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_The_ Strange Adventures _of_ Mr. Middleton
BY
WARDON ALLAN CURTIS
CHICAGO
HERBERT S. STONE & COMPANY
MCMIII
COPYRIGHT, 1903, BY
HERBERT S. STONE & COMPANY
CHICAGO
CONTENTS
The Manner in Which Mr. Edward Middleton Encounters the Emir
Achmed Ben Daoud
The Adventure of the Virtuous Spinster
What Befell Mr. Middleton Because of the Second Gift of the Emir
The Adventure of William Hicks
What Befell Mr. Middleton Because of the Third Gift of the Emir
The Adventure of Norah Sullivan and the Student of Heredity
What Befell Mr. Middleton Because of the Fourth Gift of the Emir
The Pleasant Adventures of Dr. McDill
What Befell Mr. Middleton Because of the Fifth Gift of the Emir
The Adventure of Miss Clarissa Dawson
What Befell Mr. Middleton Because of the Sixth Gift of the Emir
The Unpleasant Adventure of the Faithless Woman
What Befell Mr. Middleton Because of the Seventh Gift of
the Emir
The Adventure of Achmed Ben Daoud
What Befell Mr. Middleton Because of the Eighth and Last Gift of
the Emir
_The_ Strange Adventures _of_ Mr. Middleton
_The Manner in Which Mr. Edward Middleton Encounters the Emir Achmed
Ben Daoud._
It was a lowering and gloomy night in the early part of the present
century. Mr. Edward Middleton, a gallant youth, who had but lately
passed his twenty-third year, was faring northward along the southern
part of that famous avenue of commerce, Clark Street, in the city of
Chicago, wending his way toward the emporium of Mr. Marks Cohen.
Suddenly the rain which the cloudy heaven had been promising for many
hours, began to descend in great scattered drops that presaged a heavy
shower. Mr. Middleton hastened his steps. It was possible that if the
dress-suit he wore, hired for the occasion of the wedding of his
friend, Mr. Chauncey Stackelberg, should become imbued with moisture
in the shower that now seemed imminent, Mr. Cohen, of whom he had
hired the suit, would not add to the modicum agreed upon, a charge for
pressing it. But if his own suit for everyday wear, which he was
carrying under his arm with the purpose of putting it on at good Mr.
Cohen's establishment, should become wet, that would be a serious
matter. It was, in fact, his only suit and that will explain the
anxiety with which he scanned the heavens. Suddenly, Pluvius unloosed
all the fountains of the sky, and with scarcely a thought whither he
was going, Mr. Middleton darted into the first haven of refuge, a
little shop he happened to be just passing. As the door closed behind
him with the tinkle of a bell in some remote recess, for the first
time he realized that the place he had entered was utterly dark. His
ears, straining to their uttermost to make compensation for the
inability of his eyes to be of service to him in this juncture, could
no more than inform him that the place was utterly silent. But to his
nose came the powerful fragrance of strange foreign aromas such as he
had never had experience of before,--which, heavy and oppressive in
their cloying perfume, seemed the very breath of mystery. All traffic
had ceased without, as the night was well advanced and the rain beat
so heavily that the few whom business or pleasure had called abroad at
that hour, had sought shelter. But though the rain now fell with a
steady roar, Mr. Middleton, perturbed by a nameless disquiet, was
about to rush forth into the tempest and seek other shelter, when a
door burst open and, outlined against a glare of light, stood a
gigantic man who said in a deep, low voice that seemed to pervade
every corner of the room and cause the air to shake in slow
vibrations, "Salaam aleikoom!" Which being repeated again, Mr.
Middleton replied:
"I do not understand the German language."
A low, musical laugh greeted this remark and the laugh resolving
itself into a low, musical voice that bade him enter, Mr. Middleton
found himself in a small boudoir of oriental magnificence, facing a
young man in the costume of the Moslem nations, who sat cross-legged
upon a divan smoking a narghileh. He was of perhaps twenty-six,
somewhat slight, but elegant of person. His face, extremely handsome,
betokened that he was a man of intelligence and sensibility. Two
brilliant, sparkling eyes illumined his countenance and the curl of
his carmine lips was that of one who while kind--without condescension
and the odiousness of patronage--to all whom the mischance of fate had
made his inferiors in fortune, would not bend the fawning knee to any
whom the world calls great. Behind him stood a giant blackamore, he of
the voice that had saluted Mr. Middleton. The blackamore was dressed
in crimson silk sparkling with an array of gold lace, but his immense
turban was snowy white. Against his shoulder reposed a great
glittering scimetar and a dozen silver-mounted pistols and poniards
were thrust in his sash.
Presently the young man removed the golden mouth-piece of the
narghileh from his lips and regarding Mr. Middleton fixedly, remarked:
"There is but one God and Mohammed is his Prophet."
Now this was not the doctrine Mr. Middleton had been taught in the
Methodist Sunday School in Janesville, Wisconsin, but disliking to
dispute with one so engaging as the handsome Moslem, and having read
in a book of etiquette that it was very ill mannered to indulge in
theological controversy and, moreover, being conscious of the presence
of the blackamore with the glittering scimetar, he began to make his
excuses for an immediate departure. But the Moslem would not hear to
this.
"Mesrour will bear your garments to Mr. Cohen. From your visage, I
judge you to be a person I wish to know. I take you to be endowed with
probity, discretion, and valor, and not without wit, good taste, and
good manners. Mesrour, relieve the gentleman of his burden."
