"Too many of the family in orders already--eh? True; still, recollect
there is room enough and work enough, God knows, amid all the sin and
suffering there is in the world, for you also to devote your life to the
same good cause in which, my son, I, your father, and your brother have
already enlisted, and you may, I trust, yet prove yourself a doughtier
soldier of the cross than either of us. What say you, Allan, I repeat,
to being a clergyman--the noblest profession under the sun?"
"No, father dear," I at length answered on his pausing for my reply,
looking up into his kind thoughtful gray eyes, that were fixed on my
face with a sort of wistful expression in them; and which always seemed
to read my inmost mind, and rebuke me with their consciousness, if at
any time I hesitated to tell the truth for a moment, in fear of
punishment, when, as frequently happened, I chanced to be brought before
him for judgment, charged with some boyish escapade or youthful folly.
"I don't think I should ever be good enough to be a clergyman like you,
father, however hard I might try; while, though I know I am a bad boy
very often, and do lots of things that I'm sorry for afterwards, I don't
believe I could ever be bad enough to make a good lawyer, if all the
stories are true that they tell in the village about Mr Sharpe, the
attorney at Westham."
The corners of father's mouth twitched as if he wanted to smile, but did
not think it right to do so.
"You are shrewd in your opinions, Allan," he said; "but dogmatic and
paradoxical in one breath, besides being too censorious in your sweeping
analysis of character. I should like you to show more charity in your
estimate of others. Your diffidence in respect of entering the church I
can fully sympathise with, having felt the same scruples myself, and
being conscious even now, after many years, of falling short of the high
ideal I had originally, and have still, of one who would follow the
Master; but, in your wholesale condemnation of the law and lawyers,
judging on the _ex uno disce omnes_ principle and hastily, you should
remember that all solicitors need not necessarily be rogues because one
of their number has a somewhat evil reputation. Sharpe is rather a
black sheep according to all report; still, my son, in connection with
such rumours we ought to bear in mind the comforting fact that there is
a stratum of good even in the worst dispositions, which can be found by
those who seek diligently for it, and do not merely try to pick out the
bad. Who knows but that Sharpe may have his good points like others?
But, to return to our theme--the vexed question as to which should be
your occupation in life. As you have decided against the church and the
law, giving me your reasons for coming to an adverse conclusion in each
instance, pray, young gentleman, tell me what are your objections to the
medical profession?"
"Oh, father!" I replied laughing, he spoke in so comical a way and with
such a queer twinkle in his eye, "I shouldn't care at all to be only a
poor country surgeon like Doctor Jollop, tramping about day and night
through dirty lanes and sawing off people's sore legs, or else feeling
their pulses and giving them physic; although, I think it would be good
fun, father, wouldn't it, just when some of those stupid folk, who are
always imagining themselves ill wanted to speak about their fancied
ailments, to shut them up by saying, `Show me your tongue,' as Doctor
Jollop bawls out to deaf old Molly the moment she begins to tell him of
her aches and pains? I think he does it on purpose."
Father chuckled.
"Not a bad idea that," said he; "and our friend the doctor must have the
credit of being the first man who ever succeeded in making a woman hold
her tongue, a consummation most devoutly to be wished-for sometimes--
though I don't know what your dear mother would say if she heard me give
utterance to so heretical and ungallant a doctrine in reference to the
sex."
"Why, here is mother now!" I exclaimed, interrupting him in my surprise
at seeing her; it being most unusual for her to leave the house at that
hour in the afternoon, which was generally devoted to Nellie's music
lesson, a task she always superintended. "She's coming up the garden
with a letter in her hand."
"I think I know what that letter contains," said father, not a bit
excited like me; "for, unless I'm much mistaken, it refers to the very
subject about which we've been talking, Allan,--your going to sea."
"Does it?" I cried, pitching my cap up in the air in my enthusiasm and
catching it again dexterously, shouting out the while the refrain of the
old song-- "The sea, the sea, a sailor's life for me! Hurrah! Hurrah!"
Father sighed, and resumed his "quarter-deck walk," as mother termed it,
backwards and forwards along the little path under the old elm-tree in
front of the summer-house, with its bare branches stretched out like a
giant's fingers clutching at the sky, always turning when he got up to
the lilac bush and retracing his steps slowly and deliberately, as if
anxious to tread in his former footprints in the very centre of the box-
edged walk.
I think I can see him now: his face, which always had such a bright
genial look when he smiled, and seemed to light up suddenly from within
when he turned to speak to you, wearing a somewhat sad and troubled air,
and a far-away thoughtful expression in his eyes that was generally
there when he was having a mental wrestle with some difficulty, or
trying to solve one of those intricate social problems that were being
continually submitted for his consideration. And yet, at first glance,
a stranger would hardly have taken him to be a clergyman; for he had on
an old brown shooting-jacket very much the worse for wear, and was
smoking one of those long clay pipes that are called "churchwardens,"
discoloured by age and the oil of tobacco, and which he had lit and let
out and relit again half a dozen times at least during our talk.
"Very unorthodox," some critical people will say.
Aye, possibly so; but if these censors only knew father personally, and
saw how he fulfilled his mission of visiting the fatherless and widow in
their affliction, in addition to preaching the gospel and so winning
souls to heaven, and how he was liked and loved by every one in the
parish; perhaps they could condone his "sin of omission" in the matter
of not wearing a proper clerical black coat with a stand-up collar of
Oxford cut and the regulation white tie, and that of "commission" in
smoking such a vulgar thing as a common clay pipe!
Presently, after his second turn as far as the lilac bush and back,
father's face cleared, as if he had worked out the question that had
been puzzling him; for, its anxious expression vanished and his eyes
seemed to smile again.
"I suppose it's a family trait, and runs in the blood," he said. "Your
grandfather,--my father, that is, Allan,--was a sailor; and I know I
wanted to go to sea too, just like you, before I was sent to college.
So, that accounts for your liking for it--eh?"
"I suppose so," I answered without thinking, just echoing his words like
a parrot; although, now I come to consider the thing fully, I really can
see no other reason than this hereditary instinct to account for the
passionate longing that possessed me at that period to be a sailor, as,
beyond reading Robinson Crusoe like other boys, I was absolutely
ignorant of the life and all concerning it. Indeed, up to then,
although it may seem hardly credible, I had only once actually seen the
sea, and a ship in the distance--far-away out in the offing of what
appeared to me an immeasurable expanse of space. This was when father
took my sister Nellie and me for a day's visit to Brighton. It was a
wonderful experience to us, from the contrast the busy town on the coast
offered to the quiet country village where we lived and of which my
father was the pastor, buried in the bosom of the shires away from the
bustling world, and out of contact with seafaring folk and those that
voyage the deep.
Yes, there's no doubt of it. That love for the sea, which made me wish
to be a sailor as naturally as a cat loves cream, ran in my blood, and
must have been bred in my bone, as father suggested.
Before, however, we could either of us pursue the psychological
investigation of this theory any further, our argument was interrupted
by my mother's coming to where we were standing under the elm-tree at
the top of the garden.
Father at once put away his pipe on her approach, always respecting and
honouring her beyond all women even as he loved her; and he greeted her
with a smile of welcome.
"Well, dear?" said he sympathetically as she held out the letter she
carried and then placed her hand on his arm confidingly, turning her
anxious face up to his in the certainty of finding him ready to share
her trouble whatever it might be. "Now tell me all about it."
"It has come, Robert!" she exclaimed, nestling nearer to him.
"Yes, I see, dear," he replied, glancing at the open sheet; for they had
no secrets from each other, and she had opened the letter already,
although it had been addressed to him. Then, looking at me, father
added: "This is from Messrs. Splice and Mainbrace, the great ship-
brokers of Leadenhall Street, to whom I wrote some time since, about
taking you in one of their vessels, Allan, on your expressing such a
desire to go to sea."
"Oh, father!" was all I could say.
"They inform me now," continued he, reading from the broker's
communication, "that all the arrangements have been completed for your
sailing in the Silver Queen on Saturday next, which will be to-morrow
week, your premium as a first-class apprentice having been paid by my
London agents, by whom also your outfit has been ordered; and your
uniform, or `sea toggery' as sailors call it, will be down here next
Monday or Tuesday for you to try on."
"Oh, father!" I cried again, in wondering delight at his having settled
everything so promptly without my knowing even that he had acceded to my
wishes. "Why, you seem to have decided the question long ago, while you
were asking me only just now if I would not prefer any other profession
to the sea!"
"Because, my son," he replied affectionately, "I know that boys, like
girls, frequently change their minds, and I was anxious that you should
make no mistake in such a vital matter as that of your life's calling;
for, even at the last hour, if you had told me you preferred being a
clergyman or a doctor or a lawyer to going to sea, I would cheerfully
have sacrificed the money I have paid to the brokers and for your
outfit. Aye, and I would willingly do it now, for your mother and I
would be only too glad of your remaining with our other chicks at home."
"And why won't you, Allan?" pleaded mother, throwing her arms round me
and hugging me to her convulsively. "It is such a fearful life that of
a sailor, amid all the storms and perils of the deep."
"Don't press the boy," interposed father before I could answer mother,
whose fond embrace and tearful face almost made me feel inclined to
reconsider my decision. "It is best for him to make a free choice, and
that his heart should be in his future profession."
"But, Robert--" rejoined mother, but half convinced of this truth when
the fact of her boy going to be a sailor was concerned.
"My dear," said father gently, interrupting her in his quiet way and
drawing her arm within his again, "remember, that God is the God of the
sea as well as of the land, and will watch over our boy, our youngest,
our Benjamin, there, as he has done here!"
Father's voice trembled and almost broke as he said this; and it seemed
to me at the moment that I was an awful brute to cause such pain to
those whom I loved, and who loved me so well.
