She began with saying, that she did not, for her part, now think, that
her beloved daughter, whom once she believed hardly any private man could
deserve, was worthy of me, even were she to recover her reason.
I could not but guess the meaning of so high a compliment. What answer
could I return that would not, on one hand, be capable of being thought
cool; on the other, of being supposed interested; and as if I were
looking forward to a reward that some of the family still think too high?
But, while I knew my own motives, I could not be displeased with a lady
who was not at liberty to act, in this point, according to her own will.
I only said, (and it was with truth,) That the calamity of the noble lady
had endeared her to me, more than it was possible the most prosperous
fortune could have done.
I, my good chevalier, may say any thing to you. We are undetermined
about every thing. We know not what to propose, what to consent to.
Your journey, on the first motion, though but from some of us, the dear
creature continuing ill; you in possession of a considerable estate,
exercising yourself in doing good in your native country; [You must think
we took all opportunities of inquiring after the man once so likely to be
one of us;] the first fortune in Italy, Olivia, though she is not a
Clementina, pursuing you in hopes of calling herself yours; (for to
England we hear she went, and there you own she is;) What obligations
have you laid upon us!--What can we determine upon? What can we wish?
Providence and you, madam, shall direct my steps. I am in yours and your
lord's power. The same uncertainty, from the same unhappy cause, leaves
me not the thought, because not the power, of determination. The
recovery of Lady Clementina and her brother, without a view to my own
interest, fills up, at present, all the wishes of my heart.
Let me ask, said the lady, (it is for my own private satisfaction,) Were
such a happy event, as to Clementina, to take place, could you, would
you, think yourself bound by your former offers?
When I made those offers, madam, the situation on your side was the same
that it is now: Lady Clementina was unhappy in her mind. My fortune, it
is true, is higher: it is, indeed, as high as I wish it to be. I then
declared, that if you would give me your Clementina, without insisting on
one hard, on one indispensable article, I would renounce her fortune, and
trust to my father's goodness to me for a provision. Shall my accession
to the estate of my ancestors alter me?--No, madam: I never yet made an
offer, that I receded from, the circumstances continuing the same. If,
in the article of residence, the marquis, and you, and Clementina, would
relax; I would acknowledge myself indebted to your goodness; but without
conditioning for it.
I told you, said she, that I put this question only for my own private
satisfaction: and I told you truth. I never will deceive or mislead you.
Whenever I speak to you, it shall be as if, even in your own concerns, I
spoke to a third person; and I shall not doubt but you will have the
generosity to advise, as such, though against yourself.
May I be enabled to act worthy of your good opinion! I, madam, look upon
myself as bound; you and yours are free.
What a pleasure is it, my dear Dr. Bartlett, to the proud heart of your
friend, that I could say this!--Had I sought, in pursuance of my own
inclinations, to engage the affections of the admirable Miss Byron, as I
might with honour have endeavoured to do, had not the woes of this noble
family, and the unhappy state of mind of their Clementina, so deeply
affected me; I might have involved myself, and that loveliest of women,
in difficulties which would have made such a heart as mine still more
unhappy than it is.
Let me know, my dear Dr. Bartlett, that Miss Byron is happy. I rejoice,
whatever be my own destiny, that I have not involved her in my
uncertainties. The Countess of D---- is a worthy woman: the earl, her
son, is a good young man: Miss Byron merits such a mother; the countess
such a daughter. How dear, how important, is her welfare to me!--You
know your Grandison, my good Dr. Bartlett. Her friendship I presumed to
ask: I dared not to wish to correspond with her. I rejoice, for her
sake, that I trusted not my heart with such a proposal. What
difficulties, my dear friend, have I had to encounter with!--God be
praised, that I have nothing, with regard to these two incomparable
women, to reproach myself with. I am persuaded that our prudence, if
rashly we throw not ourselves into difficulties, and if we will exert it,
and make a reliance on the proper assistance, is generally proportioned
to our trials.
I asked the marchioness after Lady Sforza, and her daughter Laurana; and
whether they were at Milan?
You have heard, no doubt, answered she, the cruel treatment that my poor
child met with from her cousin Laurana. Lady Sforza justifies her in it.
We are upon extreme bad terms, on that account. They are both at Milan.
The general has vowed, that he never will see them more, if he can avoid
it. The bishop, only as a Christian, can forgive them. You, chevalier,
know the reason why we cannot allow our Clementina to take the veil.
The particular reasons I have not, madam, been inquisitive about; but
have always understood them to be family ones, grounded on the dying
request of one of her grandfathers.
Our daughter, sir, is entitled to a considerable estate which joins to
our own domains. It was purchased for her by her two grandfathers; who
vied with each other in demonstrating their love of her by solid effects.
One of them (my father) was, in his youth, deeply in love with a young
lady of great merit; and she was thought to love him: but, in a fit of
pious bravery, as he used to call it, when everything between themselves,
and between the friends on both sides, was concluded on, she threw
herself into a convent; and, passing steadily through the probationary
forms, took the veil; but afterwards repented, and took pains to let it
be known that she was unhappy. This gave him a disgust against the
sequestered life, though he was, in other respects, a zealous Catholic.