Whereupon Mr. Middleton was compelled to state that it was the garment
on his back that was to go to Mr. Cohen, though he feared this
confession would cause him to fall in the estimation of the Moslem.
But the stranger relaxed none of his deference at this intimation that
Mr. Middleton was not a person of consequence.
"Mesrour, take two sequins from the ebony chest. The price the
extortionate tailor charges, is some thirty piastres. Bring back the
change and a receipt."
"Salaam, effendim!" and Mesrour bowed until the crown of his head was
presented toward his master, together with the palms of his hands, and
in this posture backed from the room, leaving Mr. Middleton
speculating upon the wonder and alarm little Mr. Cohen would
experience at beholding the gigantic Nubian in all his outlandish
panoply. While changing the dress suit for his street wear, from a
back room came the sound of the blackamore moving about, chanting that
weird refrain, tumpty, tumpty, tum--tum; tumpty, tumpty, tum--tum;
which from Mesopotamia to the Pillars of Hercules, from the time of
Ishmael to the present, has been the song of the sons of the desert.
What was his surprise when the blackamore emerged. Gone were his
turban, his flowing trousers, his scimetar, pistols, and poniards. He
had on a long yellow mackintosh, which did not, however, conceal a
pair of black and white checked pantaloons, a red tie, and green vest,
from each upper pocket of which projected an ivory-handled razor.
"Don't forget the change, Mesrour."
"No indeed, boss," replied the blackamore, whistling "Mah Tiger Lily,"
as he departed.
The Moslem provided Mr. Middleton with one of those pipes which in
various parts of the Orient are known as narghilehs, hubble-bubbles,
or hookabadours, and seeing his guest entirely at his ease, without
ado began as follows:
"My name is Achmed Ben Daoud, and I am hereditary emir of the tribe of
Al-Yam, which ranges on the border of that fortunate part of the
Arabian peninsular known as Arabia the Happy. My youngest brother,
Ismail, desirous of seeing the world, went to the court of Oman, where
struck by his inimitable skill in narration, the imam installed him as
royal story-teller. But having in the space of a year exhausted his
stock of stories, the imam, who is blessed with an excellent memory,
discovering that he was telling the same stories over again, shut him
up in a tower constructed of vermilion stone quarried on the upper
waters of the great river Euphrates. There my poor brother is to stay
until he can invent a new stock of stories, but being utterly devoid
of invention, only death or relenting upon the part of the imam could
release him. Hearing of his plight, I went to the imam with the
proposition that I seek out some other story-teller and that upon
bringing him to Muscat, my brother be released. But the imam exclaimed
that he was tired of tales of genii and magicians, of enchantments and
spells, devils, dragons, and rocs.
"'These things are too common, too everyday. Go to the country of the
Franks and bring me a story-teller who shall tell me tales of far
nations, and I will release Ismail, and load him with treasure.'
"'My Lord,' said I, 'peradventure no Frank story-teller will come. To
guard against such eventuality, I will myself go to the lands of the
Franks, there to learn of adventures worthy the ear of your highness.
This I will do that my brother may be released from the vermilion
tower.'
"'Do this, and I will give him the vermilion tower and make him grand
vizier of the dominions of Oman.'
"As hereditary emir of the tribe of Al-Yam, I am prince of a
considerable population. My revenues are sufficient to support life
becomingly. But desiring to escape attention, and moreover, feeling
that I could better get in touch with all classes of the population, I
have established here in Chicago a small bazaar for the sale of
frankincense and myrrh, the balsam of Hadramaut and attar of roses
from the vales of Nejd, coffee of Mocha--which is in Arabia the
Happy--dates from Hedjaz, together with ornaments made from wood grown
in Mecca and Medina. Such is my stock in trade. By day, Mesrour and I
dress like Feringhis. But at night, it pleases us to cast aside the
stiff garb of the infidel for the flowing garments of my native land.
Mesrour then delights to make the obeisances my rank deserves, but
which in the presence of the giaours would excite mocking laughter. I
have prospered. I have made acquaintances and have learned of many
adventures. But I have made no friends. I have been much prepossessed
by your bearing and feel that I would like to have you for a friend. I
am also desirous of observing the effect of the tales of adventure I
have been collecting. I need to acquire skill in the art of narration,
and accordingly, I must have someone to tell them to, a person whose
complaisance will cause him to overlook the faults of a novice. I am
exceedingly anxious to have the distinguished honor of your company
and if you have any evenings when you are at leisure, I should be only
too glad to have you spend them here."
"I can come this day week," said Mr. Middleton.
"So be it. On that occasion I will tell you the tale of The Adventure
of the Virtuous Spinster. I have not asked you your calling in life,
for I am utterly without curiosity----"
"I am a clerk in a law office," said Mr. Middleton, quickly, "where I
perform certain tasks and at the same time study law, and it is my
hope to be soon admitted to the bar."
Prince Achmed regarded him earnestly for a moment, and then withdrew
to return with a sandalwood case in his hands. This he opened to
disclose a leathern-bound volume. Upon the cover was stamped a great
gilt monogram of letters in some strange language. The edges were
stained a brilliant and peculiarly vivid green. The pages were of fine
pearl-colored vellum, covered with strange characters in black. Each
chapter began with a great red initial surrounded by an illuminated
design of many colored arabesques. It was indeed a volume to cause a
book-lover to cry out with joy.
