The mystery of the Foreign Office official who has not gone to Paris
for the Peace Conference has been cleared up. He is the caretaker.
***
"The King and Queen of Roumania," says a Paris paper, "will embark
after Christmas, orthodox style, for Western Europe." It is easy
enough to start a voyage, orthodox style; the difficulty is at the
other end.
***
The supreme command of the German Navy, says a telegram, has been
transferred to Wilhelmshaven. This looks like carelessness on the
part of the watch at Scapa Flow.
***
This year's _Who's Who_ has eighty-six more pages than that of last
year. On the other hand, since the Election quite a number of people
are not Who at all.
***
"The present rule in _Who's Who_," says _The Evening News_, "is that
the more important a man is the less space he is content to occupy."
As some of the staff of our evening Press do not occupy any space at
all in this excellent publication we leave readers to draw their own
conclusions.
***
The _Frankfürter Zeitung_ observes that the ex-Kaiser has grown very
silent and morose. It is supposed that he has something or other on
his mind.
***
A Copenhagen message states that the Spartacus people have three
times attempted to murder Count REVENTLOW, who is said to regard
these attempts as being in the worst possible taste.
***
Once again the newspapers have been beaten. It appears that Princess
PATRICIA knew of her engagement some time before the Press announced
it to Her Royal Highness.
***
"We still believe," says the _Kölnische Zeitung_, "that in thought the
German and the Britisher are racially akin." All the same we should
not encourage the Hun to come over here with the idea of making a
spiritual home among his alleged relatives.
***
Charged with drunkenness at the Thames Police Court a man attributed
his condition to the beer habit. It is remarkable how men will cling
to any sort of excuse.
***
Woolwich Arsenal, we are informed, is turning out milk-cans. Can
nothing be done, asks a pacifist, to save our children from the
insidious grip of militarism?
***
Nottinghamshire War Committee states that rat-catchers are now
demanding four pounds a week. Diplomacy, it appears, is the only
branch of British sport that has succeeded in escaping the taint of
professionalism.
***
"Fractious mules," says a correspondent of _The Daily Mail_, "should
not be sent to the country for sale." The playful kind, on the other
hand, that bite and kick from sheer _joie de vivre_, are bound to have
a beneficial effect on the agricultural temperament.
***
A Guildford allotment-holder successfully grew new potatoes for
Christmas-day dinner. All were eaten, it appears, except one, which
was kept to show to the Christmas pudding.
***
There is no truth in the report that Mr. DANIELS, U.S. Secretary for
the Navy, has received a telegram from Mr. WILLIAM RANDOLPH HEARST,
saying, "You furnish the navy and I'll furnish the war."
***
"The Crystal Palace," says. Dean INGE, "is the embodiment of spiritual
emptiness." A determined attempt is to be made to find out what the
Crystal Palace thinks of Dean INGE.
***
Stories of an unsuccessful Candidate in the Midlands, who was heard to
admit that the voters probably preferred his opponent's personality,
must be definitely regarded as apocryphal.
***
Traditions in Scotland die hard. We gather that it is stili considered
unlucky for a red-headed burglar to cross a Scottish threshold on New
Year's Eve.
***
A man at Berne has recently confessed to a murder he committed
twenty-one years ago. This is what comes of memory-training.
***
It is reported that TROTSKY has been ordered by his doctor to take
a complete rest. He has therefore decided not to have any more
revolutions for the present. Orders however will be executed in
rotation.
***
Credit where credit is due. A woman fined at Wood Green Police Court
said her name was JOLLY and she had been having a "jollification," yet
the magistrate refrained from comment.
***
"Where was the Poet Laureate during the visit of President Wilson?"
asks a correspondent in a contemporary. We do not share this
curiosity.
***
"Foxes are to be found within an omnibus ride of Charing Cross," says
Mr. RICHARD KEARTON. Young omnibuses with plenty of bone and stamina
are the best for suburban meets.
***
Anemones, said a lecturer at the Royal Institution, will live as long
as sixty years in captivity and are very intelligent. Nevertheless we
refuse to swallow the story about their being taught to jump through a
hoop. The man who told it must have been thinking of an Egyptian king
of the same name.
***
The LORD-LIEUTENANT, it is stated on good authority, threatens that
if Sinn Fein prisoners destroy any more jails they will be rigorously
released.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _The Fare_. "I DEFY YOU!"
_The Driver_. "WHO ARE YOU?"
_The Fare_. "I AM A RETIRED TAXI-DRIVER."]
* * * * *
"Sir Eric Geddes speaks of £50,000,000,000--a sum so vast that it
could not be paid off in a century of annual payments so small as
£2,000,000,000 each."--_Yorkshire Paper_.
Our contemporary overestimates the difficulty.
* * * * *