There are certain rules to be observed in the writing of invitations
that cannot be transgressed without incurring a just suspicion as to
the degree of one’s acquaintance with the laws and canons that govern
our best society. For instance, Mrs. John Doe issues invitations for a
ball or evening party; these, if issued in her own name or in the name
of herself and daughter, or lady friend, would, very properly, find
them “at home” on a certain evening. Should, however, the invitations
be sent out in the name of herself and husband, then it is that “Mr.
and Mrs. John Doe request the pleasure of Mr. and Mrs. Richard Roe’s
company” at a certain date. We will also find that Mr. Dick Roe is
never “at home,” but “requests the pleasure of your company.”
To widely depart from any of these received canons of etiquette is to
commit a decided solecism and to discover an utter unfitness for the
desired social rank. Fortunately, there is no need, even for those not
to the manor born, of displaying any ignorance in this matter when the
simple consultation of a standard work on social etiquette will give
the needed information and save the credit of the individual.
At first sight, it would seem a very easy thing to invite a friend to
come to you at a given day and hour, and to accept or decline said
invitation would appear a matter scarcely worth considering. This rash
conclusion, however, disappears from view when it is recollected that
the proper phrasing, the suitable signature, and the appropriate
paper, are all matters of the nicest choice, and indicate with the most
unerring accuracy the good or ill breeding of the parties interested.
From two to three persons only are invited from one family to the same
entertainment, and, in the event of a small dinner party, two would
be the limit. The invitations would be addressed, not to Mr. Coates
and family, but one to “Mr. and Mrs. Coates,” another to “The Misses
Coates,” or to “Miss Coates.” If there are brothers, and they are to
be invited, a separate invitation is required for each one of them; a
single one addressed to the “Messrs. Coates” being considered in bad
taste. To one son and one daughter a joint invitation may be extended
in the name of “Miss Coates and Brother.” On rather informal occasions
where the family, and perhaps their guests also, are desired to be
present, the invitation may be sent in the name of “Mr. and Mrs. James
B. Coates and Party.”
Note Paper for Invitations.
Note paper for invitations should be plain, unruled, heavy in texture,
creamy-white in tint, and of a size to fold once to fit the large,
square envelope of the same size and tint. Monogram, if used, or
crests, if they may be rightfully claimed, should be stamped or
embossed in white directly in the center of the upper portion of the
sheet and on the upper flap of the inner envelope only. This envelope
should bear the name simply of the invited guest, and is to be enclosed
in a perfectly plain, somewhat larger envelope, which bears the entire
address and protects the enclosure from the soil of frequent handling
by postman or messenger.
Invitation Cards.
Invitation cards, if they are used, should be heavy, creamy-white,
and of a size to fit the large, square envelope. Such a card is
sufficiently large to contain any ordinary invitation, and should be
enclosed, as above, in two envelopes.
Writing the invitation should receive the greatest care, especial
attention being given to securing each phrase a line to itself. For
instance, the names of host and hostess should never be separated,
but given an entire line, the same rule applying to the names of the
invited guests.
[Illustration: COOLING DRAUGHT AFTER A TEN MILE RUN]
[Illustration: THE COTILLION]
Invitations written in the third person should always be replied to in
the third person, care being taken to permit no change of person from
beginning to end of the note. This rule holds good in whatever person
the invitation may have been written; regrets or acceptances must be
sent in the same manner.
No one, nowadays, “presents his (or her) compliments” in giving or
accepting an invitation; neither is “your polite invitation” any longer
the best form. “Your kind,” or “your very kind invitation,” being the
most graceful manner of acknowledging the courtesy extended.
Written Regrets.
Always, if possible, accept a first invitation if the new acquaintance
is to be kept up. In case inexorable circumstances prevent this
acceptance, the regret sent should explain these circumstances fully
and be very cordially written; while the earliest opportunity must be
taken of extending some courtesy in return.
Even should you not desire the acquaintance, your regrets should be
courteous and cards should be left at the house in response to their
civility. It is then at your own option whether or not to acknowledge
the acquaintance farther.