"Here is all the law man needs, the sacred Koran. Here is the
beginning and end of law, the source of regulations that ensure
righteous conduct, the precepts of Mohammed, prophet of Allah. If
other laws agree with those of the Koran, they are needless. If they
disagree, they are evil. Study this guide of life, my friend, and
there will be no need to worry your brain with tomes of the
presumptuous wights who from their own imaginings dare attempt to
dictate laws and impiously substitute them for the laws revealed to
Mohammed from on high. Accept this gift and study it."
With the sandalwood case containing the precious volume of the law
under his arm, Mr. Middleton departed. After the lapse of three days,
finding no immediate prospect of learning the Arabic language, and
fearful of offending Prince Achmed if he returned the book, and having
no possible use for it, he took it to a bibliophile, who exclaiming
that it was the handiwork of a Mohammedan monastery of Damascus and
bore on the cover the monogram of the fifth Fatimite caliph, and was
therefore a thousand years old, he told Mr. Middleton that though it
was worth much more, he could offer him but five hundred dollars,
which sum the astonished friend of Achmed received in a daze, and
departed to invest in a well located lot in a new suburb. Having no
use for the sandalwood case after the Koran had been disposed of, he
presented it to a young lady of Englewood as a receptacle for
handkerchiefs.
Mr. Middleton said nothing of these transactions when on the appointed
evening he once more sat in the presence of the urbane prince of the
tribe of Al-Yam. Having handed him a bowl of delicately flavored
sherbet, Achmed began to narrate The Adventure of the Virtuous
Spinster.
_The Adventure of the Virtuous Spinster._
Miss Almira Johnson was a virtuous spinster, aged thirty-nine, who
lived in a highly respectable boarding-house on the north side. Her
days she spent in keeping the books of a large leather firm, in an
office which she shared with two male clerks who were married, and a
red-headed boy of sixteen, who was small for his age.
On the evening when my tale begins, Miss Almira, tastefully attired
for her night's rest in a white nightgown trimmed with blue lace, was
peeping under the bed for the ever-possible man, the nightly rite
preliminary to her prayers. She fell back gasping in a vain attempt to
scream, but not a sound could she give vent to. The precaution of
years had been justified. _There lay a man!_ He was habited in a very
genteel frock-suit, patent-leather shoes, and although it must have
caused him some inconvenience in his recumbent position, upon his head
was a correct plug hat. The elegance and respectability of his garb
somewhat reassured Miss Almira, who was unable to believe that one so
apparelled could have secreted himself under her bed for an evil
purpose, when a new fear seized her, for arguing from this assumption,
she concluded he must have been placed there by others and was, in
short, dead. Whereupon, having to some degree recovered possession of
herself, she was opening her mouth to scream at this new terror, when
the man spoke.
"Listen before you scream, I pray thee, beauteous lady, darling of my
life, pearl of my desires, star of my hopes."
The strangeness of the address and the unaccustomed epithets caused
Miss Almira to forbear, for she could not hear what he had to say and
scream at the same time, and, moreover, she remembered how twenty
years before, Jake Long had fled, never to return to her side, when
after telling her she was the sweetest thing in the world, she had
screamed as his arms clasped about her in a bearish hug.
"Fair lady, ornament of your sex, hear the words of your ardent
admirer before you blast his hopes."
As he uttered these words, the stranger extricated himself from his
undignified position and sat down in a rocking chair before the
bureau. Miss Almira was more than ever prepossessed as she saw he wore
white kid gloves and that in his shirt front gleamed a large diamond.
He removed his hat, disclosing a heavy crop of black hair. He had blue
eyes and a strong, clean-shaven face.
"For some time I have observed you and wondered how I was to realize
my fondest hopes and make your acquaintance. All day you are in the
office, where the two married men and the red-headed boy are always
_de trop_. My employment is of a nature that takes me out nights. In
fact, I teach a night school for Italians. To-day being an Italian
holiday and so no school, and as there is a possibility I shall soon
leave the city for an extended season, I have been unable to devise
any other means of declaring myself before the time for my departure.
Pray pardon me for the abruptness and importunity of my declaration,
pray forgive me for the unusual way which I have taken to secure an
interview alone with you. But if you only knew the ardor of my love,
my impatience--oh, would that our union could be effected this very
night!"
Ravished by the elegance of the stranger both in his outward seeming
and his converse, melted by the warmth of a romantic devotion almost
unknown in these degenerate days, though common enough of yore, Miss
Almira paused a moment in the proud compliance of one about to gladly
bestow an inestimable, but hardly hoped-for gift, and crying, "It can
be done, it shall be done," threw herself into the cavalier's arms.
"How so?" asked the stranger, after Miss Almira had disengaged herself
at the elapse of a proper interval.
"Why, the Rev. Eusebius Williams has the next room. We will call him."
"But," said the stranger, "I thought the occupant of the next room was
Mr. Algernon Tibbs, a gentleman from the country, who has recently
sold a large number of hogs here in the city and has been ill in his
room for a space by reason of a contusion on the head from a gold
brick, which was, so to speak, twice thrown at his head, once
figuratively as a ridiculously fine bargain which he refused to take,
and again when the owner, angered, struck him with the rejected gold."