And Clementina having always a serious turn; in order to deter her from
embracing it, (both grandfathers being desirous of strengthening their
house, as well in the female as male line,) they inserted a clause in
each of their wills, by which they gave the estate designed for her, in
case she took the veil, to Laurana, and her descendants; Laurana to enter
into possession of it on the day that Clementina should be professed.
But if Clementina married, Laurana was then to be entitled only to a
handsome legacy, that she might not be entirely disappointed: for the
reversion, in case Clementina had no children, was to go to our eldest
son; who, however, has been always generously solicitous to have his
sister marry.
Both grandfathers were rich. Our son Giacomo, on my father's death, as
he had willed, entered upon a considerable estate in the kingdom of
Naples, which had for ages been in my family: he is therefore, and will
be, greatly provided for. Our second son has great prospects before him,
in the church: but you know he cannot marry. Poor Jeronymo! We had not,
before his misfortune, any great hopes of strengthening the family by his
means: he, alas! (as you well know, who took such laudable pains to
reclaim him, before we knew you,) with great qualities, imbibed free
notions from bad company, and declared himself a despiser of marriage.
This the two grandfathers knew, and often deplored; for Jeronymo and
Clementina were equally their favourites. To him and the bishop they
bequeathed great legacies.
We suspected not, till very lately, that Laurana was deeply in love with
the Count of Belvedere; and that her mother and she had views to drive
our sweet child into a convent, that Laurana might enjoy the estate;
which they hoped would be an inducement to the count to marry her. Cruel
Laurana! Cruel Lady Sforza! So much love as they both pretended to our
child; and, I believe, had, till the temptation, strengthened by power,
became too strong for them. Unhappy the day that we put her into their
hands.
Besides the estate so bequeathed to Clementina, we can do great things
for her: few Italian families are so rich as ours. Her brothers forget
their own interest, when it comes into competition with hers: she is as
generous as they. Our four children never knew what a contention was,
but who should give up an advantage to the other. This child, this sweet
child, was ever the delight of us all, and likewise of our brother the
Conte della Porretta. What joy would her recovery and nuptials give us!
--Dear creature! we have sometimes thought, that she is the fonder of the
sequestered life, as it is that which we wish her not to embrace.--But
can Clementina be perverse? She cannot. Yet that was the life of her
choice, when she had a choice, her grandfathers' wishes notwithstanding.
Will you now wonder, chevalier, that neither our sons nor we can allow
Clementina to take the veil? Can we so reward Laurana for her cruelty?
Especially now, that we suspect the motives for her barbarity? Could I
have thought that my sister Sforza--But what will not love and avarice
do, their powers united to compass the same end; the one reigning in the
bosom of the mother, the other in that of the daughter? Alas! alas! they
have, between them, broken the spirit of my Clementina. The very name of
Laurana gives her terror--So far is she sensible. But, O sir, her
sensibility appears only when she is harshly treated! To tenderness she
had been too much accustomed, to make her think an indulgent treatment
new, or unusual.
I dread, my dear Dr. Bartlett, yet am impatient, to see the unhappy lady.
I wish the general were not to accompany her. I am afraid I shall want
temper, if he forget his. My own heart, when it tells me, that I have
not deserved ill usage, (from my equals and superiors in rank,
especially,) bids me not bear it. I am ashamed to own to you, my
reverend friend, that pride of spirit, which, knowing it to be my fault,
I ought long ago to have subdued.
Make my compliments to every one I love. Mr. and Mrs. Reeves are of the
number.
Charlotte, I hope, is happy. If she is not, it must be her own fault.
Let her know, that I will not allow, when my love to both sisters is
equal, that she shall give me cause to say that Lady L---- is my best
sister.
Lady Olivia gives me uneasiness. I am ashamed, my dear Dr. Bartlett,
that a woman of a rank so considerable, and who has some great qualities,
should lay herself under obligation to the compassion of a man who can
only pity her. When a woman gets over that delicacy, which is the test
or bulwark, as I may say, of modesty--Modesty itself may soon lie at the
mercy of an enemy.
Tell my Emily, that she is never out of my mind; and that, among the
other excellent examples she has before her, Miss Byron's must never be
out of hers.
Lord L---- and Lord G---- are in full possession of my brotherly love.
I shall not at present write to my Beauchamp. In writing to you, I write
to him.
You know all my heart. If in this, or my future letters, any thing
should fall from my pen, that would possibly in your opinion affect or
give uneasiness to any one I love and honour, were it to be communicated;
I depend upon your known and unquestionable discretion to keep it to
yourself.
I shall be glad you will enable yourself to inform me of the way Sir
Hargrave and his friends are in. They were very ill at Paris; and, it
was thought, too weak, and too much bruised, to be soon carried over to
England. Men! Englishmen! thus to disgrace themselves, and their
country!--I am concerned for them!
I expect large packets by the next mails from my friends. England, which
was always dear to me, never was half so dear as now, to
Your ever-affectionate
GRANDISON.