A FAIR PARLIAMENT.
The next morning, when Mr. Tremain sauntered down the broad stairs, that
gave upon the inner hall, he found that favourite place of resort
already occupied, and about twenty tongues were going at full gallop,
every one talking, no one listening, while far above the well-bred
clamour, rose Dick Darling's high-pitched treble.
"I say we must; oh, what a most too unutterably utter lark! Esther, you
are a trump, you are a saint, you are a double-distilled daisy, and you
deserve to have a free-actioned, high-stepping trotter, and a skeleton
selfish waggon, for your very, very own!"
"You are very kind, Dick," and this time it was Mrs. Newbold's voice,
"but indeed, I don't want a reward of merit of that description, I fail
to appreciate it, my dear. A nasty little abominable trotting waggon,
all bones and ribs, and no flesh, and a monstrosity of a horse that
would drag my arms from their sockets and me over its head before I
could say----"
"Jack Robinson," broke in the irrepressible Dick, "though why one is
always supposed to invoke that mythical personage, in times of surprise,
it is beyond me to explain. However, you are about right, Esther, for
now I come to think of it, what would you do with your legs?"
"Oh, Dick, you are really too hopelessly vulgar," cried out a chorus of
voices, to which Miss Darling not a whit abashed, replied:
"Well, and what would you have me call them?"
"You might say pedal extremities," remarked Miss James, to which
brilliant suggestion Dick vouchsafed no further reply than a pronounced
sniff and shrug of her shoulders.
Then Esther caught sight of Philip, and rose in pretty confusion to
greet him.
"Ah, Mr. Tremain, you have stolen a march upon us, and invaded a woman's
congress, and now, since you have been so very rash and bold----"
"'Oh, rash and bold!'" sang Dick, under her breath, with a comical
Mikado gesture.
"You shall stay and be umpire. Perhaps, as you are a man," continued
Esther, severely, "I may be able to drag a little bit of sense out of
you."
"I doubt it," said Dick again, _sotto voce_.
"And so do I," echoed Philip aloud, at which there was a general laugh,
and then a general and eagerly expressed desire that Mr. Tremain might
be made as comfortable as possible, and at once admitted to the inner
sanctorum of their circle.
Esther pulled forward the most seductive _causeuse_, Baby Leonard
actually resigned a cushion for his head, and Dick Darling evolved the
tiniest of cigarette cases and vesuvians from her knowing little coat
pocket, and striking a light offered him a "real Turkish brew," assuring
him that they were "quite the knob," and that she imported them herself,
straight from the shores of the Bosphorus, a fact, which none of them
being strong in geography, dared to contradict. Only Miss James refused
to join in the general adulation; she sat quite still in her low
wicker-chair, leaning her dark head against the gold-coloured cushions,
and watching Philip, furtively, through her half-closed eyelids.
When the hubbub of welcome had somewhat subsided, and only a rippling
laugh, or the _frou-frou_ of the women's gowns, as their owners moved
about listlessly, or settled themselves more comfortably in their
luxurious chairs, gave evidence of the "concourse of tongues" that had
been, Mr. Tremain ventured to ask, holding his unsmoked cigarette
between his fingers, what had been the topic under discussion, when his
untoward entrance silenced the music of their voices?
"Music of our voices, indeed!" mocked Dick, bringing her shoulders up to
her little ears. "You flatter us, Mr. Tremain--at least you flatter
me--the harmonies must have been strangely mixed in that _galère_; I
never heard my shrill pipe called anything so fetching before. Speak for
yourselves, girls, I am nothing if not honest."
"Don't be absurd, Dick," answered Miss James, pettishly; "what a miser
you are to take everything to yourself in that fashion!"
"Speak for oneself, or no one will speak for you," said Dick, calmly. "I
always find the best policy is that which brings oneself most into
notice, and if you don't flaunt your own colours boldly, no one will
haul 'em up for you."