"I see," said Miss Almira archly, "that in planning for this, you have
tried to study the lay of the land; but be gratified, sir, for the
lucky chance which prevented a sad mistake. Mr. Tibbs and I do occupy
adjoining rooms. But the one Mr. Tibbs occupies is really mine. To-day
we exchanged and I will remain here for the four or five days Mr.
Tibbs is to be in the city. He has a large sum of money in his
possession, so we all infer. At any rate, he was afraid to sleep in
this room, where there is a fire escape at the window, and took mine,
where an unscalable wall prevents access. Suppose the Italian holiday
had been last night and you had come then. He would then have taken
you for a robber, notwithstanding that anybody could see you are a
gentleman."
For the first time did Miss Almira become conscious she was not robed
as one should be while receiving callers, and blushing violently, she
leaped into bed, whence she bid the stranger retire for a bit until
she could dress, when they would invoke the kindly offices of the Rev.
Eusebius Williams.
"Your name," she called, as the stranger was about to retire.
"My name," said he impressively, "which will soon be yours, is
Breckenridge Endicott."
"Mulvane," said Mr. Breckenridge Endicott to himself, noiselessly
descending the stairs, "what if she had screamed before you had pulled
yourself together and thought of that stunt? You didn't get old Tibb's
money, but you did get--away."
Mr. Endicott tried the front door. To his apparent annoyance, there
was no bolt, no knob to unlock it, and key there was none. In the
parlors, he could hear the voices of boarders.
"No way there, Mulvane," said Mr. Endicott. "I'll go into the kitchen
and walk out the back door. If there's anybody there, they'll think me
a new boarder."
But he started violently and stood for some moments trembling for no
assignable reason, as he saw in front of the range a fat German hired
girl sitting in the lap of a fat Irish policeman.
"No go through Almira's room to the fire escape. But perhaps I can get
out on the roof and get away somehow. She can't have dressed so soon,"
and he ascended the stairs to run plump into Miss Almira, who popped
out of her room, resplendent in a rustling black silk.
"Oh, you impatient thing," said Miss Almira, shaking a reproving
finger. "I put this on, and then I thought I ought to wear something
white, and so came out to tell you not to get impatient waiting, and
why I kept you so long," and back she popped.
"You are up against it, Mulvane," said Mr. Breckenridge Endicott,
sitting disconsolately down upon the stairs. "Hold on, just the thing.
Why, as her husband, you'll live here unsuspected and get in with old
Tibbs. Why, the job will be pie. It won't be mean to her, either. When
you just vanish, she'll have 'Mrs.' tacked to her name, and that'll
help her. It will be lots of satisfaction. They can't call her an old
maid. 'Better 'tis to have loved and lost than never to have loved at
all.' I'll give her some of the boodle. She isn't bad looking. Wonder
why nobody ever grabbed on to her. If I had enough to live well, I'd
marry her myself and settle down."
The Rev. Eusebius Williams, with ten dollars fee in his right
pantaloons pocket, and the radiant Almira, did not look happier during
the wedding ceremony than did Mr. Breckenridge Endicott.
It was seldom that Mr. Endicott was absent from the side of his wife
during the next few days. Occasionally pleading urgent business, he
left her to go down town with Mr. Tibbs, whom he was seeking to
interest in a plan to extract gold from sea water, a plan upon which
Mr. Tibbs looked with some favor, for as presented by Mr. Endicott, it
was one of great feasibility and promised enormous profits. In the
setting forth of the method of extraction, Mr. Endicott was much aided
by his wife, who overhearing him in earnest consultation with Mr.
Tibbs bounded in and demanded to know what it was all about. Mr.
Endicott demurred, saying it was an abstruse matter which should not
burden so poetical a mind as hers. But Mr. Tibbs set it forth to her
briefly. Having in her youth made much of the sciences of chemistry
and physics, to the great amaze and admiration of Mr. Endicott, she
launched into a most lucid explication of the practicability of the
plan, leaving Mr. Tibbs more than ever inclined to venture his
thousands.
"By Jove, she'll do, Mulvane. Why cut and run? Take her along. She is
a splendid grafter," said Mr. Endicott to himself, as he and his wife
withdrew from the presence of Mr. Tibbs. "My dear," he continued
aloud, "I was overcome by respect for the way you aided me. You are
indeed a jewel. I had never suspected you understood me, knew what I
was, until you came in and explained that sucker trap. You are a most
unexpected ally. You perceive clearly how the thing works?"
"Why, of course, Breckenridge. I have not studied science in vain,
though I do not recall what part of the machine you call 'sucker
trap'. Doubtless the contrivance marked 'converter,' in the drawings.
Of course I understood you, right from the first, a noble, noble man,
and so romantic. But Brecky, dear, why let other people share in this
invention? Why not make all the money ourselves and become million,
millionaires? I shall build churches and libraries and support
missionaries. Why let Mr. Tibbs, who is a somewhat gross person, enjoy
any of the fruits of your genius?"
Whereupon Mr. Endicott's face took on an expression of deep
disappointment, disillusionment, and sorrow, until seeing his own
sorrow mingled with alarm reflected on his wife's face, he presently
announced that they would depart on their wedding journey by boat for
Mackinac three days hence.
"I shall stop fiddle-faddling and settle the business which delays me
here, at one stroke. The old simple methods are the best."
