CHAP. VII.

Street Life.--The Post-office.

LONDON AND THE OCEAN.--HOW YOU MAY ATTACK THE REPUTATION OF

EITHER.--THE METROPOLIS "EN NEGLIGEE."--THE POST-OFFICE.--THE

MODERN LETTER-WRITER.--MONEY ORDERS.--PENNY STAMPS, THEIR USE AND

ABUSE.--JOHN BULL AND THE CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER.--HOW MR.

BULL IMPOSES UPON THAT RESPECTABLE FUNCTIONARY.--WHAT IS A

NEWSPAPER?--THE GREAT HALL OF THE POST-OFFICE AT SIX P.M.

"Did you ever see the ocean?" said I, some time ago, to a Vienna friend,

as by accident we met in Cheapside. Not far from the spot where from

Newgate-street the passenger turns off to the Bank, there is a crossing

of some of the most crowded streets. We stood on the pavement waiting

for an opportunity, or a stoppage among the vehicles, to make a rush to

the opposite side. "Well," said I; "Did you ever see the ocean."

"In a way!" replied my countryman, producing a cigar; and in a moment a

match-seller was by his side offering his inflammable wares. "In a

manner," repeated my countryman, as he lit his cigar. "Of course I did

not come by land from St. Stephen's Place, in Old Vienna. I did cross a

piece of salt water as far as I can remember; but that confounded

sea-sickness got hold of my stomach, and made me blind to the marvels of

the ocean. And--between you and me--I can't say I was much taken with

what I could see. I've read a deal about the sea, the wide and open sea,

and all its glories. But it's all humbug, that's what it is; or, if you

would rather, it's poetic fancy. Water, after all, is but water. And, as

for the sharks, you can't see them. There wasn't even such a thing as a

storm. The lakes of Ischl are quite as green as the channel, and,

perhaps, a shade greener. And last year, when I was on the Platten Lake,

on my honour! I could not see to the opposite shore. Water, after all,

is but water; and a few miles, more or less, make no difference that I

can see. Besides, you only see a certain portion. That's _my_ opinion."

O good and honest Viennese! I stopped my countryman, who was just taking

a desperate leap into the road. No doubt he would have reached the

opposite pavement in safety; but I stopped him, for I wanted a pretence

for shaking hands with him. A Berlin man would never have deigned to

declare that the ocean is a humbug, even though he had never gone beyond

the bridges of the Spree or Havel river at Potsdam. Humbug has no

existence for the real Berlin man, who has been reared in the

superlative; and, besides, how can a Berliner, with all his contempt for

authority, ever plead guilty to considering an important phenomenon, one

which has been established ever since the days of the Great Elector,

with less poesy than Henry Heine, and with less interest than Alexander

von Humboldt. A Berliner would certainly have held forth on the

"absolute idea," or the "relative nothing," or the "subjective view of

space"; even though he never felt anything like the meaning of those

hard words, and even if, within his secret heart, he had thought exactly

as the Viennese did before he got sea-sick. There are things which a

Berliner would rather die than say in public.

But my readers are justly entitled to ask what could induce me to

connect Cheapside with the first impressions which a continental mind

receives of the sea. The association of the two ideas is not by any

means so absurd as some very sapient Germans may think. The first

impressions which London makes on the stranger's mind are similar to his

first impressions of the sea. They are not overwhelming. "A town, after

all, is but a town"; that's what my Viennese friend would say. "There

are as fine houses in Vienna and Berlin, and some are more imposing.

Brewer's drays, foot-passengers, cabs, omnibuses, and policemen--we have

them all. A town, after all, is but a town. A few miles, more or less,

make no difference. You can't see it all at once!"

But it so happens that my countryman, thanks to the intervention of some

friends, gets a place as engineer, at Folkestone. Between ourselves, he

is a refugee. But what German, of our days, is not a refugee, or likely

to be one? The Germans are a nation of traitors just now; therefore....

No offence.

Now my friend passes his leisure hours on the beach. He looks at the

dark waters, and the white spray, and the waves which break at his feet.

