The few days which Mr. Regulus passed in the city, were happy ones to
me. He had never visited it before; and Ernest showed him more respect
and attention than I had seen him bestow on other men. I had never
betrayed the _romance_ of the academy; and not dreaming that my
preceptor had ever been my lover, he tolerated the regard he manifested,
believing it partook of the paternal character. Perhaps, had he remained
long, he would have considered even this an infringement on his rights;
but, to my unspeakable joy, nothing occurred to cloud our domestic
horizon during his stay. Once or twice when the name of Richard Clyde
was mentioned, I saw the shadow of _coming events_ on the brow of
Ernest; but it passed away, and the evil day of his return seemed very
far off.
I could not regret Margaret's departure. There was so entire a
dissimilarity in our characters, and though I have no doubt she
cherished for me all the friendship she was capable of feeling, it was
of that masculine cast, that I could not help shrinking from its
manifestations. Her embraces were so stringent, her kisses so loud and
resounding, I could not receive them without embarrassment, though no
one but Ernest might be near.
The evening before she left, she was in an unusually gentle mood. We
were alone in my chamber, and she actually sat still several moments
without speaking. This was something as ominous as the pause that
precedes the earth's spasmodic throes. I have not spoken of Margaret's
destructive propensities, but they were developed in a most
extraordinary manner. She had a habit of seizing hold of every thing she
looked at, and if it chanced to be of delicate materials, it often
shivered in her grasp. I do not wonder poor Mrs. Harlowe trembled for
her glass and china, for scarcely a day passed that her path was not
strewed with ruins, whose exquisite fragments betrayed the costly fabric
she had destroyed. Now it was a beautiful porcelain vase, which she
would have in her hands to examine and admire, then an alabaster
statuette or frail crystal ornament. If I dropped a kid glove, she
invariably attempted to put it on, and her hand being much larger than
mine, she as invariably tore it in shreds. She would laugh, roll up her
eyes, and exclaim, "shocking! why this could not be worth anything! I
will let it alone next time."
I cannot say but that these daily proofs of carelessness and
destructiveness were trials of the temper and constant gratings on the
nerves. It was difficult to smile with a frowning heart, for such wanton
disregard for the property and feelings of others must pain that nice
moral sense which is connected with the great law of self-preservation.
This evening, she seized a beautiful perfume bottle that stood on my
toilet, and opening it, spilled it half on her handkerchief, though one
drop would fill the whole apartment with richest odor.
"Do not break that bottle, Margaret; it is very beautiful, and Ernest
gave it me this very morning."
"Oh! nonsense, I am the most careful creature in the world. Once in a
while, to be sure,--but then accidents will happen, you know. O
Gabriella I have something to tell you. Mr. Harland wants me to marry
him,--ha, ha, ha!"
"Well, you seemed pleased, Margaret. He is an accomplished gentleman,
and an agreeable one. Do you like him?"
"No! I liked him very well, till he wanted me to like him better, and
now I detest him. He is all froth,--does not know much more than I do
myself. No, no,--that will never do."
"Perhaps you like some one else better?" said I, thinking if Margaret
was ever caught in the matrimonial noose, it must be a _lasso_, such as
are thrown round the neck of the wild horses of the prairies.
"What makes you say that?" she asked, quickly, and my beautiful essence
bottle was demolished by some sudden jerk which brought it in contact
with the marble table. "The brittle thing!" she exclaimed, tossing the
fragments on the carpet, at the risk of cutting our slippers and
wounding our feet. "I would not thank Ernest for such baby trifles,--I
was scarcely touching it. What makes you think I like anybody better?"
"I merely asked the question," I answered, closing my work box, and
drawing it nearer, so that her depredating fingers could not reach it.
She had already destroyed half its contents.
"I do like somebody a great deal better," she said, tossing her hair
over her forehead and veiling her eyes; "but if you guessed till
doomsday, you could not imagine who it is."
"I pity him, whoever it may be," said I, laughing.
"Why?"
"You are no more fit to be a wife, Madge, than a child of five years
old. You have no more thought or consideration, foresight or care."
"I am two years older than you are, notwithstanding."
"I fear if you live to be a hundred, you will never have the qualities
necessary to secure your own happiness and that of another in the close,
knitting bonds of wedded life."
I spoke more seriously than I intended. I was thinking of Mr. Regulus,
and most devoutly hoped for his sake, this wild, nondescript girl would
never reach his heart through the medium of his vanity. She certainly
paid him the most dangerous kind of flattery, because it was indirect.
