.
In entering the hall in which the entertainment is given, a gentleman
should walk by the side of the lady until the seat is reached. If the
width of the aisle is not sufficient to allow this, he should precede
her. As a rule, he should take the outer seat; but if this is the best
for seeing or hearing, it belongs to the lady.
The habit of leaving ladies alone during the “waits,” and going out to
“get a drink,” or “to speak to a friend,” is indicative of bad manners.
A gentleman escorting a lady to a place of amusement is bound to remain
by her side to the end of the entertainment.
Between the Acts.
At the opera it is customary for ladies and gentlemen to leave their
seats, and promenade in the lobbies or _foyer_ of the house during the
intervals between the acts. The gentleman should always invite the lady
to do so. Should she decline, he is bound to remain with her.
A gentleman accompanying a lady is not bound to give up his seat to
another lady. His duty is solely to the lady he accompanies. He cannot
tell at what moment she may need his services, and must remain where
she can command them.
It is rude to whisper or talk during a performance. It is discourteous
to the performers, and annoying to those of the audience around you,
who desire to enjoy the entertainment.
To seek to draw attention to yourself at a place of amusement is simply
vulgar.
It is in especial bad taste for lovers to indulge in any affectionate
demonstrations at such places.
A gentleman must see that the lady accompanying him is provided with a
programme. If at the opera, he must also provide her with a libretto.
Applause is the just due of the deserving actor, and should be given
liberally. Applaud by clapping the hands, and not by stamping or
kicking with the feet.
Upon escorting the lady back to her home, the gentleman should ask
permission to call upon her the next day, which request she should
grant. She should, in her own sweet way, cause him to feel that he has
conferred a genuine pleasure upon her by his invitation.
A gentleman who can afford it should always provide a carriage on such
occasions. If his means do not permit this, he should not embarrass
himself by assuming the expense. If the evening be stormy, he should
not expect the lady to venture out without a carriage.
A gentleman should call at the lady’s house in full time to allow them
to reach their destination before the commencement of the entertainment.
[Illustration: Decoration]