The waves come and go, and keep coming and going, alternately large and

small, fast and slow. At one point they shoot smoothly over the yellow

sand; at another they break with a thundering motion against the granite

blocks of the jetty, flinging their spray over the stone parapet; and

where my friend sits, the waves wash up shells and curious stones, and

strange sea-weed, and withered leaves of sub-marine plants and shrubs;

and the tides turn, coming in and going out, and the demon of the storm

disports itself in the blackened air. The sea is dark and seething, and

the fishing-boats, with their masts creaking and groaning, hasten up and

down the waves to the gates of the harbour. The water in the very

harbour is moved to and fro in violent convulsions; monster clouds,

fringed with lightish gray, are driven landwards day and night; are

confounded in the gloomy tints of the ocean, which groans and raves, and

engulphs its victims, until its strength is exhausted. And the moon

breaks through the clouds, preaching peace with her pallid demure face;

and the waves are converted by the sentimental saint, and again rush

playfully along the sand of the beach; and again they wash shells, and

curious stones, and strange sea-weed, and withered leaves of sub-marine

plants to the feet of my friend, who, overwhelmed with the spectacle,

sits staring on vacancy.

"But you are quite wet, and really you look very sentimental, my dear

countryman from the banks of the Danube! Water, after all, is but water!

I hope you haven't seen a shark? The lakes of Ischl are just as green as

the sea, and perhaps a shade greener. A few miles more or less--what

does it matter? A good deal of humbug about it, isn't there?"

"You are malicious, Doctor. On my honour, very malicious! One ought to

look at that pool for a year or so to know what it really is."

Pilgrim from the land of passports, when you come to this giant town, in

which traffic built its living dykes in every street then do not, in

the name of all that is candid, be ashamed to appear, for three days at

least, as an unfeeling callous creature. Make no secret of your

thoughts. A few houses more or less cannot make an impression on a truly

reasonable man!

But, friend stranger, stand for an hour or two leaning against the iron

gate of Bow-church, Cheapside, or take up your position on the steps of

the Royal Exchange. Do, as my countryman does in lonely Folkstone; let

the waves of the great city rush past you, now murmuringly, now

thunderingly, now fast, now slow, as crowds press on crowds, and

vehicles on vehicles, as the streams of traffic break against every

street corner and spread through the arterial system of the lanes and

allies; as the knot of men, horses and vehicles get entangled almost at

every point where the large streets join and cross, to move and heave

and spin round, and get disentangled again, and again entangled. After

such a review only can you realise the idea of the greatness of London.

It is said of a stranger, who came to London for the first time and took

his quarters in one of the most crowded city streets, that he remained

standing at the door the whole of the first day of his London existence,

because he waited "until the crowd had gone." A man who would do that

ought to rise and go to bed with the owl. It is this which, after a

prolonged stay in London so moves our admiration, that there is no stop,

no rest, no pause in the street-life throughout the busy day.

In smaller towns, too, there are occasions or times when the streets are

crowded in the extreme. The _trottoirs_ of the Paris Boulevards are

charming places, and on a beautiful evening they are as crowded, and

even more so than the pavements of the London streets. But the crowding

on the Paris _trottoirs_ lasts a few hours only during the usual

promenade time. London street-life is not bound to time; it is not

confined within the narrow limits of a few hours. Indeed there is not a

single hour in the four and twenty, in which any one of the principal

London streets can be said to be deserted. For when the denizens of the

far West retire to rest, at that very hour does the street-life dawn in

the business-quarters of the East.

Early in the morning, before the chimneys of the houses and factories,

of the railway-engines and steamers, have had time to fill the air with

smoke, London presents a peculiar spectacle. It looks clean. The houses

have a pleasing appearance; the morning sun gilds the muddy pool of the

Thames; the arches and pillars of the bridges look lighter and less

awkward than in the daytime, and the public in the street, too, are very

different from the passengers that crowd them at a later hour.

Slowly, and with a hollow, rumbling sound do the sweeping-machines

travel down the street in files of twos and threes to take off every

particle of dust and offal. The market-gardener's carts and waggons come

next; they proceed at a brisk trot to arrive in time for the early

purchasers. After them, the coal-waggons and brewer's drays, which only

at certain hours are permitted to unload in the principal streets of the

city. At the same time, the light, two-wheeled carts of the butchers,

fishmongers, and hotel-keepers, rattle along at a slapping pace; for

their owners--sharp men of business--would be the first in the market to

choose the best and purchase at a low price. Here and there a trap is

opened in the pavement, and dirty men ascend from the regions below;

they are workmen, to whose care is committed the city under-ground,

which they build, repair, and keep in good order. Damaged gas and

water-pipes, too, are being repaired, and the workmen make all possible

haste to replace the paving-stones and leave the road in a passable

condition. For the sun mounts in the sky and their time is up. They

return to their lairs and go to sleep just as the rest of the town

awakens to the labours of the day.