"You do not know what a sensible man might make of me," she said,
shaking her head. "I really wish,--I do not know--but I sometimes
think"--
She stopped and leaned her head on her hand, and her hair fell shadingly
over her face.
"What, Margaret? I should like exceedingly to know your inmost thoughts
and feelings. You seem to think and feel so little;--and yet, in every
woman's heart there must be a fountain,--or else what a desert
waste,--what a dreary wilderness it must be."
She did not speak, but put both hands over her face and bent it
downwards, while her shoulders moved up and down with a spasmodic
motion. I thought she was shaking with suppressed laughter; and though I
could not imagine what had excited her mirth, I had known her convulsed
by a ridiculous thought of her own, in the midst of general seriousness.
But all at once unmistakable sobs broke forth, and I found she was
crying heartily, genuinely,--crying without any self control, with all
the abandonment of a child.
"Margaret!" I exclaimed, laying my hand gently on her quivering
shoulder, "what is the matter? What can have excited you in this manner?
Don't, Madge,--you terrify me."
"I can't help it," she sobbed. "Now I have began, I can't stop. O dear,
what a fool I am! There is nothing the matter with me. I don't know what
makes me cry; but I can't help it,--I hate myself,--I can't bear myself,
and yet I can't change myself. Nobody that I care for will ever love me.
I am such a hoyden--such a romp--I disgust every one that comes near me;
and yet I can't be gentle and sweet like you, if I die. I used to think
because I made everybody laugh, they liked me. People said, 'Oh! there's
Madge, she will keep us alive.' And I thought it was a fine thing to be
called Wild Madge, and Meg the Dauntless; I begin to hate the names; I
begin to blush when I think of myself."
And Margaret lifted her head, and the feelings of lately awakened
womanhood crimsoned her cheeks, and streamed from her eyes. I was
electrified. What prophet hand had smitten the rock? What power had
drawn up the rosy fluid from the Artesian well of her heart?
"My dear Margaret," I cried, "I hail this moment as the dawn of a new
life in your soul. Your childhood has lingered long, but the moment you
feel that you have the heart of a woman, you will discard the follies of
a child. Now you begin to live, when you are conscious of the golden
moments you have wasted, the noble capacities you have never yet
exerted. Oh Margaret, I feel more and more every day I live, that I was
born for something more than the enjoyment of the passing moment,--that
life was given for a more exalted purpose than self-gratification, and
that as we use or abuse this gift of God we become heirs of glory or of
shame."
Margaret listened with a subdued countenance and a long drawn sigh. She
strenuously wiped away the traces of her tears, and shook back the hair
from her brow, with a resolute motion.
"You despise me--I know you do," she said, gloomily.
"No, indeed," I answered, "I never liked you half as well before; I
doubted your sensibility. Now, I see you can feel, and feel acutely. I
shall henceforth think of you with interest, and speak of you with
tenderness."
"You are the dearest, sweetest creature in the world," she exclaimed,
putting both arms around me with unwonted gentleness; "I shall always
love you, and will try to remember all you have said to me to-night. We
shall meet in the summer, and you shall see, oh yes, you shall see. Dear
me--what a fright I have made of myself."
She had risen, and was glancing at herself in the Psyche, which,
supported by two charming Cupids, reflected the figure full length.
"I never will cry again if I can help it," she exclaimed. "These horrid
red circles round the eyes,--and my eyes, too, are as red as a rabbit's.
The heroines of novels are always said to look lovelier in tears; but
you are the only person I ever saw who looked pretty after weeping."
"Did you ever see me weep, Madge?"
"I have noticed more than you think I have,--and believe me, Gabriella,
Ernest will have to answer for every tear he draws from those angel eyes
of yours."
"Margaret, you know not what you say. Ernest loves me ten thousand times
better than I deserve. He lavishes on me a wealth of love that humbles
me with a consciousness of my own demerits. His only fault is loving me
too well. Never never breathe before Mrs. Linwood or Edith,--before a
human being, the sentiment you uttered now. Never repeat the idle gossip
you may have heard. If you do speak of us, say that I have known woman's
happiest, most blissful lot. And that I would rather be the wife of
Ernest one year, than live a life of endless duration with any other."
"It must be a pleasant thing to be loved," said Margaret, and her black
eyes flashed through the red shade of tears.
"And to love," I repeated. "It is more blessed to give, than to
receive."
A sympathetic chord was touched,--there was music in it. Who ever saw a
person weep genuine tears, without feeling the throbbings of
humanity,--the drawings of the chain that binds together all the sons
and daughters of Adam? If there are such beings, I pity them.
Let them keep as far from me as the two ends of the rainbow are from
each other. The breath of the Deity has frozen within them.