Nothing could have been more judicious than to enclose some of the
grounds of Chelsea Hospital for the holding of that excellent exhibition
known as "The Sodgeries." The inhabitants of South Belgravia, Old
Chelsea, Pimlico, and Battersea must bless the Authorities for their
kindness in selecting a site so close to their doors. That the
Exhibition may be properly appreciated, it may be worth while to glance
hurriedly at its contents. A difficult matter to hurry when one comes to
the Ambulance Department. A most interesting display. Here we have the
battle-field capitally painted, and illustrating how our doctors and
nurses do their good work. If anything could confirm an intending
recruit to take the Queen's Shilling, it would be this _tableau_, so
suggestive of succour to the wounded. I consider the display decidedly
in the best interests of the Army.
Then the Battle Gallery! Can anything be more interesting? Numerous
portraits of Generals--not only in full uniform, but as they are to be
seen at home in the bosoms of their families. Every picture of a victory
is full of interest, and the relics are priceless. One case contains the
identical cloak worn by the great Duke at Waterloo, and another the
celebrated panorama of his funeral. The latter, I fancy, was drawn by
that well-known artist, who signs himself, when he drops into
literature, "G. A. S." If I am right in my conjecture, I may add that I
believe all the numberless figures in the admirable composition are
wearing Wellington boots. For the rest, the room contains comfortable
chairs, but who cares for chairs when such relics are on view!
Then the remainder of the Exhibition! It would take pages to catalogue
its hundreds of interesting exhibits. Arms, figures, manufactures,
musical instruments. What not? And the grounds! At night a perfect
fairy-land, beautifully illuminated with hundreds of gleaming lanterns,
and the electric light. Finally the best military music in the world,
for those who like it, and who does not?
The arrangements for the comfort of the Press at the opening ceremony
(when I was present) were satisfactory to the last degree. But this is a
detail.
* * * * *
[Illustration: THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE EXPRESSED DIFFERENTLY.
"_PLEASE_ LOOK A LITTLE PLEASANT, MISS. I _KNOW_ IT'S HARD; BUT IT'S
_ONLY_ FOR A MOMENT!"]
* * * * *
"BABY BUNG."
_Nurse R-tch-e loquitur_:--
WHICH no doubt at the best it's a bothersome babe; though my bounden
duty it were to make much of it;
I'm free to say, if I had my way, it's the dickens a bit I should come
within touch of it.
'Tis a greedy child, and a noisy too, of a colicky turn, and pertikler
windy;
And, wherever the blessed infant's found, you may bet your boots
there'll be stir and shindy.
The family is a rucktious one from their cradles up, and the plague of
nusses.
You may cosset and cordial 'em up as you will; though you calls 'em
"blessings", you finds 'em cusses.
Many a monthly they've worritted out of her life, almost, with their
fractious snarlings,
Though it's most as much as your place is worth to aggerawate 'em--the
little darlings!
And this one--well, it would raise a yell you might fancy came from a
fog-horn's throttle,
If it wasn't for that there soothing-syrup I've artfully smuggled into
its bottle.
It's strongish stuff, and I've dropped enough in the Babby's gruel to
prove a fixer;
For this kid's riot you cannot quiet with LAWSON'S Cordial or CAINE'S
Elixir.
Them parties think they can mix a drink as'll take the shine out o'
GODFREY or DAFFY,
But they're both mistook, _they_ don't know their book, though one is
"genial", and t'other chaffy.
They'll raise a row when they find out how I have managed to silence
the child, by drugging.
Wot's the use of fuss? Where's the monthly nuss as can manage without
a bit of 'umbugging!
And now, havin' fixed the hinfant up, I'm a going to drop him in
somebody's doorway.
Hullo! Here's the house of that County Council! I fancies now it is
rather in _your_ way!
You're up to everythink, you swells are, from "Betterment" to the
claims of Cabby.
You've a lot to learn; so jest have a turn--as I hope you'll like--at
this Blessed Babby!
It "turns up on a doorstep unbeknown", like the child referred to by
DICKENS'S _Sairey_.
Come! Here's the Babby, and there's the Bottle! I'm no monopolist--quite
contrairy.
Without its Bottle I couldn't leave it; the babe might 'unger, wich
Evins forbid of it!
But, havin' purvided for it so nicely, I'll shunt it on you,
gents,--(_aside_)--_and glad to get rid of it!_
* * * * *
"ALLOWED TO STARVE."--The Editor begs to acknowledge remittance from
"Miss G. D." and "W. M.", in aid of the Balaclava Survivors, which he
has handed to the Editor of the _St. James's Gazette_, who is in charge
of this Fund.
* * * * *