Besides these, there are a great many other classes whose avocations

compel them to take to the street by break of day. At a very early hour

they appear singly or in small knots, with long, white clay pipes in

their mouths; as the day advances, they come in troops, marching to

their work in docks and warehouses. Ill-tempered looking, sleepy-faced

barmen take down the shutters of the gin-shops; cabs, loaded with

portmanteaus and band-boxes, hasten to deposit their occupants at the

various railway-stations; horsemen gallop along, eager for an early

country-ride; from minute to minute there is an increase of life and

activity. At length the shops, the windows and doors of houses are

opened; omnibuses come in from the suburbs and land their living freight

in the heart of the city; the pavements are crowded with busy people,

and the road is literally crowded with vehicles of every description. It

is day and the hour is 10 A.M.

Long before this, hundreds of high chimney-towers have belched forth

their volumes of thick black smoke, and that smoke obscures the horizon

with long streaks of black smut, and mixes and becomes more dense as the

millions of chimneys on the house-tops contribute their quota, until a

dusky atmosphere is formed, which intercepts the rays of the sun. Such

is London by day. That is the enormous city with her deep grey robe of

smoke and fog, which she spins afresh every morning, and silently

unravels during the hours of the night, that she may, as Penelope of

old, keep idlers and courtiers away from her gates.

We are still at the point where Newgate-street opens into Cheapside. It

would almost seem as if the whirlpool of human beings that turn about in

that locality, had made us giddy, for our thoughts took their wayward

flight across the Thames, up to the clouds, and through the gully-holes

into the recesses of the city under-ground. We ought now to proceed on

_terra firma_, and with this laudable resolution, we turn to the left,

and stop in the front of the post-office at St. Martin's-le-Grand.

The existing arrangements of the English post-office, and the

penny-postage, which, in 1840, was introduced by Rowland Hill, have

proved so excellent in their results, that the majority of continental

states have been induced to approximate their institutions to Mr. Hill's

principle. Men of business and post-office clerks are not yet satisfied;

they desire a system of cheap international postage, and it is devoutly

to be hoped that those pious wishes will, in the end, be gratified. But

the majority of the continental governments hesitate before they commit

themselves to an experiment, which, in the most favourable case, only

promises a future increase of revenue, while in every case it is certain

to entail losses on the present. In England, however, the experiment

has been made, and the system works well and pays. And the arrangements

of the post-office have been brought to a degree of perfection unknown

even to the wildest dreams of the boldest political economist of the

last century.

With the general penny postage for England, Scotland, Ireland, and the

Channel Islands--with a regular, rapid, and frequent transmission of the

mails from and to the provinces, there is, moreover, an admirable system

adopted for the distribution of letters throughout the metropolis.

London is divided into two postal districts: one of them embraces the

area within three miles from the Chief Office at St. Martin's-le-Grand;

the second district includes those parts of the town which lie beyond

the three miles' circle.

The postage, of course, is the same for either district; but the

difference lies in the number of deliveries. In the inner circle there

are not less than ten deliveries a day.

The construction of the houses contributes much to the efficiency of the

system. The postman's functions are here much easier than those of his

continental colleagues. He is not required to go up and down stairs, he

gives his double knock; and as the majority of letters are inland

letters, and as such prepaid, no time is lost with paying and giving

change. The frequency of letter-boxes at the house doors tends still

more to simplify the proceeding.