But, ere I could tell them this, father was himself again, and busy
comforting mother in his cheery way.
"Now, don't fret, dear, any more," he said; "the thing is settled now.
Besides, you know, you agreed with me in the matter at Christmas-tide,
when, seeing how Allan's fancy was set, I told you I thought of writing
to London to get a ship for him, so that no time might be wasted when he
finally made up his mind."
"I know, Robert, I know," she answered, trying to control her sobs,
while I, glad in the new prospect, was as dry-eyed as you please; "but
it is so hard to part with him, dear."
"Yes, yes, I know," said he soothingly; "I shall miss the young
scaramouch, too, as well as you. But, be assured, my dear, the parting
will not be for long; and we'll soon have our gallant young sailor boy
back at home again, with lots of--oh! such wonderful yarns, and oh! such
presents of foreign curios from the lands beyond sea for mother, when
the Silver Queen returns from China."
"Aye, you will, mother dear, you will!" cried I exultingly.
"And though our boy will not wear the Queen's uniform like his
grandfather, and fight the foe," continued father, "he will turn out, I
hope, as good an officer of the mercantile marine, which is an equally
honourable calling; and, possibly, crown his career by being the captain
of some magnificent clipper of the seas, instead of ending his days like
my poor old dad, a disappointed lieutenant on half-pay, left to rust out
the best years of his life ashore when the war was over."
"I hope Allan will be good," said mother simply.
"I know he will be, with God's help," rejoined father confidently, his
words making me resolve inwardly that I would try so that my life should
not disgrace his assuring premise.
"I must go in now and tell Nellie," observed mother after a pause, in
which we were all silent, and I could see father's lips move as if in
silent prayer; "there'll be all Allan's shirts and socks to get ready.
To-morrow week, you said, the ship was to sail--eh, dear?"
"Yes, to-morrow week," answered father bracing himself up; "and while
your mother and Nellie are looking after the more delicate portions of
your wardrobe, Allan, you and I had better walk over to Westham, and see
about buying some new boots and other things which the outfitters
haven't got down on their list."
As he was going into such a fashionable place as Westham, the nearest
county town to our parish, at mother's especial request father consented
to hide the beauties of his favourite old shooting-jacket under a more
clerical-looking overcoat of a greyish drab colour, or "Oxford mixture."
He was induced to don, too, a black felt hat, more in keeping with the
coat than the straw one he had worn in the garden; and thus "grandly
costumed," as he laughingly said to mother and Nell, who watched our
departure from the porch of the rectory, he and I set out to make our
purchases.
Dear me! the bustle and hurry and worry that went on in the house and
out of the house in getting my things ready was such that, as father
said more than once in his joking way, one would have thought the whole
family were emigrating to the antipodes, instead of only a mere boy like
me going to sea!
And then, when everything else had been packed and repacked a dozen
times or so by mother's loving hands in the big, white-painted sea-chest
that had come down from London--which had my name printed on the outside
in big capital letters that almost made me blush, and with such a jolly
little washhand-basin and things for dressing on the top of it just
inside the lid--the stupid outfitters delayed sending my blue uniform to
try on in time; and it was only on the very day before I had to start
that it was finished and sent home, for mother and Nellie to see how I
looked in it, as I wished them to do, feeling no small pride when I put
it on.
Tom, too, got away from Oxford to spend this last day with me at home;
and, though he could hardly spare the time, mother believed, from his
studies, I think he was more interested in some forthcoming race in
which his college boat was engaged.
My last morning came round at length, and with it the final parting with
mother and all at the rectory, which I left by myself. Father decided
this to be the wisest course; for, as I was, as he said, making my first
start in life, it was better to do so in a perfectly independent way,
bidding the dear home-folks good-bye at home.
My last recollection was of father's eyes fixed on mine with a loving
smile in them, and an expression of trust and hope which I determined to
deserve.
The long railway journey to town, which at any other time would have
been a rattle and whirr of delight and interest, seemed endlessly
monotonous to me, full of sad thoughts at parting with all I loved; and
I was glad enough when the train at length puffed and panted its way
into the terminus at London Bridge.
Thence, I took a cab, according to father's directions, to the offices
of the brokers in Leadenhall Street, handing them a letter which he had
given me to establish my identity.
In return, Messrs. Splice and Mainbrace, as represented by the junior
partner of the firm, similarly handed me over to the tender mercies of
one of the younger clerks of the establishment, by whom I was escorted
through a lot of narrow lanes and dirty streets, down Wapping way to the
docks; the young clerk ultimately, anxious not to miss his dinner,
stopping in front of a large ship.
"There you are, walk up that gangway," he said; and thereupon instantly
bolted off!
So, seeing nothing better to be done, I marched up the broad plank he
pointed out, somewhat nervously as there was nothing to hold on to, and
I should have fallen into the deep water of the dock had my foot
slipped, the vessel being a little way out from the wall of the wharf;
and, the next instant, jumping down on the deck, I found myself on board
a ship for the first time in my life.