As Mr. and Mrs. Breckenridge Endicott were entering their cab to drive
to the wharf, Mrs. Maxon, the landlady, came hurriedly with the
scandal that Mr. Algernon Tibbs had been found in his room in the
stupor of intoxication.
"Why, he might have been robbed while in that condition," said Mrs.
Maxon.
"He will not be robbed while under your roof," said Mr. Endicott
gallantly. "He is safe from robbing now. He will not, he cannot, I may
say, be robbed now."
The sun was touching the western horizon as the steamer glided out of
the river's mouth. The wind lay dead upon the water, and for a space
the pair sat in the tender light of declining day indulging in the
pleasures of conversation, but at length Mr. Endicott led his wife to
their stateroom.
"On this auspicious day, I wish to make you a gift," and he handed her
a thousand dollars in bills. "My presence is now required on the lower
deck for a time. Be patient during my absence," whereupon he embraced
her with an ardor he had never shown before and there was in his voice
a strange ring of regret and longing such as Almira had never listened
to. It thrilled her very soul and bestowing upon him a shower of
passionate kisses and an embrace of the utmost affection, their
parting took on almost the agony of a parting for years.
"Where the devil is that coal passer Mullanphy, I gave a job to?" said
the engineer on the lower deck. "Is he aboard?"
"His dunnage is in his bunk, but nobody ain't seen him," replied one
of the crew.
"Who the devil is that geezer in a Prince Albert and a plug hat that
just went in back there, and what the devil is he up to?" said the
engineer again, as a black-clothed figure passed toward the stern.
A few moments later, a sturdy man in a jumper and overalls, his face
smeared with grime, peered cautiously around a bulkhead, and seeing
nobody, stepped quickly to the side of the vessel, bearing a limp and
spineless figure in a black frock and silk hat. With a dextrous
movement, he cast the thing forth, and as it went flopping through the
air and slapped the water, from somewhere arose the voice of Mr.
Breckenridge Endicott crying, "Help! help! help!"
Mrs. Endicott, full of dole at the absence of her spouse and oppressed
with a nameless disquiet, had paced the upper deck impatiently, and at
this moment stood just above where her beloved went leaping to his
doom. With one wild scream, she jumped, she scrambled, she fell to the
lower deck, colliding with a man leaning out looking at the sinking
figure. Down, with a vain and frantic clutching at the side that only
served to stay his fall so that he slipped silently into the water
under the vessel's counter, went the unfortunate man.
Plump, into the yawl with the rescue crew, went Mrs. Endicott. Far
astern through the dusk could be seen a black silk hat on the still
water. Astern could be heard the voice of Mr. Breckenridge Endicott
crying, "Quick, quick! I can swim a little, but I am almost gone!"
"Turn to the left, to the left," cried Mrs. Endicott.
"But the cries come from the right," said the coxswain.
"That's his hat to the left. I know his hat. I saw him fall. I know
his voice. It's his hat and his voice."
The crew could have sworn that the cries came from the right, but to
the hat they steered and the cries ceased before their arrival. They
lifted the hat. Nothing beneath but eighty fathoms of water.
It was some time thereafter that a fisherman came upon a corpse
floating inshore. Its face was bloated to such an extent as to prevent
recognition. Its clothes were those of a steamboat roustabout. In the
breastpocket was a large pocketbook bearing in gilt letters the
legend, "Mr. Breckenridge Endicott."
"The present I gave him on the morning of our departure!" exclaimed
Miss Almira, "now so strangely found on the dead body of the man who
robbed him and probably murdered him."
Although soaked, the bills were redeemable. The fisherman was a
fisherman who owned a town house on Prairie Avenue and a country house
at Oconomowoc and he would take no reward. The bills amounted to nine
thousand dollars. Taking her fortune, Almira retired to her former
home in Ogle county, Illinois, where once more meeting Mr. Jake Long,
lately made a widower, after a decent period of waiting, they became
man and wife. So it ended happily for all except the person who called
himself Mr. Breckenridge Endicott--though I suspect that was not his
name--and for Mr. Algernon Tibbs. Lest you waste pity on Mr. Algernon
Tibbs, let me say that in his youth, he was accustomed to kill little
girl's cats, and that his fortune was entirely one he beat out of his
brother-in-law, James Wilkinson.
_What Befell Mr. Middleton Because of the Second Gift of the Emir._
"The individual whose sad taking-off I have just narrated," said the
emir of the tribe of Al-Yam, "affords an excellent example of the power
of good clothes. Suppose he had secreted himself under Miss Almira's
bed wearing a jumper, overalls, and a mask. He would have been
arrested and lodged in the penitentiary."
"But he is now dead," said Mr. Middleton.
"He had better be dead, than continuing his career of villainy and
crime," quoth the emir sternly, and then passing his eyes over the
person of Mr. Middleton, he remarked the somewhat threadbare and
glossy garments of that excellent young man. "If you would accept a
suit of raiment from me," continued the emir with a hesitation that
betrayed the delicacy which was one of the most marked of the many
estimable traits that made his character so admirable, "I would be
overjoyed and obliged. The interests of you, my only friend in this
vast land, have become to me as my own. Unfortunately I have no Frank
clothes except the one suit I wear daily. But of the costumes of my
native land, I have abundant store, and as we are of the same stature,
I beg you will make me happy by accepting one."