At the time of the great Exhibition, these letter-boxes gave occasion to

many a comical mistake. Many of our continental friends entrusted their

correspondence to the keeping of private boxes, under the erroneous

presumption that every door-slit, with "_Letters_" over it, stood in

some mysterious connexion with the General Post Office. But when once

properly understood, the practical advantages of these private

letter-boxes were so apparent, that they moved all our stranger friends

to the most joyful admiration. The system however is nothing without the

prepayment of letters, without the English style of buildings, and the

English domestic arrangements, according to which each family inhabits

its own house. The South-German system of crowding many families into

one large house, and dividing even flats into separate lodgings, places

insuperable difficulties in the way of any such arrangement, even if

the Germans, generally, could be induced to prepay their letters. And

the Paris fashion of delivering all the letters at the porter's lodge,

is disagreeable, even for those who are not engaged in treasonable

correspondence, and who have no reason or desire to elude the vigilance

of the police.

After all, Rowland Hill's system of _cheap_ postage is one of the best

practical jokes that was ever perpetrated by an Englishman. This famous

cheapness is nothing but a snare for the unwary, for the especial

gratification of the Postmaster-General and the Chancellor of the

Exchequer. In no other country is there so much money expended on

postage as in England. A letter is only one penny; and what is a penny?

The infinitesimal fraction of that power which men call capital; that

miraculous Nothing, out of which the world was made, and out of which

some very odd fellows managed to make large fortunes, as it may be well

and truly read in juvenile books of first-class morality. But what

Londoner can condescend to establish his household arrangements on the

decimal system, or on the theory of miracles? Consequently, he writes

short letters to his cousins and nieces across the way, and to all his

near and dear relations in Yorkshire and the Shetland Islands. It is an

incontestable fact, that Englishmen spend more money in postage than the

citizens of any other country.

And how cleverly does the Post Office contrive to facilitate the means

of correspondence! Besides the large branch offices, there are above

five hundred receiving-houses in London, all of them established in

small shops, to induce you to enter; and that you may have no trouble in

finding them, a small board with a hand, and the words "Post Office," is

affixed to the nearest lamp-post, so that you need only look at the

lamp-posts to find the place for the reception of your letters. How

simple, and how practical!

But there is more behind! Many a man thinks it too great a tax upon his

time and patience to put the penny stamp on the envelope; the

Postmaster-General steps in and saves him the trouble. He manufactures

envelopes with the Queen's head printed on them, and he sells them a

penny a piece, so that you have the envelope gratis. They are gummed,

too, and do not want sealing. You have nothing to do but to write your

letter, put it into the envelope, and post it at the receiving-house

over the way or round the corner. These are some of the sly tricks on

which the Post Office thrives, so that, with its expenditure exceeding

one million sterling, it manages to hand over a large sum of surplus

receipts to the Chancellor of the Exchequer.

Nor ought it to be supposed, that, having attained so high a degree of

perfection, the English postal administration reclines on its laurels.

No! it strains every nerve to effect further improvements; and it has to

deal with a public fully competent to understand its merits, and

disposed to value them. The greatest praise of a public institution is

to be found, not in the eulogies of the press, but in the readiness of

the public to avail themselves of the advantages that institution

offers, and the improvements and facilities it effects. And the English

do this readily and joyfully, whenever their practical common sense

becomes alive to the usefulness of an innovation.

In this respect, and in many others, the English Government is in a more

favourable position than the continental governments. Its dealings are

with a great and generous nation: great ideas find a great public in

England. That is the reason why the continental estimates of men and

affairs appear so small, compared to the one which the English are in

the habit of applying. Particularly with respect to creating facilities

to traffic, the Government may venture on almost any experiment. The

public support every scheme of the kind, and the public support makes it

pay. Take, for instance, the system of money-orders, which was

introduced a few years back. Small sums under £5 are to be sent; and in

spite of the enormous difficulties and expenses which the scheme had to

encounter in its commencement, it is more firmly establishing from day

to day; its popularity is on the increase, and above £8,000,000 was, in

the year 1851, transmitted in this manner.

Let us now see how the Post Office deals with books, pamphlets, and

newspapers. Political papers which publish "news," says the act for that

purpose made and provided--"political journals," according to the

continental mode of expression--pass from province to province free of

postage, with only a small sum for transmission to the Colonies, that is

to say, to the Cape and the Antipodes. The penny stamp, which each copy

of a political journal is required to have, franks it throughout the

whole of Great Britain and Ireland--not once, but several times. A

letter stamp is blackened over at the Post Office, to prevent its being

used again; but the newspaper stamp has nothing to fear from the

postmaster's blacking apparatus. I read my copy of the _Times_ in the

morning, and am at liberty to send it to a friend, say to Greenwich.

