at the same time leaving her husband’s separate card with her own.
Before Marriage, the bride expectant in paying her farewell calls,
leaves her own separate card, together with that of her mother or
chaperon, with all acquaintances she may wish to retain in her new life.
Entertainments and Calls.
After Entertainments, a card, in large cities, is sufficient, unless it
be after a dinner or a wedding reception, when a personal call is made.
If the wedding invitations have been to the church only, not including
the gathering at the house, some most exclusive people send cards to
the bride’s parents, afterwards inviting the young people to their
entertainments. But a dinner absolutely requires a personal call.
Even gentlemen, usually so remiss in such matters, are rather expected
to leave a card in person after a dinner. Any invitation, however,
coming from a new acquaintance, necessitates a personal call, unless
the intercourse is not to be kept up. In towns and smaller cities, a
personal call is made after entertainments of any size.
After a Tea a visit is paid and thus the visiting etiquette for a
year is established. Before the season is over, however, the lady, if
she expects to retain her position in society for the next season,
must give a tea, or a series of teas, inviting all who have similarly
honored her. This must be done before the season closes. Where the tea
is not attended, cards should be sent to the house the same day.
Special Receptions, such as those dress affairs given once or twice in
a season, require a personal card.
General Receptions, or “at homes,” given in a series, the dates of
which are all mentioned on one card, need neither cards nor calls in
return. Your presence there is a call in itself. A card may be left in
the hall upon the day of reception to assist the memory of the hostess.
Other Hints.
Ladies in a strange city, staying either with friends or at a
hotel, are privileged to send cards, giving their address, to any
acquaintances, either lady or gentleman, from whom they may wish to
receive a call. If desirable, they may send a note in preference,
giving date or hour when they will be at home.
Special Pursuits. Ladies having special pursuits, literary, or
professional, often permit this fact to cover remission in social
demands, in fact do not “visit” at all.
For a Son, upon his introduction to society here in America, there
is very little display made. His _entrée_ is usually very gradual,
but if he has been closely kept at school his freedom from this is
often announced by his mother leaving his card with her own when she
makes her visits at the beginning of the season. This is taken as
a suggestion that, in future, his name is to be included among the
invited members of the family.
Cards for an unmarried gentleman should never be left by a lady, except
in the case of his having given an entertainment at which ladies were
present. In this case the lady of the house should drive to his door
with her own cards and those of her family. Names of the young ladies
should be engraved for the occasion upon the card of their mother or
chaperon. The cards should be sent in by a servant. If a call is made
upon a lady’s regular reception day, it is rude to leave a card only,
without entering and inquiring for the hostess. The time spent inside
the house may be very brief, but even a few moments will satisfy the
demands of etiquette, which without these would be rudely violated.
Cards may be made to accomplish so much of the multifarious duties
of society that one can scarcely imagine the social world revolving
safely upon its axis without their intervention. Far be it from any to
look upon the custom as a hollow mockery, for, without the system of
formal visiting, or calling, society as it now stands could not exist.
Such, too, are the complexities of modern existence that life would
be all too short for the fulfillment of its demands were it not for
these useful bits of pasteboard that do so much of our work by proxy
and dispose of our undesirable acquaintances so speedily by the simple
cessation, on our part, of leaving cards at their door.
Various Cards.
Among the cards as yet not referred to in this department may be
mentioned the following:
Cards of Congratulation, such as those sent the parents of a
newly-betrothed couple upon the announcement of the betrothal; those
sent the happy parents of a lately arrived son or daughter, etc. Cards
of this description should be left in person, though it is not expected
that you should enter and make a formal visit. The leaving in person,
however, is a compliment.
Cards of Betrothal are distributed by the parents of the newly-engaged
pair, leaving their cards with their own on all friends of the family.
Individuals receiving these cards should call as soon as possible.
Cards of Courtesy are sent on many occasions. For instance, to a house
where the children or youth of their family have been invited without
including the elders. This is done in acknowledgment of the courtesy
extended to their children. Again, a gift however simple, even flowers,
should always be accompanied by a card of courtesy. The simple visiting
card is usually sufficient, though a “Merry Christmas,” “Happy New
Year,” or “Many happy returns of the day,” may be penciled beneath the
name. If there are many words to be written, however, a little note of
courtesy is far better. (See Notes.) The recipient of the gift should
answer by a note of thanks, never by a card simply. Cards should also
accompany, or be attached to, flowers sent to a funeral, that the
family may know friends remembered them in their sorrow.
Cards of Inquiry are frequently sent, or better still, left in person,
at the homes of friends prostrated by severe illness, or by recent
bereavement. These usually have the words, “To inquire,” or “With kind
inquiries,” pencilled above the name. These are many times a source of
relief during the weary days of convalescence, or the heavy hours of
seclusion after affliction, when the voices of friends would be too
hard to bear, but the thought of their loving remembrance yields a
healing balm. In cases of bereavement the cards should be sent about
one week after the sad occasion that called them forth.
Acknowledgment of Inquiry Cards.
Cards of Thanks are usually sent out in reply to these cards of
inquiry, since the answering in any other fashion would prove too great
a task. The regular visiting card may be used in this case, pencilling
the words “With thanks for kind inquiries,” or, “With thanks for
the kind inquiries of Mrs. ——,” beneath the engraved name; or cards
especially engraved for the occasion may be substituted, thus: “Mrs.
—— presents her sincerest thanks for recent kind inquiries.” These may
be sent by mail, but really should be carried by special messenger.
Enclose in two envelopes. There is another method of acknowledging
attentions during a period of bereavement, viz., the notice in the
daily papers. This, however, does not usually meet with favor in large
cities, but the example set by Mr. and Mrs. Secretary Blaine upon the
death of their son, is, from its heartfelt pathos, worthy of imitation.
The card appeared in all the Washington papers as follows:
“The sympathy of friends has been so generously extended to Mr. and
Mrs. Blaine in the great grief which has befallen their household
that they are unable to make personal response to each. They beg,
therefore, that this public recognition be accepted as the grateful
acknowledgment of a kindness that has been most helpful through the
days of an irreparable loss.”
Birth cards are frequently sent to all friends, at home and abroad, as
soon as the child is named. One very pretty style now in mind reads as
follows: ETHEL MAY TOUCEY, Half-past twelve o’clock, January 12, 1895.
This was enclosed in two small envelopes and sent by mail. These are
more especially useful for sending to friends at a distance.
Christening and Funeral Cards are considered in their respective
departments. Families in deep mourning are not expected to send out
return cards under the first year. Some prefer, however, to send cards
of thanks very soon to those who have inquired, leaving ordinary
visiting cards unanswered the usual length of time.
[Illustration: Woman’s head]