Speaking some words to Mesrour in the language of Arabia, the
blackamore brought in and proceeded to invest Mr. Middleton with an
elegant silken habit consisting of a pair of exceedingly baggy
trousers of the hue of emeralds, a round jacket whose crimson rivalled
the rubies of Farther Ind, and a vest of snowy white. Double rows of
small pearls ornamented the edges of the jacket, which was short and
just met a copper-colored sash about the waist. After inducting him
into a pair of white leggings and bronze shoes, Mesrour clapped upon
his head a large white turban ornamented with a black aigret.
Mr. Middleton looked very well in his new garments and while the emir
was complimenting him upon this fact and the grace of his bearing and
Mr. Middleton was uttering protestations of gratitude, Mesrour busied
himself, and Mr. Middleton, turning with intent to resume his wonted
garb, was astonished to find it in a network of heavy twine tied with
a multiplicity of knots.
"Mesrour will bring you your Frank clothes in the morning. I am very
tired, and so I will bid you good night," and the yawn which now
overspread the face of the accomplished prince told more than his
words that the audience was ended.
Mr. Middleton looked at the bundle with its array of knots. To untie
it would require a long time and the prince was repeating his yawn and
his good night. Even had he not hesitated to offend the prince by
demanding opportunity to resume his customary vestments and to weary
him by making him wait for this operation, which promised to be a long
one, he would have been without volition in the matter; for in
obedience to a gesture, Mesrour grasped his arm and with great
deference, but inflexible and unalterable firmness, led him through
the shop and closed the street door behind him.
Mr. Middleton was greatly disconcerted at finding himself in the
street arrayed in these brilliant and barbarous habiliments, but
reflecting that the citizens traveling the streets at this hour would
perhaps take him for some high official in one of the many fraternal
orders that entertain, instruct, and edify the inhabitants of the
city, he proceeded on his way somewhat reassured. As he was changing
cars well toward his lodgings, at a corner where a large public hall
reared its facade, he heard himself accosted, and turning, beheld a
portly person wearing a gilt paper crown, a long robe of purple velvet
bordered with rabbit's fur spotted with black, and bearing in his hand
a bung-starter, which, covered with gilt paper, made a very creditable
counterfeit of a royal scepter.
"Come here once," said this personage.
With great affableness expressing a willingness to come twice, if it
were desired, Mr. Middleton accompanied the personage, as with an air
of brooding mystery, the latter led him down the street twenty feet
from where they had first stood.
"Was you going to the masquerade?"
"Yes," said Mr. Middleton, divining from the presence of the personage
and two other masquers whom he now beheld entering the hall, that a
masquerade was in progress.
"What'll you take to stay away?"
"Why?"
"You'll take the prize."
"What is the prize and why should the possibility of winning it deter
me?"
"The prize is five dollars. It's this way. I am a saloonkeeper. Gustaf
Kleiner and I are in love with the same girl. She is in love with all
both of us. She don't know what to say. She can't marry all both, so
she says she'll marry the one what gits the prize at the masquerade.
If you git the prize, don't either of us git the girl already. I'll
give you twenty dollars to stay away."
"But what of Gustaf Kleiner? Have you paid him?"
"He is going to be a devil. I hired two Irishmans for five dollars to
meet him up the street, cut off his tail, break his horns, and put
whitewash on his red suit. He is all right. I'll make it thirty
dollars and a ticket of the raffle for my watch to-morrow."
"Done," said Mr. Middleton, and he proceeded to draw up a contract
binding him to stay away from the masquerade for a consideration of
thirty dollars.
It was not the least remarkable part of his adventure that he did not
meet Gustaf Kleiner in his damaged suit and for a consideration of
fifty dollars, lend him the magnificent Oriental costume. He did not
see Gustaf Kleiner at all, nor did he win the watch in the raffle and
the chronicler hopes that the setting down of these facts will not
cause the readers to doubt his veracity, for he is aware that usually
these things are ordered differently.
Having kept the Oriental costume for several days and seeing no
prospect of ever wearing it, and his small closet having become
crowded by the presence of a new twenty-dollar suit which he purchased
with part of his gains, he presented it to the young lady in Englewood
previously mentioned, who reduced the ruby red jacket to a beautiful
bolero jacket, made a table throw of the sash, and after much
hesitation seized the exceedingly baggy trousers--which were made with
but one seam--and ripping them up, did, with a certain degree of
confusion, fashion them into two lovely shirt waists. But she did not
wear them in the presence of Mr. Middleton and did not even mention
them to him. Nor did Mr. Middleton allude to any of these transactions
when on the appointed day and hour he again sat in the presence of the
urbane prince of the tribe of Al-Yam. Handing him a bowl of delicately
flavored sherbet, Achmed began to narrate The Adventure of William
Hicks.
_The Adventure of William Hicks._
Young William Hicks was a native of the village of Bensonville, in the
southern part of Illinois. Having, at the age of twenty, graduated at
the head of a class of six in the village school, his father thought
to reward him for his diligence in study by a short trip to the city
of Chicago, which metropolis William had never beheld. Addressing him
in a discourse which, while not long, abounded in valuable advice, Mr.
Hicks presented his son with a sum of money sufficient for a stay of a
week, provided it were not expended imprudently.
One evening, William was walking along Wabash Avenue, feeling somewhat
lonely as he soberly reflected that not one in all that vast multitude
cared anything about him, when he heard himself accosted in a most
cheery manner, and looking up, beheld a beautiful lady smiling at him.
It was plain that she belonged to the upper classes. A hat of very
large proportions, ornamented with a great ostrich plume, shaded a
head of lovely yellow hair. She was clothed all in rustling purple
silk and sparkled with jewelry. Her cheeks and lips glowed with a
carmine quite unknown among the fair but pale damosels of Bensonville,
which is situated in a low alluvial location, surrounded by flat
plains, the whole being somewhat damp and malarial. William had never
imagined eyes so wide open and glistening.
"My name is Willy, to be sure. But you have the advantage of me, for
ashamed as I am to say it, I cannot quite recall you. You are not the
lady who came to Bensonville and stayed at the Campbellite
minister's?"
"Oh, how are all the dear folks in Bensonville? But, say, Will, don't
you want to come along with me awhile and talk it all over?"
"I should be honored to do so, if you will lead the way. I confess I
am lonely to-night, and I always enjoy talking over old times."
At this juncture, a sudden look of alarm spread over the lady's
beauteous face and a lumbering minion of the law stepped before her.
"Up to your old tricks, eh?" he growled. "Didn't I tell you that the
next time I caught you tackling a man, I'd run you in? Run you in it
is. Come on, now."
"Oh, oh," panted the lady, and great tears welled into her adorable
eyes. At that moment, there was a crash in the street, as a poor
Italian exile had his push cart overturned by the sudden and
unexpected backing of a cab. The policeman turned to look and, like a
frightened gazelle, the lady bounded away, closely followed by young
William.
"Is there nothing I can do? Cannot I complain to the judge for you, or
address a communication to some paper describing and condemning this
conduct?"
"Is he coming? Is he coming?" asked the lady, piteously.
"No. But if he were, I would strike him, big as he is. Cannot a former
visitor in Bensonville greet one of its citizens without interference
from the police?"
Hereupon the lady, who seemed to be giving little heed to what William
was saying, beyond the information that the policeman was not in
pursuit, gave a gay little laugh of relief, which caused William's
eyes to light in pitying sympathy.
"Now that we are away from him, what do you say to a friendly game of
cards somewhere, to pass away the evening, which hangs heavy on my
hands and doubtless does on yours?"
"I have never played cards," said William, "for while there is nothing
intrinsically wrong in them, they are the vehicle of much that is
injurious, and at the very least, they cause one to fritter away
valuable time in profitless amusement."
"Oh, la! you are wrong there," said the lady, with a little silvery
laugh. "They are not a profitless amusement. Why, a man has to keep
his brains in good trim when he plays cards, and whist is just as good
a mental exercise as geometry and algebra, or any other study where
the mind is engaged upon various problems. You see I stand up for
cards, for I teach whist myself and I assure you that many of the
leading ladies of this city spend their time in little else than
whist, which they would not do if cards were what you say. Before you
pass your opinion, why not let me show you some of the fine points,
and then you will have something to base your judgment upon."
William, quite impressed by the elegance and social standing of the
lady, as well as influenced by her beauty, despite her evident
seniority of ten or fifteen years, assented, and the lady continued:
"I would invite you to my own apartments, but they are so far away,
and as we are now in front of the Hotel Dieppe, let us go up and
engage a room for a few hours and I will teach you a few little
interesting tricks with which you can amuse the people of Bensonville,
and even obtain some profit, if you wish to. What do you say?"
William averring that he would be pleased to receive the proffered
instruction, she led the way up a flight of stairs and paused in the
doorway of the hotel office, for the Hotel Dieppe was a hostelry of no
great pretentions and occupied the upper stories of a building, the
lower floors of which were devoted to a furniture emporium. Behind the
counter stood a low-browed clerk with a large diamond in his shirt
front, who scrutinized them keenly.
"You get the room," said the lady, coyly. "I'm bashful and don't like
to go in there where are all those smoking men. You may take it in my
name if you wish,--Madeleine Montmorency."
"Number 15," said the clerk, and in a space William found himself in a
dark room, alone with the lady, and heard the door close behind them
and the key turn in the lock.
"We are locked in!" exclaimed Miss Montmorency.
"What's that?" said a deep voice in the darkness.
Miss Montmorency screamed, and screamed again as William turned on the
light and they beheld a man lying in bed!
William was stepping hastily to her side to shield her vision from
this improper spectacle, when he paused as if frozen to the floor. The
man was now sitting up in bed and he had a _red flannel night gown,
one eye_, AND TWO NOSES!
"What the devil are you doing here?" exclaimed the monster in the red
flannel nightgown.
"That I will gladly tell you, for I would not have you believe that we
wantonly intruded upon your slumbers." And thereupon William related
that he was a citizen of Bensonville who had met a former visitor
there and they had come here to talk over mutual acquaintances and
improve their minds by discreet discourse. "But, sir," he said, in
concluding, "pardon my natural curiosity concerning yourself. Who are
you and why are you?"
