(_NOTES ON THE NEXT CASE._)
_Commencement of the Case._--I am an enthusiast, and I am jotting down
on this sheet of paper the story of my last exploit. A few days since
I saw a dear little fellow in long clothes deserted by its mother,
and took quite an interest in it. The next I hear of the sweet little
boy is that he had been caught up by Dr. MARCELLUS and carried to
his Home! Shall I permit this? No, from the view I had of the mother
before she deserted the little lad (who, by the way, was called PITT
WELLINGTON, after two statesmen recently deceased), I imagine she must
have been a Reformed Revivalist of the New Connexion. PITT WELLINGTON
shall be brought up as a Reformed Revivalist of the New Connexion.
(_Signed_) MARY HEAVISIDES, _Spinster and Landowner_.
_Written Seven Years later._--I have found this document amongst the
late Miss HEAVISIDES' papers. It is common knowledge that she took
proceedings against Dr. MARCELLUS to produce PITT WELLINGTON. At the
time of her death she had not succeeded. However, there is a fair sum
mentioned in her will to carry her point. I drew the document myself
at her dictation, and made it safe for the profession. There ought to
be some nice pickings before "it is all over but the shouting," as my
ancient client, the late Lord DASHOVER, used to observe. (_Signed_)
RICHARD ROE, _Solicitor to the late_ Miss MARY HEAVISIDES.
_Added Four Years after._--This case of PITT WELLINGTON and Dr.
MARCELLUS is a troublesome matter; however, as trustee under the
will I suppose I have no option, at least that is the opinion of Mr.
RICHARD ROE. We are seeking to get Dr. MARCELLUS before the Court.
After delays from various reasons the matter is now practically
settled. Is PITT WELLINGTON to be brought up as a Reformed Revivalist
of the New Connexion, or is he not? Well, we shall know soon.
(_Signed_) JAMES BROWN, _Trustee and Executor under the Will of Miss_
MARY HEAVISIDES.
_Added Five Years later._--A great joke. Just found this paper in poor
old Uncle JIM's strong box. How that case about PITT WELLINGTON did
worry him! Five years ago, and still at the first stage! Nothing much
could be done as Dr. MARCELLUS had taken PITT WELLINGTON out of the
country. (_Signed_) TOM BOY, _Nephew to the late_ JAMES BROWN.
_Added Two Years later._--This paper commenced seriously and treated
with levity by the last writer has fallen into our hands. As we find
the note of one of our partners we add to it. The case of _Brown_ v.
_Marcellus_ is still before the Court. The second Judge had to have
the whole matter explained to him anew. It is a pity that there is not
a law forcing occupants of the Bench to hear their own cases before
they are allowed to retire. But that is beside the question. As to
_Brown_ v. _Marcellus_, we got the defendant before the Court and Mr.
Justice ROBINSON has issued a writ of _habeas corpus_. We shall
now have PITT WELLINGTON before us to see if he should be made a
Reformed Revivalist of the New Connexion or not. By the way, as these
proceedings were commenced some years ago, he must be becoming a fine
boy by now! (_Signed_) JOHN DOE, _Junior Partner of the firm of_ ROE,
SONS, DOE, TOMPKINS AND DOE.
_Written after Another Year._--Strange to find this paper full of
notes. Well I may as well continue them, and put them back in the
bundle from which I have taken them out. The bundle will tell its
own story. It is full of summonses, copies of affidavits, draft
instructions, and I know not what. It came out of the box marked
_Brown_ v. _Marcellus_. That's been a nice case. Fifteen years of it,
and we are still waiting our turn in the list of the Court of Appeal.
Not that we haven't been there before. Oh yes; we argued whether we
had any right to take the matter before them. Strong Bar. Two Law
Officers of the Crown on one side, and the Ex-Attorney and the
Ex-Solicitor on the other. By the way, how the infant must be getting
on! He must have taken to moustaches and a beard by this time!
(_Signed_) BOBBY BINKS, _Clerk to Messrs._ ROE, SONS, DOE, TOMPKINS,
DOE, SONS AND MARVEL.
_Written a Year later._--This is really a most interesting find. So
the cause of _Brown_ v. _Marcellus_ was commenced many many years ago!
I know it had the reputation of being pretty ancient, but had no idea
it was so old. Fancy, that I should write on the same page under the
signature of my grandfather? Well, old Dr. MARCELLUS stood to his
guns, and declared that we had no right to move in the matter at all.