Invitations can be written or engraved on the large cards, or small
sheets of note paper, that are used for this purpose, though, on all
formal occasions, engraved forms in clear, fine script are preferable,
and for weddings absolutely necessary. If written, black ink should be
invariably used.
A young lady never sends out invitations in her own name; instead,
“Mrs. and Miss Hoyt” are “at home,” or the name of the young lady’s
chaperon appears with her own, as: “Mrs. Haviland and Miss Hoyt, at
home, etc.”
Uninvited Guests.
Should it so happen that an uninvited guest finds, accidentally,
his way into the festivities, let the strictest politeness mark his
reception, neither word nor glance betraying the slightest surprise at
the unexpected arrival.
Inviting Married People.
A married man should never be invited to an entertainment without his
wife, nor a married woman without including her husband also in the
invitation. An invitation erring in this particular should be looked
upon as an insult, and should never be honored by an acceptance.
This category, however, does not include gatherings, such as ladies’
luncheons or gentlemen’s game suppers, that are wholly confined to the
members of one sex.
Dinners.
Ladies who give many dinner parties usually keep on hand the engraved
invitation cards, with blanks left for the insertion of name and date.
The invitation for a dinner party is always sent out in the name of
both host and hostess, and the usual form is as follows:
[Illustration: _M^r and M^{rs} Grant White Request the pleasure of your
company at dinner, On —— evening, ——, At eight o’clock._
_81 Graceland Court._
_R. S. V. P._
]
The letters _R. S. V. P._ are simply the initials of the French words,
_Repondez s’il vous plait_, meaning, “Reply, if you please.”
Some very stylish people now use, in place of these letters, the
English phrase: “The favor of answer is requested.”
Written invitations, or those engraved for a single occasion, would
read as follows:
[Illustration: _M^r and M^{rs} Philip Vance Request the pleasure of Mr.
and Mrs. Otis Sullivan’s Company at dinner, On Tuesday, March 6th, at 8
o’clock._
_84 Ashland Boulevard._
_The favor of an answer is requested._
]
_R. S. V. P._ can be substituted for the last phrase, if desired. If
the host be a widower with a young lady daughter, the invitation can be
issued in the name of father and daughter, as: “Mr. and Miss Van Vleit,
etc.,” or, a lady and her daughter, under similar circumstances, would
issue invitations in the name of “Mrs. Holt and Miss Holt.”
Persons who make a point of strictly observing the usages of polite
society are extremely careful, having received any invitation, to
take immediate notice of it, according to proper form. This is only a
courtesy due to the one who has sent the invitation, which should be
accepted or declined promptly, in order that the hostess may know what
to depend upon.
If the dinner party is given to introduce either a friend or some
person of distinction, an extra card, inscribed as follows, is enclosed
in the same envelope: To meet MR.——. Another form would be:
[Illustration: _Mr. and Mrs. Jackson Request the pleasure of Mr. and
Mrs. Brown’s Company at dinner, To meet Robert Browning, Thursday,
October 8th, at seven o’clock. 692 Arch Street._
_R. S. V. P._
]
It is well, if the party is given in honor of some celebrated person,
to give them the choice of several dates before issuing the general
invitation, thus assuring yourself that no conflicting engagement will
rob the entertainment of its bright, particular star. An invitation
to a dinner is the highest social compliment that can be offered. It
should be sent out about ten days in advance, and requires an immediate
and positive answer, for it is to be supposed that the hostess wishes
to make up her table at once. Both invitation and answer should be sent
by messenger; all other invitations, and replies to the same, may be
sent by mail. In London, however, where distances are so great, all
invitations, without exception, are sent by post.
In case of an informal dinner, a verbal invitation is sometimes sent,
one or two days beforehand, by a servant, and a verbal answer is given
at the time. The principal objection against this method is that
the date, having no written reminder, may be confounded with some
other engagement. Where the affair is not too stately, an informal
invitation, written in the first person, may be pleasantly exchanged
between friend and friend. For instance: