Great philosophers and profound metaphysicians should by rights have
lived at Slumberleigh. Those whose lines have fallen to them "ten miles
from a lemon," have time to think, if so inclined.
Only elementary natures complain of their surroundings; and though at
first Ruth had been impatient and depressed, after a time she found
that, better than to live in an atmosphere of thought, was to be thrown
entirely on her own resources, and to do her thinking for herself.
Some minds, of course, sink into inanition if an outward supply of
nutriment is withheld. Others get up and begin to forage for themselves.
Happy are these--when the transition period is over--when, after a time,
the first and worst mistakes have been made and suffered for, and the
only teaching that profits anything at all, the bitter teaching of
experience, has been laid to heart.
Such a nature was Ruth's, upright, self-reliant, without the impetuosity
and impulsiveness that so often accompanies an independent nature, but
accustomed to look at everything through her own eyes, and to think, but
not till now to act for herself.
She had been brought up by her grandmother to believe that before all
things _noblesse oblige_; to despise a dishonorable action, to have her
feelings entirely under control, to be intimate with few, to be
courteous to all. But to help others, to give up anything for them, to
love an unfashionable or middle-class neighbor, or to feel a personal
interest in religion, except as a subject of conversation, had never
found a place in Lady Deyncourt's code, or consequently in Ruth's,
though, as was natural with a generous nature, the girl did many little
kindnesses to those about her, and was personally unselfish, as those
who live with self-centred people are bound to be if there is to be any
semblance of peace in the house.
But now, new thoughts were stirring within her, were leavening her whole
mind. All through these monotonous months she had watched the quiet
routine of patient effort that went to make up the sum of Mr. Alwynn's
life. He was a shy man. He seldom spoke of religion out of the pulpit;
but all through these long months he preached it without words to Ruth,
as she had never heard it preached before, by
"The best portion of a good man's life--
His little, nameless, unremembered acts
Of kindness and of love."
It was the first time that she had come into close contact with a life
spent for others, and its beauty appealed to her with a new force, and
gradually but surely changed the current of her thoughts, until, as "we
needs must love the highest when we see it," she unconsciously fell in
love with self-sacrifice.
The opinions of most young persons, however loudly and injudiciously
proclaimed, rarely do the possessors much harm, because they are not,
as a rule, acted upon; but with some few people a change of views means
a change of life. Ruth was on the edge of a greater change than she
knew.
At first she had often regretted the chapter of her life that had been
closed by Lady Deyncourt's death. Now, she felt she could not go back to
it, and find it all-sufficient as of old. It would need an added
element, without which she began to see that any sort or condition of
life is but a stony, dusty concern after all--an element which made even
Mr. Alwynn's colorless existence a contented and happy one.
Ruth had been telling him one day, as they were walking together, of her
sister's plans for the winter, and that she was sorry to think her time
at Slumberleigh was drawing to a close.
"I am afraid," he said, "in spite of all you say, my dear, it has been
very dull for you here. No little gayeties or enjoyments such as it is
right young people should have. I wish we had had a picnic, or a
garden-party, or something. Mabel Thursby cannot be happy without these
things, and it is natural at your age that you should wish for them.
Your aunt and I lead very quiet lives. It suits us, but it is different
for young people."
"Does it suit you?" asked Ruth, with sudden earnestness. "Do you really
like it, or do you sometimes get tired of it?"
Mr. Alwynn looked a little alarmed and disconcerted. He never cared to
talk about himself.
"I used to get tired," he said at last, with reluctance, "when I was
younger. There were times when I foolishly expected more from life
than--than, in fact, I quite got, my dear; and the result was, I fear I
had a very discontented spirit--an unthankful, discontented spirit," he
repeated, with sad retrospection.
Something in his tone touched Ruth to the quick.
"And now?"
"I am content now."
"Uncle John, tell me. How did you grow to feel content?"
He saw there were tears in her eyes.
"It took a long time," he said. "Anything that is worth knowing, Ruth,
takes a long time to learn. I think I found in the end, my dear, that
the only way was to put my whole heart into what I was doing," (Mr.
Alwynn's voice was simple and earnest, as if he were imparting to Ruth a
great discovery). "I had tried before, from time to time, of course, but
never quite as hard as I might have done. That was where I failed. When
I put myself on one side, and really settled down to do what I could
for others, life became much simpler and happier."
He turned his grave, patient eyes to Ruth's again. Was something
troubling her?
"I have often thought since then," he went on, speaking more to himself
than to her, "that we should consider well what we are keeping back our
strength for, if we find ourselves refusing to put the whole of it into
our work. When at last one does start, one feels it is such a pity one
did not do it earlier in life. When I look at all the young faces
growing up around me, I often hope, Ruth, they won't waste as much time
as I did."
How simple it seemed while she listened to him; how easy, how natural,
this life for others!
She could not answer. One sentence of Mr. Alwynn's was knocking at the
door of her heart for admission; was drowning with its loud beating the
sound of all the rest:
_"We should consider well what we are keeping back our strength for, if
we refuse to put the whole of it into our work."_
She and Mr. Alwynn walked on in silence; and after a time, always afraid
of speaking much on the subject that was first in his own mind, he began
to talk again on trivial matters, to tell her how he had met Dare that
morning, and had promised on her behalf that she would sing at a little
local concert which the Vandon school-master was getting up that week to
defray the annual expense of the Vandon cricket club, and in which Dare
was taking a vivid interest.
"You won't mind singing, will you, Ruth?" asked Mr. Alwynn, wishing she
would show a little more interest in Dare and his concert.
"Oh no, of course not," rather hurriedly. "I should be glad to help in
any way."
"And I thought, my dear, as it would be getting late, we had better
accept his offer of staying the night at Vandon."
Ruth assented, but so absently that Mr. Alwynn dropped the subject with
a sigh, and walked on, revolving weighty matters in his mind. They had
left the woods now, and were crossing the field where, two months ago,
the school-feast had been held. Mr. Alwynn made some slight allusion to
it, and then coughed. Ruth's attention, which had been distracted, came
back in a moment. She knew her uncle had something which he did not
like, something which yet he felt it his duty to say, when he gave that
particular cough.
"That was when you were staying with the Danvers, wasn't it, Ruth?" in a
would-be casual, disengaged tone.
"Yes; I came over from Atherstone with Molly Danvers."
"I remember," said Mr. Alwynn, looking extremely uncomfortable; "and--if
I am not mistaken--ahem! Sir Charles Danvers was staying there at the
same time?"
"Certainly he was."
"Yes, and I dare say, Ruth--I am not finding fault, far from it--I dare
say he made himself very agreeable for the time being?"
"I don't think he made himself so. I should have said he was naturally
so, without any effort, just as some people are naturally the reverse."
"Indeed! Well, I have always heard he was most agreeable; but I am
afraid--I think perhaps it is just as well you should know--forewarned
is forearmed, you know--that, in fact, he says a great deal more than he
means sometimes."
"Does he? I dare say he does."
"He has a habit of appearing to take a great interest in people, which I
am afraid means very little. I dare say he is not fully aware of it, or
I am sure he would struggle against it, and we must not judge him; but
still, his manner does a great deal of harm. It is peculiarly open to
misconstruction. For instance," continued Mr. Alwynn, making a rush as
his courage began to fail him, "it struck me, Ruth, the other
day--Sunday, was it? Yes, I think it _was_ Sunday--that really he had
not much to ask me about his week-day services. I--ahem! I thought he
need not have called."
"I dare say not."
"But now, that is just the kind of thing he _does_--calls, and,
er--under chestnut-trees, and that sort of thing--and how _are_ young
people to know unless their elders tell them that it is only his way,
and that he has done just the same ever so often before?"
"And will again," said Ruth, trying to keep down a smile. "Is it true
(Mabel is full of it) that he is engaged, or on the point of being so,
to one of Lord Hope-Acton's daughters?"
"People are always saying he is engaged, to first one person and then
another," said Mr. Alwynn, breathing more freely now that his duty was
discharged. "It often grieves me that your aunt mentions his engagement
so confidently to friends, because it gives people the impression that
we know, and we really don't. He is a great deal talked about, because
he is such a conspicuous man in the county, on account of his wealth and
his place, and the odd things he says and does. There is something
about him that is different from other people. I am sure I don't know
why it is, but I like him very much myself. I have known him do such
kind things. Dear me! What a pleasant week I had at Stoke Moreton last
year. It is beautiful, Ruth; and the collection of old papers and
manuscripts unique! Your aunt was in Devonshire with friends at the
time. I wish he would ask me again this autumn, to see those charters of
Edward IV.'s reign that have been found in the secret drawer of an old
cabinet. I hear they are quite small, and have green seals. I wish I had
thought of asking him about them on Sunday. If they are really
small--but it was only Archdeacon Eldon who told me about them, and he
never sees anything any particular size--if they should happen to be
really small--" And Mr. Alwynn turned eagerly to the all-engrossing
subject of the Stoke Moreton charters, which furnished him with
conversation till they reached home.
_"We should consider well what we are keeping back our strength for, if
we refuse to put the whole of it into our work."_
All through the afternoon and the quiet, monotonous evening these words
followed Ruth. She read them between the lines of the book she took up.
She stitched them into her sewing. They went up-stairs with her at
night, they followed her into her room, and would not be denied. When
she had sent away her maid, she sat down by the window, and, with the
full harvest-moon for company, faced them and asked them what they
meant. But they only repeated themselves over and over again. What had
they to do with her? Her mind tried to grapple with them in vain. As
often as she came to close quarters with them they eluded her and
disappeared, only to return with the old formula.
Her thoughts drifted away at last to what Mr. Alwynn had said of
Charles, and all the disagreeable things which Mabel had come up on
Monday morning, with a bunch of late roses, on purpose to tell her
respecting him. She had taken Mabel's information at its true worth,
which I fear was but small; but she felt annoyed that both Mabel and Mr.
Alwynn should have thought it necessary to warn her. As if, she said to
herself, she had not known! Really, she had not been born and bred in
Slumberleigh, nor had she lived there all her life. She had met men of
that kind before. She always liked them. Charles especially amused her,
and she could see that she amused him; and, now she came to think of it,
she supposed he had paid her a good deal of attention at Atherstone, and
perhaps he had not come over to Slumberleigh especially to see Mr.
Alwynn. It was as natural to men like Charles to be always interested
in some one, as it would be unnatural in others ever to be so, except as
the result of long forethought, and with a wedding-ring and a set of
bridesmaids well in view. But to attach any importance to the fact that
Charles liked to talk to her would have been absurd. With another man it
might have meant much; but she had heard of Charles and his misdoings
long before she had met him, and knew what to expect. Lord Breakwater's
sister had confided to her many things respecting him, and had wept
bitter tears on her shoulder, when he suddenly went off to shoot
grizzlies in the Rocky Mountains.
"He has not sufficient vanity to know that he is exceedingly popular,"
said Ruth to herself. "I should think there are few men, handicapped as
he is, who have been liked more entirely for themselves, and less for
their belongings; but all the time he probably imagines people admire
his name, or his place, or his income, and not himself, and consequently
he does not care much what he says or does. I am certain he does not
mean to do any harm. His manner never deceived me for a moment. I can't
see why it should others; but, from all accounts, he seems to be
frequently misunderstood. That is just the right word for him. He is
misunderstood. At any rate, I never misunderstood him. That Sunday call
might have made me suspicious of any ordinary mortal; but I knew no
common rule could apply to such an exception as he is. I only wonder,
when he really does find himself in earnest, how he is to convey his
meaning to the future Lady Danvers. What words would be strong enough;
what ink would be black enough to carry conviction to her mind?"
She smiled at the thought, and, as she smiled, another face rose
suddenly before her--Dare's pale and serious, as it had been of late,
with the wistful, anxious eyes. _He_, at least, had meant a great deal,
she thought with remorse. _He_ had been in earnest, sufficiently in
earnest to make himself very unhappy, and on her account.
Ruth had known for some time that Dare loved her; but to-night that
simple, unobtrusive fact suddenly took larger proportions, came boldly
out of the shadow and looked her in the face.
He loved her. Well, what then?
She turned giddy, and leaned her head against the open shutter.
In the silence the words that had haunted her all the afternoon came
back; not loud as heretofore, but in a whisper, speaking to her heart,
which had begun to beat fast and loud.
_"We should consider well what we are keeping back our strength for, if
we refuse to put the whole of it into our work."_
What work was there for her to do?
The giddiness and the whirl in her mind died down suddenly like a great
gust on the surface of a lake, and left it still and clear and cold.
The misery of the world and the inability to meet it had so often
confused and weighed her down that she had come back humbly of late to
the only possibility with which it was in her power to deal, come back
to the well-worn groove of earnest determination to do as much as in her
lay, close at hand, when she could find a field to labor in. And now she
suddenly saw, or thought she saw, that she had found it. She had been
very anxious as to whether Dare would do his duty, but till this moment
it had never struck her that it might be _her_ duty to help him.
She liked him; and he was poor--too poor to do much for the people who
were dependent on him, the poor, struggling people of Vandon. Their
sullen, miserable faces rose up before her, and their crazy houses.
Fever had broken out again in the cottages by the river. He needed help
and encouragement, for he had a difficult time before him. And she had
these to give, and money too. Could she do better with them? She knew
Mr. Alwynn wished it. And as to herself? Was she never going to put self
on one side? She had never liked any one very much--at least, not in
that way--but she liked him.
The words came like a loud voice in the silence. She liked him. Well,
what then?
She shut her eyes, but she only shut out the moon's pale photographs of
the fields and woods. She could not shut out these stern besieging
thoughts.
What was she holding back for? For some possible ideal romantic future;
for the prince of a fairy story? No? Well, then, for what?
The moon went behind a cloud, and took all her photographs with her. The
night had turned very cold.
"To-morrow," said Ruth to herself, rising slowly; "I am too tired to
think now. To-morrow!"
And as she spoke the faint chime of the clock upon her table warned her
that already it was to-morrow.
And soon, in a moment, as it seemed to her, before she had had time to
think, it was again to-morrow, a wet, dim to-morrow, and she was at
Vandon, running up the wide stone steps in the starlight, under Dare's
protecting umbrella, and allowing him to take her wraps from her before
the hall fire.
The concert had gone off well. Ruth was pleased, Mr. Alwynn was pleased.
Dare was in a state of repressed excitement, now flying into the
drawing-room to see if there were a good fire, as it was a chilly
evening; now rushing thence to the dining-room to satisfy himself that
all the immense and elaborate preparations which he had enjoined on the
cook had been made. Then, Ruth must be shown to her room. Who was to do
it? He flew to find the house-keeper, and after repeated injunctions to
the house-maid, whom he met in the passage, not to forget the hot water,
took Mr. Alwynn off to his apartment.
The concert had begun, as concerts always seem to do, at the exact time
at which it is usual to dine, so that it was late before the principal
performers and Mr. Alwynn reached Vandon. It was later still before
supper came, but when it came it was splendid. Dare looked with anxious
satisfaction, over a soup tureen, at the various spiced and glazed forms
of indigestion, sufficient for a dozen people, which covered the table.
It grieved him that Ruth, confronted by a spreading ham, and Mr. Alwynn,
half hidden by a bowlder of turkey, should have such moderate appetites.
But at least she was there, under his roof, at his table. It was not
surprising that he could eat nothing himself.
After supper, Mr. Alwynn, who combined the wisdom of the worldly serpent
with the harmlessness of the clerical dove, fell--not too
suddenly--asleep by the fire in the drawing-room, and Ruth and Dare went
into the hall, where the piano was. Dare opened it and struck a few
minor chords. Ruth sat down in a great carved arm-chair beside the fire.
The hall was only lighted by a few tall lamps high on pedestals against
the walls, which threw great profiles of the various busts upon the dim
bass-reliefs of twining scroll-work; and Dare, with his eyes fixed on
Ruth, began to play.
There is in some music a strange appeal beyond the reach of words. Those
mysterious sharps and flats, and major and minor chords, are an alphabet
that in some occult combinations forms another higher language than that
of speech, a language which, as we listen, thrills us to the heart.
It was an old piano, with an impediment in its speech, out of the yellow
notes of which Ruth could have made nothing; but in Dare's hands it
spoke for him as he never could have spoken for himself.
His eyes never left her. He feared to look away, lest he should find the
presence of that quiet, graceful figure by his fireside had been a
dream, and that he was alone again with the dim lamps, alone with Dante
and Cicero and Seneca.
The firelight dwelt ruddily upon her grave clear-cut face and level
brows, and upon the folds of her white gown. It touched the slender
hands clasped lightly together on her knee, and drew sudden sparks and
gleams out of the diamond pin at her throat.
His hands trembled on the keys, and as he looked his heart beat high and
higher, loud and louder, till it drowned the rhythm of the music. And as
he looked her calm eyes met his.
In another moment he was on his knees beside her, her hands caught in
his trembling clasp, and his head pressed down upon them.
"I know," he gasped, "it is no good. You have told me so once. You will
tell me so again. I am not good enough. I am not worthy. But I love you;
I love you!"
In moments of real feeling the old words hold their own against all
modern new-comers. Dare repeated them over and over again in a paroxysm
of overwhelming emotion which shook him from head to foot.
Something in his boyish attitude and in his entire loss of self-control
touched Ruth strangely. She knew he was five or six years her senior,
but at the moment she felt as if she were much older than he, and a
sudden vague wish passed through her mind that he had been nearer her in
age; not quite so young.
"Well?" she said, gently; and he felt her cool, passive hands tremble a
little in his. Something in the tone of her voice made him raise his
head, and meet her eyes looking down at him, earnestly, and with a great
kindness in them.
A sudden eager light leaped into his face.
"Will you?" he whispered, breathlessly, his hands tightening their hold
of hers. "Will you?"
There was a moment's pause, in which the whole world seemed to stand
quite still and wait for her answer.
"Yes," she said at last, "I will."
"I am glad I did it," she said to herself, half an hour later, as she
leaned her tired head against the carved oak chimney-piece in her
bedroom, and absently traced with her finger the Latin inscription over
the fireplace. "I like him very much. I am glad I did it."