But a sad accident shortly after happened, which had the effect of making
it as little pleasant to me to vex Mr Hickery with a joke about the
Tappit-hen, as it was to him. Widow Fenton, as I have soberly hinted;
for it is not a subject to be openly spoken of, had many ill-assorted and
irregular characters among her customers; and a gang of play-actors
coming to the town, and getting leave to perform in Mr Dribble's barn,
batches of the young lads, both gentle and semple, when the play was
over, used to adjourn to her house for pies and porter, the commodities
in which she chiefly dealt. One night, when the deep tragedy of Mary
Queen of Scots was the play, there was a great concourse of people at
"The Theatre Royal," and the consequence was, that the Tappit-hen's
house, both but and ben, was, at the conclusion, filled to overflowing.
The actress that played Queen Elizabeth, was a little-worth termagant
woman, and, in addition to other laxities of conduct, was addicted to the
immorality of taking more than did her good, and when in her cups, she
would rant and ring fiercer than old Queen Elizabeth ever could do
herself. Queen Mary's part was done by a bonny genty young lady, that
was said to have run away from a boarding-school, and, by all accounts,
she acted wonderful well. But she too was not altogether without a flaw,
so that there was a division in the town between their admirers and
visiters; some maintaining, as I was told, that Mrs Beaufort, if she
would keep herself sober, was not only a finer woman, but more of a lady,
and a better actress, than Miss Scarborough, while others considered her
as a vulgar regimental virago.
The play of Mary Queen of Scots, causing a great congregation of the
rival partizans of the two ladies to meet in the Tappit-hen's public,
some contention took place about the merits of their respective
favourites, and, from less to more, hands were raised, and blows given,
and the trades'-lads, being as hot in their differences as the gentlemen,
a dreadful riot ensued. Gillstoups, porter bottles, and penny pies flew
like balls and bomb-shells in battle. Mrs Fenton, with her mutch off,
and her hair loose, with wide and wild arms, like a witch in a whirlwind,
was seen trying to sunder the challengers, and the champions. Finding,
however, her endeavours unavailing, and fearing that murder would be
committed, she ran like desperation into the streets, crying for help. I
was just at the time stepping into my bed, when I heard the uproar, and,
dressing myself again, I went out to the street; for the sound and din of
the riot came raging through the silence of the midnight, like the
tearing and swearing of the multitude at a house on fire, and I thought
no less an accident could be the cause.
On going into the street, I met several persons running to the scene of
action, and, among others, Mrs Beaufort, with a gallant of her own, and
both of them no in their sober senses. It's no for me to say who he was;
but assuredly, had the woman no been doited with drink, she never would
have seen any likeness between him and me, for he was more than twenty
years my junior. However, onward we all ran to Mrs Fenton's house, where
the riot, like a raging caldron boiling o'er, had overflowed into the
street.
The moment I reached the door, I ran forward with my stick raised, but
not with any design of striking man, woman, or child, when a ramplor
devil, the young laird of Swinton, who was one of the most outstrapolous
rakes about the town, wrenched it out of my grip, and would have, I dare
say, made no scruple of doing me some dreadful bodily harm, when suddenly
I found myself pulled out of the crowd by a powerful-handed woman, who
cried, "Come, my love; love, come:" and who was this but that scarlet
strumpet, Mrs Beaufort, who having lost her gallant in the crowd, and
being, as I think, blind fou, had taken me for him, insisting before all
present that I was her dear friend, and that she would die for me--with
other siclike fantastical and randy ranting, which no queen in a tragedy
could by any possibility surpass. At first I was confounded and
overtaken, and could not speak; and the worst of all was, that, in a
moment, the mob seemed to forget their quarrel, and to turn in derision
on me. What might have ensued it would not be easy to say; but just at
this very critical juncture, and while the drunken latheron was casting
herself into antic shapes of distress, and flourishing with her hands and
arms to the heavens at my imputed cruelty, two of the town-officers came
up, which gave me courage to act a decisive part; so I gave over to them
Mrs Beaufort, with all her airs, and, going myself to the guardhouse,
brought a file of soldiers, and so quelled the riot. But from that night
I thought it prudent to eschew every allusion to Mrs Fenton, and tacitly
to forgive even Swinton for the treatment I had received from him, by
seeming as if I had not noticed him, although I had singled him out by
name.
Mrs Pawkie, on hearing what I had suffered from Mrs Beaufort, was very
zealous that I should punish her to the utmost rigour of the law, even to
drumming her out of the town; but forbearance was my best policy, so I
only persuaded my colleagues to order the players to decamp, and to give
the Tappit-hen notice, that it would be expedient for the future sale of
her pies and porter, at untimeous hours, and that she should flit her
howff from our town. Indeed, what pleasure would it have been to me to
have dealt unmercifully, either towards the one or the other? for surely
the gentle way of keeping up a proper respect for magistrates, and others
in authority, should ever be preferred; especially, as in cases like
this, where there had been no premeditated wrong. And I say this with
the greater sincerity; for in my secret conscience, when I think of the
affair at this distance of time, I am pricked not a little in reflecting
how I had previously crowed and triumphed over poor Mr Hickery, in the
matter of his mortification at the time of Miss Peggy Dainty's false
step.