"All this isn't very enlightening to Mr. Tremain," broke in Mrs.
Newbold, in her pleasant fashion; "of course it's wildly exciting and
interesting to us, but we can scarcely expect him to enter heart and
soul, into the rights and wrongs of our feminine policy. Now the case in
point, Philip, is this: next Thursday--ten days off, you see--will be my
husband's birthday, and we thought it would be very nice to celebrate it
for him in some jovial way."
"I suggested a dance," interrupted Baby Leonard, "because a dance is so
easily done; one has only to put the whole affair in Delmonico's hands,
and order one's dress, and let one's young men know the colours for
one's bouquets, and fill up one's dance card twice over, and then you
see--why then it is accomplished."
"Highly amusing for you, Baby, who never look to such advantage as
valsing with Jack," said Esther, half indignantly, "but rather hard on
poor old George, I think, seeing that the poor dear fellow can't dance
a step, and after all, it's _his_ birthday, you know."
"I don't suppose he would think of that," replied Miss Leonard, "_I_
never did," at which self-evident ingenuousness Dick went off into a
frenzy of laughter, which proved so infectious that they all joined in,
until their united strength of lung attracted Jack Howard and Freddy
Slade, who emerged from the billiard-hall, cues in hand, to know "what
the dickens was the joke?" And then, when order was restored, and only
Dick going off spasmodically in little spurts of merriment, the two men
were invited to remain and become members of the council of war.
"Now, Esther, _I_ have an idea," suddenly cried out Dick. "I don't get
one very often, so attach it when you can. Let's have some downright
first-class athletic sports. There's the gymnasium, just the ticket,
with all the newest fads in bars, and poles, and trapezes. We girls
might go in for the lighter exercises against the men, and then make
way for their competitions in the higher science; and we could end up
with a rousing good battle at ten-pins! Now that is a good suggestion.
Don't you like it?" in a tone of intense astonishment, turning from one
to another with a comical look of surprise on her fresh round face.
"I think it is perfectly disgusting," said Miss James, with scorn; "and
quite worthy of you, Dick. The idea of making mountebanks of ourselves
in those odious gymnasium costumes, to romp and riot about like a parcel
of schoolboys! Besides, I don't see where George would come in, in your
refined little programme, any better than in Baby's scheme!"
"Oh, he should give the prizes," answered Dick, not a whit abashed.
"Yes, and pay for them, too," muttered Jack Howard, a little
maliciously.
"Well, I resign," said Dick, with the air of a martyr. "But really I
don't see what we can do. We can't have races, because the ground's as
hard as nails, and the poor dear beasties would lame themselves, and we
can't have a yachting contest, because all the Squadron, and the crack
boats, have gone off to Newport; and tennis is a bore, and dancing is a
nuisance, and you look down on my healthy little device, so cudgel your
own brains, my dears, mine refuse to evolve another iota of an idea!"
And Miss Darling pulled out her cigarette-case and devoted herself to a
minute inspection of its contents.
"Well, I am sure, the only things left to us are theatricals, or
tableaux," said Esther, piteously; "the latter are simply odious, so it
must be the former. After all, it's strange how one always does come
back to theatricals; they always seem most satisfactory in the end."
"Because we all believe ourselves to be the one great actor of the
future," said Mr. Tremain, with a smile; "it's only opportunity that we
lack, not genius; and it's only other people's stupidity that fails to
recognise our talents."
"You needn't count me in, Esther dear," cried Dick; "I never could act
worth a cent, and what's more I hate it, pretending to be ever so many
qualities that one is not, and never succeeding a third part as well as
the most tuppenny-ha'penny actress at the Bowery!"
"Dick's severe," laughed Baby Leonard, "because the first and only time
she was to have appeared in public the committee were obliged to ask her
to resign, she made love in such a vigorous fashion, and charged the
_jeune premier_ as though he were a five-barred gate, and over him she
would go, willy-nilly. She frightened him terribly, and he refused to go
on with his rôle if Miss Darling continued in hers."
