The general election in 1812 was a source of trouble and uneasiness to
me; both because our district of burghs was to be contested, and because
the contest was not between men of opposite principles, but of the same
side. To neither of them had I any particular leaning; on the contrary,
I would have preferred the old member, whom I had, on different
occasions, found an accessible and tractable instrument, in the way of
getting small favours with the government and India company, for friends
that never failed to consider them as such things should be. But what
could I do? Providence had placed me in the van of the battle, and I
needs must fight; so thought every body, and so for a time I thought
myself. Weighing, however, the matter one night soberly in my mind, and
seeing that whichever of the two candidates was chosen, I, by my adherent
loyalty to the cause for which they were both declared, the contest
between them being a rivalry of purse and personality, would have as much
to say with the one as with the other, came to the conclusion that it was
my prudentest course not to intermeddle at all in the election.
Accordingly, as soon as it was proper to make a declaration of my
sentiments, I made this known, and it caused a great wonderment in the
town; nobody could imagine it possible that I was sincere, many thinking
there was something aneath it, which would kithe in time to the surprise
of the public. However, the peutering went on, and I took no part. The
two candidates were as civil and as liberal, the one after the other, to
Mrs Pawkie and my daughters, as any gentlemen of a parliamentary
understanding could be. Indeed, I verily believe, that although I had
been really chosen delegate, as it was at one time intended I should be,
I could not have hoped for half the profit that came in from the dubiety
which my declaration of neutrality caused; for as often as I assured the
one candidate that I did not intend even to be present at the choosing of
the delegate, some rich present was sure to be sent to my wife, of which
the other no sooner heard than he was upsides with him. It was just a
sport to think of me protesting my neutrality, and to see how little I
was believed. For still the friends of the two candidates, like the
figures of the four quarters of the world round Britannia in a picture,
came about my wife, and poured into her lap a most extraordinary
paraphernalia from the horn of their abundance.
The common talk of the town was, that surely I was bereft of my wonted
discretion, to traffic so openly with corruption; and that it could not
be doubted I would have to face the House of Commons, and suffer the
worst pains and penalties of bribery. But what did all this signify to
me, who was conscious of the truth and integrity of my motives and
talents? "They say!--what say they?--let them say!"--was what I said, as
often as any of my canny friends came to me, saying, "For God's sake, Mr
Pawkie, tak'tent"--"I hope, Mr Pawkie, ye ken the ground ye stand on"--or,
"I wish that some folks were aware of what's said about them." In short,
I was both angered and diverted by their clishmaclavers; and having some
need to go into Glasgow just on the eve of the election, I thought I
would, for diversion, give them something in truth to play with; so
saying nothing to my shop lad the night before, nor even to Mrs Pawkie,
(for the best of women are given to tattling), till we were in our beds,
I went off early on the morning of the day appointed for choosing the
delegate.
The consternation in the town at my evasion was wonderful. Nobody could
fathom it; and the friends and supporters of the rival candidates looked,
as I was told, at one another, in a state of suspicion that was just a
curiosity to witness. Even when the delegate was chosen, every body
thought that something would be found wanting, merely because I was not
present. The new member himself, when his election was declared, did not
feel quite easy; and more than once, when I saw him after my return from
Glasgow, he said to me, in a particular manner--"But tell me now, bailie,
what was the true reason of your visit to Glasgow?" And, in like manner,
his opponent also hinted that he would petition against the return; but
there were some facts which he could not well get at without my
assistance--insinuating that I might find my account in helping him.
At last, the true policy of the part I had played began to be understood;
and I got far more credit for the way in which I had turned both parties
so well to my own advantage, than if I had been the means of deciding the
election by my single vote.