HER Majesty's Ministers, so far as I understands these sollem matters,
don't seam to have been having a partickler cumferal time of it lately.
BROWN, who's quite a grate Pollytishun, or at any rate thinks hisself
so, which I spose is pritty much the same thing, says, in his wulgar
way, as they have been and had 2 or 3 slaps in the face lately as has a
good deal staggered 'em, but in course he was ony speaking
paragorically, as the chymists says, so I don't suppose as they was
werry much hurt by 'em, and they most suttenly didn't show not no sines
of 'em when, on Wensday last, they all marched in in triumph to receeve
from the Rite Honnerabel the LORD MARE the proud assurance that in his
Rite Honnerabel opinion, and in that of the Grand Old Copperashun over
witch he so royally presides, they had nobly done their dooty, and well
herned the werry hiest reward as he had it in his power to bestow, wiz.,
a reel Manshun Ouse Bankwet!
Praps if there was one of the werry Noble and Rite Honnerabel Gestes as
didn't look quite at his hease, it was the forren Gent as is the
CHANCESELLER of the XCHECKER, and in course that's werry heasily
accounted for. Weather men bes Tories, or weather they be Libberals,
they all likes men as sales strait and sticks to their cullers, and, if
it's posserbel, nales 'em to the Marst, and never ewen dreams of bawling
'em down coz the weather's a looking jest a little dusty. Howsumever
these sollem thorts ain't quite the thing for such reel jowial Bankwets
as that of Wensday, so I banishes 'em hence without no blessing.
The grate Conserwatif Cheefs seemed to thorowly enjoy the change, and to
sum on 'em it must have bin a change indeed. Tork about Conserwatifs not
liking change, how about changing the Ouse of Commons, with their
spessimens of the Wulgar Tung, and their most rude questions, and their
imperent mocking larfter, for the splendid Manshun Ouse, and its
gorgeous Bankwet, and sitch an arty recepshun from onered Aldermen and
uncommon Councilmen as amost broke sum of the new wine-glasses with
shaking!
Puncshally as the sillybrated Manshun Ouse Clock struck harf-past seven
the Prime Minister hentered the Hall, so there was no Hed Cook a cussing
and a swearing in the hot regions below at his _Chef-doovers_ being
spylt with waiting. It was a speshally fine dinner, the Petty Gallatins
o' aspect, and the Wenson, being about the finest as even I ever tasted.
The pore Epping Forest Depputy got pretty well charfed about where the
Wenson came from, but he bore it like a man, and arsked for another
slice. I was pleased to notice a great improvement in the way as the
sacred Loving Cup was passed round, speshally among the Marshonesses and
Cowntesses, there wasn't above 2 or 3 on 'em as wood grasp it with their
bootiful little wite hands insted of gracefoolly taking off the cover
and showing off their dimond rings wen it was hoffered to 'em.
As for the speeches, I thinks as the LORD MARE has about spylt us in
that respec. His is allers short and sharp, and spoken out like a man,
but most of the others was so slow and so dredfull careful, and so
preshus long, that BROWN and me both agreed as they was amost sollum
enuff for poor Ministers as is out, rayther than for jolly Ministers as
is in.
We was all werry much shocked, speshally us Hed Waiters, at hearing from
the LORD MARE as how as sumbody at Guildhall had said as all militerry
men was Imposters, and all naval men Tom Fools! But the Fust Lord of the
Admiralty gave it him pretty hot in his absense, and said if as any
tomfoolery was a goin on anywheres he knew who'd be a taking the lead in
it! So Sir WILFULL LAWSON will probberbly be a leetle more carefuller in
future.
Lord SORLSBURY made a werry long speech, but all I coud make out of it
was two rayther himportant fax. Fustly, that there isn't to be no grate
Uropean War until after the 9th of nex Nowember, so I feels rayther
sorry for pore Mr. Alderman DE KEYSER, and Seccondly, that if there is
to be one anywheres, it will werry possibly be too near home to be
pleasant, which I for one was werry sorry to hear, but I hardly thort
that he meant it or he would not have made us all larf so by telling us,
that the Members of the Ouse of Commons treated it like we men does our
wives, that is, we has our own opinion on 'em in private, but we don't
allow not nothink to be said against 'em in Public. Ah! my Lord Markiss,
how one touch of Natur makes us all kings! Who'd ever have thort that a
werry Prime Minister would have been troubled with a similar complaint
to that as so offen trubbles a pore Hed Waiter.
Mr. GOSHEN apollergised for the absense of the pore 1st Lord of the
Tresury, who was quite nocked up with setting up so late.
And so ended the last of the long seris of grand Bankwets of the rain of
Lord Mare HANSON, a seris to be rememberd for many long years by all on
us, as combining with all the reglar old lot, such a wariety of noveltys
to all sorts and condishuns of sillybrated persons, as has never bin
ekalled afore, and as will and down his name to a werry remote
posteriority as HANSON the Magnifisent!