Only to breakfast with Miss Byron, my dear--As a mark of your
obligingness, I request it.
His dear!--Now I hate a hypocrite, of all things. I knew that he had a
design to make a shew of his bride, as his property, at another place;
and seeing me angry, thought he would name a visit agreeable to me, and
which at the same time would give him a merit with you, and preserve to
himself the consequence of being obliged by his obedient wife, at the
word of authority.
From this foolish beginning arose our mighty quarrel. What vexed me was,
the art of the man, and the evident design he had to get you of his side.
He, in the course of it, threatened me with appealing to you.--To intend
to ruin me in the love of my dearest friend! Who, that valued that
friend, could forgive it? You may believe, that if he had not proposed
it, and after such accumulated offences, it was the very visit that I
should have been delighted with.
Indeed, Sir--Upon my word, my lord--I do assure you, sir,--with a
moderate degree of haughtiness--was what the quarrel arose to, on my
side--And, at last, to a declaration of rebellion--I won't.
On his side, Upon my soul, madam--Let me perish, if--and then hesitating
--You use me ill, madam. I have not deserved--And give me leave to say--
I insist upon being obliged, madam.
There was no bearing of this, Harriet.--It was a cool evening; but I took
up my fan--Hey-day! said I, what language is this?--You insist upon it,
my lord!--I think I am married; am I not?--And I took my watch, half an
hour after ten on Monday night--the--what day of the month is this?--
Please the lord, I will note down this beginning moment of your
authoritative demeanour.
My dear Lady G----, [The wretch called me by his own name, perhaps
farther to insult me,] if I could bear this treatment, it is impossible
for me to love you as I do.
So it is in love to me, that you are to put on already all the husband!--
Jenny! [Do you see, my lord, affecting a whisper, how you dash the poor
wench? How like a fool she looks at our folly!] Remember, Jenny, that
to-morrow morning you carry my wedding-suits to Mrs. Arnold; and tell
her, she has forgot the hanging-sleeves to the gowns. Let her put them
on out of hand.
I was proceeding--But he rudely, gravely, and even with an air of scorn,
[There was no bearing that, you know,] admonished me. A little less wit,
madam, and a little more discretion, would perhaps better become you.
This was too true to be forgiven. You'll say it, Harriet, if I don't.
And to come from a man that was not overburdened with either--But I had
too great a command of myself to say so. My dependence, my lord, [This I
did say,] is upon your judgment: that will always be a balance to my wit;
and, with the assistance of your reproving love, will in time teach me
discretion.
Now, my dear, was not this a high compliment to him? Ought he not to
have taken it as such? Especially as I looked grave, and dropt him a
very fine courtesy. But either his conscience or his ill-nature,
(perhaps you'll say both,) made him take it as a reflection, [True as you
are alive, Harriet!] He bit his lip. Jenny, begone, said he--Jenny,
don't go, said I--Jenny knew not which to obey. Upon my word, Harriet, I
began to think the man would have cuffed me.--And while he was in his
airs of mock-majesty, I stept to the door, and whipt down to my company.
As married people are not to expose themselves to their friends, (who I
once heard you sagely remark, would remember disagreeable things, when
the honest pair had forgotten them,) I was determined to be prudent.
You would have been charmed with me, my dear, for my discretion. I will
cheat by-standers, thought I; I will make my Lord and Lady L----, Dr.
Bartlett, and Emily, whom I had before set in at cards, think we are
egregiously happy--And down I sat, intending, with a lamb-like
peaceableness, to make observations on the play. But soon after, in
whipt my indiscreet lord, his colour heightened, his features working:
and though I cautioned him not to expose himself, yet he assumed airs
that were the occasion, as you shall hear, of frightening away my
company. He withdrew, in consequence of those airs; and, after a little
while, (repenting, as I hoped,) he sent for me out. Some wives would
have played the queen Vashti on their tyrant, and refused to go: but I,
all obedience, (my vow, so recently made, in my head,) obeyed, at the
very first word: yet you must think that I (meek as I am naturally) could
not help recriminating. He was too lordly to be expostulated with.--
There was, 'I tell you, madam,' and 'I won't be told, sir;' and when I
broke from the passionate creature, and hoped to find my company, behold!
they were all gone! None but Emily left. And thus might poor Lady L----
be sent home, weeping, perhaps, for such an early marriage-tyranny
exerted on her meek sister.
Well, and don't you think that we looked like a couple of fools at each
other, when we saw ourselves left alone, as I may say, to fight it out?
I did expostulate with him as mildly as I could: he would have made it up
with me afterwards; but, no! there was no doing that, as a girl of your
nice notions may believe, after he had, by his violent airs, exposed us
both before so many witnesses. In decency, therefore, I was obliged to
keep it up: and now our misunderstanding blazes, and is at such a
comfortable height, that if we meet by accident, we run away from each
other by design. We have already made two breakfast-tables: yet I am
meek; he is sullen: I make courtesies; he returns not bows.--Sullen
creature, and a rustic!--I go to my harpsichord; melody enrages him. He
is worse than Saul; for Saul could be gloomily pleased with the music
even of the man he hated.
I would have got you to come to us: that I thought was tending to a
compliance; for it would have been condescending too much, as he is so
very perverse, if I had accompanied him to you. He has a great mind to
appeal to you; but I have half rallied him out of his purpose. I sent to
you. What an answer did you return me!--Cruel Harriet! to deny your
requested mediation in a difference that has arisen between man and wife.
--But let the fire glow. If it spares the house, and only blazes in the
chimney, I can bear it.
Cross creature, adieu! If you know not such a woman as Grandison, Heaven
grant that I may; and that my wishes may be answered as to the person;
and then I will not know a Byron.
See, Lucy, how high this dear flighty creature bribes! But I will not be
influenced, by her bribery, to take her part.