"Baby dearly loves a sell," remarked Dick, good-naturedly, when the
laugh at her expense had subsided; "but she's quite right, I'm quite
too awfully horrid when it comes to making believe." With which little
home thrust Miss Darling settled back in her chair beamingly.
"Then, since acting it is to be, let's settle the play," said Jack
Howard. "It's always a long business, and we haven't any too much time
at our disposal."
"There's _School_," suggested Miss James, "or _Ours_, or _The Romance of
a Poor Young Man_; and oh, doesn't that make one weep for poor
Montague?"
"Oh, how sentimental!" cried Dick. "Why don't you have something jolly,
like _The Mikado_, or _Ruddigore_, or even _Patience_? There's something
more in any one of them, than in all your love and moonshine plays put
together."
"But since you refuse to join our company, Dick, isn't it a little
grasping on your part to wish to coerce our choice?" said Esther,
mischievously.
"I am dumb," answered Dick, shutting her mouth firmly, and only letting
her laughing eyes glance merrily from one to another, as the discussion
waxed fast and furious, and threatened to end in tears and temper.
It settled itself down at last, however, into a comedy, or melodrama,
and a farce; and when, to end all further embarrassment, Mr. Tremain
suggested a ballot to decide, it was accepted unanimously. The result
gave the first preference to _The Ladies' Battle_, the second to the
ever fresh _Box and Cox_.
"Of course you all know I don't act," said Mrs. Newbold, prettily, and
withdrawing gracefully from all contest over the rôles. "_I_ never like
anything so much as being wardrobe mistress and prompter, so I shall
elect myself into those positions at once, and that clears off one
superfluous woman."
Nor would she listen to any of the protestations and entreaties of her
companions; she put her hands over her ears, and shook her head, until
every little golden curl danced again, as she cried, laughingly: "It's
no use, I don't hear you, and I'm not to be moved. I have chosen my
favourite characters, and I won't give them up. Now then," bringing down
her hands, "let us dispose of the rôles. Baby, you must be Léonie de
Villegontier, you will look the character to perfection; Rosalie, whose
forte though you may not think it, is comedy, shall be Mrs. Bouncer, in
the farce; Jack, will you take De Grignon's rôle? And you, Philip, I
know Henri is an old friend in your hands, will you represent him once
more?"
"And who is to be the Countess, Esther?" asked Miss James, with a little
smile. "Are you keeping her part for some special favourite who has not
yet arrived? It's the most important rôle of all, and should be well
taken, or the play will prove terribly flat."
"Have no fear, Rose," cried out Dick, forgetful of her vow of silence,
"I know, my genius is once more to the front; for whom, of course,
should Esther be keeping that part, except for the cleverest actress of
you all--Patricia Hildreth--don't you know, pretty Patty----" She
stopped as suddenly as she began, and, flushing crimson, stole a
deprecatory look at Mr. Tremain's cold quiet face, which at that moment
caught a reflection of her own painful blush.
"I beg your pardon," she murmured under her breath; and there followed a
moment's constraint, broken immediately, however, by Philip asking quite
naturally and easily:
"Then you are expecting Miss Hildreth, Mrs. Newbold? It is many years
since I last saw her--act."
And then, just in time to save Esther's confusion, the luncheon-gong
sounded, and the council broke up, straying off in twos and threes
towards the dining-room.
"It's all very well," said Dick Darling, scoffingly, to Freddy
Slade, as they sauntered along together, "having these miserable
theatricals--they might as well have dumb-crambo at once, and be done
with it--and, for my part, I can't see that poor George comes into it
any better than he did with Baby and me, though Esther was so sharp
about its being _his_ birthday."
"Oh, George can pay the shot," answered Freddy, carelessly.
"I'm sure it's what he's always at, poor dear," retorted Dick, sharply;
and as by this time they had reached the lunch-room, their argument came
to an end.