It is lack of knowledge that often brings unnecessary suffering. I know
it from experience. In my early motherhood I took for granted that
women had to suffer at these times, and it was best to be brave and
not make a fuss. Once when things were not brisk in the labour world,
I would do my house-cleaning all myself, for naturally at these times
you like to feel everything is in order everywhere when the strange
woman comes in to take charge. I was in a very weak state through worry
and the difficulty of meeting the demands. I had not seen a doctor,
for I was thinking of having a midwife I had heard of. I dragged about
in misery and in great pain. A friend called in one morning after I
had got the children off to school, and I suppose I looked very ill.
She said: “Have you engaged a doctor?” I said: “No, there is plenty of
time; I was only six months, and surely I shall have a change soon.” I
could not lay, sit, or stand in ease, and my legs were so bad. However,
she went away, saying nothing to me, and brought her doctor. He was
amazed at my condition, ordered me to bed, said my confinement was
near, and the child was in a critical condition. He sent for a midwife,
and they were with me from eleven o’clock till three o’clock. He said
the child was dead, and in such an awkward position that it nearly
cost my life to bring it. I had a very long illness follow on (it
would have been a lovely child full time). The child had been killed
through shock, and already showed signs of mortification. I was in a
poor state of health, and struggled against my strength, looking after
the children’s welfare and neglecting myself. In trying to lift the
washing-tub it slipped, and that was the shock; and instead of resting
and having advice (which I felt I could not afford), I persevered, and
that was the result. Now, if there had been such a thing as a Maternity
Centre where I could have sent for someone, or could have attended
without that feeling of expense, I could have been relieved of all that
suffering.
Another experience I had some nine years after the previous. I was
pregnant, work had been very scarce, and I was in a very weak state. My
husband had been at work three weeks when he happened an accident. He
had fallen from a high scaffold. The Clerk of the Works came to tell
me they had taken him to the hospital, and I had better go at once and
take someone with me. Of course, I thought the worst had happened. (He
did not know my condition.) I was between three and four months, and
this shock caused a miscarriage. I had a midwife, who, no doubt, was
all right when things were straightforward. I got about again, but was
very weak and ill. He was in hospital six weeks. I took in needlework.
I got very weak yet very stout. I thought it was through sitting so
much at the machine. I worked and starved myself to make sick pay, 12s.
per week, go as far as possible. I got so weak, and fainted several
times after heavy days at the machine. I was taken very ill one night,
and my daughter went for the doctor. He said: “We must have her in
bed,” and sent for a neighbour. It was a confinement of a seven-months
babe. When he told me it was childbirth, I said it was impossible, for
I had miscarried about four months previous. However, it was true. I
had been carrying twins--a most peculiar case--during that four months.
My system was being drained, and the worry and anxiety had effect on
the child. It was weak and did not move much. I had a bad time, but
the child lived for nine months, but a very delicate child. Now, if I
had been able to have a qualified midwife when I had the miscarriage,
we should have known there was another child, and if I could have been
medically treated, all that suffering could have been prevented, and I
might have had a strong child.
But apart from all that, I do not know which is the
worst--child-bearing with anxiety and strain of mind and body to
make ends meet, with the thought of another one to share the already
small allowance, or getting through the confinement fairly well, and
getting about household duties too soon, and bringing on other ailments
which make life and everything a burden. I could forgive a woman in
such a state giving herself and the children a drug which would end
everything. I was an invalid for six years through getting about too
soon and causing womb displacement.
_Wages £2 2s.; eight children, one still-born, four miscarriages._