That friend sends the same copy to another friend, say at Glasgow,

Edinburgh, or Dublin; and the same copy, after various peregrinations

through country post offices, and out-of-the-way villages, finds its way

back to London to the shop of a dealer in waste paper. No charge is made

by the Post Office for these manifold transmissions; and thus it happens

that friends conspire together to defraud the Post Office, and that

information finds its way from one end of the kingdom to another without

any advantage to the public purse.

I will quote an example of a trick which is still popular with many

English families. Suppose a husband and father has reason to expect an

addition to his family circle. His friends and relations are desirous to

be informed of the event as soon as it shall have come off, but letters,

however short, take time to write; and, after all, its a pity to pay so

many pence for postage, and children, too, are very expensive creatures.

The matter has been arranged beforehand. An old copy of the _Times_ is

sent, if the little stranger turns out a boy; if a girl, the father

sends a copy of the _Herald_. The child is born, and the papers are

posted. Letters of congratulation follow in due time. Her Majesty has

gained another subject, but the Exchequer has lost a few pence. This

method has not much political morality to recommend it; but it weighs

very lightly on an Englishman's conscience, since the proceeding, after

all, is not downright illegal.

"The Chancellor of the Exchequer and I"--says John Bull--"are on the

best terms; he cheats me whenever he can; he makes me pay in every

conceivable manner; he taxes my wine, my tea, the sunlight, my horse, my

land, and my carriage; he is always at it, and he squeezes me as I would

an orange. That's his right, and that's why he is Chancellor of the

Exchequer. How else could he manage to pay the interest on the national

debt, and the army and navy estimates, and all the sundries? _We_, the

nation, are the state, and that's why we ought to pay. But in return,

the right honourable gentleman must give us leave to cheat him whenever,

as it will happen with the sharpest of financiers, his financial laws

want a clause or two, and thus favour the operation. 'Horses above a

certain size are taxed to such and such an extent,' says he. Very well!

say I. But I move heaven and earth to produce horses under that size,

and avoid paying the tax. Carriages with wheels above 21 inches in

diameter are taxed. Very well. I get a small carriage made, one which

suits the size of my pony. Newspaper advertisements pay a duty of

eighteen-pence. Well and good. I advertise the birth of my child by

means of an old copy of the _Times_. That's fair dealing, which none can

find fault with. The Chancellor of the Exchequer and I know what we are

about. We are a couple of sly ones. John Bull after all pays for

everything; but he fights for his money to the best of his abilities. Of

course!"

Thus reasons the Englishman, whom the Germans love to consider as an

adorer of the law.

The difference between the English adoration and the German contempt of

the law, may be found in the fact, that an Englishman takes a delight in

outwitting the law, if it can be done in a loyal and honest manner. The

German believes he is justified in ignoring the law, since it was

imposed upon him without his consent. In other words: the subject of an

absolute government does not think the laws--except the laws of nature

and morality--to be binding, because such laws were imposed by superior

force. The citizen of a free country respects every law, because it

presupposes an agreement to which he has either indirectly or directly

assented. But let us return to the Post-office.

Though the newspaper-stamp franks the journals throughout England, still

it has not been thought advisable to extend the privilege to the postal

district within three miles from St. Martin's-le-Grand. All journals

posted within that circle must have an additional penny stamp. My copy

of the _Times_ goes free to Dublin; but if I address it to a friend in

the next street, it pays the postage. But for this salutary regulation,

all the news-vendors would post their papers, and the Post-office would

want the means of conveyance and delivery for the loads of printed

matter which, in such a case, would find their way into the chief

office.

The advantages of the newspaper stamp are, however, large enough to

induce its being solicited by papers, that are not by law compelled to

take it. _Punch_, for instance, is not considered a political paper. To

find out the reason why, is a task I leave to the principal Secretaries

of State of her Britannic Majesty. The whole of England is agreed on the

point that there is much more sound policy in the old fellow's humped

back than can be found in the heads of the Privy Council; and many an

agitator in search of an ally would prefer Toby to the Iron Duke.[C]

_Punch_, then, consults his own convenience and takes or refuses the

stamp according to circumstances. And as _Punch_ does, so do many other

papers, whom the law considers as unpolitical.