"If I had the printed copies of my life here, I would gladly sell you
one, but I left them all behind. My name is Walker Sheldrup. I am
registered from Springfield, Mass., but I am from Dubuque, Iowa. I was
born in Sedalia, Mo., where my father was a prominent citizen. It was
he who led the company of men who, with five ox teams, hauled the
courthouse away from Georgetown and laid the foundations of Sedalia's
greatness. Had he lived, Sedalia would not have tried in vain to swipe
the capital from Jefferson City. As a youth I was distinguished--but
I'll cut all that out. Your presence here and the door being locked
behind you only too surely warns me that we have no time to lose. They
have taken you for the snake-eating lady and the rubber-skinned boy,
who ran away when I did and who were to meet me here in Chicago. If
you will turn your heads away so I can dress, I will continue. You
have heard of prenatal influences. Shortly before I was born, my
mother made nine pumpkin pies and set them to cool on a stone wall
beneath the shade of a large elm. As luck would have it, a menagerie
passed by and an elephant grabbed those pies one after another and ate
them. The sight of that enormous pachyderm gobbling my mother's
cherished handiwork, completely upset her. I was born with two noses
like the two tusks of the beast. At the same time, like the trunk,
they are movable. My two noses are as mobile and useful as two fingers
and if you have a quarter with you, I will gladly perform some curious
feats. My noses being so near together, ordinarily, I join them with
flesh-colored wax. I then seem to have but one nose, although a very
large one. I thus escape the annoying attention of the multitude,
which is very disagreeable to a proud man of good family, like me.
Young man, do you ever drink? In Dubuque, they got me drunk so I
didn't know what I was about and I signed a contract with a dime
museum company for twenty-five dollars a week. Take warning from my
fate. Never drink, never drink."
"I can well imagine your sufferings at being a spectacle for a ribald
crowd," said William. "To a man of refined sensibilities, it must be
excruciating, and it was an outrage to entrap you into such a
contract."
"I ought to have had seventy-five and could have got fifty. So I ran
away. Well, now, how are we going to get out of here? Can you climb
over the transom, young man?"
As he said these words, the door flew open and in rushed some
villainous looking men, who gagged, handcuffed, and shackled Miss
Montmorency, William, and the two-nosed man.
"We have the legal right to do this," said the leader, displaying the
badge of the Jinkins private detective agency. "Advices from Dubuque
set us at work. We early located Sheldrup at this hotel, and when the
clerk saw the rubber-skinned boy and the snake-eating lady come in, he
suspicioned who they was at once and by a great stroke, put 'em in
with old two-nose. Do you think we are going to put you through for
breach of contract and for swiping that money out of the till on the
claim it was due you on salary? Nit. Cost too much, take too much
time, and you git sent to jail instead of being back in the museum
helping draw crowds. We are in for saving time and trouble for you,
us, and your employer. To-night you ride out of here for Dubuque,
covered up with hay, in the corner of the car carrying the new trick
horse for the museum. Save your fare and all complications. Now, boys,
we want to work this on the quiet, so we will just leave 'em all here
until the streets are deserted and there won't be anybody around to
notice us gitting 'em into the hack."
"Hadn't one of us better stay?" asked a subordinate.
"How can people gagged, their ankles shackled, their hands handcuffed
behind 'em, git out? Why, I'll just leave the handcuff keys here on
the table and tantalize 'em."
Tears welled in the soft, beauteous orbs of Miss Montmorency and
William's eyes spoke keen distress, but Mr. Sheldrup's eyes gleamed
triumphantly above the cloth tied about the lower part of his face.
Hardly had the steps of the detectives died away on the stair, when a
little click was heard behind Miss Montmorency and her handcuffs fell
to the floor. There stood Mr. Sheldrup, politely bowing, with the key
held between his two noses. She seized it and in a twinkling, the
bonds of all had been removed and, forcing the door, they started
away. At the street entrance stood the policeman who had insulted Miss
Montmorency!
"Oh, he's waiting for me, and I'll get six months. He knew where I'd
go. I haven't any money," and tears not only filled the wondrous
optics of poor Miss Montmorency, but flowed down her cheeks.
"Six months, your grandmother. I'll not go back on you. Young man,
follow me into the office and when I am fairly in front of the clerk,
give me a shove," and the two-nosed man, with a grip in each hand,
walked up to the clerk and began to rebuke him for his ungentlemanly
and unprincipled conduct.
"You white-livered son of a sea-cook, you double-dyed, concentrated
essence of a skunk," and at that moment young William pushed him and
the two-nosed gentleman lurched forward, and bending his head to avoid
contact with the clerk's face, it rested against the latter's bosom
for a moment. Departing immediately, at the foot of the stairs the
two-nosed gentleman said to the policeman:
"Officer, please let this lady pass. For various reasons, I desire it
enough to spare this stud, which will look well upon the best
policeman on the force."
"All right," said the policeman. "Go along for all of me, Bet
Higgins," and he courteously accepted the diamond.
"My stage name," said Miss Montmorency, in answer to an inquiring look
from William. "The name I sign to articles in the Sunday papers."
"Now of course they are watching all the depots," said the two-nosed
gentleman. "Before they located me here they did that, and as they
have also been looking for the snake-eating lady and the
rubber-skinned boy, our late captors have not had time to notify them
that we have been captured. It is useless to try to escape that way,
then; it is too far to walk out, or go by street car, and as it is a
fair, moonlight night with a soft breeze, I am for getting a boat and
sailing out."
After some search, they found a small sail boat. Miss Montmorency had
decided to flee from the wicked city with the two-nosed gentleman. She
had heard such delightful reports of Michigan. The owner of the boat
not being there and there being no probability that they would ever
return it, the two-nosed gentleman wrote a check on a Dubuque bank for
one hundred and seventy-five dollars, and Miss Montmorency an order on
the school board for a like amount, and these they pinned up where the
boatman could find them.