We understand that it has now been decided that the Ex-Kaiser will travel
to England for his trial by way of the Channel Tunnel.
* * *
A new coal war is anticipated by _The Daily Express_. The difficulty is in
knowing where the last coal war ended and this one will begin.
* * *
We understand that the Government fixture card is not yet complete and they
still have a few open dates for Peace Conferences (away matches) for medium
teams.
* * *
The world's largest blasting-furnace has been opened at Ebbw Vale. It is
expected however that others will flare up immediately the CHANCELLOR'S
proposals go through.
* * *
"Militarism has created a dragon whose fangs will never properly be drawn,"
announces a writer in a Sunday paper. This charge against MR. WINSTON
CHURCHILL'S dentist is, in our opinion, most unkind.
* * *
The report that the Turks had appealed to the Allies to stop the new war in
Asia Minor turns out to be incorrect. What the Turks demand is that the
Allies shall stop the Greek end of it.
* * *
"I would like to take a great piece of England back to America as a
souvenir of the happy time I have recently spent there," exclaimed Miss
MARY PICKFORD to a reporter in Belgium. Arrangements, we hear, are now
being hastily made to offer her the whole of Ireland if she will take it
away during this month.
* * *
According to a local paper a lawyer living in Birmingham, returning
unexpectedly from the theatre, discovered two burglars at work in his
library. It is reported, however, that the intruders with great presence of
mind immediately retained him for their defence.
* * *
Several workhouses in the South of England now possess tennis-courts and
bowling-greens. It is satisfactory to note that preparations are at last
being made to receive the New Poor.
* * *
We are glad to learn that the two members of a well-known club in the City
who inadvertently took away their own umbrellas have now agreed to exchange
same, so that the reputation of the club shall not suffer.
* * *
A Warwickshire miner summoned for not sending his child to school is
reported to have pleaded that he saw a red triangle danger notice above the
word "school" and therefore kept his daughter away.
* * *
"We must have support," said the POSTMASTER-GENERAL last week. We can only
say that we always buy our stamps at one of his post-offices.
* * *
A little domestic tragedy was enacted in London last week. It appears that
a small boy, on being offered a penny by his mother, who had just returned
from the winter sales, refused it, saying that he was not allowed to accept
money from strangers.
* * *
An official of the New York Y.W.C.A. inquires whether a woman of thirty
years is young. A more fair question would be, "When is a woman thirty
years of age?"
* * *
President C.W. ELIOT, of Harvard University, says Britishers drink tea
because it feeds the brain. Our own opinion is that we drink it because we
have tasted our coffee.
* * *
So many servant-girls are being enticed from one house to another that
several houses now display the notice, "Visitors are requested to refrain
from stealing the servants."
* * *
Under a new Order public-houses will not open until seven in the evening on
Sundays. This seems to be another attempt to discourage early rising on
that day.
* * *
Two men have been arrested at Oignies, Pas de Calais, for selling stones as
coal. We fancy we know the coal-dealer from whom they got this wrinkle.
* * *
Speaking at Sheffield University last week, Sir ERIC GEDDES said he hoped
to see the day when there would be a degree of Transport. What we're
getting now, we gather, can't really be called Transport at all.
* * *
A live mussel measuring six inches has been found inside a codfish at
Newcastle. We expect that if the truth was known the mussel snapped at the
cod-fish and annoyed it.
* * *
A soldier arrested at Dover told the police he was _Sydney Carton_, the
hero of _The Tale of Two Cities_. He is supposed to be an impostor.
* * *
A market-gardener in Surrey is said to be the double of Mr. WINSTON
CHURCHILL. Since this announcement it is stated that the poor fellow has
been inundated with messages of sympathy.
* * *
"The secret of success," says Mr. W. HARRIS, "is hard work." Still, some
people would scorn to take advantage of another man's secret.
* * *
Wives, said the Judge of the Clerkenwell County Court recently, are not so
ignorant that they do not know what their husband's earnings are. There is
no doubt, however, that many workmen's wives simply pocket the handful of
bank-notes their husbands fling them on Saturday night without stopping to
count them.
* * *
There were no buyers, it is stated, for fifty thousand blankets offered by
the Disposals Board last week. We have all along maintained that, though it
would take time, the Board would wear its adversaries down.
* * *
According to an official list recently published the Government employs
over three thousand charwomen. The number is said to be so great that they
have to take it in turns to empty Mr. AUSTEN CHAMBERLAIN'S portfolio.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Showman._ "DON'T GET HIM TOO TAME, PROFESSOR. HE'S GOT TO
GO FIVE ROUNDS WITH THE BOXING KANGAROO WHEN YOU'VE FINISHED."]
* * * * *