[C] The first part of this work left the press early in 1852, when

the Duke of Wellington was still alive. It has not been thought

convenient to alter this passage, and some others to meet the change

of circumstances.--[ED.]

We turn again to the General Post-office. It is a grand and majestic

structure, with colossal columns in the pure Greek style; and with an

air of classic antiquity, derived from the London atmosphere of fog and

smoke. It is easy to raise antique structures in London, for the rain

and the coals assist the architect. Hence those imposing tints! How

happy would the Berliners be, if Messrs. Fox and Henderson, instead of

constructing waterworks, could undertake to blacken the town, and give

it an antique old-established, instead of its _parvenu_ and stuck-up,

appearance. They are sadly in want of London smoke and of some other

English institutions which I cannot, for the sake of my own safety,

venture to specify.

Those who are not awed by the architectural beauties of the London

Post-office, should enter and take a stroll down those roomy high walls,

where on either side there are numbers of office windows and little

tablets. How small are, in the presence of those tablets, all the ideas

which Continentals form of a large central Post-office. They are so

many sign-posts, and direct you to all the quarters of the world; to the

East and West Indies, to Australia, China, the Canary Islands, the Cape,

Canada, etc. Every part of the globe has its own letter box; and the

stranger who, about six o'clock P. M., enters these halls, or takes up

his post of observation near the great City Branch Office, in

Lombard-street, would almost deem that all the nations of the world were

rushing in through the gates, and as if this were the last day for the

reception and transmission of letters.

Breathless come the bankers' clerks, rushing in just before the closing

hour; they open their parcels, and drop their letters into the various

compartments. There are messengers groaning under the weight of heavy

sacks, which they empty into a vast gulf in the flooring; they come from

the offices of the great journals, and the papers themselves are sorted

by the Post-office clerks. Here and there, among this crowd of business

people, you are struck with the half comfortable, half nervous bearing

of a citizen. Just now an old gentleman, with steel spectacles, hurries

by, casting an anxious look at the clock, lest he be too late. Probably

he wishes to post a paternal epistle to his son, who is on a fishing

excursion in Switzerland, and the letter is important, for in it the son

is adjured not by any means to discontinue wearing a flannel

under-jacket. Or an old lady has to post a letter to her grand-daughter

at school in the country, about the apple-pudding, for which the

grand-daughter sent her the receipt; and what a capital pudding it was,

and that the school must be a first-rate school--to be sure! And lo!

just as the clock strikes, a fair-haired and chaste English woman, with

a thick blue veil, makes her way to one of the compartments and drops a

letter. Thank goodness, she is in time! Heaven knows how sorry the poor

lad would have been if that letter had not reached him in due course.

For an English lover, they say, is often in a hanging mood, especially

in November, when the fogs are densest.

Now the wooden doors are closed; the hall is empty as if by magic, and

the tall columns throw their lengthened shadows on the stone flooring.

This is the most arduous period of the day for the clerks within. All

that heap of letters and newspapers which has accumulated in the course

of the day is to be sorted, stamped, and packed in time for the various

mail-trains. Clerks, servants, sorters, and messengers, hurry to and fro

in the subterraneous passage between the two wings of the building.

Clerks suspended by ropes, mount up to the ceiling and take down the

parcels which, in the course of the day, were deposited on high shelves.

And the large red carts come rattling in receive their load of bags, and

rattle off to the various stations; the rooms are getting empty; the

clerks have got through their work; the gas is put out, and silence and

darkness reign supreme. Here and there only in some little room a clerk

may be seen busy with accounts and long lists of places and figures.

When he retires to rest, the work of the day has already commenced in

the other offices. In this building, business is going on at all hours

of the day and the night. The loss of a minute would be felt by

thousands, at a distance of thousands of miles.

Hence does it happen that at no time is there a want of complaints about

the Post-office clerks and post-masters, while the officials, in their

turn, complain of the carelessness and negligence of the public. The

public's grievances find their way into the Journals, in a "Letter to

the Editor." The sorrows of the Post-office clerks obtain a less amount

of publicity; but they may be observed on the walls of the great hall,

where, daily, there is a list of misdirected letters, which have cost

the post-men a deal of trouble. Directions such as--

"_To Mr. Robinson,

"in

America._"

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