We were only a trustee under a Will, and it was not our matter. Then
we ran through the Courts, Divisional, Appeal, right into the House of
Lords. And the worthy Doctor won! However, BROWN's heir was a bit of
a sportsman, and made him a Ward in Chancery. Just could do it, PITT
WELLINGTON only in his twentieth year. That has put us right, Should
go on straight now. (_Signed_) LUKE ROE, _Junior Partner of_ ROE,
SONS, DOE, TOMPKINS, DOE AND ROE.
[Illustration: Quite a Pleasant Time.]
_Written after an indefinite Period._--This is a most useful
memorandum, as it gives an idea of what has been done hitherto. Our
firm seems to have wisely kept the action open by paying the term-fee.
As our late respected client's heir has for a son a young Barrister
not in very large practice, I am not surprised that we are requested
to continue the action. Of course, the son of our late respected
client's heir, is to be briefed. Well, I dare say we shall be able to
do something. Have perhaps quite a pleasant time of it. At any rate,
we have made a move by taking out a summons before the Chief Clerk.
(_Signed_) JAMES TOMPKINS, _Surviving Partner of Messrs._ ROE & Co.
_Written Three Years after the last Entry._--I am very glad I
insisted upon looking through the papers when I accepted the brief in
_Brown_ v. _Marcellus_. This paper is fairly accurate, save that it
describes me as "a Barrister not in very large practice." That is a
misstatement. I have been called only ten years, and yet last term I
made enough to pay for my share of our Chambers and half the salary of
our Clerk in common. Not in large practice, indeed! But to return to
_Brown_ v. _Marcellus_. We have done splendidly. We have been before
the Courts, and taken it again up to the Lords. The contention I have
held for the last three years is at last said to be correct. We have
a right to the body of PITT WELLINGTON, and when we have brought that
body before the Court, the Court will order it to be educated as a
Reformed Revivalist of the New Connexion. I consider the establishment
of this point a great forensic victory. (_Signed_) ARTHUR BRIEFLESS,
_Barrister-at Law_.
[Illustration: An Incomplete Suit.]
_Written Six Years later._--After five years' diligent search, we
have discovered the whereabouts of Mr. PITT WELLINGTON, according to
the instructions furnished us by Messrs. ROE, NEPHEWS, TOMPKINS AND
BACKGAMMON. We regret, however, to say that it will be impossible to
carry out the instructions of the Court to produce him, that he might
be brought up as a Reformed Revivalist of the New Connexion (a sect,
we fancy, that disappeared some twenty years ago), as the alleged
infant, the object of our search, died at the advanced age of
ninety-two during the past summer. We add this mem to this paper, as
the document seems to have reference to the matter we have in hand,
and which now must ever be an incomplete suit. (_Signed_) HAND AND
GLOVE. _Private Inquiry Agents._
_Final Endorsement._--Messrs. DIGGE AND DELVE having had the honour
to be commanded to make the necessary arrangements for the obsequies
of the late Mr. PITT WELLINGTON, beg to say (on this memorandum) that
they have not been fortunate enough to carry out the transaction to
their entire satisfaction. Messrs. D. AND D. were able to ascertain
the funeral rites of the Reformed Revivalists of the New Connexion
(very poor and inexpensive rites), but have found out that the late
Mr. PITT WELLINGTON himself placed a difficulty in their path.
Messrs. D. AND D. have ascertained with regret that the late Mr. PITT
WELLINGTON has been cremated, having died a Buddhist.
* * * * *
ADVICE GRATIS.--STARTING IN TRADE. (TO "FRUGALITY.")--You say that
you have opened a "general shop" for the sale, among other things, of
milk, paraffin oil, tobacco, sweetmeats, and fried fish, and you ask
whether it will be necessary to take out any kind of licence, and if
so, what?--Surely you are joking. If so, a game-licence might suit
you; or why not try the Examiner of Plays? If you are serious, it
seems to us no further licence is needed; you have taken enough
already.
* * * * *
"LES DEUX CHARLIES," i.e. the Common Serjeant (resigned) and the
Recorder. The one is "Not there at all," and the other is "HALL
there." (N.B.--Mem. to the Recorder, this is "a Short Sentence.")
* * * * *
NOTICE.--Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS.,
Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no
case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed
Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.