At the re-opening of the Royal United Service Institution last week by
H.R.H. the Prince of WALES, in new premises at Whitehall, a novel and
ingenious electrical instrument was exhibited. By means of this
addition to the list of communicators a general in the field is able
not only to send an autograph letter to a colleague or subordinate at
a distance, but also to convey in _fac simile_ a drawing of his own
composition. On the occasion to which reference is made, the Prince of
WALES sent a message to his brother. To this despatch the Duke of
CONNAUGHT was obliged to respond that he did not quite understand its
full meaning. According to the reports some slight error was
rectified, and then the machine worked to everyone's satisfaction.
However, the fact remains that the initial attempt to convey
intelligibly a message was not entirely successful. To impress upon
those answerable for the perfect action of the instrument the
importance of their task, we subjoin an imaginary scene of a nearly
impossible situation. We will assume that a commander-in-chief is
conversing with a general in the field some ten miles distant.
_Commander-in-Chief_ (_wiring_). We hear here that a force of
twenty-five thousand infantry are advancing by the Dover road with a
view to turning your left front.
_General in the Field._ Kindly repeat. (_Message repeated._) No, we do
not want any more marmalade, as we have plenty of butter.
_C.-in-C._ I said nothing about marmalade, I was talking of the enemy.
Twenty-five thousand men are advancing on your left front.
_Gen._ I think I now understand what you mean, but we can't get near
Woolwich, because our gas has failed us. However, we will look out for
the twenty-five thousand balloons you say are coming.
_C.-in-C._ I said nothing about balloons. Infantry, I spoke of. They
are approaching by the Dover Road.
_Gen._ Thank you for your offer, but we have plenty of hammocks. We
have just seen this. Can you identify her? I forward sketch.
_C.-in-C._ You have sent me what appears to be a drawing of either a
grand pianoforte or a hippopotamus. Which is it?
_Gen._ It is very difficult to make out your messages. We think we
understand your last. Yes, the mail to India did start without the
elephants. We did not know that any had been ordered.
_C.-in-C._ I said nothing about elephants. What is the meaning of your
drawing?
_Gen._ Very sorry; can't make out your message. Besides, have no more
time for telegraphing. Twenty-five thousand infantry of the enemy have
just been noticed on the Dover Road, threatening our left front. Why
did you not tell us they were coming?
But of course, as we have already said, when the hour arrives
everything will be in perfect working order. It is to be hoped that
there will be a supplementary signal to be used in cases of extreme
emergency, to decide promptly a line of action where two courses are
open for adoption. It might signify "Toss up."
* * * * *
Nursery Rhyme for the New Woman.
(_When Literary._)
I had a brutal husband, as is our sex's doom,
I put him in a problem-novel; then I made it boom!
I bought a little "Log-roller" who twaddled up and down,
Discovered it, and slavered it, and made it take the town.
But meaner beauties of my sex declared I wore blue hose,
And at my Gospel of Revolt cocked each a pretty nose.
* * * * *
"THE RIVALS" AT THE A. D. C.
[Illustration]
Once again I salute you, oh actors of the Cambridge A. D. C., and
congratulate you on your rendering of _The Rivals_--no mean task for a
body of amateur actors. Specially do I note the admirably and
grotesquely humorous impersonation of _Mrs. Malaprop_ by Mr. R. A.
AUSTEN LEIGH. Will the elaborate Wildean paradoxes have to a future
generation the freshness and the laughter-provoking qualities of _Mrs.
Malaprop's_ derangements? I doubt it. At Cambridge the other day I saw
a learned Doctor of Letters in convulsions over the Malapropian
sallies. Will a Doctor of Letters towards the end of the next century
be seen to smile over OSCAR'S inversions? Mr. R. BALFOUR made an
excellent _Bob Acres_, broad in his characterisation, self-possessed
and clear. I should have called him, however, a trifle too smart and
modish in dress. Mr. GEIKIE was very effective in the rages of _Sir
Anthony_, and Mr. WATSON played well as _Jack Absolute_. Admirable,
too, was the _Fag_ of Mr. TALBOT. The leading ladies were, as usual,
miracles of curls and divine complexions. Yet did their voices and
their hands bewray them. We were fortunately spared the gloomy
maunderings of _Julia_ and _Faulkland_. "Hearty congratters," as they
say at the sister university.